Eternal love Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I've had a crush on my coworker for 9 months but it is quote possible that I just like the thrill and drama of the chase and the thrill that comes from being kept in doubt about how she feels about me. What makes me think this way? Because whenever I see signs that she may be trying to get closer to me then I pull away. I might leave the work area and come up with an excuse like "I'm taking a break". My work enviornment is very flexible when it comes to taking breaks. Here's the thing. I think ahead long time and even if we did end up getting together for a classic romantic relationship the novelty of sex is probably going to wear off in a short period of time. The novelty and excitement doesn't last. So what if I succeed in being able to have sex with her? 2-3 weeks to a month after the first sexual encounter I'm probably going to get bored and want to spend less time with her, etc. So in some ways I'm hoping that this dance between us for the last 9 months goes on indefintely. I think I am more in love with the chase than I am with this woman. It doesn't take me long to lose interest once I think I won a woman's heart over. Is there a cure for my condition? I don't think so. I don't really want a girlfriend. I just need to prove to myself from time to time that I could get a girlfriend if I wanted to. The thing is if women sense that I am just addicted to the thrill of wanting what I think I can't have then they stop showing interest for their own protection but then that just makes me want to call and text more. I don't know how to appreciate a woman giving me attention without having to chase for it.
Gloria25 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 So, did you ever consider her feelings here? I mean, so if you see her losing interest (cuz you haven't made a move) you do something to "pull" her back in, to give her a glimmer of "hope" that there's a chance you may ask her out one day? How would you feel if you were the one getting ying-yanged like that? Did you ever consider that she's also scared that this may all be in her head and is a form of gaslighting? Did you ever consider she is scared to even speak to you cuz she's afraid you will say she is chasing you and you want nothing to do with her and want to file harassment charges against her? But I don't think it's the thrill of the case with you, cuz I think you have intimacy issues and you want to "admire" her from a distance. Cuz, if it was the thrill of the chase, you already would have had the sex with her, and moved on to another "challenge"...That's how people like that work, the "challenge" is getting them naked, not staring at them for almost a year now. Why don't you just tell her that so she can stop thinking something's there (or possibly there) so she can move on already. Stop playing games, she is a person that deserves to be treated with the same dignity and respect that you expect to be treated with. She's not a toy available for your entertainment.
Gloria25 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I think I am more in love with the chase than I am with this woman. You know what thank you ^^ for that statement... You finally fessed up that you don't even like me. I knew it all along. That's the push I need to let this go. So, me not even giving you the time of day anymore? Do what you want with it. Follow me around, stare 24/7, whatever...Ain't gonna pull me back into that game.
Gloria25 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 But I don't think it's the thrill of the case with you, cuz I think you have intimacy issues and you want to "admire" her from a distance. Cuz, if it was the thrill of the chase, you already would have had the sex with her, and moved on to another "challenge"...That's how people like that work, the "challenge" is getting them naked, not staring at them for almost a year now. I take that back ^^... The obsessive staring is you reliving the moment she spoke to you and/or showed you attention...like some murders/rapists keep "trophies" of their victims and/or keep on returning to the scene where the incident happened - cuz they want to relive the moment. So yes, all you wanted from me is attention and I was too dumb and took months to finally figure it out after making a ton of excuses for you. Ladies, again, if a guy isn't making a move - He's just not that into you...period. My case is a clear example. Interested men act interested. Guys who flirts just enjoys the attention, it's all about their egos. They do not care about anyone but themselves. I see that in the way you are with her too...All the "selfies" are to show to the world this and/that so you can get praise and your little ego filled. Sometimes I feel sorry for her too cuz she's also a toy for your gratification. Everyone is disposable to you. You're a user. You don't believe in Karma and have some skewed belief in God, but you will get yours one day. What you put out in the universe comes back to you. It is Karma or God...well, probably God making effective use of Karma.
Kamille Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Eternal Love, it sounds like you're putting too much pressure on relationships. As in, they provoke anxiety for you, so you prefer to stay at a distance. Do you usually feel responsible for the wellbeing of the people close to you? If so, that could explain why you are a commitmentphobe. It would take a lot for you to commit. Gloria, I don't know why you would think this thread is about you. I hope you are able to recognize that there is a great possibility that Eternal Love is not your neighbor. Perhaps, you could even consider the possibility that your neighbor isn't using LS to communicate with you. No matter what, I hope you stick true to your goal of letting go of him. You deserve better than a situation this complicated.
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