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Ladies, does sex on the first date make you believe the guy wants you just for sex?

runaway

By runaway
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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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On the rare occasions when I had sex on the 1st date it was because I wanted to have sex. What he wanted / thought of me were secondary concerns. Last time I had sex on a 1st date, I ended up in a 12 year relationship; lived together for 10.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Lol, at least in my case, the chemistry and passion were so intense at the time, neither one of us were thinking clearly or rationally enough to even think to ask "what's what".

 

That was the LAST thing on our minds.... at the time.

 

However, we discussed that on our second date...:D

 

Yes, it's hard to manage all that in the heat of the moment. Again, though, you should always be in control . . . And, yes, if you lose it that first time, you recover by the second date at least :)

DivorcedDad123 Established Member

DivorcedDad123

Posted
Posted

I've had sex on the first date and then told them I wasn't interested the next morning. I've been labeled as only wanting sex,but if the sex isn't that great, I'm not sticking around for more "blah" sex. That's not really all I was after,but I know now that meeting each others sexual needs adds alot to a relationship.

Never told them that that was the reason,but came up with another excuse. No need in damaging someone's ego or making them self conscience. Their next partner may be happy and content with them.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I've had sex on the first date and then told them I wasn't interested the next morning. I've been labeled as only wanting sex,but if the sex isn't that great, I'm not sticking around for more "blah" sex. That's not really all I was after,but I know now that meeting each others sexual needs adds alot to a relationship.

Never told them that that was the reason,but came up with another excuse. No need in damaging someone's ego or making them self conscience. Their next partner may be happy and content with them.

 

Blah sex? :) I've never had first date sex. But with my current SO, I didn't go all out the first time. I saved the really good stuff for later into the relationship. It is never boring and we surprise each other all the time :)

lollipopspot Established Member

lollipopspot

Posted
Posted
I've had sex on the first date and then told them I wasn't interested the next morning. I've been labeled as only wanting sex,but if the sex isn't that great, I'm not sticking around for more "blah" sex. That's not really all I was after,but I know now that meeting each others sexual needs adds alot to a relationship.

 

That seems harsh and premature. Has it happened to anyone that the first time having sex wasn't that great, and then it got a lot better afterwards?

anduina Established Member

anduina

Posted
Posted

Of course the guy wants only sex on the first date since he doesn't know you at all, so what else can he possibly want?

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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Posted (edited)
Hi, I've always wondered. Does sex on the first date lead you to think that the guy wants you just for sex and nothing more?

 

 

If a guy pushes for sex on the first date or early on, I always assume his intentions are mostly sexual, we have different values, and he gets dumped.

 

 

In the very rare case(s) that I went along with it because I hadn't had sex in a long time, he caught me at a weak moment, or whatever, I also nexted him for the following reasons:

 

 

a) I don't respect men who have sex with near strangers. Most of those guys are truly man-whores and looking to eff whatever they can. Really could care less about a relationship with that guy. Call me all day, come by my house, send me a bazillion roses, I don't care. I'm not convinced.

 

 

b) It does nothing to establish real intimacy. Early sex puts the cart before the horse and creates way too much drama IMHO. And it is boring.

 

 

c) I prefer men who can exercise some self-restraint. It isn't my job to always be the responsible one. It is both people's responsibility if they are looking for a relationship. If they aren't, then do whatever. Since I'm not into casual sex, I just avoid men who have a history of casual sex or FWB... those men are always pushing for sex ASAP regardless (next!). Same reason that men who aren't into casual sex should avoid women who are. Difference in values. It isn't a gender thing.

 

 

Long story short, I tell men I'm looking for a relationship and prefer to go slow. Men who don't pay attention to that get dumped because actions speak louder than words. Really don't care about what comes out of their mouths about their intentions.

 

 

I dunno... my advice in these cases is always to just cut your losses, move on, and stop having early sex if you are looking for a relationship. Way too often in these situations, the beginning of the relationship then just becomes about sex instead of getting to know each other or sorting out actual compatibility. Plus, it cuts people out of the dating market prematurely. Most people insist on exclusivity, or at least sexual exclusivity... and jumping in bed with near strangers practically insures that misunderstandings will occur = DRAMA!!

Edited by RedRobin
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