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32 & Single, really worried my time has been and gone

confused83

By confused83
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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confused83 Established Member

confused83

Posted
Posted (edited)

as title says i'm devastated that me and my ex broke up, been single 4 months and was my birthday yesterday. Used to love my birthdays when single or with someone but now i cant seem to get excited about anything. I've got people who want to go out with me on dates but I feel ive changed so much since the break up. Feel I put so much pressure on relationships to work now because I am constantly fearful that if it fails ill waste another 2 or 3 years of my life and never have a kid.

 

Me and the ex, she already had a son whos dad wasnt around so i took him on as my own for 2 years now i feel stupid that ive gone from a dad to someone to an absolute nobody. Single 32 and really fearful that i need time to myself but if i take it i might be passing people by who could be the one to spend my future with. I never wanted to be an old dad and now it seems theres no other option.

 

Dont no whether to travel and clear my head and be single for a while and the last relationship left me in such a bad place. Before i got with my ex i was in a great place, doing gigs with a friend and music as a hobby and because she had a son i stopped it all for her, 2 years later its ended and all my friends have either left the area or got married or got children and i am litterally the last one out everyone i know. I cant name 1 person who isnt in a relationship or married or got a child and i feel like this is it for me now. Does anyone have any stories of them being single at 32 but then actually having the family? ive wanted a family since the age of id say 25-26 but girl i was with at the time broke my heart when she left to work away, then got with my ex at 29 after taking 2 years to myself and now this has ended, feel i need time to myself again but darent waste another 2 years. argh :(

worst part is we was talking kids too.

Edited by confused83
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Birthdays & the idea that time is marching on always seem to make bad situations worse. That is all this is though.

 

I was 39 when I met DH. I was almost 35 when I ended a 12 year relationship; I felt pretty low then.

 

You will be OK

 

FWIW, happy belated birthday.

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confused83 Established Member

confused83

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Birthdays & the idea that time is marching on always seem to make bad situations worse. That is all this is though.

 

I was 39 when I met DH. I was almost 35 when I ended a 12 year relationship; I felt pretty low then.

 

You will be OK

 

FWIW, happy belated birthday.

 

Thanks for the reply, sorry for ignorance but whats DH? and also did you have kids though when your 12 year relationship ended because thats my biggest worry now. A friend came round earlier who was recently single but he has a kid and he said he can see where im coming from that it does help to know youve at least got a child.

Vercetti Established Member

Vercetti

Posted
Posted

Happy birthday. I started over at 35. Horrid to invest so much of yourself and time into something for nothing. A learning experance yay. Yet if learned something and good with kids, will do just fine from the experience. How I got over things was, would not allow more of my time to be wasted. Went after what wanted, women. Ended up married to girl went after. Really think knowing self better and what to look for aided beyond expectations filtering the right person. You had a substantial relationship and gracefully delt with children. Dating shouldn't stress you, as you should already know you can make a relationship work...you just need someone on the same page as you. Perhaps the future will be filled with your children not another man's kids.

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lucy_in_disguise Established Member

lucy_in_disguise

Posted
Posted

Lucky for you, youre a man so the biological aspect is not as much of an issue as it is for women. Moreover, in many areas of the country, 32 and single is pretty normal, if not the norm.

 

I can relate to your thoughts tho. Im a 30 year old woman, never married, no kids. Ive been in a lot of relationships but nothing that resulted even in a live-in boufriend or a shared pet. All of my ftiends are married now too and I often wonder if theres something wrong with me for not having been able to find someone to settle down with, when I do want a family.

 

There are no guarantees but I would encourage you to take the time to yoursellf, if you feel that you need it. in my experience, looking for love under pressure, when you are not really ready, does not tend to produce great results. As I said, yoire lucky that you are a man. As for myself, Im trying not to put pressure on myself to find a relationship, but I am planning things so that i can afford to have a kid by myself if the relationship thing doesnt work out.

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Breezee Member

Breezee

Posted
Posted

Okay. So I was single at that age and I'm a woman who longed for children since I was in my early 20's but never found the "one". Then found him in my mid 30's, had a child a few years later when I was pushing 40!

 

I can understand wanting to be younger when you have kids but life doesn't always work the way we expect it to. You'll find the right gal, just be patient.

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confused83 Established Member

confused83

Posted
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Posted

I hate that I want to date, I want to be over her and start a meaningful life with someone but I hate more how I can't find the energy or strength to do it. Met 3 girls in last month and I just don't feel nothing and it's actually doing me more harm than good meeting them I think. Just cancelled on 1 and think I need to forget kids and everything and just concentrate on being happy alone.

