sutsie Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Hitting 1 full month (30 days) of no contact on Thursday!! Proud of myself and in this month I've learned she's not the one, I'd never take her back, and she's crazy. She dumped me and she's tweeting stuff like "Eff you for leaving me when I needed you most".... She left me.... so yeah anybody that doesn't believe no contact works for healing, you're wrong. Everyone heals at different paces and time frames, but anybody going through it, trust me it gets better with time. Love the group on here and thank you everybody for the support. 5
casey.lives Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 My ex cheated on me and was talking behind my back the whole time we were together. He was so deliriously happy when he left me for his ex and i was so crippled and lifeless. I can't say that he ever made contact.. why would he, but No Contact made my it easier and i would recommend it, without fail. The outcome is great no matter what!!
Author sutsie Posted April 21, 2015 Author Posted April 21, 2015 What a douchebag. Any guy that cheats is a total douche. You dodged a bullet. Good for you.
Author sutsie Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 I hit 30 days no contact. You can see the story from my previous posts, but yet i still miss her. Is this normal? Obviously I'll not make contact, but lets "pretend" for second that I want her back (probably couldn't take her back anyway) what is the course of action. I feel as though unless she makes contact first being the "dumper" that it's honestly just a lost cause. But like i said let's pretend. I am honestly feeling a lot better after 30 days no contact. I'm feeling more like myself and feeling that there is some girl out there that shares the same morale values as me and would be a much better match. Am i feeling attachment more than i am feeling love? I don't want any harsh statements being made or anything like that. I'm just confused and looking for some motivational advice.
Author sutsie Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 just ignore this thread. no sense of pretending anything. I wouldn't take her back. i've been getting ripped and getting my mba at graduate school and plan to go to law school. I'll find someone better. just some thoughts while i was drinking. I don't know how to delete the post so just ignore this thread.
backandforth Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 There's no shame in it man. I'm nearing 30 days myself and having the same kinds of thoughts. She's pretty much on my mind all the time, and I love her just as much as I ever did. Unlike you, I'd be open to reconciliation but I have no intention of breaking NC. I'm not holding out for her call though, I don't expect to hear from her again. Like you, I've been working on myself, getting ripped, dating, basically moving on. But there's still that awful empty feeling. I'm hoping I'll feel twice as good as I do now after the next 30 days.
Author sutsie Posted April 24, 2015 Author Posted April 24, 2015 check in with me in 30 days, and i assure you that we both will feel twice as good as we do now. I am 100% sure of it. I feel more ambitious than ever. more orientated. And i'll attract a woman instead of an immature "girl" when i've accomplished what i want out of life. you will to. I assure you of that.
Twigyy Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 One good tip is to not count the days of NC. I am almost four months NC, and when it was almost two months I stopped counting. Instead of feeling like hell every single day, I could enjoy my time. You should try it too. It makes NC less of a chore 1
ZiggyZoo Posted April 24, 2015 Posted April 24, 2015 If it makes you feel better, I still had moments where I would absolutely take my ex back four months into my NC. They were fleeting, and my smarter mind would take over and I'd realize that it was a terrible idea, but they were still there. The good thing is, you're feeling better today then you were 30 days ago. You'll hit days when it feels like you're sliding backwards and all you want to do is cry and miss them, but hang in there. These will pass and you'll be right back where you were.
Author sutsie Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 Well today was the day that I finally said to myself on the way to work that, "my feelings are finally moving on.". We all should know if we've been dumped that at some point, our feelings start to catch up with our heads after a break up. I've been saying to my mom the past couple weeks that my head knows this is for the best and i can do better, but my heart is still far behind. Today I found that my feelings are now on the path towards reaching where my head's logically thinking is at. But one question still keeps coming to mind. Does the dumper ever feel any pain after a break up, like regret? or remorse? or anything at all? I know everybody hates the "GIGS" diagnosis, but i'm sure my ex had that. Will she ever feel any sort of pain over the break-up? or did I truly mean nothing to her? I will never contact her again. she broke up with me over text and so I know i'll never get closure. But i'm looking to LS to help me get that closure.
