StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I went on a first date with a beautiful girl yesterday. I met her via facebook and we had brief convos for the past couple weeks. We went for ice cream during the day. I picked her up and things went smoothly the entire date. We talked and had things in common, i complimented her subtely etc. we hung out for about 2 hours, then i drove her home, she gave me a quick hug and i kissed her on the cheek and she got out and left. I texted her today saying "had a nice time, lets hang out again soon " etc etc. She responded by saying I did too! Yes you'll have to show me all the good food spots around! (we were talking about that). So someone may think this sounds good but not getting a kiss on the first date always seems like an absolute deal breaker. Should I just stop wasting my time/money on this girl now? I feel like the answer is yes. Most first dates I go on with girls that dont involve alcohol end in this same way,
GTR King Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Sounds like your 1st date went well... She has told you she had a nice time & would like to do something again. You should text/ring her & saying something like Hey I have found this great restaurant. How about we go there on Friday evening shall we say 6pm. Then it's up to her to see if she is free & if not she will schedule a day she is free... no kiss on a 1st date is not a big deal maybe after 2nd/3rd date then you should worry about not kissing her
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I went on a first date with a beautiful girl yesterday. I met her via facebook and we had brief convos for the past couple weeks. We went for ice cream during the day. I picked her up and things went smoothly the entire date. We talked and had things in common, i complimented her subtely etc. we hung out for about 2 hours, then i drove her home, she gave me a quick hug and i kissed her on the cheek and she got out and left. I texted her today saying "had a nice time, lets hang out again soon " etc etc. She responded by saying I did too! Yes you'll have to show me all the good food spots around! (we were talking about that). So someone may think this sounds good but not getting a kiss on the first date always seems like an absolute deal breaker. Should I just stop wasting my time/money on this girl now? I feel like the answer is yes. Most first dates I go on with girls that dont involve alcohol end in this same way, Seriously? No kiss on first date is a deal breaker? Geez. And, you texting "let's hang out sometime" would be a deal breaker for me. If a man is interested in seeing me again, he will call me with a specific day, time and place or he will ask me at the end of the first date. He won't be sitting around pouting about not getting a kiss. You give wishy washy signals, you're gonna get wishy-washy signals. In your case, actually, you may have gotten lucky, because she at least answered an said she wants you to show her all the good food spots around. Pick a good food spot, call her and ask her to go there . . . 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 It's funny. You say not having a kiss on the first date is a deal breaker. But you didn't go for a kiss. You kissed her cheek. That's not her fault. But there's something about the way she said "You'll have to show me all the good food spots around" that would give me pause. So plan something low key like bowling or pool. Then tell her if she beats you, you'll reward her with a great meal at a time to be named later. If you see her again after that, plan a picnic with home cooked food still keeping it low key. Doing things like this in the beginning will reveal what her intentions are. If she wants free meals, etc she'll fade quickly.
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Seriously? No kiss on first date is a deal breaker? Geez. And, you texting "let's hang out sometime" would be a deal breaker for me. If a man is interested in seeing me again, he will call me with a specific day, time and place or he will ask me at the end of the first date. He won't be sitting around pouting about not getting a kiss. You give wishy washy signals, you're gonna get wishy-washy signals. In your case, actually, you may have gotten lucky, because she at least answered an said she wants you to show her all the good food spots around. Pick a good food spot, call her and ask her to go there . . . Really? thats a deal breaker for you? This is why dating frustrates me so much, because of this attitude. And I'm certainly not pouting about not getting a first kiss. i have no problem waiting, but I have found in the past not kissing the girl on the first date just instantly leads to friend zone
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 the fact that you can take what seems like a perfectly lovely date with a nice person with whom you have things in common & blow it off as being a bad date because you didn't get a kiss makes me want to bang my head on a wall for all those out there trying to date. To compound the injury, the fact that you bemoan the the fact that your dates that don't involve alcohol end this way tells me you need liquid courage which is a problem in & of itself or that you are really hoping to date some drunken slut you can take advantage of. 4
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 the fact that you can take what seems like a perfectly lovely date with a nice person with whom you have things in common & blow it off as being a bad date because you didn't get a kiss makes me want to bang my head on a wall for all those out there trying to date. To compound the injury, the fact that you bemoan the the fact that your dates that don't involve alcohol end this way tells me you need liquid courage which is a problem in & of itself or that you are really hoping to date some drunken slut you can take advantage of. The only reason I feel this way is because of past experiences. multiple first dates that have ended in a quick hug just lead to me being friend zoned. It seems imperitive to create at least some sort of sexual chemistry in order to keep things going past the first date, otherwise these girls just view you as weak and un assertive
carverthegray88 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 sounds like a great date to me, but dont slow down and ask her out with something specific now! no kiss on first dates is usual, I would say 50-50. Just because YOU have had back luck with that in the past doesn't mean it will always happen like that. She wants to see u again, do it
Gary S Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 You do need to kiss a girl soon when you start dating her, but not necessarily on date one... you can wait for up to the third date before she'll loose interest. But here is the big question: You kissed her on the cheek... did you do that on purpose? Or did you go for her mouth and she turned her head?
fitnessfan365 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 The only reason I feel this way is because of past experiences. multiple first dates that have ended in a quick hug just lead to me being friend zoned. It seems imperitive to create at least some sort of sexual chemistry in order to keep things going past the first date, otherwise these girls just view you as weak and un assertive That's the thing though. You're the one who chose to kiss her on the cheek. So you can't really blame her for that. If you wanted to kiss her, you should have gone for it. 1
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 You do need to kiss a girl soon when you start dating her, but not necessarily on date one... you can wait for up to the third date before she'll loose interest. But here is the big question: You kissed her on the cheek... did you do that on purpose? Or did you go for her mouth and she turned her head? On purpose
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 That's the thing though. You're the one who chose to kiss her on the cheek. So you can't really blame her for that. If you wanted to kiss her, you should have gone for it. the timing didn't seem right to me. i feel like it would have been awkward
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 the timing didn't seem right to me. i feel like it would have been awkward Then that's what you should have done. It's always a little awkward no matter when it happens. But, in the end, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Don't blame her though for it. It may not have felt right for her either. Go out a couple of times until you're comfortable about it or she gives you the green light Don't limit your dating potential on such insignificant things. You'll never get to a second or third date by doing that.
