totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Hey guys. I've been thinking and reflecting since my last breakup and I really can truly say that I have never experienced anything quite like it. Me and my ex girlfriend had been planning to marry and start a future together along with her son from a previous relationship. She was the only girlfriend who had made such effort to help me getting divorced from my now ex wife. She also came off of the contraceptive injection as we planned having a child together further down the line. She broke up with me after an argument days before we were going to get a flat together and less than a month before my divorce was finalised. Two months after she was with another guy and then got engaged after six weeks. As you can imagine I was and still am totally shocked. It all just seems so surreal that someone could go from wanting to marry you and even say they had dreamed what date we would marry then a few months later be doing the whole thing again before the date they had dreamed of marrying someone else. I could understand if I had cheated or something but its just so weird.
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Sounds to me like you dodged a big bullet with this one. It sounds like she may have been using you as a "placeholder" until the guy she really wanted came along. She may have also been seeing this other guy on the side also, previous to her breaking up with you. Be thankful you did not get her pregnant, because she would have probably still bailed out regardless. Hope you are on your way to healing and putting this behind you now. 4
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Sounds to me like you dodged a big bullet with this one. It sounds like she may have been using you as a "placeholder" until the guy she really wanted came along. She may have also been seeing this other guy on the side also, previous to her breaking up with you. Be thankful you did not get her pregnant, because she would have probably still bailed out regardless. Hope you are on your way to healing and putting this behind you now. Thanks for your reply I really have no clue what has happened all I know is that before me she was with a guy from her work then she jumped to me and claimed she had wanted me for years and that she quickly jumped to another guy who works as a bouncer at the bar she works. I could never have imagined this lol.
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks for your reply I really have no clue what has happened all I know is that before me she was with a guy from her work then she jumped to me and claimed she had wanted me for years and that she quickly jumped to another guy who works as a bouncer at the bar she works. I could never have imagined this lol. Yes I remember your original thread, and I was equally baffled. But it's easy for me and others to tell you to just move on. But I know the devastation you must still be feeling, and healing is slow sometimes, but you will get there. TBH she sounds like she may be very unstable, probably stating the obvious, but I would not want to be the guy she about to marry. Karma's a bitch, and no doubt he will get his dose too from her someday. The worst part of your situation that I can see is that you did not get closure with her. Not that it would have made you feel any better, but at least having the decency to speak with you face to face one last time, to answer your questions. Take as much time as you need, the hurt will fade. Then get back out there and meet a decent woman. 1
Holmes85 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Hey guys. I've been thinking and reflecting since my last breakup and I really can truly say that I have never experienced anything quite like it. Me and my ex girlfriend had been planning to marry and start a future together along with her son from a previous relationship. She was the only girlfriend who had made such effort to help me getting divorced from my now ex wife. She also came off of the contraceptive injection as we planned having a child together further down the line. She broke up with me after an argument days before we were going to get a flat together and less than a month before my divorce was finalised. Two months after she was with another guy and then got engaged after six weeks. As you can imagine I was and still am totally shocked. It all just seems so surreal that someone could go from wanting to marry you and even say they had dreamed what date we would marry then a few months later be doing the whole thing again before the date they had dreamed of marrying someone else. I could understand if I had cheated or something but its just so weird. totenkopf, The big question you need to ask yourself is, why would you want to be with such a woman who brekas up with you for petty reasons and within days is with someone else. What's going to happen the next time you guys are going to have an argument? Is she gonna run to another guy and get engaged again? My advice to you would be to let this one ago and take as much as time as you need to recover, once you are back in control of your emotions and ready to date, upgrade to a better girlfriend who knows what she wants and isn't going to discard you for petty arguments. This Ex-Girlfriend of yours is going to go through many train-wrecks in her life, let her ride this one alone, you are better off without her, unless you want to be a part of this unnecesary drama and want to torture yourself because you are bored. 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 Yes I remember your original thread, and I was equally baffled. But it's easy for me and others to tell you to just move on. But I know the devastation you must still be feeling, and healing is slow sometimes, but you will get there. TBH she sounds like she may be very unstable, probably stating the obvious, but I would not want to be the guy she about to marry. Karma's a bitch, and no doubt he will get his dose too from her someday. The worst part of your situation that I can see is that you did not get closure with her. Not that it would have made you feel any better, but at least having the decency to speak with you face to face one last time, to answer your questions. Take as much time as you need, the hurt will fade. Then get back out there and meet a decent woman. Thanks mate You are right I had no closure at all. How things went from her son laying in bed with us two days before and saying when we got married that she wanted him to take my name to nothing. It has absolutely destroyed me I am not going to lie.
