Author StephenSG Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Stop. You are not a martyr. The real issue rears its head. You aren't successful because you're working on an antiquated model of how to get what you need in life. I'm going to make some assumptions about your life. No, I am not psychic. Yes, I know something you don't. Ready? Be honest if all or all but one are true. 1. Your father was either abusive, not there, lived through you, or had an addiction. You may have even said you want to be different than him. 2. You pride yourself on treating women really well. You'd call yourself a 'nice guy'. You like to give. 3. You would say you connect better with women than men as a rule. 4. In a relationship you have a hard time selecting where to eat for dinner when asked by your SO. 5. You believe if you give, you will be rewarded in a relationship. You probably think you give more than you get in a relationship. 6. You truly believe there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Sound familiar? The thing is, you aren't fundamentally flawed. You just are working from a false pretext of how a real relationship forms. I can go into more detail id I'm right. 1. I grew up without my father 2. This is true to some extent, however in my last relationship i began to take her for granted 3. True in most instances, except for instances when im romantically interested in her. If I become friends with women I can talk to them about anything. 4. This is actually not true, I am very good at being decisive about food. 5. True but also not true near the end of my last relationship. 6. 100% true. I feel as if I am cursed and women for some reason won't give me the time of day anymore. I can't explain it but it feels like every girl I meet is put off by me no matter how I act.
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 1. I grew up without my father 2. This is true to some extent, however in my last relationship i began to take her for granted 3. True in most instances, except for instances when im romantically interested in her. If I become friends with women I can talk to them about anything. 4. This is actually not true, I am very good at being decisive about food. 5. True but also not true near the end of my last relationship. 6. 100% true. I feel as if I am cursed and women for some reason won't give me the time of day anymore. I can't explain it but it feels like every girl I meet is put off by me no matter how I act. So basically, I made 6 radical guesses...all fairly specific...and 5/6 were true. The one that's wasn't is probably situational. You could say it about anything. In general, do you worry more about what she thinks than your own happiness? In other words, do you avoid making decisions in order to avoid conflict? As I said, I'm not psychic. Here is the good news. Breath a sigh of relief. You will be fine. You just have to figure out what most people never do. The only way most people can heal from your psychological state is to be informed of it and then for you to choose you will change it. So here is your wake up call. ------------------------------------------------------------------ You are a nice guy. There, I said it. Is that a problem? Superficially no. But yes. I don't know you, but I know you are wounded. I know at some point in your childhood your father could not give you what you needed to survive. That's not your fault and it's not fair. It left you psychologically broken. Your child mind could not even fathom what you did to deserve it because you weren't 100% mentally developed. Because of this, a couple things happened: 1. You developed a dependence on women. Mainly your mother. 2. You learned that if you do what's expected of you and try really, really hard, people will provide you with what you need. The problem with living in that world is you are not nice at all. You are rageful. You are selfish. You are dishonest. You are isolated. Because of this, you will select women that are also fundamentally damaged. When you don't, you will sabotage the relationship through covert contracts anger that you always give more than you get. When I get the ability to PM I will send you a couple resources. It will help as long as you read the first one with an open mind. Sound good? Hang in there. Know that you are not alone. But you have to fix yourself before you try to date.
Author StephenSG Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 You are right about most things in my life. My self esteem is basically depleted. I long for phsyical and mental closeness with a woman again, but it seems so unattainable to me now.
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 You are right about most things in my life. My self esteem is basically depleted. I long for phsyical and mental closeness with a woman again, but it seems so unattainable to me now. You will be fine. As I said, keep checking in. I got you. We will talk more once I pass whatever trial-by-fire process they have here for respectfully sending private messages, . Again, I promise you, you will be fine.
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