Change in her behaviour, i want to understand and learn from this...

[LoneWolf5493]

I asked my ex out again after several months of zero contact... As expected, she rejected, however her tone was different than before. It was subtly mean, or arrogant. I sensed passive aggressiveness, resentment and all round negativity. It comes off as immature: i didn't give her want she wanted, now she's being spoilt almost. Basically, she friendzoned me, i declined and walked away. Her whole character has changed, and she's no longer the sweet person i met. She's almost bitchy, and displaying the same attitude i had in the beginning when she dumped me. Surely by now there'd be indifference? But this sort of behaviour? From someone claiming they "see me as just a friend"? And like i said, the behaviour is similar to what i displayed shortly after i declined her friendzoning... And when i did it, i wanted her, but was rejected and hurt.... so i'm thinking... is she going through the same thing? And why would she, if she was the one the dumped me?

 

Yet, despite this behaviour, she still has me on social media... hasn't blocked me, or deleted me, or anything... Highly likely that she stalks me too, though there's no way to prove this, so it's just speculation.

 

I'm moving on, but would like an explanation of whats happening? I want to learn from this... I want to understand the cause and possibly why she sees the need to be like this towards me? Is someone able to break it down and tell me what's going on?

 

PS. this is my first "break up", so as i said, i want to learn from this; hear from your more adequate experiences

[ravfour4]

Not to be rude, but it doesn't sound like you're moving on yet and she sounds like she certainly has. Put yourself in her shoes, she breaks up with you, but wants to keep you as a friend. Then you act "bitchy" towards her since you don't want to put up with that (understandable).

 

Long after, you contact her to try to hang out. She's moved on and didn't appreciate the bitchiness you showed her at the end and is annoyed by you trying to reach out again - hence her bitchiness. If anything, you reaching out to her may have made her mad at you again for whatever reason she broke up with you and/or she wanted to prove to you she doesn't want you in her life anymore, not even as a friend since you weren't interested in that.

 

Not trying to hurt your feelings, just trying to be realistic so you don't get too much hope: "she must like me since she's being mean and not neutral". I think it takes a long time for someone to become neutral and even then, with the right text from an ex you could get re-mad or re-annoyed with them. For example, I feel totally neutral about my ex from 4 years ago, but if she texted me "let's hang out" (even though she's still with the guy she left me for) I'd be like "bitch, you crazy? already found a huge upgrade after you, you're retarded" lol

[LoneWolf5493]

Not to be rude, but it doesn't sound like you're moving on yet and she sounds like she certainly has. Put yourself in her shoes, she breaks up with you, but wants to keep you as a friend. Then you act "bitchy" towards her since you don't want to put up with that (understandable).

 

Long after, you contact her to try to hang out. She's moved on and didn't appreciate the bitchiness you showed her at the end and is annoyed by you trying to reach out again - hence her bitchiness. If anything, you reaching out to her may have made her mad at you again for whatever reason she broke up with you and/or she wanted to prove to you she doesn't want you in her life anymore, not even as a friend since you weren't interested in that.

 

Not trying to hurt your feelings, just trying to be realistic so you don't get too much hope: "she must like me since she's being mean and not neutral". I think it takes a long time for someone to become neutral and even then, with the right text from an ex you could get re-mad or re-annoyed with them. For example, I feel totally neutral about my ex from 4 years ago, but if she texted me "let's hang out" (even though she's still with the guy she left me for) I'd be like "bitch, you crazy? already found a huge upgrade after you, you're retarded" lol

 

I wasn't exactly bitchy towards her though... I just, acted indifferent. Ignored her, pretended she wasn't there. I know i said i displayed the same thing, but its more like similar. I wasn't actually bitchy, i didn't know how to treat her afterwards, so i didn't treat her at all.

 

And she just friend zoned me... A case of "there's no spark, let's just be friends"...

 

If she truly didn't want me around, why keep me on social media? even others that i've unfollowed her from? Why not just block me and what not? Why the hate?

[smellysocksuni]

The whole "let's be friends" thing isn't a genuine offer to be friends. It's just there to make the dumper feel less like the bad guy - they have no real intention (most of the time) to actually remain friends. It sounds like she's just annoyed that you haven't moved on, yet. Like a sort of "ugh, what does HE want?" type of reaction. This is the reason I'd never contact my ex (or any of the other girls I've dated) - this is quite a common reaction to dumpees reaching out, IMO.

[LoneWolf5493]

The whole "let's be friends" thing isn't a genuine offer to be friends. It's just there to make the dumper feel less like the bad guy - they have no real intention (most of the time) to actually remain friends. It sounds like she's just annoyed that you haven't moved on, yet. Like a sort of "ugh, what does HE want?" type of reaction. This is the reason I'd never contact my ex (or any of the other girls I've dated) - this is quite a common reaction to dumpees reaching out, IMO.

 

Saying that, when she first friendzoned me, i went NC. Two days later she was literally begging back my friendship, which i then refused. It was actually quite pathetic and i hate having put her in that position, but none the less she insisted that she just wanted friendship. Again i refused and haven't said anything at all since then... That shows me she really wanted friendship, or was masking her intentions behind it. Whatever the case may be, this behaviour is unfitting for someone who "missed my friendship, doesn't want to lose this friendship, please can we still be friends"...

[Simon Phoenix]

So you went No Contact, then asked her out again out of the blue?

[LoneWolf5493]

So you went No Contact, then asked her out again out of the blue?

 

Yeah... several months no contact, and i wanted to ask her out. I don't care about the no or whatever, i wanted to do it, and thus i did it. No more explanation necessary... but regardless, the response was a little colder than i expected.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah... several months no contact, and i wanted to ask her out. I don't care about the no or whatever, i wanted to do it, and thus i did it. No more explanation necessary... but regardless, the response was a little colder than i expected.

 

Well yeah, she was probably wondering why the hell you'd come back around and ask her out randomly. If she wasn't reaching out to you she certainly didn't want you to ask her out.