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 totenkopf, The big question you need to ask yourself is, why would you want to be with such a woman who brekas up with you for petty reasons and within days is with someone else. What's going to happen the next time you guys are going to have an argument? Is she gonna run to another guy and get engaged again? My advice to you would be to let this one ago and take as much as time as you need to recover, once you are back in control of your emotions and ready to date, upgrade to a better girlfriend who knows what she wants and isn't going to discard you for petty arguments. This Ex-Girlfriend of yours is going to go through many train-wrecks in her life, let her ride this one alone, you are better off without her, unless you want to be a part of this unnecesary drama and want to torture yourself because you are bored. Thank you for your reply When I say I wanted to be with her for many years as she told me also I truly meant it. I agree that she is no good and is always riding a train wreck. I just really felt it was all so true and was meant to be which is what hurts so much.
Holmes85 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 One thing I can assure you, you would be sleeping a whole better at night compared to her. 1
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks mate You are right I had no closure at all. How things went from her son laying in bed with us two days before and saying when we got married that she wanted him to take my name to nothing. It has absolutely destroyed me I am not going to lie. I've dated a few women with small children before, so I know the attachment that can develop with the children. This dynamic just adds to the devastation of the over all break up. Don't wait for her to ever give you that closure, she may never speak to you again. Just know that breaking up with you over a simple argument then getting engaged two months later, is not normal behavior. Don't beat yourself up too much over this, because not many other guys would have seen this coming either. 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I've dated a few women with small children before, so I know the attachment that can develop with the children. This dynamic just adds to the devastation of the over all break up. Don't wait for her to ever give you that closure, she may never speak to you again. Just know that breaking up with you over a simple argument then getting engaged two months later, is not normal behavior. Don't beat yourself up too much over this, because not many other guys would have seen this coming either. Thank you Your words are much appreciated. I just could not imagine having a child and involving a partner in to their life to such an extent she did just to cut that person out of their life and in months be doing it over again. I mean this is a five year old child. I do not expect any closure from her, her idea of closure was getting her new bf to send me a picture of the ring. Her behaviour is not normal I fully agree and I really do not think many guys would have seen it coming either. Who would see it coming when a womanasks you to sign a card with her to her son a week or two before and lets you wrap each and every present to him, its so wrong. 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 One thing I can assure you, you would be sleeping a whole better at night compared to her. Haha I really do not think she has any guilt 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I don't think it is a case of she never loved me more that she does not love anyone.
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I don't think it is a case of she never loved me more that she does not love anyone. She may also be one of those people that confuses courtship with love. In other words, she's in love while being pursued, but looses interest once she has settled into the relationship. If this is the case with her, she will never be happy no matter who she's with.
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 She may also be one of those people that confuses courtship with love. In other words, she's in love while being pursued, but looses interest once she has settled into the relationship. If this is the case with her, she will never be happy no matter who she's with. I really have no clue who or what she is to be honest. She said so many things which I have never been told by any woman. We did so much together and had so many connections. A month before we split up she was shouting abuse at a guy shooting pigeons and we went back with an air horn. The guy she is with now is in to shooting animals... I do not know anything its like she has another personality now.