Soxfaninfl Established Member

Soxfaninfl

Posted
Posted (edited)
as title says i'm devastated that me and my ex broke up, been single 4 months and was my birthday yesterday. Used to love my birthdays when single or with someone but now i cant seem to get excited about anything. I've got people who want to go out with me on dates but I feel ive changed so much since the break up. Feel I put so much pressure on relationships to work now because I am constantly fearful that if it fails ill waste another 2 or 3 years of my life and never have a kid.

 

Me and the ex, she already had a son whos dad wasnt around so i took him on as my own for 2 years now i feel stupid that ive gone from a dad to someone to an absolute nobody. Single 32 and really fearful that i need time to myself but if i take it i might be passing people by who could be the one to spend my future with. I never wanted to be an old dad and now it seems theres no other option.

 

Dont no whether to travel and clear my head and be single for a while and the last relationship left me in such a bad place. Before i got with my ex i was in a great place, doing gigs with a friend and music as a hobby and because she had a son i stopped it all for her, 2 years later its ended and all my friends have either left the area or got married or got children and i am litterally the last one out everyone i know. I cant name 1 person who isnt in a relationship or married or got a child and i feel like this is it for me now. Does anyone have any stories of them being single at 32 but then actually having the family? ive wanted a family since the age of id say 25-26 but girl i was with at the time broke my heart when she left to work away, then got with my ex at 29 after taking 2 years to myself and now this has ended, feel i need time to myself again but darent waste another 2 years. argh :(

worst part is we was talking kids too.

 

Have you ever thought of adopting? There are many children out there that are longing for a good father. I know biologically they wouldn't be yours, but you could adopt a son.

 

Being a father is a wonderful experience. As long as your a good father to that child; they will never forget it and will always be in your life. Women can come and go out of our lives. I'm on my second marriage and even it this one doesn't work out, I will always be a dad. Nobody can take that away from me.

Edited by Soxfaninfl
norajane Established Member

norajane

Posted
Posted
I hate that I want to date, I want to be over her and start a meaningful life with someone but I hate more how I can't find the energy or strength to do it. Met 3 girls in last month and I just don't feel nothing and it's actually doing me more harm than good meeting them I think. Just cancelled on 1 and think I need to forget kids and everything and just concentrate on being happy alone.

 

You aren't ready to date yet, and it's great that you recognize that. Desperation and loneliness and fear is not a good place for your head to be when you start dating.

 

Give yourself time to heal and, as you said, forget about kids and everything and concentrate on yourself. This is the time to get back into shape if you aren't, pick up those hobbies you dropped, make some new friends and enjoy being a 32 year old guy.

 

You are actually quite young, and if you really are seeking marriage and kids, you not only have plenty of time, but will meet plenty of women who want the same thing. Just take the time to find and appreciate yourself - and your life - again before going out there.

  • Like 1
spanz1 Established Member

spanz1

Posted
Posted

you are being WAY HARSH on yourself!

 

 

obviously you thought you had a long term commitment with this woman and her son, and she left you high and dry! a real slap in the head. but jeez, you are soooo young. there are a TON of women out there, and you have a very good chance of finding a better one

 

 

am I to understand that you are unemployed, though? you used to do music gigs "as a hobby"? what do you do NOW for work? do you have a good steady job? if not...THAT is what you should be working on, not finding another woman so soon after a break up.

 

 

by all means, grab a backpack and tent and take a week long hike somewhere, preferably where there are tall mountains. Then make a plan to get your WHOLE life together. then start to execute that plan. if you are jobless, plan on getting some training to enter a good career field (health care is a very good one, for instance).

Fugu Established Member

Fugu

Posted
Posted
as title says i'm devastated that me and my ex broke up, been single 4 months and was my birthday yesterday. Used to love my birthdays when single or with someone but now i cant seem to get excited about anything. I've got people who want to go out with me on dates but I feel ive changed so much since the break up. Feel I put so much pressure on relationships to work now because I am constantly fearful that if it fails ill waste another 2 or 3 years of my life and never have a kid.

 

Me and the ex, she already had a son whos dad wasnt around so i took him on as my own for 2 years now i feel stupid that ive gone from a dad to someone to an absolute nobody. Single 32 and really fearful that i need time to myself but if i take it i might be passing people by who could be the one to spend my future with. I never wanted to be an old dad and now it seems theres no other option.

