descowfe Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 First I wanted to start off by expressing how confused I feel, and now to the beginning. The day my husband asked me to marry him was also the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was so happy and in love. We agreed to get married in a small civil ceremony since we were having a child and for insurance purposes. In our minds we knew we were getting married anyway, we just sped it up a bit. Fast forward to now and everyday I feel like it's a question. I have horrible anxiety and developed post partum which my husband had a hard time with. For him it was more like just suck it up and be an adult, not so easy. My husband works overnight so we don't get to spend a lot of time together and when we do we are always arguing about something, mainly stemming from his attitude and horrible temper. I feel like everything I say is stupid. Recently I've found myself questioning if I've married the right man. I reminisce about past relationships and am just confused and hurt at the same time. Please help!
spanz1 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 if you are blaming post partum depression for denying your husband sex.....it is very likely he will not be your husband very much longer, and that problem will fix itself. If you want to get over this, and i do not doubt how hard it is for you, get professional help. both counselling from a sex dysfunction therapist, and some happy pills for a psychiatrist would be good first starts. And in the mean time, do NOT refuse your poor husband's advances for sex...take one for the team until your libido is repaired.
Author descowfe Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 Sex is really not the problem, in my eyes we havery a fairly normal sex life for a young married couple with a 3 month old. Our main issue is communication. He works in Law Enforcement and sometimes brings his work and attitude home with him. He has called me names on numerous occasions and it's simply bc he has no one else to take it out on, his words. It's not nice to be called a f***er by your husband over a little argument. Our main issue is his attitude. The only issue he had with my post partum was understanding what I was going through.
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Get some treatment for the post partum. You had two huge changes in your life: marriage & motherhood. You barely had time to process being a wife before you had to be a mom too.
Author descowfe Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 I am currently going through the process...my therapist has me on Anti Depressants and I am 100x better now. My husband says he has goals for me and does not want me on them. He says he does not want my anxiety rubbing off on our daughter and does not want her to grow up watching me pop pills. When we get into an argument his usual response is go take a pill...I just don't feel that I am being treated properly. He's no longer romantic, no date nights, no flowers. I feel like we're in a rut.
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I am currently going through the process...my therapist has me on Anti Depressants and I am 100x better now. My husband says he has goals for me and does not want me on them. He says he does not want my anxiety rubbing off on our daughter and does not want her to grow up watching me pop pills. When we get into an argument his usual response is go take a pill...I just don't feel that I am being treated properly. He's no longer romantic, no date nights, no flowers. I feel like we're in a rut. Ask your husband if you had cancer would he not want you on chemo for fear it would rub off on your daughter? While I agree that you can't pop a pill for the rest of your life, medication decisions need to be made by professionals not opinionated bores. What an awful thing to say / think. You aren't be treated properly. Ask your therapist to give you suggestions for reading material to give your husband to educate him about your conditions.
GoBlue Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I am so sorry for the heartache. I am glad to hear that you are seeing a professional because postpartum depression is a big deal and can cause severe problems. Your husband's response, however, is very troubling. It is not proper to call names and show a huge lack of compassion for your spouse. Yet at the same time marriage is a commitment and it has nothing to do with whether you picked the right person or not but whether the two of you CHOOSE to be the right person. You guys need help and the good news is that there is plenty available. Your husband should see in your response that there is a resolve within yourself to not accept disrespectful behavior. He should know that you are in this together and that a marriage is not "his plans" but your plans together. A family specialist can be a big help. Either a counselor, Pastor, or even a trusted mentor. I know of a free counseling service that is available from a faith-based organization. If you want more information please send me a private message. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Be blessed.
