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We loved each other, got into a car crash for her and now she ignores me ...

AntonDaems

By AntonDaems
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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Im 24 and she is 23 , both in last year of university.

We know each other for over a year and there was always that special thing between us. Last months it got more serious and she dropped the hint to ask her out.

 

After hesitating i decided i really want it and tried to make plans with her. She was currently studying for an exam and didnt had time and i got a little bit upset as i was sitting with that one big question.

We got upset with each other but made plans to work it out after her test.

 

That night was awesome untill she took me appart and said that she loves me, she started crying and then said we cant be togheter... I didnt know what just happened and i was chocked. I dropped her off safe at home without any fighting or anything. Drove home and there i was just thinking about what has happened.

 

i couldnt leave it like this so i decided to drive to her and put flowers and a nice letter under her window as i knew she was working early in the morning and that i hoped that it would make her very happy.

 

Sadly enough i got into a car accident on the way back , not cause of drunk driving.

 

i didnt got any message from her the next day, asked her she got my flowers and told her what happend to just get the following message saying , i dont want to see you anymore , and she blocked me off in every single way. ?

 

Now to give some more information , weve been hanging out like a couple for the past months, weve been sleeping togheter etc etc , we never had any issue.

wizer Established Member

wizer

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You didn't get into a car crash for HER, you got into a car crash because you were distracted and driving unsafely.

 

You couldn't "leave it alone" or in other words, you didn't respect her wishes to break it off, so you ignored her request and you went over there, because you were putting your needs in front of hers.

 

You messed up, rather than blame shift, OWN it.

 

This lack of accountability might very well be part of the reason she no longer wants to be with you.

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Twigyy Established Member

Twigyy

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She told you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, yet you keep asking and chasing. You also can't blame her for your crash, you were the one driving.. There are couples who hang out for years and they still break up. What in the past doesn't matter, it's about what you're doing now, and from what I see you're pushing her away.. Not good..

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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Fair enough i guess, i just thought she would like it what i did and then something stupid as that happens and now im sitting her without her and without a car.

Ive been respecting her wish to not contact her , i deleted everything of her so i dont have a chance to even insist contact.

Im just so confused why she loves me and then does this ... ?

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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She told you that she doesn't want to be with you anymore, yet you keep asking and chasing. You also can't blame her for your crash, you were the one driving.. There are couples who hang out for years and they still break up. What in the past doesn't matter, it's about what you're doing now, and from what I see you're pushing her away.. Not good..

 

Yes youre right , altough it happened - night out she told me she cant have a relationship with me , but we where still speaking - that same night i brought the flowers and got into a car crash - THEN she said she doesnt want anything to do with me anymore , wich i respected her choice ... But yes maybe i shouldnt have driven to suprise her car with flowers ...

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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You didn't get into a car crash for HER, you got into a car crash because you were distracted and driving unsafely.

 

You couldn't "leave it alone" or in other words, you didn't respect her wishes to break it off, so you ignored her request and you went over there, because you were putting your needs in front of hers.

 

You messed up, rather than blame shift, OWN it.

 

This lack of accountability might very well be part of the reason she no longer wants to be with you.

 

yes i explained it wrong it wasnt for her the car crash and i am not blaming her at all, i just thought she would atleast ask me how i was doing but instead i get a ice cold message that she doesnt want to do anything with me anymore.

 

Where you say i couldnt leave it alone is true and not true , it was the first time after so much time togheter that she said that she doesnt want a relationship , so i thought she is maybe scared and ill do something sweet for her to show her that i really mean it. WHich ended up badly ... Thats the thing im trying to understand here ...

Twigyy Established Member

Twigyy

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When they say they don't want to be in a relationship with you, they mean it. They don't owe you an explanation. Even if they do tell you, it will never be enough. She has already made her decision yet you still try to change it. That is why she told you She don't want to do anything with you anymore.

 

The best thing to do was to accept her decision and back off, but you drove all the way to her place and bought flowers with a letter.. You can't control what you can't control..

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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When they say they don't want to be in a relationship with you, they mean it. They don't owe you an explanation. Even if they do tell you, it will never be enough. She has already made her decision yet you still try to change it. That is why she told you She don't want to do anything with you anymore.