jen1447 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 There's probably as many different dumper reactions as there are dumpers. Depends on a million different variables, like if you were a creeper they'd just be relieved and creeped out, if they were emotionally immature they might be proud, if both of you were deeply invested there might be genuine remorse, etc. If you wanted to try to identify a baseline, I'd say most likely it's somewhere in the vicinity of a benign feeling of guilt, coupled with relief, and capped off by whatever rationalization is necessary to allow them to 'move on' quickly.
sly_fly1 Posted April 27, 2015 Posted April 27, 2015 Just keep your mind busy n worry about yourself, they always come back, as long as ur relation was true love n not just bad relationship. But if she loved you, let her go, n when you do she will com back, they always do it, the hard part is , once you move on, are you really gonna take her back?when she comes back
Author sutsie Posted April 27, 2015 Author Posted April 27, 2015 I wouldn't be able to take her back. The answers to the questions i have would be too hard to hear. For example, "Have you even so much as kissed another guy?" "have you had feelings for someone else?" all those questions i would need to ask in order to take her back. The thing is, I know at some point, she'll come back. She's immature, selfish, and going through what some hate to call "GIGS", and I am at a point now that i realize i want something greater in my life than just a "girlfriend", i want a true love. but yet, i still wish i could reach out to her but am too scared to do so. And feel if i do, i'll prolong my healing. rough times, but i just want closure. that's all i want
Author sutsie Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Ex-GF dumped me March 13. Been NC since I think March 22nd, quit counting the days after the 30. Unfortunately I have this bad habit I need to kick of checking her twitter. A few strange patterns I've noticed is that she keeps it protected for a few days and then will unprotect it when she want me to see something like her going to sorority parties or this past weekend she just unprotected it after she attended a wedding down at the beach. Then tweets "Beach: 1 me: 0" just before she unprotects it. During one unprotected streak the past week she favorited a tweet about "coming back to you" then unfavorited it shortly after. What is this? A case of a girl who just doesn't know what she's doing or a case of a girl trying to continue to hurt me? Or should I assume these tweets and favorites are about the next guy? I KNOW that i should quit looking at it, much easier said than done. Believe me I celebrate in my head everytime it's protected so I can't see it. Logically I've moved on, I know I'd never take her back, but emotionally it seems I'm trailing a little bit. Is this normal? It actually reopened the wound for 10 minutes after I saw she was at the beach. Thoughts of her screwing other guys and stuff came into my head, but I quickly gained composure that it doesn't matter cause she's not mine and never will be again because I deserve a more attractive girl not just on the outside but the inside as well. Even though this relationship was my first, I know what I want and she's not that. But do I need to see a therapist or is this normal to still feel this way only 50 days after the break up? Of course there's that part of me that hopes she comes back so I can use the line "Sorry I have a strict no return policy on used and damaged goods". But i realize that its classless to act in such a manner and isn't me, but we all have that little part of us that wouldn't mind burning the dumper I'm sure.... or maybe i do need a therapist. I will say after this long of NC I have made tremendous progress. I've been getting more ripped than ever and focusing more on school and family. It feels good to be honest. Edited May 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs, update title and merge similar threads
quattrob Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 You're not doing true NC if you're still checking her twitter. If you never checked her tweets then you wouldn't be asking these questions on here in the first place. Simple answer is stop checking on her social media and anything relating to her. You're not doing NC correctly if you're still looking/checking her stuff. Don't care what she thinks or does because that doesn't and shouldn't matter to you, you're just taking steps back from your healing if you keep looking back. 3
Moley87 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Block her on twitter as your not really doing NC if you have an open door , however the temptation I get we don't just switch of our feelings but I think she seems to be further ahead then you in moving on Horrible as that is time does go quick when you having fun so keeping busy gym , a film or even reading a book will keep you occupied. When it comes to thoughts of other men just think of the bad habits she has and why your better off , NC is great if YOU want to move on. The brain won't understand yet so don't confuse it with pics, spying technically on the ex it will make the brain get more confused. Consider her gone adapt to your new life you be fine.
Author sutsie Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 although you guys say it's not true NC if I check social media, which is true, I'm still not gonna take away from the fact that I've succesfully not reached out for as long as I have. I still feel as though that's something to be proud of. But i appreciate the thoughts and I'll follow what you guys have said. Focus on the bad habits she has, she has plenty of them, and refrain from social media from here on out. Easier said than done, but I'm sure if with the progress I've made up until this point that it'll be a lot easier to do so now than it was a month ago. Thanks again.
