Sillyheadmoo Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I am beyond humiliated to be writing this. Recently, I met a charming chap who I hit it off with. He is leaving to go travelling for a long period of time very soon. But, I couldn't resist seeing him anyway. We crazy clicked instantly, probably one of the most instant connections I have had. I assumed that we would make the most of our time together until he left and both leave the arrangement at least feeling positive that it was a good experience. I was so wrong. He went from attentive, and playing the role of a caring and genuinely excited man, to starting to fade away within weeks. After a few weeks he tells me he doesn't want commitment (obviously - hes leaving) but what he meant by this was he didnt want exclusivity. Somehow, we tumbled back into dating with me just accepting that he wanted to date others. But he showed no signs of doing so. The times we were together were always amazing. But during the inbetween times he showed a distinct lack of interest. Which I did pull him up on. I didnt want to be around someone who didnt dig me. His words are so inconsistent. He tells me hes falling in love with me. But it freaks him the **** out. He's fed me lines about being terrified of loving someone. Scared of having someone rely on him. Scared of relying on someone else... but I know I see it in his eyes sometimes when we are together that he feels similar to how I feel... I've given him a few chances just to treat me a bit better and treat me like he actually wants to see me, and hes failed miserably each time. He's never even asked for these chances so why did I bother anyway. Now hes admitted that hes been a couple of dates with another girl. He says its less risky to have a string of meaningless flings rather than something deep. I am beside myself with hurt and have had to walk away. He is relieved that I have come to this decision. Which is painful. I now realise that he has been probably trying to get rid of me by being a dickhead for the past few weeks. I feel like an absolute dickhead. I stupidly clung onto the positive things he had said and allowed myself to believe that hes just scared, but of course wants me around. I am going no contact now but, I am feeling a little bit destroyed to be honest. This was the first person I felt any connection with since my rather traumatic relationship break up a year ago. I've told him that I'm in love with him. I am. But that I just want to be friends. And that I need some space. He was relieved (which ****ing hurt). How do I move past this whilst keeping my dignity? This seems to be a pattern for me that I attract people who are quite self-absorbed and arrogant, and most importantly, emotionally unavailable. Maybe because I am very open and sincere with my feelings. I dont play games. Have I just been played? It felt completely real.
walkingonair Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I am beyond humiliated to be writing this. Recently, I met a charming chap who I hit it off with. He is leaving to go travelling for a long period of time very soon. But, I couldn't resist seeing him anyway. We crazy clicked instantly, probably one of the most instant connections I have had. I assumed that we would make the most of our time together until he left and both leave the arrangement at least feeling positive that it was a good experience. I was so wrong. He went from attentive, and playing the role of a caring and genuinely excited man, to starting to fade away within weeks. After a few weeks he tells me he doesn't want commitment (obviously - hes leaving) but what he meant by this was he didnt want exclusivity. Somehow, we tumbled back into dating with me just accepting that he wanted to date others. But he showed no signs of doing so. The times we were together were always amazing. But during the inbetween times he showed a distinct lack of interest. Which I did pull him up on. I didnt want to be around someone who didnt dig me. His words are so inconsistent. He tells me hes falling in love with me. But it freaks him the **** out. He's fed me lines about being terrified of loving someone. Scared of having someone rely on him. Scared of relying on someone else... but I know I see it in his eyes sometimes when we are together that he feels similar to how I feel... I've given him a few chances just to treat me a bit better and treat me like he actually wants to see me, and hes failed miserably each time. He's never even asked for these chances so why did I bother anyway. Now hes admitted that hes been a couple of dates with another girl. He says its less risky to have a string of meaningless flings rather than something deep. I am beside myself with hurt and have had to walk away. He is relieved that I have come to this decision. Which is painful. I now realise that he has been probably trying to get rid of me by being a dickhead for the past few weeks. I feel like an absolute dickhead. I stupidly clung onto the positive things he had said and allowed myself to believe that hes just scared, but of course wants me around. I am going no contact now but, I am feeling a little bit destroyed to be honest. This was the first person I felt any connection with since my rather traumatic relationship break up a year ago. I've told him that I'm in love with him. I am. But that I just want to be friends. And that I need some space. He was relieved (which ****ing hurt). How do I move past this whilst keeping my dignity? This seems to be a pattern for me that I attract people who are quite self-absorbed and arrogant, and most importantly, emotionally unavailable. Maybe because I am very open and sincere with my feelings. I dont play games. Have I just been played? It felt completely real. omg have we been dating the same guy??!!!!!!!I know exactly what you're going through!!!!!!Do you have gchat?or any other way to chat.It'd be nice to talk to someone who's going through the same thing:( my gchat is pillowhome87
Author Sillyheadmoo Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 I hope not! Im downloading gchat thingy x
walkingonair Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I hope not! Im downloading gchat thingy x oops its called hangouts now.It used to be called gchat:/Mine is [email protected]
Peachland Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I am so sorry you are going through this. Give yourself time to get over him. I have been there. Feel what you need to feel. I gave myself a 2 week misery pass to be miserable and just feel everything and then moved on and started dating again. Good luck to you.
