Should I ask my bf to pay me back for concert tickets

May 5, 2015

I got the impression in your last thread that he isn't your boyfriend, you're just dating, and you declined his suggestion that you become bf/gf. Do you realise how mixed these messages are to him when you don't like him enough to be in an exclusive relationship (and say you are dating around and he should too) yet you're buying three hundred dollars of concert tickets for the both of you?

Regarding the tickets, suck it up and shoulder the cost if you didn't explicitly talk about who was paying beforehand, if it was your idea and you bought them then it's your treat. In future, talk about it before buying them so you're on the same page. I've been with my boyfriend 15 months and live together and we still split most event tickets and clear it with each other before we buy them.

May 5, 2015

OP:

How much does it cost you extra in groceries to cook for him every day?

Do you feel when he pays your weekend outings it's fair?

I can't imagine a pair of movie tickets costing the same as a week worth of grocery shopping to feed him.

Gaeta, I haven't calculated the cost of cooking for him but I imagine it's not too much I cook maybe 3-4 times a week for him. If there are left overs he takes for lunch. It's more the gesture I reckon coz he doesn't help me cook, he'll watch TV while I bring food to him and doesn't wash up the dishes after. It's like him feels entitled. But it's ok I don't mind doing all that. In the same way I feel a bit entitled for him to pay for things for me. I'm quite a traditional girl in regards to relationship roles not a feminist at all.

I honestly haven't thought of the cost of cooking vs him paying for food when we go out. But imagine that he pays more

May 5, 2015

You've been dating for two months.

It looks like you both spend a little amount on each other - he pays when you go out and you buy him presents. I'm assuming it's more or less equal amounts. You shouldn't really be 'keeping score' here.

At this point, he should pay his concert ticket and you pay yours. I'm all for buying each other treats, but 150$ per ticket is a lot to pay for someone you've been dating for two months.

May 5, 2015

I got the impression in your last thread that he isn't your boyfriend, you're just dating, and you declined his suggestion that you become bf/gf. Do you realise how mixed these messages are to him when you don't like him enough to be in an exclusive relationship (and say you are dating around and he should too) yet you're buying three hundred dollars of concert tickets for the both of you?

Regarding the tickets, suck it up and shoulder the cost if you didn't explicitly talk about who was paying beforehand, if it was your idea and you bought them then it's your treat. In future, talk about it before buying them so you're on the same page. I've been with my boyfriend 15 months and live together and we still split most event tickets and clear it with each other before we buy them.

Aargh I hate it when OPs don't give all the info...

May 5, 2015

I got the impression in your last thread that he isn't your boyfriend, you're just dating, and you declined his suggestion that you become bf/gf. Do you realise how mixed these messages are to him when you don't like him enough to be in an exclusive relationship (and say you are dating around and he should too) yet you're buying three hundred dollars of concert tickets for the both of you?

Regarding the tickets, suck it up and shoulder the cost if you didn't explicitly talk about who was paying beforehand, if it was your idea and you bought them then it's your treat. In future, talk about it before buying them so you're on the same page. I've been with my boyfriend 15 months and live together and we still split most event tickets and clear it with each other before we buy them.

Yeh good pick up, we haven't had an official discussion that we are bf/gf now. But we are certainly acting like couple. We spend 6 out of 7 days together and do everything together. I didn't intend to pay for the ticket for him though

He is quite good to me and I don't know why I'm so bothered by the ticket thing....

One thing I have noticed is that he always talks or offers to buy me things that never eventuate. On our sec date he wanted to tAke me on helicopter ride, at the time I declined but I thought we'd go later. But he never offered again.

Then He wanted to take me a show it's costs $100 a ticket and I said yes and after 2 weeks he still hasn't got the ticket, so I thought he didn't want to go anymore n said forget it. The last time he suggested we go to Sydney for a weekend, I was excited and said yes. I wasn't sure if He wanted me to pay for my share of the airfare so I asked " r u sure? It might be expensive" then he said oh yeh you're right let's not go right now. I'm like wtf????

