Author lil_missy Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 I had an ex that didnt get me gifts or pay often because he had less than me and it just wasn't in his personality, I would gift him way more than he did me and I didnt complain because he wasn't required to match the things I did for him and at times I went above and beyond like feeding him when he stayed with me but I did it because I enjoyed him I never kept score and paid attention to the things he did do for me like fixing things of mine everytime they broke, or driving me places stuff like that. My bf does so many things for me too, he drives to pick me up from work everyday even when I tell him it's ok I can just catch the train myself. When I had car troubles with the dealer he sorted it out for me all by himself, taking time off work to go to the dealer etc bcuz I didn't want to deal with it. He made a video for me last week with all our pix and it was so romantic. He fixes many things around the house for me. But he does have a Prob of saying things then not following through or forgetting when I pulled him up on. N he says he will never do it again or let me down again. That he would be anything for me. I feel that he really truely cares for me.even his mates say he is whipped. But I just don't get why he doesn't spend that much money on me? He bought me a necklace but it was so cheap. And he always gets excited bout discounts. Is he just a cheap skate or what?
Omei Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 My bf does so many things for me too, he drives to pick me up from work everyday even when I tell him it's ok I can just catch the train myself. When I had car troubles with the dealer he sorted it out for me all by himself, taking time off work to go to the dealer etc bcuz I didn't want to deal with it. He made a video for me last week with all our pix and it was so romantic. He fixes many things around the house for me. But he does have a Prob of saying things then not following through or forgetting when I pulled him up on. N he says he will never do it again or let me down again. That he would be anything for me. I feel that he really truely cares for me.even his mates say he is whipped. But I just don't get why he doesn't spend that much money on me? He bought me a necklace but it was so cheap. And he always gets excited bout discounts. Is he just a cheap skate or what? So he does plenty to show he cares he just doesnt like spending lots of money there's nothing wrong with that you'll have to accept it. 1
lino Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 What a damn shame that in relationships now a man's worth is judged mainly on how much money he spends on the woman Why not just go out with a cash register or ATM? OP is a truly depressing read. 1
preraph Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Here's what I would do. I'd handle this in a less obvious manner. He doesn't really owe you anything, in his mind. He thinks it great you paid for something. So why ruin that? So do this: No more spending money on outings or cooking food for him or buying presents until at least some of what you spent on his ticket is made up for. He probably will never even notice. If he does, then you tell him, Oh, I'm still paying off those tickets. 1
Author lil_missy Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 Here's what I would do. I'd handle this in a less obvious manner. He doesn't really owe you anything, in his mind. He thinks it great you paid for something. So why ruin that? So do this: No more spending money on outings or cooking food for him or buying presents until at least some of what you spent on his ticket is made up for. He probably will never even notice. If he does, then you tell him, Oh, I'm still paying off those tickets. I like your suggestion and I could do that. But only thing is he DOES know that he owes me? He said it himself that he wanted to pay for both our tickets and will give me the money when he gets his pay. He said it himself that he wanted to pay for everything for me and doesn't want me to pay for anything. So why is he not following through? I mean he pays most of the time with small things. But this big thing he just forgets
kendahke Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 The roses were the payback. You're not going to see your money.
ladyabstrused Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 So fast forward a couple of weeks to now...the issue still remains I spoke to him about the concert ticket money, I kind of threw a tantrum at him. And he apologised profusely said he wanted to pay for both our tickets but didn't think it was urgent? He said that he gave his money to dad to buy a new car and will pay me back next fri when he gets paid. Next day he bought me 2 bunches of roses. I was happy with his response and thought I was going to observe if he follows through, but if he does I will decline the money. Bcuz really it's the thought thAt counts not the money. But here we are he got paid and there is no mention of paying me back to the tickets. I don't know if he just forgot again??? Other than this he has been absolutely sweet to me and treats me like gold. I don't know if I should just let it go or ask him again ? Now I'm annoyed I think I want to ask for the money back just for the principal of it. He said he would pay me back n he should follow through. You know, if it bothers you so much, why don't you just give him a gentle reminder. Come on, is it so hard just being upfront and honest with your partner? I think honesty AND communication are one of the most important things to have in a relationship. If there is something bothering you, you need to speak up or he would not know. Some people can be really clueless. This is aside all those red flags mentioned before in this thread. You ought to consider those too, by the way. But you of all people should know him better. That is if you're not in denial and sees him truly for how he is and not how you envision him to be. Speak. Up. Communicate.
Author lil_missy Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 I been thinking bout this a lot today and contemplating breaking up with him. But the thought of breaking up with him makes me sad. He said I'm the best thing that's happened to him and I also feel he could be the best thing to me. Then I think if I got $150 back would I be happier? And the answer is Prob no. I'm still not happy so there is another Prob here. I just really can't pinpiont what it is. Logically I know he cares bout me a lot and is not a bad person and would never take advantage of me. But emotionally I'm always scared his taking me for a ride. He promised to take me out every weekend for the next 6 weekends, we already made the plans. But I'm so impatient I want to see something now. Some big gesture from him. I don't know what I'm expecting. Today we had plans to go to a nice restaurant and go to the zoo tmr. I was really excited but he came down with a sickness and I'm just so ****ing disappointed. I know I should feel sympathy coz his sick but I just feel mad at him for letting me down again. I feel mad I just cried m cried I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm on the pill and it makes me emotional could that be why?
