Is he a shy guy or just isnt interested?

[1q3455402828193]

So, I've known this guy for 2 years now. I'm 21 and he's 33. I've always been attracted to him, but thought he was out of my league. And honestly, I was shy around him myself. He's so handsome and intelligent! But couple of weeks ago, we briefly spoke and he tried to indirectly suggest that I go to Starbucks with him. Not knowing what he was trying to do at the time, I turned him down, unintentionally. And ever since then, I have noticed that he has been very weird to me.

 

(1) When I am talking to my friends, he would interrupt and speak to them and leave without acknowledging me. (2) When he sees me walking down the hall, he will not say "hello", just a smile then looks away. (3) One time, I saw him in the hallway, I caught his eyes checking out my body. When he saw that I saw, he quickly looked a way and hung his head low. NOT SAYING A THING. (4) I see how he interacts with other people. He is very funny and very sociable. But, when he is in my presence, he barely says anything. (5) Whenever I am in the building, he seems to find a way to be around me, but never speaks with me directly. One time, he saw me hanging out in the lobby by myself. And instead of approaching me and saying something, he pretended to head to the bathroom. How did I know he was only out there to see me? He literally walked into the bathroom preparing to get on a phone call. Within less than a minute, he came out. He has his own office, so going to the bathroom to call someone was unnecessary.

 

I have no idea what's going on here! I wouldn't mind pursuing things with him (and I dont think he knows that I like him...i never gave him any hint of that), but it's hard doing so when he isn't making a more aggressive move. Am i reading too much into his actions or is he interested in me? Am i dealing with a shy guy here or is he just not interested in me? What should I do to break the ice? I've never dealt with a situation like this before, so all advice is welcomed!

[Methodical]

A 33 year old man should be capable of asking someone to meet for a cup of coffee in a direct manner, no beating around the bush, implying and expecting someone to read his mind, and so forth.

 

You unintentionally turned him down without knowing it. When did you figure this out? How did you turn him down? ie, sorry I have other plans? or, you can't be serious, ha ha?

 

If you suspect he is shy and you're interested, how about telling him you'd like to take him up on that offer to grab a cup of coffee?

[1q3455402828193]

He said, "So Im thinking about heading to Starbucks, do you like Starbucks?" I said, "not really, i dont drink coffee." He said he goes for tea or hot chocolate. And i said that I dont drink either, only orange juice. Then, he proceeded to say that Starbucks has the best orange juice. I replied by saying, "I will i have to check that out one day." After I left and processed the conversation, about an hour later, that's when i realized that he was trying to get me to go to Starbucks with him. His suggestion was very subtle and I automatically thought, in the moment, that he was just trying to make small talk.

 

And the problem I have now is that he is relocating, to pursue a PhD. I did send him a farewell card and left him my email address and my cell number, but he hasn't used it yet. I sent it to him last week.

[Sunspot1995]

A 33 year old man should be capable of asking someone to meet for a cup of coffee in a direct manner, no beating around the bush, implying and expecting someone to read his mind, and so forth.

 

You unintentionally turned him down without knowing it. When did you figure this out? How did you turn him down? ie, sorry I have other plans? or, you can't be serious, ha ha?

 

If you suspect he is shy and you're interested, how about telling him you'd like to take him up on that offer to grab a cup of coffee?

 

Age has nothing to do with how someone goes about asking someone out. He might be very mature for his age in other areas of his life like how he takes care of his car and house and performs above call of duty at his job. One can be mature for their age and still be shy when it comes to asking women out. Even guys in law enforcement or military can be shy about that. Military training doesn't beat shyness out of men when it comes to women. Some men are so shy that even if someone put a gun to their head to go ask a woman out they would be willing to take a bullet in their head rather than ask her out.

[Methodical]

Age has nothing to do with how someone goes about asking someone out. He might be very mature for his age in other areas of his life like how he takes care of his car and house and performs above call of duty at his job. One can be mature for their age and still be shy when it comes to asking women out. Even guys in law enforcement or military can be shy about that. Military training doesn't beat shyness out of men when it comes to women. Some men are so shy that even if someone put a gun to their head to go ask a woman out they would be willing to take a bullet in their head rather than ask her out.

 

You're right, age has nothing to do with it. Asking to grab a cup of coffee can also be a platonic gesture :-).

Edited May 4, 2015 by Methodical

[dantrucks]

Honestly, that reminds me a bit of myself and certainly sounds, from my view point, that he likes u. Now, he either steps up or u help him out (even if just a bit!). I've had both ways happened and each pushes things forward

 

you turned him down unitentionally but u still want to pursue things with him, so might as well do that. How about in a casual way tell him you're up for that starbucks you couldn't go the last time. Then the ball's in his court, if he doesn't do anything either he's not interested and he needs even more help from you, and at some point giving him help will get tiresome. This is a two way street!