 

Dont no whether to travel and clear my head and be single for a while and the last relationship left me in such a bad place. Before i got with my ex i was in a great place, doing gigs with a friend and music as a hobby and because she had a son i stopped it all for her, 2 years later its ended and all my friends have either left the area or got married or got children and i am litterally the last one out everyone i know. I cant name 1 person who isnt in a relationship or married or got a child and i feel like this is it for me now. Does anyone have any stories of them being single at 32 but then actually having the family? ive wanted a family since the age of id say 25-26 but girl i was with at the time broke my heart when she left to work away, then got with my ex at 29 after taking 2 years to myself and now this has ended, feel i need time to myself again but darent waste another 2 years. argh :(

worst part is we was talking kids too.

 

Don't put pressure on yourself to have a relationship and a family. I went from instant dad to nobody when I was not quite 28 so I know what that's like. I ended up changing careers, changing residences, and ultimately changing my entire life. I've been with the same woman for the past six years and married for more than four. Life is always a series of ups and downs. As long as you're working toward something meaningful, who gives a rats @ss where you stand?

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confused83 Established Member

confused83

Posted
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Posted (edited)

Hi everyone and thanks for your replies they are helping me see things better. I do currently have my own business which is doing well and saving for a mortgage again as lost the last one to ex.

 

Can I ask one last thing? As it was my birthday recently she text me to say happy birthday and we spoke a little and then even though I don't want her back I sort of told her I missed her and her son. I meant it as as a nice message but she took it as me wanting her back to which it got the usual 'high horse' reply 'oh go get yourself a good shag and get over it already you're pathetic' I then said 'i don't want you back for a second as that msg again proves i can do better than someone who speaks like that' she then went on to send the most horrible texts it be ever read. I even shown then to a friend and he says they're disgusting. Along the line of she misses her other ex who was better than me in every way has a more successful business and how she made loads of effort for all her exes bar me because
im
a pathetic bla bla bla.

Can't help but think it's just childish.

 

She takes the mick out my social life yet she never goes out and seriously has no friends. I've replied with simply 'leave me alone I didn't want you back but as usual was trying to have a mature conversation but with you that's impossible and you're meant to be a parent and role model good luck but seek help for your anger issues' left it at that.

 

I don't want her back as she made me feel awful, confused & hurt everyday. 1 min I was the best ever then the bombardment of verbal abuse starts. Never stood up to her back properly and so tempted this time to just give her some home truths that she desperately needs to hear. Question is have i been right by constantly taking the more mature approach of not saying nasty things back or should I of finally got the balls to finally fight her back? Feel now i don't want her back I want to just tell her exactly how horrible she is and was but also think im better just taking high road to the end.

Edited by confused83
Soxfaninfl Established Member

Soxfaninfl

Posted
Posted

OP, don't waste anymore time on this woman. Don't act like her and return the verbal abuse. In the long run it's just going to aggravate you. Take the high road and move on. Block her number if you have to if she continues to text you. You deserve someone better. Verbal abuse is never okay, and nobody should have to put up with it.

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confused83 Established Member

confused83

Posted
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Posted

Thanks and I know you're right because I feel like if I had a go back I'd probably feel guilty then. Leave her to it pretty sure a girl who every one of her exes hates and has no friends says it all. 3rd time lucky.

 

  • OP, don't waste anymore time on this woman. Don't act like her and return the verbal abuse. In the long run it's just going to aggravate you. Take the high road and move on. Block her number if you have to if she continues to text you. You deserve someone better. Verbal abuse is never okay, and nobody should have to put up with it.

newlywedder Established Member

newlywedder

Posted
Posted

Take some time and focus on yourself. Go join a gym and maybe volunteer for worthy causes in your spare time. That way, you will get out and meet people without feeling obligated to date them. If you don't like volunteering then you could join a church and get active or join a Meetup group/club/organization/etc that has like-minded people. The point is to NOT try to date anyone and to have fun being yourself and getting your confidence back in yourself. Soon, this light shining within you will attract the RIGHT person like a moth to a flame. Good luck!:love:

 

I started dating when I was 30 years old and got married at 32 by the way.

EmperorR Established Member

EmperorR

Posted
Posted

your only 32, if you live till the average age in north america you have not even lived half your life yet. You have no even been an adult for half your life, just work on yourself and enjoy your ife things can change in a instant.

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