SeattleLoner Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 I have been going to this spa/tanning salon in my town for about 2 years now. I became friendly with one of the workers there. His name is Ryan. He's a young kid (about 18 yrs. old, looks like Ricky Martin) and has been working there for the past six months. On March 2, I stopped in to say hi to him (I was eating at this bar next door where I frequent quite regularly). He was telling me about this girl that had just called in and said she'd be on her way to come tanning. He told me she was one of the hottest girls he's ever seen and while he looks in the computer, he notices she just had her 26th birthday. As he's talking, a beautiful, blue-eyed brunette comes walking in with nurse scrubs and a female co-worker of hers. He wasn't lying...this girl was amazing! All of us were chatting and before you knew it, her and I had hit it off really well. I told her I'd be in touch and we'd be doing something really soon. She gladly agreed. Ryan said he would put in a good word for me. The following week I told her to be ready on a Thursday nite, cuz I had nice plans for the both of us. We went out and had the best first date we'd both had ever been on. I went on a business trip to Japan right after for a few days and she even left me voice messages telling me she can't wait for me to get back. Her name was Jen, by the way. For the entire month of April this girl was in dreamland with me. I would play the part of the challenge and not allow myself to engage in complimenting her every 3 seconds and giving her everything she wants. She would come to my house and pick me up at times, take me to expensive dinners and pay!!! So there was no question that this girl was definitely interested. She had mentioned to me that she tried to set up Ryan with her sister Melinda. She told me that she thinks Ryan might like her. So I responded with,"Let me know if you need help changing diapers". She laughed and said,"I don't see him like that". On April 1, Me, Jen, Ryan and a female friend of his were supposed to go to a show. About 2 hours before I was supposed to meet up with Jen, she calls me. A minute later Ryan rings me and asked why Jen and I cancelled. I told him I didn't know about any cancellation. I switched back to Jen and asked her if she was ever going to tell me she's not going tonight. She said she tried to send me a text message and contact me the night before saying she had a wedding party that she totally forgot about. I DID notice she tried to call me twice, but I never received a text message. I was upset and didn't try to hide it. I didn't want her thinking she could walk all over me. She kept apologizing and said she wouldn't go to the wedding party...she just doesn't want me to be mad at her. I told her to go, that I felt the mood was kinda ruined and she should just go and have a good time. I told her I have to go and I hung up. She called right back and told me not to be mad at her. I talked to her for a bit than told her I had to go. She called me the next night and I was half asleep, so I didn't know half the things I was saying....I just know I was pretty blunt with her. The next morning she called and left a voice message saying she is going to the spa and wanted me to call her. That day was very crazy for me and I never got a chance to call her. The following day was even crazier, so I really didn't get a chance to call her. The tuesday after, I sent her a text message saying I wanted to see her. No reponse. The following day I call Ryan and ask him if he had seen Jen. He said she stopped in on Monday and wouldn't stop talking about me. She was very depressed and felt bad that she messed up the plans. Ryan told me that this girl has to be in love for her to talk that much about someone. That night I stopped at the spa to expecting Jen to be there (The 3 of us always meet up Wednesdays with each other and have a drink next door). I walk in and Ryan says,"She never showed". The both of us go next door after the spa closes and get a drink. A few minutes later, Jen two-ways Ryan on the Nextel and asks him specifically,"Who you there with?" I made a gesture to pretend I wasn't there. He says, "Just me." They talked for a few minutes and I ask Ryan to ask her if she misses me...she says,"yeeesss" in this desperate tone that sounded like she wanted to see me so badly, but there was something keeping her from doing so. That night, before I went to sleep, I sent her a text telling her I wasn't mad at her and I was only upset because I wanted to spend time with her. The next morning I get a text from her saying she's sorry. On that following Saturday, I called her and she answered like her "happy-go-lucky" self. We talked for a bit and I told her to give me a ring later. She never called that night or the night after. Monday afternoon I leave her a voice msg to call me...it went straight to her voicemail, so I