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I am beyond humiliated to be writing this. Recently, I met a charming chap who I hit it off with. He is leaving to go travelling for a long period of time very soon. But, I couldn't resist seeing him anyway. We crazy clicked instantly, probably one of the most instant connections I have had. I assumed that we would make the most of our time together until he left and both leave the arrangement at least feeling positive that it was a good experience. I was so wrong. He went from attentive, and playing the role of a caring and genuinely excited man, to starting to fade away within weeks. After a few weeks he tells me he doesn't want commitment (obviously - hes leaving) but what he meant by this was he didnt want exclusivity. Somehow, we tumbled back into dating with me just accepting that he wanted to date others. But he showed no signs of doing so. The times we were together were always amazing. But during the inbetween times he showed a distinct lack of interest. Which I did pull him up on. I didnt want to be around someone who didnt dig me. His words are so inconsistent. He tells me hes falling in love with me. But it freaks him the **** out. He's fed me lines about being terrified of loving someone. Scared of having someone rely on him. Scared of relying on someone else... but I know I see it in his eyes sometimes when we are together that he feels similar to how I feel... I've given him a few chances just to treat me a bit better and treat me like he actually wants to see me, and hes failed miserably each time. He's never even asked for these chances so why did I bother anyway. Now hes admitted that hes been a couple of dates with another girl. He says its less risky to have a string of meaningless flings rather than something deep. I am beside myself with hurt and have had to walk away. He is relieved that I have come to this decision. Which is painful. I now realise that he has been probably trying to get rid of me by being a dickhead for the past few weeks. I feel like an absolute dickhead. I stupidly clung onto the positive things he had said and allowed myself to believe that hes just scared, but of course wants me around. I am going no contact now but, I am feeling a little bit destroyed to be honest. This was the first person I felt any connection with since my rather traumatic relationship break up a year ago. I've told him that I'm in love with him. I am. But that I just want to be friends. And that I need some space. He was relieved (which ****ing hurt). How do I move past this whilst keeping my dignity? This seems to be a pattern for me that I attract people who are quite self-absorbed and arrogant, and most importantly, emotionally unavailable. Maybe because I am very open and sincere with my feelings. I dont play games. Have I just been played? It felt completely real. Women don't get played, they allow themselves to be played. He told you upfront that he didn't want a relationship and reiterated that many times in many ways. You said it yourself that you knew the score -- I stupidly clung onto the positive things. I attract people who are quite self-absorbed and arrogant, and most importantly, emotionally unavailable -- you'll have to look into yourself for the answer to this theory. One of 2 things could be -- a) you are on some level emotionally unavailable and seek similar traits because you may not be sure you want a relationship or are still afraid because of past bad relationships or b) you want a challenge, you want to see if you can get a man to "come around" to you, make him fall in love with you and be a boost to your ego. There are a bunch of possibilities really. Anyway, you walk away from this having learned something. You made a mistake. The way to recover from a mistake is to not do it again
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