And now he keeps sending me links of things he want to buy for me online, asking me if I like them. But when I say yes, he still hasn't bought them I don't know what his waiting for? I'm just disappointed by all his offers and lack of actually following through.

When I said I'll get the concert tickets I bought them the next day. Done.

Edited May 5, 2015 by lil_missy

May 5, 2015

Listen to your instinct.

* 6 digits paying job but living at parents at 32 yo

* Not paying his parents board, hiding his raise to his parents to make sure they don't ask for a board fee.

* Drives a piece of junk of a car when making 6 digits

* Does not have cash and needs to wait payday to treat you (on 6 digit income)

* Promising gifts but never delivers.

THOSE are the things bothering you and I think you are right to be bothered by them and should not disburse more than he is.

Ask him for half tickets. That was the agreement. Each time he offered to buy you something he did not deliver so don't think down the road he'll be buying you something around $150 and it's gonna make it even. He won't buy you anything.

I will even add when you ask for the ticket money he will come up with an excuse for not having the cash or he'll say something like 'I'll buy you that thing you want'. But you know he won't right.

May 6, 2015

I only date men who WANT to pay for dates.

Like you, I feel more comfortable spoiling my men in other ways. I buy suprise presents. Now I work full time in addition to full time study, I'll splurge on a romantics week away some place whacky and lesser travelled...

I date men who PREFER to assume the traditional gener role of laying for dates. DATES.

When it comes to concerts, if the man pays for ALL our dates, then of YES I would absolutely insist on paying for the concert tickets.

Then again, I date men who work full time and who PREFER to treat me MOST of the time; because I only date men who WANT to treat me most of the time, I

INSIST on treating them to things once in a while...

May 6, 2015

Listen to your instinct.

* 6 digits paying job but living at parents at 32 yo

* Not paying his parents board, hiding his raise to his parents to make sure they don't ask for a board fee.

* Drives a piece of junk of a car when making 6 digits

* Does not have cash and needs to wait payday to treat you (on 6 digit income)

* Promising gifts but never delivers.

THOSE are the things bothering you and I think you are right to be bothered by them and should not disburse more than he is.

Ask him for half tickets. That was the agreement. Each time he offered to buy you something he did not deliver so don't think down the road he'll be buying you something around $150 and it's gonna make it even. He won't buy you anything.

I will even add when you ask for the ticket money he will come up with an excuse for not having the cash or he'll say something like 'I'll buy you that thing you want'. But you know he won't right.

I also cannot believe that she is overlooking these huge red flags.

So shady...

May 6, 2015

He's a free loader

Yeah.. that's what is seems like....

Just ask him for 150 for his ticket and see what he does... chances are he may reveal himself soon.

May 6, 2015

Yeah.. that's what is seems like....

Just ask him for 150 for his ticket and see what he does... chances are he may reveal himself soon.

But he said his gonna buy me stuff? Should I just wait a bit n see if he comes through?

He tells me that he thinks bout me all the time, I make him so happy and he only wants me. It makes me feel bad for bringing up the $150. I just don't get if his really into me as he claims then why doesn't he offer to pay for it

May 6, 2015

Listen to your instinct.

* 6 digits paying job but living at parents at 32 yo

* Not paying his parents board, hiding his raise to his parents to make sure they don't ask for a board fee.

* Drives a piece of junk of a car when making 6 digits

* Does not have cash and needs to wait payday to treat you (on 6 digit income)

* Promising gifts but never delivers.

THOSE are the things bothering you and I think you are right to be bothered by them and should not disburse more than he is.

Ask him for half tickets. That was the agreement. Each time he offered to buy you something he did not deliver so don't think down the road he'll be buying you something around $150 and it's gonna make it even. He won't buy you anything.

I will even add when you ask for the ticket money he will come up with an excuse for not having the cash or he'll say something like 'I'll buy you that thing you want'. But you know he won't right.

I understand the red flags ur raising. I'm concerned that he lives at home, shows me he is quite reliant n dependant. He said his happy to move out but sees no need. I'm sure if I asked him to he would. His sister also lives at home. And he tells me his mom n sister always nag him to help with stuff it sounds the whole family is very codependent.

