Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) What are your thoughts on the motives behind this? Male uni tutor and female student: both similar ages, no prior history together, no real contact outside class. Tutor maintains a stare with this student at least every class, sometimes has been seen to gaze at the student in group discussions when neither is talking but focus is on others. The stare is unwavering, not aggressive but doesn't appear particularly friendly either, more calm and sustained - no smiling eyes! Should also mention: his pupils are not hugely dilated, but they're not constricted either. . Midrange size. Any ideas? intellectual curiosity, veiled attraction, an ego-satisfying alpha male game... Something else? Thank you! Edited May 5, 2015 by Thesun Eta
regine_phalange Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Question: How do you know whether he has dilated pupils? Do you stand that close? Or he has very light coloured eyes? In my case, I feel that someone likes me when his eyes look soft around the edges and more watery than usual. How do you feel when he looks at you? Does it make you feel happy, relaxed, anxious, annoyed?
Author Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 I noticed the pupil size last time this happened as I was nearby - it was a small group situation. Not sure on the watery-ness. I don't feel great, certainly not at ease. I don't feel it's attraction, and I can usually pick what - not this time. I feel quite uncomfortable, intimidated, and unsure - also very unlike me. The first time it happened was a classic eyelock which lasted forever and felt very different - I had a physical rush adrenaline. I tend to not maintain the gaze now. I would love to know what it is as it's very unnerving!
regine_phalange Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I noticed the pupil size last time this happened as I was nearby - it was a small group situation. Not sure on the watery-ness. I don't feel great, certainly not at ease. I don't feel it's attraction, and I can usually pick what - not this time. I feel quite uncomfortable, intimidated, and unsure - also very unlike me. The first time it happened was a classic eyelock which lasted forever and felt very different - I had a physical rush adrenaline. I tend to not maintain the gaze now. I would love to know what it is as it's very unnerving! I think people don't look at things they don't like for that long! So I think he may like you. But i don't know how much and in which way. Some people also stare into other people eyes to show dominance/control or to intimidate. Maybe he wants to evoke some kind of response to you? Have you tried smiling to see what he'll do?
Author Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 I think people don't look at things they don't like for that long! So I think he may like you. But i don't know how much and in which way. If I were reading this as an outsider, I would generally think that too, however I would think that a normal reaction would be to smile at some point - I haven't seen it though. Some people also stare into other people eyes to show dominance/control or to intimidate. Maybe he wants to evoke some kind of response to you? Have you tried smiling to see what he'll do? the last time I did smile but it was a group environment so it wasn't directed at him solely - there was some banter going on so it was a general looking around at everyone and including him, IYKWIM. It was a little strange as he was physically very near but everytime I turned to look at him, he maintained his gaze on me, not the others that I could see. Also should point out, that the first eyelock situation was actually very enjoyable: other than the adrenaline, I had butterflies and a not so pleasant internal shake I had to control extremely hard! (it's not happened like that again: I tend to look away and am now uncomfortable). What sort of response would someone that wants to dominate want? And to what end? I don't see the point here (not saying it isn't so, just weird) being a tutor where he clearly has authority.
Author Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Meant to say, he didn't smile in return, though maybe it wasn't sustained enough? Not sure
Got it Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Holy moly. Why not just cut to the chase and ask him? Why spend all this time and energy wondering and just spit it out. Sheesh.
regine_phalange Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 the last time I did smile but it was a group environment so it wasn't directed at him solely - there was some banter going on so it was a general looking around at everyone and including him, IYKWIM. It was a little strange as he was physically very near but everytime I turned to look at him, he maintained his gaze on me, not the others that I could see. Also should point out, that the first eyelock situation was actually very enjoyable: other than the adrenaline, I had butterflies and a not so pleasant internal shake I had to control extremely hard! (it's not happened like that again: I tend to look away and am now uncomfortable). What sort of response would someone that wants to dominate want? And to what end? I don't see the point here (not saying it isn't so, just weird) being a tutor where he clearly has authority. Of course he has authority as a tutor, but we don't know how much authority he has as a man But this may not be the case. Just mentioning it. I'm thinking that maybe he didn't smile because there were other people there.. But on the other hand I'm thinking that one can't hide a genuine smile. Well, more than once I have noticed a man having a small smile with parted lips while looking at me. And I have also caught myself having a similar smile when I saw or was with someone with a lovely aura. I disagree with the poster who advised that you ask why is he looking at you. But have you tried to talk to him after class about the course, make a bit of small talk, and see how he responds?
Author Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Of course he has authority as a tutor, but we don't know how much authority he has as a man But this may not be the case. Just mentioning it. I disagree with the poster who advised that you ask why is he looking at you. But have you tried to talk to him after class about the course, make a bit of small talk, and see how he responds? Bahaha! I don't know about that I don't think it's appropriate to confront the issue at this point, either. I have actually hung around to ask a relevant question or two, however others have followed suit Thst was the last time I caught him gazing at me that I described above. I know he thinks Im bright as I do ask more involved questions so maybe it's just intellectual interest?? There wasn't really a moment to make small talk at that point.. And it's not really my skill when I'm uncomfortable, either!
Author Thesun Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Regarding the smile.. Maybe I'll try that again, though he didnt reciprocate last time I offered it in a group.
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