Male Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 To those that have spent too much time in the online dating world...I have noticed a trend. It seems that when I message women, the success rate dramatically increases when you include some sort of question into your messages. Why is that? Why do I have to ask questions to get women to reply? I'm the same guy with the same pics, and same profile whether I ask a question or if I simply send a message stating my interest in her. Even when I'm past the initial messaging, I have to continue to include questions to continue to get replies. Yet 90% of the time the women never ask me anything, they just reply directly to my answers. There was one woman that stopped replying to me, so being the over inquisitive guy that I am, I asked why I hadnt heard from her. She replied "You didnt give me anything to respond to". Really????? Shes an adult woman but she cant come up with an original thought unless I light a fire under her ass with a question?? Do women fall into an entitled type mindset brought on by the bombardment of messages from all the men?? I just dont get why a woman would settle into a reactionary type of interaction rather than a proactive situation to find a date. If women simply sit back and only interact with the men that contact them(which most women do whilst OLD) than they are limiting themselves to a small portion of whats actually available. Once again I cant seperate logic from raw human interaction.
Col1 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I have noticed a trend. It seems that when I message women, the success rate dramatically increases when you include some sort of question into your messages. I don't include a direct question anymore. Kind of feels like I'm trying to interrogate her. Instead, I sometimes hint at something, like my favorite part of a movie she's included on her profile. It's easy enough for her to pick up on that and reply. Often she will write another part of the movie that was her favorite. I figure if I asked a question, then she might reply to be polite but have no interest in me. I'd rather she not reply at all. Saves me from wasting anymore time on her.
GemmaUK Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Without q question it's like trying to get blood out of a stone. A question can change the subject so each person can actually have a conversation and it not just be one sided with just one person carrying the conversation. A question also shows that a person is interested in keeping a convo going rather than not. If I get no questions at all I just stop mailing the guy as it feels like a I'm a Mum trying to get a conversation out of her teenage child whilst the teen is grunting back at her. Lol! Conversations take two or they stop. It's the same IRL too.
CC12 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Why is that? Why do I have to ask questions to get women to reply? Because that's kind of how conversations work, even in person. If you're approaching someone you don't know and want to strike up a conversation, it's much more effective to ask a question than to just say, "Sup" or "Nice weather we're having today." Even when I'm past the initial messaging, I have to continue to include questions to continue to get replies. Yet 90% of the time the women never ask me anything, they just reply directly to my answers. Then either they are bad conversationalists, or they are not interested in you. Why even bother trying to continue interacting with them?
salparadise Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Even when I'm past the initial messaging, I have to continue to include questions to continue to get replies. Yet 90% of the time the women never ask me anything, they just reply directly to my answers. I think it's because they have the expectation that they should pursued, and that a woman should act demure and disinterested. It doesn't work for me either. If a woman doesn't hold up her end of the conversation nothing will come of it. The Victorian mindset is so 19th century. 1
Author Male Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 I think it's because they have the expectation that they should pursued, and that a woman should act demure and disinterested. It doesn't work for me either. If a woman doesn't hold up her end of the conversation nothing will come of it. The Victorian mindset is so 19th century. Thats what I'm thinking as well. But its not just hit and miss. I notice this with literally every woman I interact with. Even the ones that have met me in person for a date have gone by the wayside, until "I" fanned the flames again to get the conversation rolling again in order to meet up. I think many women judge a guys interest using this, and probably dont realize how one-sided the conversation really is. And once again, since most guys have an agenda, they continue down this path, empowering women to only react rather than be proactive and engaging. I'm sure theres been a good percentage of guys that have ruined it all as well by being the type to message women, only to bail and never follow through, which forces women to be receptive to only those guys that show a concrete direct interest by asking question after question. I just wish women would put as much effort and energy into getting to know me during the initial stages as I do getting to know them. But I rarely see it that way. Its easily 70-30 at best. As I've said on other threads of mine, our society is setup that as the guy I'm supposed to blindly invest time, effort, and energy into a woman, getting to know her and determine if I want to have a relationship. But at the same time she is investing less than half as much as me. Most guys basically trudge along mostly because they are attracted visually, with the premise that theres a chance at sex down the road. The whole "get to know you" process is simply a boring formality for them that they are forced to put up with. I on the other hand actually want to get to know the woman as much as I can. So for me the whole process is more like pulling teeth trying to gather as much data, as quickly as possible, so I can make a determination on whether or not I am wasting my time or not.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Haha Would you believe me if I told you that women have the exact same gripes? I can't even begin to tell you how many men I've discounted because of their horrible communication skills. There is also a plethora of ME-monsters circulating online and OLD sites aren't immune. Communication is a two-way street. State your interest but then ask me something that shows you're interested in getting to know me and vice versa. It isn't rocket science yet it feels like it is since so many people are bad at it. Trust me when I tell you that this isn't just a male problem. I've known many women who would have written a similar post, myself included. The consolation? This is just how the OLD game is played. It's a lottery most of the time. You have to weed through an enormous amount of crap before you find even a handful of prospects and even THEN it's a 50/50 chance. Your experience isn't unique. 2
Philosopher Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 From my experience whether people reply and ask questions is a good indicator if anything is going to come out of an online message exchange. If when they reply they answer your question and ask one or two questions in return then there is very good chance of the conversation continuing. If they do not answer your question and / or do not ask any questions themselves, then it usually means the conversation will go no further. In fact the trend seems so strong that if they don't ask questions themselves it probably is not worth sending another message. 2
Author Male Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 From my experience whether people reply and ask questions is a good indicator if anything is going to come out of an online message exchange. If when they reply they answer your question and ask one or two questions in return then there is very good chance of the conversation continuing. If they do not answer your question and / or do not ask any questions themselves, then it usually means the conversation will go no further. In fact the trend seems so strong that if they don't ask questions themselves it probably is not worth sending another message. Yea I get that. I just do not understand for the life of me WHY in the world a woman would reply and carry on a conversation if shes not interested in meeting me. People that reply just because they feel bad about ignoring someone shouldnt be on a dating site.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Even when I'm past the initial messaging, I have to continue to include questions to continue to get replies. Yet 90% of the time the women never ask me anything, they just reply directly to my answers. Clear sign that she is not interested. Lack of inquisitiveness of the woman means she is only being cordial/nice. Offline dating is the same exact way, except it's drawn out over the course of a date. I just dont get why a woman would settle into a reactionary type of interaction rather than a proactive situation to find a date. If women simply sit back and only interact with the men that contact them(which most women do whilst OLD) than they are limiting themselves to a small portion of whats actually available. This phenomenon is not limited to just OLD. Many women do this in offline dating as well. It's a modern argument that some women still hold onto archaic dating practices, where they rely on men to initiate and pursue. They'll convince themselves that if a guy doesn't initiate, he's not interested. Of course the issue gets further exasperated by men that are scared shi*tless if a woman approached them. Regardless, the issue is not as black and white. Often the man is not aware or he hasn't entertained the idea of a romantic pursuit. If a relationship is a two-way street, both members give and take, then why isn't the same idea applied to the initial meeting? There have been threads about this subject in one shape or form. Neither gender will fully agree with each other, not even your own gender will agree with you. Best course of action is keep doing what you believe is right and hope you will attract someone that thinks the same as you. 1
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