figured she had her phone off that day. For some odd reason, it wasn't until this very day that I started to get odd, tense feelings in my body. Something just didn't seem right. I was tossing and turning all night, then finally I just said what the hell and called her at 2:15am. She answered the phone, then hung up. I tried early the next day and left her a "farewell" voice msg figuring I would never talk to her again. The next day, I call Ryan and tell him I'll be coming to the spa. He said to come in early, cuz they're going to be doing some corporate inventory. I thought that was odd, but oh well...I get out of my job a few hours early and head to the spa. I am hanging with Ryan behind the desk and I get a text. It was from Jen and it said,"Good afternoon, sweetie". About a second later Ryan gets two-wayed from her and it's hard to make out what she's saying. He hangs up the phone as if he didn't want to speak to her (or speak to her in front of me...ahh...the plot thickens). He kept saying,"I'm getting out of here early today, I'm going to be cutting down my hours in the summer." I found the events of that day a little odd and I noticed that Ryan has only been acting awkward the past week (the amount of time I've been having that tense, gut feeling inside). Later that day, I'm about to go jogging at the nearby lake and I get a call from my sister. She asks me what kind of car does Jen have. I tell her the type and she tells me her friend Lynn was at the spa and saw a pretty, blue-eyed female with that car and nurse scrubs on behind the desk with Ryan, hanging all over him. That was the last clue I needed...visual proof. Now, I don't believe that Jen or Ryan are totally sure that I know. The thing is, Jen still continues to send me text messages although I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. The last time I saw her 3 weeks ago (only 5 weeks into our dating), she says she loves me! Now...aside from me feeling like I just watched "The 6th Sense" for the very first time and living in the Twilight Zone, can I get some feedback to what the hell is going on here???? Has anyone ever heard of a 26 year old girl falling for someone her age, spending nearly everyday for 5 weeks with them, getting into a minor riff, and feeling timid to call, only text message, finally to end up with an 18 year old kid that basically set the two up!?!?! Why is she still trying to keep contact, but she won't call me. It seems like since she is so stunning, she's never had a guy stand up for himself like I did. Things were going wonderful for over a month and since that misunderstanding in the beginning of April, I am left feeling shocked, betrayed and like I am in the "Twilight Zone". Why did I have an astounding attraction for her the night I met her, but after the first date, I was still attracted, but didn't feel the butterflies. I felt like she was into me more than I was into her. Why is she still texting me every few days?!? I just would appreciate anyones thoughts, comments, ideas.... Is it normal to feel so utterly confused that I don't know where I stand with her? Should I cut off all contact? Should I seek revenge or walk away?? By her continuing to send text messages, does she still want to hold on to me?? I am still in total awe.... Thanks, Josh
Author SeattleLoner Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 Where does this girl's mentality/maturity have to be to end up with an 18 year old?
SadAndLonely Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 This is going to come across somewhat harsh, but trust me, I can be a lot worse. To be honest, I don't think I'd want to be with someone who made himself out to be such a challenge. I like to be the one pursued, and I think a lot of women do, too. I also don't like people assuming things about me and leaving "farewell" messages just because I can't get to a phone for a couple of days and/or have it turned off. In fact, that happened to me recently. Know where I was? A HOSPITAL, getting a friggin' cyst the size of someone's head removed from my reproductive organs. And cell phones aren't allowed on in hospitals. And then I'd be really pissed if someone called me at 2:15am. I know it sounds like I'm jumping all over you, but you wanted to know why she might want to go for someone else. I'm giving you my reasons for why I wouldn't want to be with you anymore. For the record, I'm 30 and my best friend in the entire world is 23. I met him when he was 18 and I was 25. To this day he remains the most intelligent, mature, sweet, wonderful man I've ever met. You can't judge someone based on their age, nor should you demean this woman because of her choice. They're both technically adults, and maybe they have a lot in common with each other. My friend and I do, and it has nothing to do with maturity, because we're both mature people. Since they're together now, don't sweat it. It's not really your concern any longer.
