Dallers Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Gary they have had TWO dates.... it takes time to feel overwhelmed... at least three..lol No seriously, it does take some time before feeling overwhelmed.... usually starts when the adrenaline high starts fading down, and reality hits. Jmo though. I disagree. I was engulfed in emotion with the girl in my story. After the first date it was so strong for me and then the second spending 6 hours walking around a lake kissing before saying goodbye for three months it is like nothing you can possibly describe. 2 weeks later. fin. You really cannot tell because every situation is different. In a different time or place things may have been different. It's why they say better to have love and lost than never loved at all. 1
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 His past experience was with a different woman. If this woman here made him feel overwhelmed I would say cut back but she is not! Why deny himself these wonderful moments? because he's scared? I don't think he should live his life on fear because of past experiences otherwise we should all stay home and not date. No one is suggesting he never date Gary, geez. Just slow it down, pace it out. But if he is comfortable with the fast pace, then by all means he should go for it and see how it plays out!
Gary S Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Yeah, but he's not the one rushing in, she is. I'm saying that's okay. That said, some of you may have a point. I would not want to see a woman every day in the very beginning. It is too much. If he's really concerned about going too fast, I would do this: I would keep it to two-to-four dates a week max in the first couple months. When she asks for another date the following day, counteroffer with another day... as an example, if she asks to see you tomorrow, Monday, tell her you are busy and have things to do (you will be busy doing something else if you are not with her, right?), you'll see her Tuesday or Wednesday (pick one). Under no circumstances do you reject her offer for a date outright and leave her hanging - you always come up with another day later in the week. Rejection will make her love level drop. But counteroffers/ rainchecks are okay.
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I disagree. I was engulfed in emotion with the girl in my story. After the first date it was so strong for me and then the second spending 6 hours walking around a lake kissing before saying goodbye for three months it is like nothing you can possibly describe. 2 weeks later. fin. You really cannot tell because every situation is different. In a different time or place things may have been different. It's why they say better to have love and lost than never loved at all. Unless I misinterpreted, you had two fabulous dates, the best of your life. But then, while you were both flying high, she had to deploy and then ended it two weeks later. You never had a chance to feel overwhelmed.. you had two dates. It's possible she may have though...
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Yeah, but he's not the one rushing in, she is. I'm saying that's okay. That said, some of you may have a point. I would not want to see a woman every day in the very beginning. It is too much. If he's really concerned about going too fast, I would do this: I would keep it to two-to-four dates a week max in the first couple months. When she asks for another date the following day, counteroffer with another day... as an example, if she asks to see you tomorrow, Monday, tell her you are busy and have things to do (you will be busy doing something else if you are not with her, right?), you'll see her Tuesday or Wednesday (pick one). Under no circumstances do you reject her offer for a date outright and leave her hanging - you always come up with another day later in the week. Rejection will make her love level drop. But counteroffers/ rainchecks are okay. This thread is hilarious. Had this been a female who started this thread, and the man was coming on like gangbusters, texting/calling her every day and wanting to see her all the time this early on, everyone (or many posters) would be advising her to slow it down and NOT accept every date. Pace it out to avoid early burn out...or getting hurt by a guy who lives more in fantasy than reality. That as fast as a man comes on, he is just as fast to disappear. Is that not the advice most posters were giving Gaeta not too long ago? (Including myself ... Questioning her judgment for going along with his agenda (fast pace) before getting to know him a bit? But since this is a guy posting and the girl is coming on like gangbusters, suddenly the advice is different? Why? Total double standard... Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl
Dallers Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Unless I misinterpreted, you had two fabulous dates, the best of your life. But then, while you were both flying high, she had to deploy and then ended it two weeks later. You never had a chance to feel overwhelmed.. you had two dates. It's possible she may have though... A lot can happen in 4 weeks. Thousands of messages, hundreds of feelings, two dates but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. She walked away, I lost out. We move on. I felt pretty overwhelmed throughout the whole ordeal trust me. You can have 20 average dates with a person which make you feel very little but 1 or 2 which changes your entire world and continues to make you feel something even when you're not with them. It's not a matter of time or distance its who its with. To relate to this thread the amount of chasing or messages does not matter if it feels right it feels right. My situation ended because something happened I will never know what I think an ex was not out of the picture. Maybe it was too fast too soon who knows. You just go with it. Edited May 3, 2015 by Dallers 1
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 A lot can happen in 4 weeks. Thousands of messages, hundreds of feelings, two dates but at the end of the day it doesn't matter. She walked away, I lost out. We move on. I felt pretty overwhelmed throughout the whole ordeal trust me. You can have 20 average dates with a person which make you feel very little but 1 or 2 which changes your entire world and continues to make you feel something even when you're not with them. It's not a matter of time or distance its who its with. I completely understand and I am sorry things didn't work out ... I would have been devastated too had my boyfriend pulled the plug after four weeks...so I get it. But life goes on...we live, we learn. Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all ... I usually hate such cliches, but that one works... 1
Dallers Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I completely understand and I am sorry things didn't work out ... I would have been devastated too had my boyfriend pulled the plug after four weeks...so I get it. But life goes on...we live, we learn. Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all ... I usually hate such cliches, but that one works... Thanks but i'm not. Things do happen for a reason. Once you step back and look at the big picture you understand why they did not work out, sometimes people are doing YOU a favour. Devastated yes because this feeling is alien to me. Its easy to say to the OP slow down and get the hell out of there but you only have one chance sometimes and it's better for it to end knowing you did all you can.
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Thanks but i'm not. Things do happen for a reason. Once you step back and look at the big picture you understand why they did not work out, sometimes people are doing YOU a favour. Devastated yes because this feeling is alien to me. Its easy to say to the OP slow down and get the hell out of there but you only have one chance sometimes and it's better for it to end knowing you did all you can. I don't think anyone suggested he "get the hell outta there," not that I read anyway. Just slow it down a bit, tis all. And if you don't mind my asking, what were the warning signs in your relationship that you regret not recognizing?
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