Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I recently posted this thread about my boyfriend of 6 months becoming really busy with grad school/work/baseball lately. He has been so busy, that we actually went a month without hanging out. We still of course were talking every day, but his mix of working, coaching three teams, and finishing grad school, and living an hour away, had him spread thin, and I tried to be understanding. He was finally able to make time to hang out for the first time last night and of course I dropped everything to be there. He lives an hour away, so I came over, we went to dinner and drinks and I slept over since I wanted as much time as I could get with him. After a month of not seeing one another, I gotta admit it was a little awkward at first. It was almost like we were starting all over again and I could feel this some sort of tension between us from the frustration that we both knew was on my end for the whole past month. But after a couple drinks, it went right back to normal again. When we got into bed, we snuggled a little, but then he just fell asleep. I was kind of hurt, because after a month of not seeing eachother, I expected him to be all over me, not fall asleep! I rolled over, and tried to sleep myself. He woke up a half hour later and woke me up in my sleep, kissing my neck almost feeling like an apology for falling asleep. Things got pretty intimate after that. Afterwards, we laid there and just talked for a couple hours. I confronted him about a conversation we had the week before that made me feel like he had been wishy washy about me. I asked if his feelings were still the same for me or if they were fading. He told me that that wasn't it at all, and that he just had so much on his plate that he has little excitement for anything in his life right now and he's just trying to get from one day to the next right now. I guess what I'm afraid of, is that after being apart for so long, and even not getting to see each other much before this month either (maybe once or twice every two weeks), I'm afraid the distance is making him loose interest? Is that possible? He used to be so crazy about me, not being able to keep his hands to himself, not being able to go a couple hours without texting me. And now he just seems kind of distant. Is is possible it's just because of how busy and stressed he is right now and I should just wait it out? Or, if he is loosing interest, can this be repaired? How do I get that chemistry and closeness back after this period of time of not seeing one another?
Redhead14 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I recently posted this thread about my boyfriend of 6 months becoming really busy with grad school/work/baseball lately. He has been so busy, that we actually went a month without hanging out. We still of course were talking every day, but his mix of working, coaching three teams, and finishing grad school, and living an hour away, had him spread thin, and I tried to be understanding. He was finally able to make time to hang out for the first time last night and of course I dropped everything to be there. He lives an hour away, so I came over, we went to dinner and drinks and I slept over since I wanted as much time as I could get with him. After a month of not seeing one another, I gotta admit it was a little awkward at first. It was almost like we were starting all over again and I could feel this some sort of tension between us from the frustration that we both knew was on my end for the whole past month. But after a couple drinks, it went right back to normal again. When we got into bed, we snuggled a little, but then he just fell asleep. I was kind of hurt, because after a month of not seeing eachother, I expected him to be all over me, not fall asleep! I rolled over, and tried to sleep myself. He woke up a half hour later and woke me up in my sleep, kissing my neck almost feeling like an apology for falling asleep. Things got pretty intimate after that. Afterwards, we laid there and just talked for a couple hours. I confronted him about a conversation we had the week before that made me feel like he had been wishy washy about me. I asked if his feelings were still the same for me or if they were fading. He told me that that wasn't it at all, and that he just had so much on his plate that he has little excitement for anything in his life right now and he's just trying to get from one day to the next right now. I guess what I'm afraid of, is that after being apart for so long, and even not getting to see each other much before this month either (maybe once or twice every two weeks), I'm afraid the distance is making him loose interest? Is that possible? He used to be so crazy about me, not being able to keep his hands to himself, not being able to go a couple hours without texting me. And now he just seems kind of distant. Is is possible it's just because of how busy and stressed he is right now and I should just wait it out? Or, if he is loosing interest, can this be repaired? How do I get that chemistry and closeness back after this period of time of not seeing one another? I remember that thread. I suggested in my response to the original post, that you try to be more involved with his baseball games, be more supportive etc. You said you were going to do that, so I assume you did. Did he seem appreciative of that or acknowledge it in any way? It's very difficult to say if he's really loosing interest or just so overwhelmed that he can't be fully invested. During the hiatus, it sounds like he was so involved with other things, he couldn't miss you. Bottomline, though, now is that you've tried being supportive and you've expressed your needs but he's not making the effort, even in small ways. You've been dealing with this as best you can and it's not working for you. You may have to simply move on. If you want to "wait" for him, I'd go back to giving him space. Explain to him that since he can't make you a priority in his life right now, you will move forward with your life. When things calm down for him, and if the interest is still there, he will come to you. Maintain light supportive contact, but I'd stay away for a bit. Just for your sake. If you are meeting him and staying and not feeling the love from him, it hurts you more. And, yes, you will experience a loss of "chemistry" after a period of hiatus. In fact, that happens anyway at about the 6 or 7 month point in a relationship. You start to get comfortable with one another but the connection is being maintained regularly, etc. But, in your case, the connection has been dwindling for a while. He did give you a heads up, but he should have at least been keeping better contact in order to support your needs. He's the one who is busy, so he's the one to try to maintain contact. If you were the one who was so busy or away on a trip or something, you'd be the one to keep in touch as a show of support and that you'd been thinking of him at least.
Recommended Posts