Author SeattleLoner Posted April 21, 2005 Author Posted April 21, 2005 I appreciate your reply, but give me a break...do we live in the 16th century??? I thought women wanted equality...now you're saying I'm the bad guy because I wanted to show her I wasn't a pushover? I treated this girl like pure gold and never yelled at her, abused her or anything. I think you are coming off quite brash, because you probably don't know about .002% of this whole story, you just point the finger cuz I wasn't the one "pursuing" a girl that gets hit on more times than tin drum.. Thanks and I respect your opinion...but I highly disagree... I think your nickname speaks for itself... Anyone else is welcome to comment...
Groovy Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Your right this is the 21st century. However, the previous poster's opinion was not viewed as accurate in your eyes but many people would give you the same response as I have seen many women here say those things. Many women like the guy taking the initiative. I personally like chilvary but there are women who don't deem it important. But aside from that, she is just not the one for you. Your handsome and I am sure you have the quality one person will fall in love with while you drive another person away with the same traits. Maybe she likes blondes or petite men, tall men or short men, aggressive men or shy men, jocks or nerds, who knows! People take rejection personally rather than recognize that person is just not the right one for them. You deserve to find the right gal who appreciates you for who you are.
Pendawn Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I've yet to see the proof that this woman is seeing the 18 year old. So she acted a bit odd and is friendly with the guy and someone saw them hanging over each other. That does not a relationship make. The whole post sounds like a whole lot of jumping to conclusions to me, on all sides. It just sounds like the two of you suffer bad communication and really it wouldn't work out whatever, i think the 18 year old has very little to do with it. However if she IS with the 18 year old, it could simply be that they are on the same wave length when it comes to dating beahviour and expectations. It's nothing to do with age and everythign to do with personality. You enjoy spending time with the guy so why shouldn't she?
HoldOn Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by SeattleLoner I appreciate your reply, but give me a break...do we live in the 16th century??? I thought women wanted equality...now you're saying I'm the bad guy because I wanted to show her I wasn't a pushover? I treated this girl like pure gold and never yelled at her, abused her or anything. I think you are coming off quite brash, because you probably don't know about .002% of this whole story, you just point the finger cuz I wasn't the one "pursuing" a girl that gets hit on more times than tin drum.. Thanks and I respect your opinion...but I highly disagree... I think your nickname speaks for itself... Anyone else is welcome to comment... Jeez! Defensive much? Let's lay off a little bit. You're here for advice and that's what she thought about it. That's all.
westernxer Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by SeattleLoner I... never yelled at her, abused her or anything. Maybe you should have.
Groovy Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Maybe you should have. Westernxr what has gotten into you?
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Groovy, some women do like it rough. To Seattle Loner: why didn't you confront them - go there and try to catch them? The best way to get rid of your deamons is to confront them. IT's a handy advice, I think. As for a 26 years old going for an 18 years old... it's highly possible. I think your "friend" digged her from the start and simply waited for the right time to make his move. Too bad she fell for it. Why did she fall for the guy? Because she trusted the guy, because she needed a shoulder to cry on, because she needed comfort, because the guy knew how to get close to her... mainly because she was weak and naive. I do believe she did cheat on you with him. Sometimes temptations are hard to resist. Don't waiste another minute thinking about this. IMHO, you should move on FAST. IF the girl wants to see you, she sets up a date. Otherwise, it's... BS! I don't know a lot of things about you two. Have you been intimate? did you talk about being exclusive? did you give her anything thinking she had a chance of a relationship with you? Maybe she was unsecure and that's why she went ahead with Ryan... Women are tricky. If you can't have peace any other way, try to catch them in the act. If that doesn't work, just talk to her and tell her everything. And then take it from there. Good luck to you, Curly P.S. your sister's "friend"... she wouldn't happen to have any plans including you, would she???
Cecelius Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Seattle: I agree with your approach. Whether you nexted her too fast or not, I suspect that whatever else, you may not have established enough attraction. Secondly, are you that unhappy that you didn't end up with her? The fact that she went or is likely going after the 18 year old indicates that she probably likes a yes-man -- this dude is going to give her anything she wants. He's being the pushover that you can never be. So you lost a hot, probably high maintenance woman? Go get a hot, normal girl.
westernxer Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy Westernxr what has gotten into you? Schadenfreude.
