imtrying211 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I found out last night that my ex is back with the person he was with before me , and it hurts like hell. Literally as soon as I opened my eyes this morning I said to myself he left me for her!!! He broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and he was talking to her again right after, or maybe even while we were together, but I can't say for sure. A little background on them. He was with her for 4 years prior to us getting together. He told me that she had a drinking problem, and would get abuse with him; verbally, mentally, and sometimes physically. They would go through periods where she "changed" and things would be OK, then it would start all over again. He just couldn't take the fighting anymore and left her, to be with me. He and I met at work. At first we were just friendly coworkers, then the flirting started, and we fell in love very quickly. He moved in within a couple of months, and we were together for a little over a year. We never fought, and he'd talk about how happy that made him, how it was the perfect relationship. I hate to admit it but we started messing around while he was still with his ex, and a couple of weeks later is when he broke up with her, and we officially started our relationship. I know, I know, bad move!! He had also left a 16 relationship to be with his ex, literally cheating on his then wife , and then getting a divorce to be with this woman. So he obviously has a pattern of cheating on someone and immediately jumping into a relationship with the next person. The ex wife, the ex, and me are the only relationships he's had. I know I should've expected this to happen, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I was literally blinded by love. I didn't judge him on his past, and thought things would be different, but of course, they never are. It hurts to think that he's happier with someone that treated him like complete crap than with me. He said he had talked to her and that she changed, didn't having a drinking problem anymore, and was doing good for herself. In my experience with alcoholism, and given the fact she still drinks, I highly doubt they will live happily ever after. I just cannot believe he went back to her, or that she even took him back after what he did to her. I want to say that I'd be strong enough to say no if he were to ever try coming back to me, but again, love is blind. I have so many feelings and questions running through my mind. Was our relationship doomed from the start because he still had feelings for her? Was our love even real, or was I just someone to take the place of his ex so he wouldn't be alone? I feel angry for what he did, but at the same time I feel stupid for putting myself in that situation, practically setting myself up to be hurt. This is his pattern, so why am I so surprised that he did it to me? At this moment I regret falling in love with him. I hope his relationship turns toxic, just like it was before, and he realizes he threw away a great thing with me. I've finally accepted the fact that it's over between us, but that hasn't made the pain go away.
ephemeralme Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I found out last night that my ex is back with the person he was with before me , and it hurts like hell. Literally as soon as I opened my eyes this morning I said to myself he left me for her!!! He broke up with me 3 weeks ago, and he was talking to her again right after, or maybe even while we were together, but I can't say for sure. A little background on them. He was with her for 4 years prior to us getting together. He told me that she had a drinking problem, and would get abuse with him; verbally, mentally, and sometimes physically. They would go through periods where she "changed" and things would be OK, then it would start all over again. He just couldn't take the fighting anymore and left her, to be with me. He and I met at work. At first we were just friendly coworkers, then the flirting started, and we fell in love very quickly. He moved in within a couple of months, and we were together for a little over a year. We never fought, and he'd talk about how happy that made him, how it was the perfect relationship. I hate to admit it but we started messing around while he was still with his ex, and a couple of weeks later is when he broke up with her, and we officially started our relationship. I know, I know, bad move!! He had also left a 16 relationship to be with his ex, literally cheating on his then wife , and then getting a divorce to be with this woman. So he obviously has a pattern of cheating on someone and immediately jumping into a relationship with the next person. The ex wife, the ex, and me are the only relationships he's had. I know I should've expected this to happen, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I was literally blinded by love. I didn't judge him on his past, and thought things would be different, but of course, they never are. It hurts to think that he's happier with someone that treated him like complete crap than with me. He said he had talked to her and that she changed, didn't having a drinking problem anymore, and was doing good for herself. In my experience with alcoholism, and given the fact she still drinks, I highly doubt they will live happily ever after. I just cannot believe he went back to her, or that she even took him back after what he did to her. I want to say that I'd be strong enough to say no if he were to ever try coming back to me, but again, love is blind. I have so many feelings and questions running through my mind. Was our relationship doomed from the start because he still had feelings for her? Was our love even real, or was I just someone to take the place of his ex so he wouldn't be alone? I feel angry for what he did, but at the same time I feel stupid for putting myself in that situation, practically setting myself up to be hurt. This is his pattern, so why am I so surprised that he did it to me? At this moment I regret falling in love with him. I hope his relationship turns toxic, just like it was before, and he realizes he threw away a great thing with me. I've finally accepted the fact that it's over between us, but that hasn't made the pain go away. sorry, this has caused you hurt... but it will be a great and valuable lesson if you pay attention-- he was/is ONE GIANT RED FLAG... do yourself a favor and look up emotionally unavailable men/women ie Natalie Lue Baggage reclaim he is the classic example . and -- yes, this new R will fall apart too--just make sure you aren't there waiting for him with an open door.... shut it -lock it and throw away the keys!!! 1
dangerbang Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I'm at the stage where my mind can run away with itself and ask a million unanswered questions about my recent relationship failure. There are no answers though. Your ex should be but memories now, that's all she is now is thoughts in your head. Try and recognise that. Any answers you get wouldn't help, they'd just create more questions. She's just a ghost in your head now. Make sure there's no reminders of him and no way of hearing from him ever again and you'll be fine in time. There's no other way. 1
ravfour4 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 You sound like a female version of the guy my ex left me for. They met at work after we had dated for 4 years, I'm sure there was overlap and he was cheating on his wife as well, she almost left him to come back to me just a few days ago, but then went back to him. I'm sure what my ex and him have will fall apart and maybe she'll come running back just like your ex may come running back to you, but I'm also sure I'll be over her by then and hopefully with a much better and more stable woman. People who have cheated in the past are always capable of doing it again. It just shows that their desire to be wanted (likely due to a low self-esteem) is greater than their ability to remain loyal and devoted. 1
spiderowl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 (edited) Sorry to hear what's happened. I think one has reason to be wary where a guy has: - been dumped recently by an ex he adored It was not his choice he left and he probably still hasn't got over it. It's natural he would need female company but don't risk your heart in this situation. - left his ex because of her behaviour not because he'd fallen out of love with her He's still in love with his ex! The minute she changes her behaviour, starts seeing someone else, or pleads extra hard for him to come back, he is at risk of rushing back to her. - been in a marriage or other long-term relationship and left it to be with someone else He has a strong bond here that won't just disappear like that. He fancies someone else for a change but if his marriage/relationship had really been over, he would have left long before he met the new girl. I don't think it's any reflection on you but, yes, in retrospect, you can see things weren't quite over with his ex. Edited May 3, 2015 by spiderowl
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