 

The best thing to do was to accept her decision and back off, but you drove all the way to her place and bought flowers with a letter.. You can't control what you can't control..

 

yes youre right , i wouldnt have done it as i would know what was gonna happen , but thats what uou do when you inlove , instead of letting it go you make it worse ... it always happens

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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The key to mental and emotional health:

 

1. The acceptance of reality as it actually is.

 

2. Successful adaptation to reality as it actually is.

 

 

She is no longer a part of your life, and you are a single person now. That is not where you want to be, but if you accept it and adapt to it, you will be ok after a while.

 

You should respect her wishes and not contact her.

 

Concentrate on yourself and your own wellbeing.

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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thanks for the advice . That is what im going to do and what i have been doing for the past days. If she really liked me i guess shell get back in touch otherwise its not the person whom i want to be togheter with ...

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SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

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Sorry man, but this was a wreck from the start.

 

My advice for the future:

 

- If you're interested in someone, make it known right away. You were a friend that was never able to leave the friend zone. Now you're likely permanently there. If you would have let her know off the bat, there wouldn't be any real feelings involved and you may have been able to stay friends.

 

- If a girl hints or flat or tells you she doesn't want to be with you, become a ghost. Never do anything like you did.

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ravfour4 Established Member

ravfour4

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Wait, so you never were actually dating? Just hanging out "like a couple" for a while and then she said she loves you, but can't date you? Then you tried to show her how much you cared by dropping off some nice things and got in a car crash?

 

I'm sorry to hear about the crash, that sucks, but she may just "love" you as a friend or there may be something about you or something from her past that's preventing her from giving you a chance to be her boyfriend.

 

I also got in a random fender bender after my ex broke up with me, I told her hoping for a "are you ok!?!" or a call and instead I just got a "****. you ok?" - I guess they're pretty similar, but I think she just read it as me trying to get attention and.... I was.

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OK_computer Established Member

OK_computer

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I got in a crash on my way to meet my ex when we were trying to work stuff out. Funny thing is i didnt' even give a crap my car got crashed up, i just wanted to get to my ex hahha

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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I got in a crash on my way to meet my ex when we were trying to work stuff out. Funny thing is i didnt' even give a crap my car got crashed up, i just wanted to get to my ex hahha

 

well that didnt worked out the way i wanted it to be i only get the message dont contact me anymore which i respect so i hope she will see that she was wrong and get back to me

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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Wait, so you never were actually dating? Just hanging out "like a couple" for a while and then she said she loves you, but can't date you? Then you tried to show her how much you cared by dropping off some nice things and got in a car crash?

 

I'm sorry to hear about the crash, that sucks, but she may just "love" you as a friend or there may be something about you or something from her past that's preventing her from giving you a chance to be her boyfriend.

 

I also got in a random fender bender after my ex broke up with me, I told her hoping for a "are you ok!?!" or a call and instead I just got a "****. you ok?" - I guess they're pretty similar, but I think she just read it as me trying to get attention and.... I was.

 

 

no we where acting like we where dating and i was about to ask it when she burst in tears says thats she loves me and then says she cannot date with me .... to then hear the next morning dont contact me anymore

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AntonDaems Member

AntonDaems

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Sorry man, but this was a wreck from the start.

 

My advice for the future:

 

- If you're interested in someone, make it known right away. You were a friend that was never able to leave the friend zone. Now you're likely permanently there. If you would have let her know off the bat, there wouldn't be any real feelings involved and you may have been able to stay friends.

 

- If a girl hints or flat or tells you she doesn't want to be with you, become a ghost. Never do anything like you did.

 

Why was it a wreck from the start ... i was about to ask her out and then i got that all over me ..

Maximboi23 Established Member

Maximboi23

Posted
Posted

Thanks guys for all response. Yes I reside in New York and I am legally obligated to get it back. I need to go to small claims court to get it back which requires no lawyers. I just don't want to see her and I don't want her having my ring that I pai so hard for. She wanted the ring she shouldn't have jumped ships to another mans arms

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