katiegrl Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 However, a beautiful woman with skills, that's like a unicorn. Seriously? Yeah I second that... not sure what ff was thinking there...
Mrin Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I'm friends with most of my exes but honestly it all comes down to this - do I still have big time sexual attraction? If yes, then no friendship. The most noteworthy was a woman I broke up with but was still crazy attracted to. Like an addiction. I said yes to the friend thing and instantly regretted it (and even breaking up with her) the next time I saw her. And the next. And the next. Finally had to tell her to leave my life and go complete NC because being friends was torture.
neowulf Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Staying friends with an ex...Is this possible? I've never wanted to before. Gave it the old college try today. Failed miserably. The whole time we were together, she wears jeans or athletic pants. Today she shows up to the movies (Avengers 2) wearing a skirt. It only got worse from there. Up until today, I thought that I'd been OK with the break up. But seeing her in person, knocked the wind out of me. I could tell that the feeling was mutual on her end. She called me tonight. At first she tried to put on a brave face and say we could still try to be friends. I shot it down instantly. Then she admitted how attracted she still is to me, and how much my reaction to the skirt turned her on. I mean she knew what she was doing when she wore it.Who wears a short skirt to a "friendly" get together? We both agree that neither one of us is over the other and I was honest with my feelings. But I also know she needs space to deal with her life and decide if I have a place in it. So I told her that I'd give her space to live her life, and if she's still feeling good about me she can reach out and we'll see each other. If I don't hear from her again, it will suck. But at the very least, I'll never have to try to be 'friends" with her again. That was my main goal. I'd rather never see her again then go through today over and over. I'm friends with a couple of my ex's. You both have to meet the following requirements; 1) You are both completely *OVER* the attraction to each other. You are able to look at them like a sister/brother/cousin. If *both* of you can't achieve that level of detachment, you're not going to be friends. 2) The core "friendship" that was previously at the heart of the relationship is strong enough to stand on it's own, without the attraction factor. If you *like* each other as people enough, you can manage it. 3) You've both recognised and accepted the reason you were a poor match as a couple. I love my ex's as people, but I'd never dream of trying to have a romantic relationship with any of them. I have it very clear in my head why we didn't work out. That doesn't make them bad people. It just means we weren't suited to each other. 4) You both value the friend enough to push past the "awkward" phase of readjustment as you shift towards pure friendship. It's not like flicking a switch. It takes time and a few difficult moments. If the friendship is worth enough to you, you can endure it. If you can't meet all of the above, then you're basically just lying to yourselves. It's the principle reason why many people simply can't be friends with ex's. 1
Ambivalence Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Get back together or let it go. You're being dishonest with both yourself and her. Escape the friendzone, be independent, and move on with your life.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Her wearing the short skirt around you when you guys were supposed to be PLATONIC (and her admitting that she LIKED your REACTION to her wearing it) just shows that she's too immature to be "just friends" with you at this point. And maybe, you're NOT ready to be "just friends" with her also. You can't be JUST **FRIENDS** with your ex if you're STILL SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to them. Sorry bro, it's just NOT gonna happen. Like Katie pointed out earlier, if you stay "just friends" with this ex, the SAME problems and circumstances that existed before - when YOU decided to call it quits - are STILL going to be there IF you decide to get back together with her. You said that you think her life "isn't going to change anytime soon"... So, that means she'll still ONLY be able to get with you 2x a week - when you said that this was NOT enough for you (in terms of being sexual) - whether you stay "just friends" with her or get back together. Because, let me tell you...if I was making a TRUE and GENUINE attempt at being "just friends" with my ex, I would NOT be wearing ANY clothing that I *KNOW* would turn him on, especially a mini-skirt/dress, any shirt that showed cleavage, any tight jeans that accentuated my ass, etc. She did that ON ***PURPOSE***. And, I'm not sure WHY she'd DO that to you. Idk. To feed her own EGO? To prove to herself that you're STILL sexually attracted to her? That she's STILL sexually attracted to you? I mean, seriously...what GOOD does ANY of that DO with regard to you guys remaining "just friends"? Her life situation HASN'T changed...so, I just don't know WHY she wouldn't make a GENUINE attempt at this "just friends" thing. My advice to you? Go NC.....permanently. IF/WHEN her life situation CHANGES and she knows that she can COMMIT to seeing you/boinking you MORE than twice a week (while meeting ALL of her OTHER obligations) - THEN she can contact you and let you know, so you can decide if you want to get back together with her (if you're still single by that time) or if you've decided you're totally done with her. Dude, seriously. Go NC. Why would you want her to keep on TEASING YOU like she already has? That's a form of torture (IF you STILL want her REAL BAD sexually) for you, isn't it? And you've stated that you want ALL of her, NOT just a sexual FLING. .
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