Popsicle Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Are you sure she knows that you two are in a relationship, as in girlfriend/boyfriend relationship? Have you discussed being exclusive? I know I would have a hard time taking anyone seriously who I hardly saw face-to-face, but that's just me.
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Ok, I just tried calling her and she answered but there was lot of people in the background but she said she can't talk and will call me later, then I asked where she was again because I could not here her and she hung up…just texted me I'll call you later. call lasted 5 seconds tops Just texted her back where are you, I could not hear, and nothing back. OMG, how totally rude! And you texted her after that...are you out of your freaking mind? If it were me, combined with the ghosting for the past three weeks, that would have been my cue to block and delete, and walk away for good.... Good gawd... 1
Author bada bing Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 Update….I spoke to her and basically confronted her. Thanks everyone for your support today, its been a rough day and it was nice to have the feedback and support. So she finally called me about 3 hours after the last text because she was at a day concert. I confronted her in a calm but very firm voice about her disappearing act the past 5 weekends. She immediately turned it around and said why do I have these assumptions or she could see perhaps why I have them….but its not true. I pressed her to where she was, and presto she admitted she has been with a co-worker & his GF and boss all day and she is at the bosses house…he's single btw…of course he is…I'm such an idiot a few months back, she did a lot of things with them when she started at this new job in Nov, but that appeared to have dried up, as no more discussion about it or photos of their nights out…So much that I asked her two times, hey why don't you see them anymore, she replied because the novelty wore off, twice she told me that….Today however, she said they do stuff every weekend together, and yep all 4 of them…I explained that sort of like A DOUBLE DATE, but she disagreed, just friends of course…silly me….Then she got irritated that I called her on this as inconsistent to what she said before, and why so secret about it and not ever telling me or hanging up on me after a few seconds. I then said sorry to interrupt your evening and talk you later. It's obvious what's going on, which is why she hid her interaction with them initially and again when I asked….She must think I'm a complete fool. I think I will never contact her or take her calls again. I actually think she blocked me on Whatsapp too tonight. Gonna be a long night.
ascendotum Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Its a good way to get a leg up the corporate ladder....sleeping with the boss. Well at least you got enough info to be more sure about things. If her boss had a gf/married it would clouded it more. Being at a concert is something I thought a gf missing her bf would want to txt/take pics and let him know about fun she is having. She could of easily faked it more by taking a couple of group photos still from after work friday drinks and still txting about mundane stuff on weekend but I guess she's into her boss more now so not worrying about going to any effort to cover it. I wouldn't bother calling her and it wouldn't surprise me any if you don't hear from her now. 1
Kitsune9 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Good for you Bada Bing on confronting her. I think you handled yourself very well and better to have dealt with this now then let it drag on any more. I know it totally sucks right now but I promise you'll feel better soon. Get out there and find a great local girl! LDRs are very hard and just kinda suck overall. The good news is you never have to see this girl or interact with her again, one of many plus sides to ending a LDR. Edited May 3, 2015 by Kitsune9 correction 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Good for you for calling her out. She isn't being honest, and I very much doubt all four of them are always together every weekend - I think it's more likely the two of them. This would also explain why the photos dried up; she doesn't want you to know the other couple isn't with them. This relationship is finished. You deserve a lot better than a part-time girlfriend. 1
nero1 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) I've had two LDRs, and I'll be honest here, I cheated during the first one. I wasn't happy, so I went out and got with other people. From that I learned that you need trust, absolute 100% trust, and she's not making that possible by shooting off for 48 hours. There's a balance to be struck - you don't need to know each other's exact whereabouts 24/7, however, you do need to know what each other are up to. If she has to hide her weekend activity from you?? Questions need to be asked. Back to my personal experience; I lied, and I lied a lot, and she never knew, and she still doesn't. The fact is, if you don't know where she is, you WON'T know where she is (luckily in my next LDR my gf felt the same as me and we always knew what the other one was doing, we were very happy and had nothing to hide). In my opinion, if the LDR is going to work, both partners need to agree on the level of contact and stuff, which right now you and your lady don't appear to. I think you need to talk to her, and ask yourself how you feel about a long distance relationship. Good luck, however you choose to go forward EDIT sorry I've just read your most recent post. Live and learn, dude. All the best Edited May 3, 2015 by nero1
Author bada bing Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 Good for you for calling her out. She isn't being honest, and I very much doubt all four of them are always together every weekend - I think it's more likely the two of them. This would also explain why the photos dried up; she doesn't want you to know the other couple isn't with them. This relationship is finished. You deserve a lot better than a part-time girlfriend. This is very true…..Even if its all innocent group activities, why suddenly hide the interaction from me or deny they socialize when I ask her…it just seems too fishy and too much effort went in to hiding it However I look at this, whether she is romantically involved or not, she basically still blows me off on the weekends and treats me as an option or part timer…
Gary S Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Even if its all innocent group activities, why suddenly hide the interaction from me or deny they socialize when I ask her - It's because one of the guys there is her boyfriend. 2
Author bada bing Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 One last thing, when I was telling her on the phone that it just doesn't seem or feel right that she is disappearing on these weekends etc... She actually replied, "well maybe you have to listen to your gut feeling" and basically act accordingly…."do what you need to do and listen to that" Is that sort of an admission of guilt? ….Why would she say that?