The board thing I want speak to him again coz I think that's really not cool. He maybe paying a small amount but not wanting to pay more. I want to clarify n ask him why

The car thing I think it's ok. He has a car that works fine. Just because he has money doesn't mean he has to splurge on a luxury ride.

May 6, 2015

But he said his gonna buy me stuff? Should I just wait a bit n see if he comes through?

He tells me that he thinks bout me all the time, I make him so happy and he only wants me. It makes me feel bad for bringing up the $150. I just don't get if his really into me as he claims then why doesn't he offer to pay for it

You have to realize those are just words, if words are not backed up by actions they mean nothing. So far he said he would do plenty of things and he never did them and it's been 2 months.

Do you want to see who is the real man behind? Then tell him you need the money, I don't care if it's true or not, tell him you bought the tickets and you need his half. If he loves you as he says he does he won't leave you stranded.

He does not offer to pay for them because he is a cheap opportunist. My gut feeling is he has no money, he does not have a 6 digits job, he is full of it and he's milking it for all it's worth with you.

May 6, 2015

I feel bad for him coz he actually treats me very well n does a lot for me, I know he'd drop anything for me. His good to my family and to my dog.

His not perfect his indecisive and disorganised. There maybe aspects of the relationship I'm not happy bout but ppl are making him a villain. It's not so black n white

Edited May 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 6, 2015

You know what, maybe he is making 6 digits and his heart is in the right place, but over all, when you look at his actions, is it really a long term partner you see in him? A man that is all talk, no actions. Cheap, living at home at 32, unwilling to pay his fair due to his parents, making promises to you he doesn't keep, have you make big purchase and just doesn't care to ask if you are in need of his part of the payment. Meh...mediocre wouldn't you say for a man his age? You see in him a husband, or a father for your children?

May 6, 2015

lil_missy how old are you?

May 6, 2015

He tells me that he thinks bout me all the time, I make him so happy and he only wants me.

You keep giving him stuff... of course he is going to say that

May 6, 2015

lil_missy how old are you?

I'm 28

Sometimes I do think he could be the one for me but I'm worried bout the red flags too

Anyway I'll see him tonight n I don't know I should act like everything's fine.

May 6, 2015

You have been dating 8 weeks and you are acting like you guys have been together for years. You guys rushed in to this waaaay too fast and already ruined the fun beginnings by making it all about gifts, cooking every night, and money. There should be NO DRAMA this early on! Why did you rush things so much?

May 6, 2015

Honestly I feel had he offered to pay for the ticket you wouldnt of been saying the words "no ill get it" and would have him pay, you're stuck on this because you're upset he didnt and you want your money back because obviously you didn't want to pay to begin with, you should be happy you treated him but you're not you're keeping score.

Honestly yall should break up this relationship seems to just be about money and there's no sign of doing things for each other just because you care its all required.

I had an ex that didnt get me gifts or pay often because he had less than me and it just wasn't in his personality, I would gift him way more than he did me and I didnt complain because he wasn't required to match the things I did for him and at times I went above and beyond like feeding him when he stayed with me but I did it because I enjoyed him I never kept score and paid attention to the things he did do for me like fixing things of mine everytime they broke, or driving me places stuff like that.

May 6, 2015

I feel rude asking. I'm never one to ask ppl to do anything, either they do it on their own or I feel resentment silently. I'm bad at communicating

Today he offered to buy me a few things worth a couple hundred dollars which is sweet. But I still feel he should pay for the ticket? Coz I didn't ask he to buy me the other things but we explicitly decided to go the concert, hope that makes sense.

Work on yourself.

Accepting that you are "bad at communication" will only bring you more resentment and heartbreak your whole life long.

Time to practice and learn how to have mature communication skills and relationships. It'll help you in the long run.

May 6, 2015

But he said his gonna buy me stuff? Should I just wait a bit n see if he comes through?

