Male dumper desperately trying to date straight after break up?

[kitkatleen]

So we broke up a month ago and keep having on-off contact. He stopped loving me but he said he needs and love me like a family.. I couldn't accept that and told him that I'm cutting all contact with him. I knew he was already on the dating apps the day after we broke up. I tried cutting him off for a week and he was using it even more. So when i went back to being "friends", he stopped using it that often.

 

So it's been almost a week NC and ever since I told him I cutting him off, he have been adding more than 20 girls in his social media. Its just really hurting how he could just move on that quickly. I've been trying to date but I'm still trying to recover. It's just bull**** that he told me he felt pain and loneliness when I leave yet he's doing all these desperate dating acts.

 

Anyway I'm his first love and he says he love me but not in love with me. He seems to change 180 after the breakup, he wasn't the kind who tries so hard at dating before he met me. Is he experiencing gigs?

[HeBa]

First of all there is No such thing called first love ! Maybe first relationship , first lover , first Boyfriend things you try yourself for the first time , but in love Every time is a first believe me .

 

what you need is get your life back cut all the contacts with him stop worrying abt what he do on social media apps or even in life , maintain your distance Live your Life

 

on top of all give time for yourself to heal and stop making him the centre of your life .

[Ruby65]

I'm sorry you're going through this. "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is sadly one of the more common reasons given for a breakup.

 

Lots of dumpers date right away. They've had more time to mentally prepare for the breakup before it happens, so he's probably much farther along on the way to healing than you are.

 

A lot of his behaviors that seem strange are really pretty standard post-breakup behavior... like wanting to stay "friends" with you while he's moving on. It helps dumpers feel better -- safer, less guilty, less alone -- to have you there while they adjust to being single. But it's NOT in your best interest to do this. He's being selfish even asking this of you.

 

It's good you've started going No Contact -- but that means blocking him on Facebook, too. Block him on your phone, block him on every site and app you use. Right now, ignorance is bliss. You don't need to watch him flirt with other girls online.

 

Disappear from his world and make him disappear from yours. Right now, he's not going to be a source of comfort for you... contact with him is only going to bring more pain.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

[elaine567]

He is the dumper, unless there was a big falling out or something major happened that caused the split, like cheating or an abusive event perhaps, then the likelihood is that he has been thinking about breaking up for a long time, weeks, months even years in some cases. He had all that time to get used to the reality of the split, so he is already miles in front of you emotionally, this was news to you, but it is not news to him. He told you he doesn't love you, he obviously doesn't see you as "the one", so he did the right thing and broke up with you.

It was his decision and coping with the decision he made, is easier than being on the receiving end of say, a decision you made.

It may have been a hard decision to make, dumping someone isn't easy, but once that decision is made, then going back is not often on the cards. His next step is starting dating again and that is what he is doing. Be grateful, it probably means, he wasn't cheating on you or had already found your replacement before the split.

 

Very, very few marry their first love.

He has to go and experience life and so do you.