JustMeAlone Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Just a month ago we were still together. She is 25 and I am 23. We've had 2 wonderful years. We were always together, hearts beating and love between us. After 1 year she went back to her country, so became LDR. All went good, we talked everyday on whatsapp, we skyped almost every night. She also wanted to make a life with me a grow old with me, so she waited there until i finished my cooking degree and find a job in order to make a living for us both. She always told me how much she loved me and that she never felt like this before, that she only sees me and she wants a life with me very much... On april 4th we had a fight because in the 3 last months I felt her a bit distant and cold, she was never a very talkative person, she was a very quiet one and introvert, but I accepted her personality as I found her perfect, beautiful and kind. I would've just liked her to express her feeling for me more often, because during LDR all we have are words...and since she wans't very good at words...she couldn't... That day she finally told me that she didn't know what she wanted anymore...She also knew from the beginning that her parents would've never accepted our relationship, so she was feeling very pressured for this reason. 3 days later she broke up with me and a week after, I saw a picture of her and this guy holding hands in a pub. That night she told me "I love you, I want you with all of my heart but I'm giving up on us. I'm a bad person for you and hope you will find a kind person who can love you like you deserve." I deleted her from facebook and told her to not write me because I need time for me in order to accept this break-up. I also told her that I can't be just friends with her after I gave her all my heart and everything I had. She was my everything, guys, I always treated her with all my best and despite the distance, always found a way to make her loved and cared. Now I'm in pieces, I didn't spoke to her in 16 days, I literally dissapeared from her life and I don't know what to do. I would like her to understand that we were so good together...I know she loved me to the moon and back... I don't know if she and that guy are still dating but I am kind of sure that she still thinks about me. In september I will go to her country after I get my degree and I don't know what to do since then... Please guys, I need some advice from you, especially from the older ones who already passed through this stuff. Thank you very much! Hugs from Italy!
Holmes85 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 (edited) JustMeAlone, Your Ex Girlfriend has spend 2 years with you, you have become routine to her, everything else seems exciting to her besides being with you. She started to flirt with so called "friend" of hers around your back. When you noticed her change in behavior, that is when she was emotionally invested in the new guy, since she didn't knew if the feelings were mutual, she kept you close as a backup plan. Once everything was set, she pulled the trigger on you and rushed to other guys arms who she precieves as the love of her life (for now). She will make attempts in the future to throw breadcrumbs at you to see how you are coping without her, would possibly also give another shot to be friends with you, her main purpose would be ease her guilt knowing that you are fine, which is why it's important that you do not give any sort of information to her and cut her out of your life. She is definitely going to reach out to you once the Honeymoon phase is over with the new guy to see where your head is at, if things aren't going as planned for her, she's gonna make her way back into your life whispering sweet nothings. The question you have to ask yourself is, why would you want a girl like this in your life who was emotionally cheating on you while still being with you? All the time & effort you invested in her and she went to this other dude's arms like you meant nothing to her. I say you cut this one off, take as much time as you need to recover and update to a better girlfriend, by the time she realizes what she has done and is in a trainwreck, she's going to be begging to get back with you, by that time she would be history and you would treat her like a "has been". She would learn her lesson in due time and you my friend have dodged a bullet. Edited May 2, 2015 by Holmes85 ! 2
Author JustMeAlone Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 So you think I should just move on? It seems so hard to me to believe that after all we've been theough,she could leave me like this...
Holmes85 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 JustMeAlone, You are still in an emotional state. You are thinking how could she have done this to me, we have 2 years behind us. You need to look at the reality on what it is now, now what once was, here's the reality that you need to accept and face in the upcoming months. - She has left you (not you her) - She was emotionally cheating on you (not you on her) - She replaced you within weeks (not you) - She broke up with you using petty arguments (not you on her) You are the victim here, stop blaming yourself for everything and going in circles in thinking it could be because of this she left me, it could be because of that, if I did things differently etc. It wouldn't have matter either way, because in her mind she knew she was going to replace you with this guy. Look dude, you are in so much pain right now, while she's having the time of her life. Who seems to be the victim here? You need to recover, you can't recover and see things for what they are unless you get a control of your emotions, this is not going to happen anytime soon, you need at least a year and a few months to recover, it's not going to be easy, but if you take active steps, you would recover faster. Don't waste your time more than you already have with this girl, she doesn't deserve a second of your thoughts, if she wants to get in touch with you, she will, the roles are reversed now, since she's the one who dumped you, it's up to her to make things right, but like I said why would you want to be with someone who was already messing around with this other guy prior to your breakup? Can you trust her again that she wouldn't do that again? You need to be on your own for a while to recover, you can't rush things, it takes time, but you would benefit with it in the long run.