truncated Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 I am currently going through the process...my therapist has me on Anti Depressants and I am 100x better now. My husband says he has goals for me and does not want me on them. He says he does not want my anxiety rubbing off on our daughter and does not want her to grow up watching me pop pills. When we get into an argument his usual response is go take a pill...I just don't feel that I am being treated properly. He's no longer romantic, no date nights, no flowers. I feel like we're in a rut. It sounds like your husband has little understanding of how antidepressants work. they don't instantly make someone happy, they alleviate depression, and the effect can take a while to kick in. ( they can also severely reduce libido, depending upon the type being used). it sounds like you have a mix of issues going on. It sounds like your medical professional believes you are having issues with depression, and your husband is acting badly towards you. While the meds can help with the depression, there will still be the issue of your husband's actions. Personally, I belie your child will be far more harmed by your husband's behavior than you treating your depression appropriately, which you are doing. He has no excuse for calling you names or treating you badly, even if it is a case of him bringing his work home with him. many workplaces have an assistance program for members and their families to call on. If there is one where your husband works, I would call them to find out more about what they can do to help you and your husband. There is NO EXCUSE for him treating you the way he is.
truncated Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 if you are blaming post partum depression for denying your husband sex.....it is very likely he will not be your husband very much longer, and that problem will fix itself. If you want to get over this, and i do not doubt how hard it is for you, get professional help. both counselling from a sex dysfunction therapist, and some happy pills for a psychiatrist would be good first starts. And in the mean time, do NOT refuse your poor husband's advances for sex...take one for the team until your libido is repaired. This problem goes way beyond sex, and is rooted in both her mental state and her husband's treatment of her. He needs therapy just as much as she does.
tryingtomend Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Your husband sounds abusive to me. I am currently in the process of divorcing a man that used to call be b**** or say f*** you when he was angry, and through domestic violence counseling I've learned that that behavior is abusive. That may be why you feel like everything you say is stupid because you're being worn down by his behavior. Especially when you're going through depression you don't need that kind of attitude from him.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 When we get into an argument his usual response is go take a pill...I just don't feel that I am being treated properly. He's no longer romantic, no date nights, no flowers. I feel like we're in a rut. Have you suggested MC to him? Might be a tough sell, not always a good fit with cop culture... Mr. Lucky
MJJean Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Sex is really not the problem, in my eyes we havery a fairly normal sex life for a young married couple with a 3 month old. Our main issue is communication. He works in Law Enforcement and sometimes brings his work and attitude home with him. He has called me names on numerous occasions and it's simply bc he has no one else to take it out on, his words. It's not nice to be called a f***er by your husband over a little argument. Our main issue is his attitude. The only issue he had with my post partum was understanding what I was going through. LEO's have a high divorce and high suicide rate. They deal with a lot of stress. They also tend to become addicted to the adrenaline and other brain chemicals produced during the performance of their duties and tend to have problems at home due to that. Additionally, I lot of LEO's don't take time to de-stress and decompose between work and home. They bring the attitude home with them. Your husband should be talking to a counselor who has LEO experience. He also should take some time between work and home every day to de-stress, decompress, and let go of whatever happened during the shift. It doesn't have to be long, maybe 30+ minutes. He could simply shut the door to the bedroom before speaking to anyone and just listen to music. He could have coffee at a nearby diner while reading or even sit in his car or take a walk (with the dog if you have one). I am currently going through the process...my therapist has me on Anti Depressants and I am 100x better now. My husband says he has goals for me and does not want me on them. He says he does not want my anxiety rubbing off on our daughter and does not want her to grow up watching me pop pills. When we get into an argument his usual response is go take a pill...I just don't feel that I am being treated properly. He's no longer romantic, no date nights, no flowers. I feel like we're in a rut. There has long been and still is a stigma attached to therapy and/or medication for mental illness in the law enforcement community. In a lot of departments there are people working to change the general view, but that takes time. Your husband should sit down with a doctor and have the physical nature of your depression and how the anti-depressants treat that physical cause. So few people understand how the brain works, but any reasonable human should be able to understand it, at least on a rudimentary level, once it has been explained to them. If your DH fully understands that there is an imbalance, how it affects you, and what the meds do for you, he might lay off that negative view.
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