Asks me out but flakes..

[ashy555]

I went away at the end of last year for a few months. It had been a year since dating anyone as I wasn’t really ready. I came back home end of Jan and decided to get on tinder again. I just felt different upon coming back from my overseas adventure and for the first time I felt more ready for a relationship(Im 24 and never had one). I met this 28yo guy who lived reasonably close to me. He seems very genuine and we both established why we were on tinder pretty quickly. He said it is a good way for him to meet girls as he doesn’t meet any through his line or work etc and just to see what happens. We talked for about 2 months before we met up. Yes I know.. so slow but I was a little hesitant and it was clear to me he was also a little hesitant. His msgs were cute as he would sometimes repeat himself in one msg and then pick himself up on it and apologise. I get the feeling he lacks a little confidence. I also think he was worried as I am just under 6 foot and he is the same height. I can also see from fb that he was in a 3 year relationship which ended sometime last year around april. He has never said anything though.

 

We finally met for coffee after work one night and it was actually really fun. Height not an issue at all. We got on extremely well and seemed to have the same kinda goals in life etc. I also found myself quite attracted to him which I find pretty rare for me these days. I am usually always attracted to arrogance. Yes I admit which is why I have consciously tried to make the effort to change. He is definitely opposite of that. He kissed me on the cheek goodbye and said we must do it again. He messaged straight after and said he had a good time and wished me sweetdreams. We talked for a few more days when I stopped replying. We went three days with nothing. He will not msg if I haven’t replied I have figured lol. When I msged him he asked me out again instantly. I said yes sometime this coming weekend. He agreed then said ‘spk soon’.. Heard nothing until I msged him Sat night and we talked all night and no mention of anything. Next morning I said we should catch up that night(Sunday). He said he would love too but didn’t have much sleep night before and will be pretty tired. He will let me know if he has a nap. I waited till 6pm and he finally msged saying he didn’t nap so early night for him. (ummm okay?!) I took that as a pretty weak effort. He could have atleast said he was busy. Anyway he apologized and kept the conversation flowing. He never mentioned anything about rescheduling but kept talking to me. We talked all week till I stopped replying.

 

He messaged me again that Saturday and we talked all night. He then suggested we catch up for a drink again. I said sounds good.. how about tomorrow night if your not sleeping ? He literally said ‘Sunday wine? Lol. Spk tomorrow. Sleep well’. Just completely fobbed me off. I said ‘Or not.. night.’

I woke up to a msg from him 6am next morning. “Sorry hope I’m not being rude but I’ve only had 5 hours sleep so I prob will be sleeping lol” :mad:

 

I was fuming so just let it go and stopped replying. I have no idea why he would keep asking me out if he doesn’t even make an effort. Sleeping is the worst excuse. It came across as a huge slap in the face and like he almost did it to insult me. I got on with my week and almost forgot about him. I am noticing I am getting much more resilient these days. Friday night comes around and he msgs me again asking how I was. I responded the next morning and we talked all weekend. He was extremely chatty like usual but no mention of seeing me again, so I stopped replying yesterday. If he wants to see me he will make an effort. I don’t know if maybe something is holding him back. He hasn’t even gotten a kiss out of me haha . He ALWAYS responds quickly. I don’t understand. He seems so much different to all the men I have ever gone for but for some reason it still doesn’t seem to be working.

 

Is this an epic case of ‘emotional unavailability’? lol

I know he prob won’t msg me as I didn’t reply to his last. I am considering messaging him next few days and see if he tries again and give one last chance. I also want to tell him to pull his socks up or im out, but I know that will be the end as it would probably intimidate him.

[1q3455402828193]

I went through a similar situation. Met a guy online, conversations were great within the first 2 months. We met up once or twice, and then after that, meeting up became an issue.....he kept on making excuses why he couldnt see me.

 

No matter what goes on in a man's life, he will make priority for the things he deems important. The reason why he keeps cancelling with weak excuses is because your not a priority to him right now.

 

You also mentioned that he got out of a long-term relationship last April. Which i find that to be very significant. Either he is still trying to pick up the pieces from that relationship (meaning, he isnt ready to move forward with someone) OR it is very possible that he and his ex are still talking. For him to be that interested in you for 2 months straight and then all of a sudden keeps pushing off seeing you, someone is definitely in the picture. Or maybe he isnt talking to the ex and found someone he's more interested in on Tinder? Remember, you guys are only dating. Therefore, you guys are at that stage where no one is committed and you can easily back out and find someone else.

 

I would suggest not messaging him again, unless you want to continue that revolving cycle of just talking and not meeting up. You can easily find an other guy on Tinder who will be more available to you. So, I wouldnt waste my time on this one.