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Schadenfreude. and what exactly are you gloating on?
westernxer Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Earl Grey. Wonderful way to start out your morning.
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Oh! I prefer black Russian tea with milk. Glad to hear you've got a great morning .
followingthru Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 i really hope that you don't think you are a prince b/c you didn't abuse her. it should be expected that you don't abuse her. rather than being a prince for not abusing her, you'd be a f*cking ****head if you did. anyway, maybe she's having a hard time growing up. or maybe you were acting like a dick and she thought she might as well go out with the guy who's crazy about her.
CurlyIam Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Me encanta descubrir nuevos sabores ! Especially since we're talking tea!
westernxer Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by followingthru i really hope that you don't think you are a prince b/c you didn't abuse her. it should be expected that you don't abuse her. rather than being a prince for not abusing her, you'd be a f*cking ****head if you did. anyway, maybe she's having a hard time growing up. or maybe you were acting like a dick and she thought she might as well go out with the guy who's crazy about her. A definite possibility. Good job of elaborating on something I didn't feel like saying in my first comment. Originally posted by CurlyIam Me encanta descubrir nuevos sabores ! Especially since we're talking tea! We ought to start a new thread, puesto que el tema no trata del té... no quiero que se enoje nadie.
SadAndLonely Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I agree. You're being defensive. I never changed my nickname to establish continuity. To be honest, my boyfriend and I have been dating and happy for 11 months now, and ever since I got more of a life of my own, he's been treating me great. So nice try. You may never have abused her, but I hardly think it's treating someone "like pure gold" to have her do all the pursuing and paying for things. My boyfriend used to do that, and it pissed me off. I stopped seeing him, briefly, because of that and he changed his ways. Women get tired, after a while, of doing all the pursuing. It seems men prefer this more than we do. We like to be chased, and occasionally return the chase. At least, I do. I have too much going on right now to chase my boyfriend.
HokeyReligions Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Originally posted by SeattleLoner I have been going to this spa/tanning salon in my town for about 2 years now. I became friendly with one of the workers there. His name is Ryan. He's a young kid (about 18 yrs. old, looks like Ricky Martin) and has been working there for the past six months. On March 2, I stopped in to say hi to him (I was eating at this bar next door where I frequent quite regularly). He was telling me about this girl that had just called in and said she'd be on her way to come tanning. He told me she was one of the hottest girls he's ever seen and while he looks in the computer, he notices she just had her 26th birthday. As he's talking, a beautiful, blue-eyed brunette comes walking in with nurse scrubs and a female co-worker of hers. He wasn't lying...this girl was amazing! All of us were chatting and before you knew it, her and I had hit it off really well. I told her I'd be in touch and we'd be doing something really soon. She gladly agreed. Ryan said he would put in a good word for me. The following week I told her to be ready on a Thursday nite, cuz I had nice plans for the both of us. We went out and had the best first date we'd both had ever been on. [color=red] So, were you cutting in on Ryan? It seems that he was interested first and knew of her first. Did you even discuss it with him about asking her out? If I told a friend of mine about a hot guy and she hits on him knowing that I showed an interest, I would be pissed.[/color] For the entire month of April this girl was in dreamland with me. I would play the part of the challenge and not allow myself to engage in complimenting her every 3 seconds and giving her everything she wants. [color=red]I hate games -- they are so childish, and they get old REAL fast. I don't like game-players either----there is something disingenuine about them. Maybe Jen felt that way too.[/color] She would come to my house and pick me up at times, take me to expensive dinners and pay!!! So there was no question that this girl was definitely interested. [color=red]Interest does not mean commitment. It doesn't guarantee manners or respect either.[/color] She had mentioned to me that she tried to set up Ryan with her sister Melinda. She told me that she thinks Ryan might like her. So I responded with,"Let me know if you need help changing diapers". She laughed and said,"I don't see him like that". [color=red]Just because she thinks Ryan may have a crush on her, does not mean that she reciprocates.