He's not going to buy you anything. He's going to keep on taking because that's what he is: a taker. He grooms everyone in his life to give give give so he can take take take and you fell into that role with no hesitation.

At 2 months, in, you should not be doing ANYTHING that remotely makes you look like a wife when he has done NOTHING to assume the role of husband/provider. Him posting up at your house every night waiting on you to serve dinner is ludicrous. I can't believe you're allowing yourself to be played like that.

Quite frankly, I don't see any reason why you should be waiting on him to open up his wallet for you--he's not going to if he hasn't by now. You giving him expensive gifts reeks of desperation to have him as your boyfriend. If he lost his wallet, then he can buy himself one--not you and certainly not an expensive one.

You made a choice to buy tickets you couldn't afford to impress him and impress upon him your worth as a girlfriend--that's something you need to eat and learn from the bellyache. Especially at 2 months in, that level of purchase is out of balance for how much time you two have invested in this involvement.

He tells me that he thinks bout me all the time,

and thinking doesn't cost a dime.

I make him so happy and he only wants me. It makes me feel bad for bringing up the $150. I just don't get if his really into me as he claims then why doesn't he offer to pay for it

Don't bring it up because it's petty. You took it upon yourself to buy something you couldn't afford, so that's on you. This has nothing to do with him being into you: this is all about you feeling that who/what you are isn't enough without you having to buy what you can't afford to keep him. If you stopped today being so extra, you will soon see exactly how into you he is.

May 6, 2015

you're stuck on this because you're upset he didnt and you want your money back because obviously you didn't want to pay to begin with, you should be happy you treated him but you're not you're keeping score.

Omei hit this nail on the head.

Once you start keeping score, the relationship has begun dying. Score keeping breeds resentment and resentment breeds bitterness and anger.

OP, you won't even own your own voice and speak up for yourself. He's not going to catch a clue and pay you for the tickets, so you might as well resign yourself to the bitter taste of resentment.

You have to take the chance of losing him if this means this much to you because it will certainly and eventually eat you from the inside as long as you deal with him.

May 6, 2015

I just want to mention I'm not a gold digger. It's just I have bought him an expensive wallet when he lost his and other small things. But he promised me a freakin candle which he still hasn't got me. It just all adds up for me so not just the ticket. I wasn't bothered until His workmates comment that I spoil him so much n It just got under my skin that I already feel like I might be giving too much in the relationship

OP I have read this entire thread, and your previous one with great interest.

His not buying you a 'freakin candle' is not the issue. You are angry because something is amiss i.e. there's plenty he's hiding about himself. But I also think you're afraid to ask the hard questions because you don't want to freak him out, though you don't sound into him judging by your last thread.

I can't imagine why you're buying pricey tickets and an 'expensive' wallet at just two months into your r'ship. I think you pressured yourself into buying those tickets because you couldn't stand your ground.

You're doing too much, far too early. As others have pointed out your guy has red flags galore that need addressing.

Your r'ship has the hallmarks of substituting gifts and material exchanges for one built on trust and communication. Good luck.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Perrier

May 6, 2015

Why do you think he should buy you things? Just because he has more money? If you two do things together it should be split evenly for a while. If you are buying him extras, stop if you are not receiving them from him. A good relationship does not depend on having extras.

May 22, 2015

So fast forward a couple of weeks to now...the issue still remains

I spoke to him about the concert ticket money, I kind of threw a tantrum at him. And he apologised profusely said he wanted to pay for both our tickets but didn't think it was urgent? He said that he gave his money to dad to buy a new car and will pay me back next fri when he gets paid. Next day he bought me 2 bunches of roses.

I was happy with his response and thought I was going to observe if he follows through, but if he does I will decline the money. Bcuz really it's the thought thAt counts not the money.

But here we are he got paid and there is no mention of paying me back to the tickets. I don't know if he just forgot again???

Other than this he has been absolutely sweet to me and treats me like gold. I don't know if I should just let it go or ask him again ? Now I'm annoyed I think I want to ask for the money back just for the principal of it. He said he would pay me back n he should follow through.

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Should I ask my bf to pay me back for concert tickets

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