BruisedShins Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I’m going to a music festival in the summer with two malefriends, neither of whom have girlfriends. Upon finding out, my girlfriend (20,I’m 19 and been seeing each other for almost 18 months ) was and still is angrythat I didn’t ask her to go. She claimed that she has stated for a long timethat she really wanted to go to a music festival, but I don’t recall this; shesaid she mentioned it last spring and I should have remembered how much shewanted to go. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a weekend away with my friendsand I’ve tried to tell her it’s a ‘guy only’ sort of thing but she won’t haveit. My mistake was giving into herpressure and anger by agreeing that we’d go to another festival in the summer,this has since fallen through due to the fact that she was only suggestingfestivals that only had acts she liked and none that I liked, with festivalsbeing expensive, I didn’t want to pay a lot of money for something I wouldn’tenjoy. I know festivals aren’t solely about the music, but there weren’t anyacts I wanted to see, but I shouldn’t have said I would go with her She is quite and anxious person and I think she will beparanoid of me cheating, as she has been before when I once went to a club(once again a guy thing, once again angry she wasn’t invited). When I saw herthe day after I went to the club, I had red shaving bumps on my neck and shegenuinely believed it was a love bite and I had cheated, until I reminded herof someone we both know who got bad shaving bumps. I wouldn’t cheat on her andI’m not a player, I imagine I’ll get egged on to do so by my two single friends,but I’m sure I’ll resist any temptation. Although, I never feel I have to talkto girls when I’m out to have a good time, so I’m sure I’ll still have funwithout doing anything with girls I can see why she would feel left out, but there are times Ineed my space and would like to just do something with my friends withoutfeeling guilty. Is there any advice to diffuse the situation?
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 For what it's worth, I think you are completely in the right and your girlfriend is being unreasonable. It's a good thing to spend time with your friends. Your girlfriend should understand that and should encourage you to build these great memories with your friends. You are allowed to go to a festival, club, bar, or wherever with your friends. As far as diffusing the situation, as long as your are spending adequate time with her, you really shouldn't have to apologize or make up to her that you are going to do something with your friends. Does she have friends of her own? Maybe you should encourage her to go to a festival with her girl friends. You shouldn't have to be her entertainment committee. 1
loveweary11 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 There are lots of festivals in the summer. Go to a different one with her to solve the problem.
Gary S Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Sorry, but your girlfriend is a brat. As long as you take her on fun dates she should not get jealous because you want to go out with the guys sometimes. 1
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I’m going to a music festival in the summer with two malefriends, neither of whom have girlfriends. Upon finding out, my girlfriend (20,I’m 19 and been seeing each other for almost 18 months ) was and still is angrythat I didn’t ask her to go. She claimed that she has stated for a long timethat she really wanted to go to a music festival, but I don’t recall this; shesaid she mentioned it last spring and I should have remembered how much shewanted to go. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a weekend away with my friendsand I’ve tried to tell her it’s a ‘guy only’ sort of thing but she won’t haveit. My mistake was giving into herpressure and anger by agreeing that we’d go to another festival in the summer,this has since fallen through due to the fact that she was only suggestingfestivals that only had acts she liked and none that I liked, with festivalsbeing expensive, I didn’t want to pay a lot of money for something I wouldn’tenjoy. I know festivals aren’t solely about the music, but there weren’t anyacts I wanted to see, but I shouldn’t have said I would go with her She is quite and anxious person and I think she will beparanoid of me cheating, as she has been before when I once went to a club(once again a guy thing, once again angry she wasn’t invited). When I saw herthe day after I went to the club, I had red shaving bumps on my neck and shegenuinely believed it was a love bite and I had cheated, until I reminded herof someone we both know who got bad shaving bumps. I wouldn’t cheat on her andI’m not a player, I imagine I’ll get egged on to do so by my two single friends,but I’m sure I’ll resist any temptation. Although, I never feel I have to talkto girls when I’m out to have a good time, so I’m sure I’ll still have funwithout doing anything with girls I can see why she would feel left out, ***but there are times Ineed my space and would like to just do something with my friends withoutfeeling guilty** Is there any advice to diffuse the situation? Quote above in asterisk -- have you told HER that? If not, why not?