[/color] On April 1, Me, Jen, Ryan and a female friend of his were supposed to go to a show. About 2 hours before I was supposed to meet up with Jen, she calls me. A minute later Ryan rings me and asked why Jen and I cancelled. I told him I didn't know about any cancellation. I switched back to Jen and asked her if she was ever going to tell me she's not going tonight. She said she tried to send me a text message and contact me the night before saying she had a wedding party that she totally forgot about. I DID notice she tried to call me twice, but I never received a text message. [color=red]Well, at least you acknowledged that she had tried to call, but your comment about "if she was ever going to tell me" sounds so sarcastic and controlling. She was calling you then wasn't she? If I were her and my new bf said something like to me it would raise some big red flags, and because of the games you already admit you play -- I would have been right. Maybe your attitude has raised flags with her too.[/color] I was upset and didn't try to hide it. I didn't want her thinking she could walk all over me. She kept apologizing and said she wouldn't go to the wedding party...she just doesn't want me to be mad at her. I told her to go, that I felt the mood was kinda ruined and she should just go and have a good time. I told her I have to go and I hung up. She called right back and told me not to be mad at her. I talked to her for a bit than told her I had to go. She called me the next night and I was half asleep, so I didn't know half the things I was saying....I just know I was pretty blunt with her. [color=red]Upset? I can see disappointed, but why were you upset? She had other plans that she forgot about. She didn't ditch you, she called to let you know and apologized. Obviously she knew you were mad at her and cared enough about you to call back and apologize again. Your post sounds like you have some control issues.[/color] The next morning she called and left a voice message saying she is going to the spa and wanted me to call her. That day was very crazy for me and I never got a chance to call her. The following day was even crazier, so I really didn't get a chance to call her. The tuesday after, I sent her a text message saying I wanted to see her. No reponse. [color=red]Well, gee. You got mad at her basically for not communicating with you exactly when you wanted, and yet you don't think she has the right to be angry at you for the same reason? I wouldn't have responded either.[/color] The following day I call Ryan and ask him if he had seen Jen. He said she stopped in on Monday and wouldn't stop talking about me. She was very depressed and felt bad that she messed up the plans. Ryan told me that this girl has to be in love for her to talk that much about someone. That night I stopped at the spa to expecting Jen to be there (The 3 of us always meet up Wednesdays with each other and have a drink next door). I walk in and Ryan says,"She never showed". The both of us go next door after the spa closes and get a drink. A few minutes later, Jen two-ways Ryan on the Nextel and asks him specifically,"Who you there with?" I made a gesture to pretend I wasn't there. He says, "Just me." They talked for a few minutes and I ask Ryan to ask her if she misses me...she says,"yeeesss" in this desperate tone that sounded like she wanted to see me so badly, but there was something keeping her from doing so. [color=red]This sounds like some kind of imaginings and more games. I haven't played the "pretend I'm not here" game since junior high school! Real women don't like games. [/color] That night, before I went to sleep, I sent her a text telling her I wasn't mad at her and I was only upset because I wanted to spend time with her. The next morning I get a text from her saying she's sorry. On that following Saturday, I called her and she answered like her "happy-go-lucky" self. We talked for a bit and I told her to give me a ring later. She never called that night or the night after. Monday afternoon I leave her a voice msg to call me...it went straight to her voicemail, so I figured she had her phone off that day. For some odd reason, it wasn't until this very day that I started to get odd, tense feelings in my body. Something just didn't seem right. I was tossing and turning all night, then finally I just said what the hell and called her at 2:15am. She answered the phone, then hung up. I tried early the next day and left her a "farewell" voice msg figuring I would never talk to her again. [color=red]More games. *sigh* [/color] The next day, I call Ryan and tell him I'll be coming to the spa. He said to come in early, cuz they're going to be doing some corporate inventory. I thought that was odd, but oh well...I get out of my job a few hours early and head to the spa. I am hanging with Ryan behind the desk and I get a text. It was from Jen and it said,"Good afternoon, sweetie". About a second later Ryan gets two-wayed from her and it's hard to make out what she's saying. He hangs up the phone as if he didn't want to speak to her (or speak to her in front of me...ahh...the plot thickens). He kept saying,"I'm getting out of here early today, I'm going to be cutting down my hours in the summer." [color=red]Plot? You dated a girl a few times, it wasn't a good match for either of you, and you think there is some kind of plot? Maybe she just doesn't want to play games and be worried about making you mad, or just doesn't feel like you are right for her. You didn't have a commitment with her.