h0000 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 With this guy I am seeing for a few months, I know he is "just not that into me"-we first started talking very casually 3 months ago and did not go out until one month later. And our second date was another month later since he went for a trip for 2 weeks. Our third and fourth date was supposed to be every week but it's always either me or him who can't make it so they happened like every 2 weeks or something. At the beginning I was sure he just wants casual but slowly I kind of feel he changed a little. Just a little...or it may even be just all in my head. Anyway it's safe to say he is just not that into me. My question is, for girls, will it ever work to "chase" a guy who isn't smitten by you? Is it worth my time and effort? By chase I mean start to initiate more texts and make small talks. Being more flirty and compliment more. Suggesting more meet ups and hang outs?
Emilia Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 No. If he isn't into you from the start, don't chase. He will discard you for someone else eventually. 6
soyou Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I cant speak for all the women but from my own experience, it's not worth it. You will end up hurting yourself, your ego, pride, and dignity. If a guy is not into you now, he never will. Exceptions may happen but why pursues something which you know that your chance of success is close to zero? Believe me, there are so many guys out there who want to be with you, head over heels for you, and are willing to do anything for you. Dont chase behind somebody who is not into you. It's gonna waste your time, effort, and bring you ton of head and heart-ache. 1
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 By chase I mean start to initiate more texts and make small talks. Being more flirty and compliment more. Suggesting more meet ups and hang outs? Go ahead and do that and you'll get your answer. If he is not that into you when you speed up the contacts and offer dates he will feel suffocated and he'll bail. Which is not a bad thing because at least you'll know he's out of the race for you. If he reciprocates and picks up on communications and dates then good on you. It's a win win situation, I am sure you don't want to invest another couple of month on it wondering if he's in or out.
Emilia Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I think that making a decision early on (ie within a month, I suppose) for a woman is a good thing rather than let solely the man's behaviour dictate whether you end up in a relationship or not. If he feels it has always been his choice, he likely won't respect you. Men don't tend to respect women that are at their beck and call when it's clear that she isn't a priority. This is when they start taking you for granted. Time to move on OP, in my opinion.
Author h0000 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) I have been thinking a lot if I should keep things casual while keep my options open, or cut it clean?? Do I respond when he texts me or asks to see me? I suppose it's kind of my fault to let things turn to be like this..Neither of us was serious at the beginning and now he probably still isn't but I am thinking more into it Edited May 5, 2015 by h0000
Emilia Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I have been thinking a lot if I should keep things casual while keep my options open, or cut it clean?? Do I respond when he texts me or asks to see me? I suppose it's kind of my fault to let things turn to be like this..Neither of us was serious at the beginning and now he probably still isn't but I am thinking more into it You seriously need to sort out your self esteem issues. It's no-one's fault. If he had been into you, he would have tried harder, it takes two to lose connection. Cut it clean. I don't see how you would benefit from this. Are you short of company? What's the issue here? 1
central Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Men chase women who aren't into them, and sometimes the women change their feelings. It can work in reverse, too. However, in both cases I'd say that the odds of success are quite low. If there isn't some real attraction to begin with, it won't work. Sometimes, the attraction may be there but is hidden while assessment and evaluation of mate value is made. And sometimes, attraction does grow based on personality factors that may not be initially evident.
Vintage79 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 If you're not very flirty, don't ever compliment him, only occasionally reply to his texts, and don't engage in small talk - no wonder he's not that interested. It doesn't sound like you're interested either. This is just further echoed by the fact that you can't find time to see each other. I don't think there's any harm in stepping it up from what sounds like essentially no effort or interest on your part. It's not going to hurt you - just don't go overboard. I say this from a guys perspective - after a few dates, if a woman is super passive, and not communicating any interest (which is effectively how you're describing yourself), I'll move on regardless of my interest. I think this one's a bit on you if your actions are actually well represented by your text. I say a bit, as it doesn't sound like either one of you was ever really interested. If he was super interested at some point, it's probably entirely on you - just being honest. I'd see how he responds to a bit more effort on your part and if it's neutral/negative, you know it's time to move on.
devilish innocent Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Why play games and ignore his texts if you want to talk to him? I think most long-term relationships start off with people who knew each other casually and then it grew into something more. If you're getting more interested in him, I see no reason to hide it. Sure, you don't want to keep chasing after a guy who's shown he's completely disinterested to your advances. He does seem to have some interest, though, or he wouldn't be going out with you. I assume he's initiating some of the conversations/dates. Show him some of the affection you want to see, and he might reciprocate. Good luck!
smackie9 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 If he isn't into you, that means he isn't into you. You can't force someone to find you attractive. 2
Buddhist Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 If you think his interest is only partial at best why bother? Wouldnt you rather invest your time in someone with a higher interest level?
Antares Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 Don't chase people who are running away from you. Chase those who want to be caught. You should both be chasing each other.
preraph Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 It's okay, but it's stupid, and it's the least effective way to hope to get his attention. The best most likely way to get his attention is to be seen going out with other people and living the high life and giving him no more than a nod. But even then, I think the best you can hope for starting at lukewarm is a roll in bed and/or some type of friendship.
Author h0000 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Why play games and ignore his texts if you want to talk to him? I think most long-term relationships start off with people who knew each other casually and then it grew into something more. If you're getting more interested in him, I see no reason to hide it. Sure, you don't want to keep chasing after a guy who's shown he's completely disinterested to your advances. He does seem to have some interest, though, or he wouldn't be going out with you. I assume he's initiating some of the conversations/dates. Show him some of the affection you want to see, and he might reciprocate. Good luck! I never ignore his texts. I just don't initiate all that much but I do reciprocate. I think it's fair to say there has been no effort from both of us. I think what's making it hard for me is when I do initiate, he doesn't always say yes because he has other plans. I reject him too when it's not convenient but I kind of just don't want to ask him out anymore. 99.9% people would tell me to drop it. haha because "if he doesn't like you he never will"
Author h0000 Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 If you think his interest is only partial at best why bother? Wouldnt you rather invest your time in someone with a higher interest level? Only reason I started wondering if it can go anywhere is I felt his interest has grown. And I wonder if that will continue to grow if I stay longer But I am not too sure.
Perrier Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 OP why you are dithering? If you MUST contact him, welcome him back from hols with a light text. If he doesn't respond to your liking I would leave it. Really if a man is not calling you, or arranging a date that is supposed to have happened, he's not into you. Though tbh it doesn't sound like you want him much either. Do you have opportunities to meet other guys?
Recommended Posts