thesaintishere Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I’m in a bit of a strange and confusing situation at present, so I’d really appreciate some outside opinions and thoughts on it! I’ll try and keep it as short as possible. I’ve been with my gf/ex-gf for coming up to two and a half years now. For the first year it was amazing, but after that it seemed to tail off quite a lot and that resulted in me texting someone else and her finding out about it (that was 7/8 months ago now - Sept 2014 ). She forgave me after a short while and everything went back to normal for the next few months, if anything better than normal, up until around Christmas of last year. For whatever reasons, from Jan/Feb this year it has gone downhill again. I attribute this down to a few things, but mainly us not providing for each other’s needs. I’d also say she’s changed quite a bit as she has a few new mates who are far better than her old mates, who were selfish and didm’t spend much time with her (or anyone for that matter). All of this culminated in us splitting up about a 5/6 weeks ago, but as usual things went back to normal straight away despite the fact we’d broken up (this has happened several times). Now we come to last weekend (10 days ago), she came round and I just felt annoyed by her as she was on her phone a lot rather than speaking to me and we ended up arguing and deciding it was best we split up for good. Unfortunately, we always have these kinds of conversations after an argument, never as part of a normal conversation, so that frustrates me on one part because I’d much prefer a relaxed, logical discussion. The main reasons came down to her demanding too much and me not be able or willing to do absolutely everything she wants. (With the benefit of hindsight I guess I was being a little stubborn myself). So, she went home and that was it. The next day we text a bit and it was the usual, ‘I love you and miss you but I need someone who can do this for me etc…’. Obviously later that night she sent drunk messages about wishing I was there to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok, and stupidly I responded saying similar stuff. She had asked me to go around the next day (Sunday) and stay over to which I agreed, but after a brief chat via text it was blatantly obvious it wasn’t a good idea. Onto this past week - we’ve barely messaged. We’ve split up a few times and always gone back to normal, but this time, we haven’t. We didn’t speak for a few days and that was MASSIVE shock to my system. By Thursday I couldn’t help myself and text her asking if we were 100% over with no chance of resolving things to which I got a reply along the lines of, ‘my heads really messed up, I don’t know what I want in life, I love you so much and miss you etc…’, followed by a few messages regarding how me texting that girl last year has really affected her (first time she’d ever said it had apart from at the time) and it’s made her doubt herself. Also, that she doesn’t want to mug me off (I had said she had during the argument/discussion) because she had acted like all was going to be OK with us in the weeks leading up the split, yet really it wasn’t. I said there’s no rush and pressure, do whatever you need to do. So, (lol - this is getting on a bit!) we get to this weekend. On Saturday morning after a few days of no contact I get a message from her asking how my nan is (she’d gone into hospital last week). I replied saying she was ok and I got a brief response and that was it. Fast-forward to Sunday night, again after no contact, I get a (clearly drunk) message, saying ‘I miss you so much’. I responded the next day saying the same, but said I was happy to say it sober, to which she responded saying she does miss me and is happy to say it sober too. This was followed by another text later asking about my nan (this was last night). So…that is that. Now, I’m in a really confusing situation here for various reasons and I’m unsure what to do. She is rubbish at making decisions and really hates making them, so I get the feeling she’s either: 1) Hoping we just stop texting altogether and this fizzles out without any discussion about us ever being had. 2) Wanting to live the single life/move on elsewhere, but wanting to keep me on the fringes just in case. 3) Genuinely messed up and wants to sort her head out before making a decision. Where my main issue lies is what I do no now. I am totally split between two things: 1) Continue with what I’m doing, i.e. not contacting her unless she contacts me and see if she manages to sort things out in her head. Of course, if she’s wanting this to fizzle out or she wants to move on, then this will play into her hands nicely. 2) Ask her outright (again), ‘is this 100% over or can this be resolved?’ and what is going on. This would get me answer, but it could lead to more confusion and tbh pain, waiting for her to figure out what she wants. I don’t want to wait around for someone, but after two and half years together and only being properly split up for 10 days I don’t want to jump the gun, yet at the same time I don’t want to leave myself open to getting shafted. What would you do?
Ruby65 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Dude, you cheated on her and she caught you. She tried to get over it for a few months, then realized she couldn't forgive you. I wouldn't think this can be resolved -- it sounds like she already tried.
Author thesaintishere Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Dude, you cheated on her and she caught you. She tried to get over it for a few months, then realized she couldn't forgive you. I wouldn't think this can be resolved -- it sounds like she already tried. Thanks for responding - much appreciated. So do I leave it or ask her outright?
Moley87 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Reading the message it sounds like there is a mutual agreement this relationship will not work , I think you both know it's over She deep down knows she can't trust you and I think you have to accept that's partially your fault However she does clearly care for you and has tried to stick by you but seems to me your drifting apart not drifting closer If it was me I don't think its healthy dealing with the breakups constantly its a habit you both have got into Hate to say it I think you must bite the bullet and call it off for good focus both of you on yourself and with time you'll know if being apart is good or bad ? Just doesn't sound you two are right for eachother
Ruby65 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 So do I leave it or ask her outright? You leave it. Ask her what outright -- ? Even if she waffles and takes you back, it won't last as long as you continue to minimize what you did. It takes a lot of work to regain someone's trust after cheating on them, you don't really seem up for it.
RoseHeart Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 In situations like these option 2 is always the better option. You have to reach a point where all this kidding around will stop. Someone needs to say/do something to get this entire situation sorted out so both of you can know where you stand. Dragging things out like this and leaving it in the open is a waste of time and energy. Just ask her what is going on and if she still can't tell you what she wants then please move on. This relationship sounds very complex and up/down which makes me question if you two belong together. I think time apart will give you perspective on things but first talk it out with her.
Recommended Posts