mammasita Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Does she have her own friends and her own "girls nights". If not this is the problem, you might be the center of her universe and could be a sign of control issues.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) Umm, I'll offer a differing opinion here and suggest that you should have invited her. Music festivals are notorious for lots of drugs, sex, and other shenanigans. Usually they run several days and people camp out, so it's a big deal. OP how would you feel if you were in her shoes and she was going with all her single female friends and she left you behind? Lol. My sister went to one the other year, and she brought her boyfriend with. It's OK to do things together you know? Sorry, but your girlfriend is a brat. As long as you take her on fun dates she should not get jealous because you want to go out with the guys sometimes. EDIT: I agree, trust is important and he should be able to hang with the guys... But music festivals aren't like grabbing a couple beers for an evening, its a pretty huge deal (depending on the festival) and theres a lot of sex and drugs - usually people bring their Significant Other, otherwise Single people hookup. It's enough to make anyone insecure. Edited May 5, 2015 by barcode88
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I’m going to a music festival in the summer with two malefriends, neither of whom have girlfriends. Upon finding out, my girlfriend (20,I’m 19 and been seeing each other for almost 18 months ) was and still is angrythat I didn’t ask her to go. She claimed that she has stated for a long timethat she really wanted to go to a music festival, but I don’t recall this; shesaid she mentioned it last spring and I should have remembered how much shewanted to go. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a weekend away with my friendsand I’ve tried to tell her it’s a ‘guy only’ sort of thing but she won’t haveit. My mistake was giving into herpressure and anger by agreeing that we’d go to another festival in the summer,this has since fallen through due to the fact that she was only suggestingfestivals that only had acts she liked and none that I liked, with festivalsbeing expensive, I didn’t want to pay a lot of money for something I wouldn’tenjoy. I know festivals aren’t solely about the music, but there weren’t anyacts I wanted to see, but I shouldn’t have said I would go with her She is quite and anxious person and I think she will beparanoid of me cheating, as she has been before when I once went to a club(once again a guy thing, once again angry she wasn’t invited). When I saw herthe day after I went to the club, I had red shaving bumps on my neck and shegenuinely believed it was a love bite and I had cheated, until I reminded herof someone we both know who got bad shaving bumps. I wouldn’t cheat on her andI’m not a player, I imagine I’ll get egged on to do so by my two single friends,but I’m sure I’ll resist any temptation. Although, I never feel I have to talkto girls when I’m out to have a good time, so I’m sure I’ll still have funwithout doing anything with girls I can see why she would feel left out, but there are times Ineed my space and would like to just do something with my friends withoutfeeling guilty. Is there any advice to diffuse the situation? You explain to her that this is "guy" time and tell her you will find tickets to another concert or festival for you two to attend in the near future. You encourage her to get together with some of her friends that day. Does she appear to rely on you for everything including entertainment? She needs to have a life of her own too. It needs to be balanced. If you are doing more things with your friends and not as much time with her, she may be feeling insecure. But if you're balancing your time between them and you are showing her that you care enough for her when you are together, then she's just clingy and needy. You go out with your friends and don't feel guilty. 1
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Umm, I'll offer a differing opinion here and suggest that you should have invited her. Music festivals are notorious for lots of drugs, sex, and other shenanigans. Usually they run several days and people camp out, so it's a big deal. OP how would you feel if you were in her shoes and she was going with all her single female friends and she left you behind? Lol. My sister went to one the other year, and she brought her boyfriend with. It's OK to do things together you know? EDIT: I agree, trust is important and he should be able to hang with the guys... But music festivals aren't like grabbing a couple beers for an evening, its a pretty huge deal (depending on the festival) and theres a lot of sex and drugs - usually people bring their Significant Other, otherwise Single people hookup. It's enough to make anyone insecure. I think if you TRUST each other, then it should not be an issue. Hell, there are drugs, sex, etc everywhere! Not just at music festivals. If the OP were inclined to cheat, or whatever she's worried about, he doesn't need a music festival to do so. Okay, the temptation might be greater, but again, if there is trust, it should not be an issue.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I think if you TRUST each other, then it should not be an issue. Hell, there are drugs, sex, etc everywhere! Not just at music festivals. If the OP were inclined to cheat, or whatever she's worried about, he doesn't need a music festival to do so. Okay, the temptation might be greater, but again, if there is trust, it should not be an issue. I agree, I just think its unusual to go to one of these and not bring a girl you're having sex with Especially since its usually a multi-day/overnight deal. I think I would be a bit insecure if I was in the GF's shoes too. Just being honest.