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 She's unstable and has serious issues. Thanks Satu I really feel she is unstable myself. Her mum is Schizophrenic as was her mum before her. It just still does not take away the pain I am feeling. 1
Satu Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks Satu I really feel she is unstable myself. Her mum is Schizophrenic as was her mum before her. It just still does not take away the pain I am feeling. The only way of taking the pain away is by feeling it. That's quite a paradox, I know. Feel it, express it, and be with yourself as you do so. Eventually it comes to an end. Some people try to bury the pain, or resist it, or deny it, but the result of that is a permanent state of dull and empty unhappiness. You'll be ok because you have all the tools you need to be ok. All the best, Satu 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 The only way of taking the pain away is by feeling it. That's quite a paradox, I know. Feel it, express it, and be with yourself as you do so. Eventually it comes to an end. Some people try to bury the pain, or resist it, or deny it, but the result of that is a permanent state of dull and empty unhappiness. You'll be ok because you have all the tools you need to be ok. All the best, Satu Thank you Satu I am most grateful for your help and wise words I feel such pain but I suppose it will make me who I am 1
spiderowl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Thanks mate You are right I had no closure at all. How things went from her son laying in bed with us two days before and saying when we got married that she wanted him to take my name to nothing. It has absolutely destroyed me I am not going to lie. Sorry to hear this, I went through something similar a few years ago with a guy apparently moving much faster than me. I think he was just saying how he thought things should be rather than being in touch with reality. It's wishful thinking and fantasy and as such doesn't last long. Such people are not trustworthy because they don't know their own feelings, they just spin a tale to fit the present circumstances and then switch it the next day. This is why I'd take time to get to know a guy now, I'm just not prepared to risk wasting my emotional energy on someone who is living in the realms of fantasy.
Author totenkopf Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 Sorry to hear this, I went through something similar a few years ago with a guy apparently moving much faster than me. I think he was just saying how he thought things should be rather than being in touch with reality. It's wishful thinking and fantasy and as such doesn't last long. Such people are not trustworthy because they don't know their own feelings, they just spin a tale to fit the present circumstances and then switch it the next day. This is why I'd take time to get to know a guy now, I'm just not prepared to risk wasting my emotional energy on someone who is living in the realms of fantasy. Thanks Spiderowl Yeah things moved very fast I was introduced to her son within weeks and within a short while was being left to look after him while she was at work and such. Something is clearly very wrong here I mean the way she quickly moved on to a guy who she has major differences with and gets engaged to him after six weeks. It seems she doesn't have any problem or second thoughy of what she is putting her child through either I mean I would take him to school everyday with her and even signed a birthday card with her to him. To be honest I suppose I have seen what a lowlife she truly is.
Author totenkopf Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Hi all. I have previously posted many threads about my ex girlfriend. It has really hit me hard today that her behaviour is just disgusting. The signs were there and I was so deluded that I ignored them. Seriously what kind of woman would let a man be in their childs life like she did me. Taking him to school, meeting teachers basically being a father figure. Two months later doing the same with another guy. I can not even use words to describe how vile I think she is.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 Hi all. I have previously posted many threads about my ex girlfriend. It has really hit me hard today that her behaviour is just disgusting. The signs were there and I was so deluded that I ignored them. Seriously what kind of woman would let a man be in their childs life like she did me. Taking him to school, meeting teachers basically being a father figure. Two months later doing the same with another guy. I can not even use words to describe how vile I think she is. Not your problem anymore though is it? Stop getting wrapped up in stupid thoughts. 1
Author totenkopf Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Not your problem anymore though is it? Stop getting wrapped up in stupid thoughts. I wish I could agree that it is a stupid thought. To me at this moment in time it really isn't I hope soon it will be though.
dangerbang Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 I wish I could agree that it is a stupid thought. To me at this moment in time it really isn't I hope soon it will be though. Well why do you care what she's doing now? Take a step back from this and observe your thoughts. That's all they are. Figments of your imagination. Don't follow the thoughts just let them pass by. You're only trying to harm yourself.
Author totenkopf Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Well why do you care what she's doing now? Take a step back from this and observe your thoughts. That's all they are. Figments of your imagination. Don't follow the thoughts just let them pass by. You're only trying to harm Thanks Dangerbang I think I need that kind of advice. 1
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