zyphfly Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 So, there's a girl I'm interested in, who I've been debating asking out for a little while, but for a variety of reasons I've found it very difficult (I'm friends with her boss, I only ever see her at her job, she is always busy with clients or co-workers at her job, etc.) I finally decided I was tired of driving myself crazy thinking about it, and I would just go for it though, so I did…sort of. Like I said, she's never alone which wasn't exactly making it easy for me, but during our last conversation something came up that was basically the perfect segue to invite her on a very casual outing with other people from her work (but away from work), don't know if she thought I was joking or what, but that invite kind of just got brushed off. Fair enough. So later, I ask if she's working the following week (on the day when this group is going out), she says she's trying to get out of work that day. Okay…last shot. I say "Oh okay, well when is your next day off?" and her reply: "I'm not sure, it feels like I never have a day off" at this point, I just kind of gave the standard, "alright well if you ever want to go out let me know" and put the ball in her court because I really didn't see where else I could take this. If I had gotten an answer such as "I'm off Thursday" then naturally my next question would've been "want to go out Thursday?" but I already felt like I was interrogating her, and she wasn't giving me anything to work with, so I just let it go, because it's not like I won't see her again relatively soon. That said, is she oblivious, painfully shy, or just totally disinterested in dating me and saw the direction I was headed? To give some pertinent details, I'm a pretty good looking guy, I'm reasonably successful in my work, and we do get along fine when we talk. I don't think she dislikes me at all. We do joke around with each other and make decent small talk, but she also seems kind of aloof at times, and hard to read. I think we probably have a good amount in common (based on what I know about her), but we also have a lot of things that are very different, especially style-wise, I'd describe myself as more of a conservative clean-cut look, and her as more of a artsy/vintage/hot-topic type of look. So maybe I'm just not her type? I really don't want to stop pursuing, but I also want to be realistic about the situation. If the general vibe I got makes any difference, I didn't really feel like I was being blown off or rejected, more just awkward then anything, like maybe she was surprised, or possibly that she'd never entertained the idea of going out with me until that very second (though I doubt that). Or maybe I wasn't clear enough that I really want to go with her on a date, which is quite possible given I pretty nervous asking because of the reasons mentioned earlier. Opinions appreciated!
1q3455402828193 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I am going through a similar situation! Based on what you described, it seems as if she is definitely oblivious to the fact that you like her. And it definitely may be that she is shy. A guy approached me at work and indirectly suggested that I go to Starbucks with him. Because the suggestion was so subtle, I didnt pick up on it in the moment. I thought he was just trying to small talk...get to know someone new. But, It wasnt until after I left that I realized what was going on lol. And now I regret it and I may have missed my opportunity to talk to him. Im a very shy person as well. So, when it comes to this stuff, I naturally miss some of the signs when a guy likes me. Could it be due to insecurities or not having much confidence that my appearance and personality will attract the man of my dreams? Most definitely! Basically, some women need a more direct approach for clear understanding of the situation. You asked her out on a "very casual outing" with her coworkers. Maybe she thought that it wasn't personal and more of a casual business-related get together? In her mind, it probably didnt strike as a big deal....just a typical get together. I dont think you should stop pursuing her. I definitely think that you need to be more forward about what you want from her. How about starting a convo with her again and suggest getting lunch or something? Just you and her. Hope it works out for you!
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