katiegrl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) One last thing, when I was telling her on the phone that it just doesn't seem or feel right that she is disappearing on these weekends etc... She actually replied, "well maybe you have to listen to your gut feeling" and basically act accordingly…."do what you need to do and listen to that" Is that sort of an admission of guilt? ….Why would she say that? Yes she is admitting that something's not right (she is seeing another guy)...and her "act accordingly" means she wants YOU to break up with her. Why she won't break up with you is anyone's guess, but clearly she is telling you to *follow your gut* and break up with her. Sorry. Edited May 3, 2015 by katiegrl
Redhead14 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 Ok, we are a bit older, me early 40's she is early 30's and we have been dating Long Distance for about 10 months…I visit her about every 2-3 months. Had a great visit with her for 6 days in early April…We text and talk a lot throughout the day including friday days…But for the last 3 weeks she goes off line or "ghost" after work on Friday not even responding to the last texts I send and then I hear from her usually on Sunday. This is the 3rd weekend this has happened? I don't want to over react, but it's starting to seem suspicious? No texts, no calls, or even replies? It like the conversation just comes to a abrupt stop. Am I overacting here? if not, how should I communicate this to her without seeming over jealous or weak? How would you tell her? There is nothing wrong with communicating with her about this. It's about the way you do it. Since you do not have any empirical evidence, you do not want to come across as accusatory. You start with something like "I've been missing you on the weekends"? I'd like it if we communicated more then". And let her talk.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 One last thing, when I was telling her on the phone that it just doesn't seem or feel right that she is disappearing on these weekends etc... She actually replied, "well maybe you have to listen to your gut feeling" and basically act accordingly…."do what you need to do and listen to that" Is that sort of an admission of guilt? ….Why would she say that? In my mind, yes. She is acknowledging her behavior is suspicious (and she knows what she's really up to) and she opened the door for you to end it. I would follow her advice and act accordingly. Walk away from this.
Redhead14 Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 In my mind, yes. She is acknowledging her behavior is suspicious (and she knows what she's really up to) and she opened the door for you to end it. I would follow her advice and act accordingly. Walk away from this. She is basically telling you that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck . . . it's a duck. Go no contact. Move on with your life. Find someone nearer to you. 1
Author bada bing Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 One last thing, when I was telling her on the phone that it just doesn't seem or feel right that she is disappearing on these weekends etc... She actually replied, "well maybe you have to listen to your gut feeling" and basically act accordingly…."do what you need to do and listen to that" Is that sort of an admission of guilt? ….Why would she say that? I think when she said this she was referring to that I shouldn't listen to my friends and I should make my own decision and do what best for me…Then I kind understood it
Author bada bing Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Well we had a long talk and she assured me that these were just friends that she was hanging out with but she admitted it was too much and won't do it again. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and reverted to staying calm and thinking about things. We then had a decent week of calls and texting….until about 4:00 today, when yet again the text conversation abruptly stopped on her part, and she disappeared again all evening without even a call or text….its now 11:30 pm her time…. nada….zilch I know what your thinking….so now How do I exit here without coming across as mad or upset or jealous….How to do I handle this. If I go No contact she will think I got all jealous again? Now its about my pride and no wanting to be ignored all weekend.s
fitnessfan365 Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 To be honest man, it could be a blessing in disguise and give you motivation to end it. LDR's are never a good idea because in the end you just end up dating your phone.
beach Posted May 9, 2015 Posted May 9, 2015 Well we had a long talk and she assured me that these were just friends that she was hanging out with but she admitted it was too much and won't do it again. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and reverted to staying calm and thinking about things. We then had a decent week of calls and texting….until about 4:00 today, when yet again the text conversation abruptly stopped on her part, and she disappeared again all evening without even a call or text….its now 11:30 pm her time…. nada….zilch I know what your thinking….so now How do I exit here without coming across as mad or upset or jealous….How to do I handle this. If I go No contact she will think I got all jealous again? Now its about my pride and no wanting to be ignored all weekend.s So her actions don't match her words? You know what this means. She has made herself the liar. No honey, I won't do that again - I know it hurts you because it doesn't make sense... Then she does exactly what she promised she wouldn't do. This gal is playing you.
umirano Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 Been there, done that. Take it from a guy who has been in two ldrs, 8 and 18 months. Ditch her. More importantly, realize that her and the person you think you're dating are completely different. You are living in lala land if you believe she is committed to you. She is out right now, looking for a local, better guy. Preserve your sanity and break free from the mind fnck she is administering. I ' salvaged 'my ldr like 10 times. That's a pretty upsetting fact that I'm dealing with. Here you have a chance to take a shortcut. Do it. 1
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