[Redhead14]

I went away at the end of last year for a few months. It had been a year since dating anyone as I wasn’t really ready. I came back home end of Jan and decided to get on tinder again. I just felt different upon coming back from my overseas adventure and for the first time I felt more ready for a relationship(Im 24 and never had one). I met this 28yo guy who lived reasonably close to me. He seems very genuine and we both established why we were on tinder pretty quickly. He said it is a good way for him to meet girls as he doesn’t meet any through his line or work etc and just to see what happens. We talked for about 2 months before we met up. Yes I know.. so slow but I was a little hesitant and it was clear to me he was also a little hesitant. His msgs were cute as he would sometimes repeat himself in one msg and then pick himself up on it and apologise. I get the feeling he lacks a little confidence. I also think he was worried as I am just under 6 foot and he is the same height. I can also see from fb that he was in a 3 year relationship which ended sometime last year around april. He has never said anything though.

 

We finally met for coffee after work one night and it was actually really fun. Height not an issue at all. We got on extremely well and seemed to have the same kinda goals in life etc. I also found myself quite attracted to him which I find pretty rare for me these days. I am usually always attracted to arrogance. Yes I admit which is why I have consciously tried to make the effort to change. He is definitely opposite of that. He kissed me on the cheek goodbye and said we must do it again. He messaged straight after and said he had a good time and wished me sweetdreams. We talked for a few more days when I stopped replying. We went three days with nothing. He will not msg if I haven’t replied I have figured lol. When I msged him he asked me out again instantly. I said yes sometime this coming weekend. He agreed then said ‘spk soon’.. Heard nothing until I msged him Sat night and we talked all night and no mention of anything. Next morning I said we should catch up that night(Sunday). He said he would love too but didn’t have much sleep night before and will be pretty tired. He will let me know if he has a nap. I waited till 6pm and he finally msged saying he didn’t nap so early night for him. (ummm okay?!) I took that as a pretty weak effort. He could have atleast said he was busy. Anyway he apologized and kept the conversation flowing. He never mentioned anything about rescheduling but kept talking to me. We talked all week till I stopped replying.

 

He messaged me again that Saturday and we talked all night. He then suggested we catch up for a drink again. I said sounds good.. how about tomorrow night if your not sleeping ? He literally said ‘Sunday wine? Lol. Spk tomorrow. Sleep well’. Just completely fobbed me off. I said ‘Or not.. night.’

I woke up to a msg from him 6am next morning. “Sorry hope I’m not being rude but I’ve only had 5 hours sleep so I prob will be sleeping lol” :mad:

 

I was fuming so just let it go and stopped replying. I have no idea why he would keep asking me out if he doesn’t even make an effort. Sleeping is the worst excuse. It came across as a huge slap in the face and like he almost did it to insult me. I got on with my week and almost forgot about him. I am noticing I am getting much more resilient these days. Friday night comes around and he msgs me again asking how I was. I responded the next morning and we talked all weekend. He was extremely chatty like usual but no mention of seeing me again, so I stopped replying yesterday. If he wants to see me he will make an effort. I don’t know if maybe something is holding him back. He hasn’t even gotten a kiss out of me haha . He ALWAYS responds quickly. I don’t understand. He seems so much different to all the men I have ever gone for but for some reason it still doesn’t seem to be working.

 

Is this an epic case of ‘emotional unavailability’? lol

I know he prob won’t msg me as I didn’t reply to his last. I am considering messaging him next few days and see if he tries again and give one last chance. I also want to tell him to pull his socks up or im out, but I know that will be the end as it would probably intimidate him.

 

I get the feeling he lacks a little confidence -- You've given him enough "chances" and that's because you are trying to read him and manage him based on what YOU think. Until a man makes it clear to you what he's thinking or wants, you don't reach out to him. Let him come to you. If he's lacking confidence, but really is interested in you, he will come to you.

 

I also want to tell him to pull his socks up or im out -- This is an ultimatum. Most people do not respond well to ultimatums. It will come across as controlling and if he really does have a confidence issue, he will run for the hills.

 

It came across as a huge slap in the face and like he almost did it to insult me -- He doesn't sound like he has a confidence issue, he sounds like he knows he has you on a string and can come and go as he pleases.

 

I am getting much more resilient -- ?????? The following statements are saying the opposite. You decide to stop replying to "test" him, and when he doesn't reach out, you do it.

 

We talked for a few more days when I stopped replying. We went three days with nothing. He will not msg if I haven’t replied I have figured lol. When I msged him he asked me out again instantly.

 

Heard nothing until I msged him Sat night and we talked all night and no mention of anything

 

I am considering messaging him.

 

Stop reaching out to him. Let him start reaching out to you in a consistent manner. Otherwise, move on.

[ashy555]

Thanks for your reply!!!

 

I did end up msging one more time mainly for closure(I think I knew it wasn't going anywhere)... He replied almost straight away and very energetically. We talked for another 24hr period when I noticed he was still actively updating his photos on tinder. I have since let him go and ignored his last message and he hasnt msged again. I guess if he was really into me he would have made more of an effort to see me. I think I started to lust after the idea of him.. not so much him. He was either not over his ex or was trying to keep me as an option I DONT THINK SO!

 

No I have become much more resilient. I used to be so naive and still fall for boys who would msg me once a week or every fortnight. Sheer stupidity. It would also take me months and months to get over them.

 

I bounce back a lot quicker these days, thankgod! Maybe I will get even better in the future. Ill keep on learning haha