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I agree, I just think its unusual to go to one of these and not bring a girl you're having sex with Especially since its usually a multi-day/overnight deal. I think I would be a bit insecure if I was in the GF's shoes too. Just being honest. I know I'm weird, but I have never had an issue with my boyfriend going to music festivals without me, or anywhere else without me for that matter. I trust him ..and as I said, if he were inclined to cheat, he would not need to be at a music festival to do so.. We *both* allow each other that freedom, we both believe it's important. We are not each other's prison wardons after all. I also believe that is at least one reason why our relationship is still so strong and exciting after five years. But we trust each other 100%, so maybe that's the difference. 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I know I'm weird, but I have never had an issue with my boyfriend going to music festivals without me, or anywhere else without me for that matter. I trust him ..and as I said, if he were inclined to cheat, he would not need to be at a music festival to do so.. We *both* allow each other that freedom, we both believe it's important. We are not each other's prison wardons after all. I also believe that is at least one reason why our relationship is still so strong and exciting after five years. But we trust each other 100%, so maybe that's the difference. Yeah that's a long time, and trust isn't something gained overnight. It's perfectly reasonable if they're in a 6 month relationship that she is insecure about this situation. Personally if I was in a relationship and my Girlfriend and Myself didn't have a high level of trust, I would be a bit careful getting myself into situations that would put that trust to the limits (and would hope she would be equally considerate).
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah that's a long time, and trust isn't something gained overnight. It's perfectly reasonable if they're in a 6 month relationship that she is insecure about this situation. Personally if I was in a relationship and my Girlfriend and Myself didn't have a high level of trust, I would be a bit careful getting myself into situations that would put that trust to the limits (and would hope she would be equally considerate). I suppose, but even if I "did" feel insecure, I sure as hell wouldn't be burdening him with MY insecurity. That's my issue to deal with, not his. At six months, if he wanted to go, I "might" not be thrilled (although in all honesty I really don't think it would have been an issue for me, even at six months).....I would tell him to have fun ...and cya when you get back!! But then again, I'm a weirdo... :) 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I suppose, but even if I "did" feel insecure, I sure as hell wouldn't be burdening him with MY insecurity. That's my issue to deal with, not his. At six months, if he wanted to go, I "might" not be thrilled (although in all honesty I really don't think it would have been an issue for me, even at six months).....I would tell him to have fun ...and cya when you get back!! But then again, I'm a weirdo... :) Yeah I guess I'm just weird because I think that type of activity warrants bringing your Girlfriend with Everyone's going to be pitching tents, doing drugs, and having sex. Why be the odd man out with no one to have sex with?
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Yeah I guess I'm just weird because I think that type of activity warrants bringing your Girlfriend with Everyone's going to be pitching tents, doing drugs, and having sex. Why be the odd man out with no one to have sex with? That's not true barcode, I have been to plenty of music festivals (with and without boyfriend)...and never participated in that... Lol, frankly, I dislike tents, and prefer sleeping directly under the stars. Bf feels the same. As for the sex...I am sure it occurs, but I have never participated and had no desire to...not in front of others anyway... ;) As for drugs, no way, I don't even hang with people who do drugs, not my thing... I recall one time bf went to a festival without me, and he called me before he went to sleep, under the stars, by himself. He enjoys his lone time, as do I. I never felt threatened by that... To each his own....