[/color] I found the events of that day a little odd and I noticed that Ryan has only been acting awkward the past week (the amount of time I've been having that tense, gut feeling inside). Later that day, I'm about to go jogging at the nearby lake and I get a call from my sister. She asks me what kind of car does Jen have. I tell her the type and she tells me her friend Lynn was at the spa and saw a pretty, blue-eyed female with that car and nurse scrubs on behind the desk with Ryan, hanging all over him. That was the last clue I needed...visual proof. [color=red]Someone else's visual proof. Proof of what? That maybe Ryan was trying to spare your feelings, or was uncomfortable saying anything to you? What does Ryan owe you? You have been friendly for a while, but lets see, didn't he 'see' Jen first? I know you are upset because this beautiful girl that you had hoped to have a relationship with is not responding in the way you would like, but be realistic: You had not known her that long and you were playing games with her. [/color] Now, I don't believe that Jen or Ryan are totally sure that I know. The thing is, Jen still continues to send me text messages although I haven't seen her in 3 weeks. The last time I saw her 3 weeks ago (only 5 weeks into our dating), she says she loves me! Now...aside from me feeling like I just watched "The 6th Sense" for the very first time and living in the Twilight Zone, can I get some feedback to what the hell is going on here???? [color=red]Instead of playing games, be honest and upfront with Jen and tell her how you have been feeling, and exactly what you want to know. No game playing. "Jen, I like you but I think our budding relationship hit some bumps. I want to know how you feel about me and where you see us as a couple? Are you dating Ryan or anyone else? Are you wanting to make a commitment to me? We need to get together and stop playing games and really discuss if we want to continue to see each other, or else end it for good" How about saying something like that and then following through?[/color] The age thing doesn't matter to many people. My husband is 8 years older than me, and before I was married I dated men younger than me. I have a relative whose second husband is a few months younger than her oldest daughter.
noname Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 i think you need to relax a little. you were dating her for five weeks. she couldn't make it to a show and that is walking all over you? come on dude. unsolicited farewell messages are for people who breakup long term relationships or for when you want to get rid of a psycho. she is keeping contact with you because she is still interested. call her and go out with her. hanging on her friend doesn't mean running off into the sunset. it wasn't like you caught her with legs in the air. give the girl a chance. and for your own sake. chill out. when i read your story it seems like your wife of five years ran off with your best friend. take it easy on yourself. life is too short to spend it worrying about bull****. and too short to be pushing away hot chicks with potential by jumping to conclusions... call her...
SadAndLonely Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Sorry for hijacking, but Hokey, are you going to go see THGTTU next week?
blue16 Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I think you were playing hard to get a little too much. As was said before, you can get women to chase a certain extent but you have to reciprocate as well otherwise they'll get bored and stop chasing. You have to throw a dog a bone now and then otherwise it'll stop following you Now after this white girl msged you saying she was going to the spa, you don't reply for 2 days? Of course you were busy and everything, but from her interpretation she prolly thought u got her msg, and chose to ignore it (signalling that your mad at her). At that point, she has done every thing she can do to try to straighten things out...and you're still not responding so she gives up. I'm guessing that was probably her perception of the story based on the actions. I think it's game over at this point, she has all of the power now. Girls hold grudges a lot more than guys do, i bet she is still frustrated over all the drama you 2 went through. She still likes you I'm sure, but I bet there is this 'mental block' which prevents her from acting on her feelings towards you now, good luck on this one. You had control of the situation but now the tables have turned.
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