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Since you chose to kiss her on the cheek, why not take her on a 2nd date & go for a real kiss before you just give up? Make it an evening date rather than a day time one. Not going for the kiss doesn't make you weak & un-assertive but giving up does. 3
Gary S Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 On purpose - no problem then... just kiss her by date 3.
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 how do i flirt to build attraction to take it past just "two friends grabbing a bite?" I have never been good at it
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Give her a peck on the cheek hello when you first see her. Pick a romantic sort of a place to eat: nothing with loud colors or noise. Open the door for her & hold out her chair when she sits. Pay her a sincere compliment during the meal. Look into her eyes. Listen when she speaks. Hold her hand across the table while you are waiting for your food. Split a dessert with her. Feed her a bite if you can manage that without being awkward. 1
Author StephenSG Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 so I texted her for dinner and she responded with "sorry you're nice but I don't think we had the right chemistry, I hope you're not offended" wtf? This is why I think i am cursed.
neowulf Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 so I texted her for dinner and she responded with "sorry you're nice but I don't think we had the right chemistry, I hope you're not offended" wtf? This is why I think i am cursed. Nope. Not cursed. This is the reality of dating. It's not personal, it's just part of the game. She's done you a favor, saved both of you time and energy chasing something she wasn't feeling. Next man. Always another one around the corner.
Author StephenSG Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Honestly **** this, Id rather die then deal with being lonely for years and years. Every female I'm interested in is either dating some guy "better" than me or just isn't interested in me. Why was I born with such inadequacies
neowulf Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Honestly **** this, Id rather die then deal with being lonely for years and years. Every female I'm interested in is either dating some guy "better" than me or just isn't interested in me. Why was I born with such inadequacies Natural to feel this way sometimes man. Keep in mind though, self pitty isn't attractive. You got rejected. It happens. A lot. To everyone. Even pickup artists talk about being rejected hundreds of times. It doesn't have to be a reflection on your value as a person. You sound like you're placing a huge chunk of your self-worth on whether or not a girl likes you. Sure, rejection stings. But it doesn't have to cripple you, if you can maintain perspective.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I'm sorry she said there was no chemistry. The slight silver lining in this otherwise grey cloud is that you called this with your 1st post. You said you didn't think there was chemistry. (I think your theory as to why -- daytime date without alcohol -- was a bit flawed but . . .) All the things I suggested you do on a dinner date remain valid. They are the ways to create a connection & romance.
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Why do people always think there's a template for dating? What world do we live in? I'll let you in on a secret. Though the physical side of it gives you immediate gratification...it also makes you blind to the person you're dating. In my post-college life I have dated a lot of women. A lot of them fall for me fast. I've, since college, never had a girl uninterested in a second date. I turn down girls for all levels of intimacy consistently when I'm not interested...way more often than I've been rejected. And guess what...as impressive as that success appears to be on paper, I have never kissed anyone on the first (or second) date. I'll let the shock wear off. Believe it or not, every other date-grubbing male of recent generations follows your template. They hear that's the way it's supposed to be. Push intimacy. Want to know my niche? I don't try. I just don't. I will kiss when it's time. I will enjoy holding hands because that's can be just as gratifying in the moment. I'll slowly get that next wave of butterflies. The funny thing is, women as so programmed to be defensive in a relationship that they don't even know what to do when you aren't trying to slide your hand down their pants the first hour you know them. Expectations are for suckers in dating. When she is ready to give herself over to me, I always know. And it's organic. It's toxic in a positive way. It's an experience she does not forget and wants more of...because it was our decision to do it; it wasn't pity and it wasn't forced. That goes with holding hands, sex, and all of the exciting steps in-between. tl;dr: appreciate, don't expect
Author StephenSG Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 I appreciate the advice here, but I truly feel like I will never meet someone who will accept me again. Every girl I meet I struggle with. I don't know how to be assertive. I feel like every girl i've gone on a date with since my ex, i have just been a bore to each girl. I don't know how to form that emotional/human connection that regulat people know how to do. I don't know how to build attraction i guess.
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I appreciate the advice here, but I truly feel like I will never meet someone who will accept me again. Every girl I meet I struggle with. I don't know how to be assertive. I feel like every girl i've gone on a date with since my ex, i have just been a bore to each girl. I don't know how to form that emotional/human connection that regulat people know how to do. I don't know how to build attraction i guess. Stop. You are not a martyr. The real issue rears its head. You aren't successful because you're working on an antiquated model of how to get what you need in life. I'm going to make some assumptions about your life. No, I am not psychic. Yes, I know something you don't. Ready? Be honest if all or all but one are true. 1. Your father was either abusive, not there, lived through you, or had an addiction. You may have even said you want to be different than him. 2. You pride yourself on treating women really well. You'd call yourself a 'nice guy'. You like to give. 3. You would say you connect better with women than men as a rule. 4. In a relationship you have a hard time selecting where to eat for dinner when asked by your SO. 5. You believe if you give, you will be rewarded in a relationship. You probably think you give more than you get in a relationship. 6. You truly believe there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Sound familiar? The thing is, you aren't fundamentally flawed. You just are working from a false pretext of how a real relationship forms. I can go into more detail id I'm right.
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