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 If you took her to another festival, would that solve the dilemma? I don't think so. I doubt it's about the music but about trust. She thinks you are going to be with your single buddies doing God knows what. Can you take her? Do you want to take her? Are you opposed to it now because she's being so insistent? Do your buddies care one way or the other? If they don't mind & you are otherwise happy to have her along, I don't see a problem If you really want a guy's weekend, ask her what you can do within reason to reassure her that this is not about cheating on her. If she asked for say a phone call a day & a photo, what's the harm in giving her that?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 That's not true barcode, I have been to plenty of music festivals (with and without boyfriend)...and never participated in that... Lol, frankly, I dislike tents, and prefer sleeping directly under the stars. Bf feels the same. As for the sex...I am sure it occurs, but I have never participated and had no desire to...not in front of others anyway... ;) As for drugs, no way, I don't even hang with people who do drugs, not my thing... I recall one time bf went to a festival without me, and he called me before he went to sleep, under the stars, by himself. He enjoys his lone time, as do I. I never felt threatened by that... To each his own.... Every situation isn't the same I guess, and I guess depending on the type of music festival they can be a bit more tame. Ones like this Summer Set Music & Camping Festival - LOTS of drugs and sex lol. It can get pretty wild.
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) She's being way unreasonable. If she wanted to go to a festival so damn much, why didn't she look them up for this Summer and ask her friends/you to go and start organising it? The whole 'but I wanted to go so much!' seems a bit fishy to me considering she's an adult and hasn't bothered to ya know, actually go to one. You are entitled to your own space with friends. I have to admit though, I've been with my bf 15 months and while we go to gigs together and with separate friends, often overnight and with opposite gender friends, I prefer we clear it with each other first. It's just polite. It doesn't have to be 'baby, me and the guys are off to this festival, do you wanna come?' it can just be 'hey babe, the guys and I are thinking of heading to this festival, it's a bit of a guys trip but just wanted to give you a heads up first'. I would quite like the option to go with my bf unless it was a guy's trip, and even when he does invite me I often don't go because like you say, gigs are expensive and it's a lot to pay for bands you're not that into. If a festival is more about the experience than the music you're doing it wrong! You can go camping for a fraction of the price a festival costs lol. So my view is you shoulda run it past her but well within the boundaries of a normal relationship to go. Either she trusts you or she doesn't. My bf's last overnight trip without me was two days in the capital city partying and watching his favourite band play, staying in a mixed gender hostel. So freakin' what. If he was gonna cheat he could just take the day off work without telling me and hit up a local hooker or conduct an affair in any number of ways that let partners get away with it without alerting their spouse or partner. I don't see having fun away with single friends as meaning a person is gonna cheat who wouldn't normally cheat. You don't need to take her to another festival to make this okay, it's already okay and if she wants to go to a festival there's nothing stopping her taking herself, when people talk about you taking her it makes it sound like she's a child and can only go with her responsible adult lol. Make it right by apologising for not running it past her first (and she sounds like the kinda girl you need to tell it's happening to, not the kind of girl you wanna give any hint of asking permission to!) and then encouraging her to go to a festival with her girl friends and have a blast. I'm not that into festivals (the last I went to I was 13 and ran away to one because I wanted to see the headlining band sooo much! Was so filthy I said never again haha) but I'm off to one this year as the line up is amazing, a male friend of mine who's super into the same bands as me is going so the core was gonna be us two hardcore fans plus whoever else, then I invited my bf who is also coming, but if he didn't want to, couldn't afford it, or whatever he'd have happily encouraged me to go and have fun, have a few drinks and enjoy the music. With my single, good looking male friend. Cos he trusts me. Separate tents though obviously lol. Edited May 5, 2015 by acrosstheuniverse
PogoStick Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 You should break up with her and hookup with a girl at the festival.
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