Jonp219 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) although you guys say it's not true NC if I check social media, which is true, I'm still not gonna take away from the fact that I've succesfully not reached out for as long as I have. I still feel as though that's something to be proud of. But i appreciate the thoughts and I'll follow what you guys have said. Focus on the bad habits she has, she has plenty of them, and refrain from social media from here on out. Easier said than done, but I'm sure if with the progress I've made up until this point that it'll be a lot easier to do so now than it was a month ago. Thanks again. When me and my ex broke up I was checking her Twitter everyday for a month. I kept doing it afterwards, but once in a while when I was feeling weak. It has now been over a month since I last checked her Twitter, and now I'm too scared to check it. I don't know what she's been doing and I don't want to know. She was writing hurtful tweets about me for over a month, its been 3 months since the break-up and she hasn't initiated contact once, I broke NC twice. Point is stop checking, you're only hurting yourself more. What if she writes a tweet about going on a date or seeing a new 'special' someone? Seeing a message like that is going to be 20x worst than messaging her and getting ignored. Eventually, you're going to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I know this is hard, you can go back and read my first threads of when I first got here, I was an absolute mess. At first your going to feel resistance but after a while you're going to forget she has a Twitter. Edited May 3, 2015 by Jonp219 1
na49 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 although you guys say it's not true NC if I check social media, which is true, I'm still not gonna take away from the fact that I've succesfully not reached out for as long as I have. I still feel as though that's something to be proud of. But i appreciate the thoughts and I'll follow what you guys have said. Focus on the bad habits she has, she has plenty of them, and refrain from social media from here on out. Easier said than done, but I'm sure if with the progress I've made up until this point that it'll be a lot easier to do so now than it was a month ago. Thanks again. I don't think that checking their social media is as bad as messaging them. If you see them happy without you, or see them with someone, it could be just what you need to realize that they aren't pining for you. Compare that to messaging them and having them tell you "I actually have a new boyfriend.. we are going out to dinner, but I'll call you later and tell you what I ate" or you get ignored and have anxiety while you wait for a response.
Jonp219 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I don't think that checking their social media is as bad as messaging them. If you see them happy without you, or see them with someone, it could be just what you need to realize that they aren't pining for you. Compare that to messaging them and having them tell you "I actually have a new boyfriend.. we are going out to dinner, but I'll call you later and tell you what I ate" or you get ignored and have anxiety while you wait for a response. Whether that's true or not, it will be devastating to see something like that. It's better to find that out later on down the road when he's in better spirits.
Author sutsie Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 Found out my ex is in a new relationship...not even 2 months post break up after a 3 year relationship..... this would usually be a bad thing for most people I imagine, but i must say that this guy is a total downgrade from me. Like a bad downgrade. She's already taken a beach trip with him and posting pictures on instagram about how she's having "better times with a better guy". Is this a rebound relationship? I honestly laughed when my buddy showed me the pictures. I find it very funny she's taken such a downgrade.
erklat Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 The worst thing is that you cyber stalk her. You do you and she does her. And yes, women find partners easier and don't like to be alone. On top of that forcing perception that she's in the best relationship ever. Probably a rebound but you live your life regardless.
Author sutsie Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 but is it possible the "cyber stalking" her is helping me? I felt really good actually when I saw her new boyfriend and see all the crap she posts pertaining to me and him because I feel as though it only reinforces that she's not my type and not what I want.
totenkopf Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Found out my ex is in a new relationship...not even 2 months post break up after a 3 year relationship..... this would usually be a bad thing for most people I imagine, but i must say that this guy is a total downgrade from me. Like a bad downgrade. She's already taken a beach trip with him and posting pictures on instagram about how she's having "better times with a better guy". Is this a rebound relationship? I honestly laughed when my buddy showed me the pictures. I find it very funny she's taken such a downgrade. Sounds like my ex gf. She got with a guy who is literally everything she said she disliked and got engaged to him after a month and a half. Its pathetic apparently they got engaged after they were both wasted and because it was snowing. To think we were planning to get married and she said she wanted to marry in feb but by then she was engaged to this guy. Its all so romantic lol.
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