Lois_Griffin Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 One of the things you constantly say in all your posts is, "he says....' "he says....." He SAYS a lot but does nothing. So Freddy the Freeloader is 32 years old and still needs to live at home with mommy. He cant even get off his lazy ass to help clean up after you've been kind enough to buy the groceries and cook for him 4 days a week. May I assume it's an old war injury that precludes him from actually helping? He's a self-entitled man-child. Stop and actually LOOK at your grocery bill - you wouldn't be buying all this food to just cook for yourself, so YES, your contribution is sizable. He's home with his parents because he's too lazy to live on his own and actually have to do things for himself. He's used to having everything done for him - does his mother chew his food for him, too? Only a fool would encourage their 32 year old GROWN adult son to stay at home. Bet he's never done a load of laundry or scrubbed a toilet at his mother's house. Pitiful. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see this schmuck for what he REALLY is. If you end up with him, he'll be moving right out of mommy's house and into yours (because he doesn't even have a place of his own). You'll just become his new mommy, is all. OMG. Aim higher. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I been thinking bout this a lot today and contemplating breaking up with him. But the thought of breaking up with him makes me sad. He said I'm the best thing that's happened to him and I also feel he could be the best thing to me. Then I think if I got $150 back would I be happier? And the answer is Prob no. I'm still not happy so there is another Prob here. I just really can't pinpiont what it is. Logically I know he cares bout me a lot and is not a bad person and would never take advantage of me. But emotionally I'm always scared his taking me for a ride. He promised to take me out every weekend for the next 6 weekends, we already made the plans. But I'm so impatient I want to see something now. Some big gesture from him. I don't know what I'm expecting. Today we had plans to go to a nice restaurant and go to the zoo tmr. I was really excited but he came down with a sickness and I'm just so ****ing disappointed. I know I should feel sympathy coz his sick but I just feel mad at him for letting me down again. I feel mad I just cried m cried I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm on the pill and it makes me emotional could that be why? Are you sure he's really sick?
Author lil_missy Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 Are you sure he's really sick? I do believe he is genuinely sick but it is possible not as bad as he makes it out to be. Which would def make me madder
Author lil_missy Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 One of the things you constantly say in all your posts is, "he says....' "he says....." He SAYS a lot but does nothing. So Freddy the Freeloader is 32 years old and still needs to live at home with mommy. He cant even get off his lazy ass to help clean up after you've been kind enough to buy the groceries and cook for him 4 days a week. May I assume it's an old war injury that precludes him from actually helping? He's a self-entitled man-child. Stop and actually LOOK at your grocery bill - you wouldn't be buying all this food to just cook for yourself, so YES, your contribution is sizable. He's home with his parents because he's too lazy to live on his own and actually have to do things for himself. He's used to having everything done for him - does his mother chew his food for him, too? Only a fool would encourage their 32 year old GROWN adult son to stay at home. Bet he's never done a load of laundry or scrubbed a toilet at his mother's house. Pitiful. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see this schmuck for what he REALLY is. If you end up with him, he'll be moving right out of mommy's house and into yours (because he doesn't even have a place of his own). You'll just become his new mommy, is all. OMG. Aim higher. You're right he is a man child and very spoilt by his mom. It's quite sad that ur post rings so much truth. But I live at home and I admit am quite spoilt too. MAybe that's why we get along so well. We rely get eachother n we are like one person. We often finish each other's sentences and often know what each others thinking before we even say anything. Ironic that he doesn't know I'm unhappy though...
GA000 Jenny Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I would be annoyed if he didn't offer to repay the ticket I bought for him, unless of course I had offered it to him as a present. If you need to get your money back to feel better, have him spend the equivalent on something else for you. If he already spends on you and buys you presents, then maybe you shouldn't think about it any more.
preraph Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I like your suggestion and I could do that. But only thing is he DOES know that he owes me? He said it himself that he wanted to pay for both our tickets and will give me the money when he gets his pay. He said it himself that he wanted to pay for everything for me and doesn't want me to pay for anything. So why is he not following through? I mean he pays most of the time with small things. But this big thing he just forgets Well, I think if you took a poll of men on this board, you'd find that most of them do expect to pay for most everything, but it makes them feel good when you reciprocate. You shouldn't have thrown a tantrum about it. In the future, don't ever spend more money on him than you can afford or that would cause you to have resentment. But you shouldn't be so rigid about it and give him the idea he has to buy your love. You should continue to offer to buy small things like a drink or sandwich every now and then. Edited May 22, 2015 by preraph
stillafool Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I been thinking bout this a lot today and contemplating breaking up with him. Definitely do this.
caringsister Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 One thing I have noticed is that he always talks or offers to buy me things that never eventuate. On our sec date he wanted to tAke me on helicopter ride, at the time I declined but I thought we'd go later. But he never offered again. Then He wanted to take me a show it's costs $100 a ticket and I said yes and after 2 weeks he still hasn't got the ticket, so I thought he didn't want to go anymore n said forget it. The last time he suggested we go to Sydney for a weekend, I was excited and said yes. I wasn't sure if He wanted me to pay for my share of the airfare so I asked " r u sure? It might be expensive" then he said oh yeh you're right let's not go right now. I'm like wtf???? And now he keeps sending me links of things he want to buy for me online, asking me if I like them. But when I say yes, he still hasn't bought them I don't know what his waiting for? I'm just disappointed by all his offers and lack of actually following through. There is something wrong with this picture. He makes six figures, but lives check to check? Does he have debt that he is paying off? He says let's go to Sydney and when you ask if he's sure because it's expensive he just abandons the idea by agreeing with you? It sounds like he was hoping it was going to be on your dime. Sounds like he throws out just enough dinners, movies to get by, but when it comes down to the more costly dates like the concert he takes a free ride. He offers to buy you stuff and when you accept his offer he never delivers the goods. He's baiting not dating. He's working the system. Sounds like not only is he a freeloader, but an opportunist. He's got your head all turned around by paying for dinners. You think he pays for everything. I doubt you'll ever see the concert money and as time moves forward you'll clearly see this guy is full of (to put it nicely) crap.
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