medzeer Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 First of all, you are not alone. I feel your pain, just as mostly all users here feel it too. I am not sure if this is your first break up or not, but you have to understand that there is no such thing as "the one". She is just the girl you were willing to invest, thats it. I promise you, you will find someone else. I'm not going to say better nor worse, just different. This is not the end of the world. Break ups happen every day, every human being broke up with someone at some point in life. You will be in pain, you will suffer alot, it might take months or even years, but never forget that it will get better. And by better i mean that you will find someone again who you'd be willing to invest in. And you know what? You guys will break up. REPEAT REPEAT and than one day BOOOM! You will meet a girl and you will marry her, have kids with her, and you will be happy. That is life. 1
Author JustMeAlone Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I know she has been kind of a bad person...she left me in pieces.I'm trying to move on and improve myself as a person but I have this thought stuck in my head that one day she will text me. I also know that we will have to see eachother because her cousin is a good friend of mine and our families know eachother...
Author JustMeAlone Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Medzeer, thank you for your words. As bad as it may sound, It feels better to know that I'm not alone... I'm having such a hard time accepting that all our plans about the future just vanished in one day... I thought we would be the ones to prove everybody wrong and be together no matter what...I also tend to think that a relationship is like a house, when a lightbulb gets broken, you work to change the lightbulb, not to change the house...
medzeer Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 This is sad as F**K. I know exactly how you feel, i was planning to propose soon i wanted 3 kids, mansion in the forest and her being by my side. It sucks that im not going to have that with her. But the good part is that i will have that with someone else, maybe someone who is more compatible, treats me better, you never know. We just have to wait and see what is waiting for us in the future.
Author JustMeAlone Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Yes, it's sad as f**k indeed. I guess patience is the only thing left...
Satu Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 *So you think I should just move on? It seems so hard to me to believe that after all we've been theough,she could leave me like this... *Yes, you absolutely should move on. The relationship is over and you are now a single person. Restructure your life to fit that reality, and you will slowly recover your feelings of happiness. 1
AntonDaems Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I guess try to move on , girls want something they cant have so maybe and i say maybe if you ment very much for her she will get in touch after a while , for now just go on and dont contact her anymore , seemingly she is the one that is wrong in this situation ...
Satu Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I guess try to move on , girls want something they cant have so maybe and i say maybe if you ment very much for her she will get in touch after a while , for now just go on and dont contact her anymore , seemingly she is the one that is wrong in this situation ... It's not about who is wrong or right. If someone doesn't want to be with you, they don't have to. It's a fundamental right that we all have. They just want something that doesn't reflect what you want.
Author JustMeAlone Posted May 10, 2015 Author Posted May 10, 2015 So I have some updates!!!She just texted me out of the blue after 24 days of Total silence from me. I didn't replyed right away so she said that if she's bothering me she won't try to text me again. She just wanted to know how I am and what I am up to. I acted friendly and polite, just like I am with a distant friend... What should I do now?! She got me thinking a lot...>_<
Ruby65 Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 That's called a "breadcrumb." It means that after a few weeks of not hearing from you, she wanted to be sure you were still around as a Plan B in case she ever changes her mind.... or she was feeling bored/lonely and looking for an ego stroke.... so she hit you up with a random text. It really doesn't mean anything, just that she was looking for some attention and now she knows you're right there waiting to hear from her. You should block her on your phone so she can see what it's like not having you around as an emotional safety net.
bigtrouble Posted May 10, 2015 Posted May 10, 2015 sorry to hear your loss... you are not alone in this... its a constant struggle, day to day... I know its difficult at times... but be strong... time heals wounds... forgive but never forget... its not what you lost or gained... its what you learn... you will come out on top a better person...
IHML24 Posted May 11, 2015 Posted May 11, 2015 JustMeAlone I feel you. 4 months ago my Girlfriend broke up with me and we had been together for 6 years. We all cope with break up at a different pace and it takes a while and almost feels impossible some times. I have just recently felt like the happiest person in a while. Some tips that helped me is that you might have hit rock bottom emotionally and it can only get better from here. This is your time to focus on what makes you happy find your passion for things you like. If you would like to read my story i will link it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/518525-she-leaves-me-after-6-years-2.html
Recommended Posts