brad5 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 (edited) I'd like a female perspective here please. Okay so I have had a interesting last few years and want some honest feedback about my situation. Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 13 years, we never married because timing and things never seemed right.(no kids either). I was sent to prison for a year for a money embezzlement crime that I did not commit (wrong company, wrong place, wrong time,but that's another story)and during this time things started seeming different between me and my long term girlfriend. For our time together (before prison) our relationship seemed great, we hardly argued and was comfortable in each others company 24/7. At the start of my sentence she would write everyday expressing how much she loved me and how much she'd be here for me throughout my bad experience. Then 6months into me being inside, she stopped writing for 3-4 weeks and her visiting me started to decrease. Anyway on her next visit to me her affection towards me seemed cold.(barley hugged or kissed me and SHE ALWAYS HUGS AND KISSES ME). She had no explanation for not writing and seemed very vague about what shed been up to in the time she hadn't written. Whilst she was talking to me on this visit she mentioned some other guy's name. I asked her who this person was and I picked up on the fact that her body language changed, she began to get nervous and without going into all of the details I am 100 % confident that she lied to me regarding all of my questions around this guy(you can just tell when you've lived and been with someone for so long). (and for the record I am a very laidback easy to talk to person and not the over possessive type, just thought i'd mention). Anyway Once she realised for herself that she was just digging a bigger hole for herself. She turned her body away from me and said she refuses to talk about it anymore. After this point everything with her seemed different i'd get a letter maybe once every 2 weeks and there was no love in them like before, each one felt like a chore for her to do. She'd never sound happy to hear from me when I called her. Further more even though she wrote to me everyday in the beginning she took 2months to even send me her phone number after I got sent away.( As I didn't know it off my head). I'd write and ask her what was going on and she'd say she's not breaking up, not cheating on me, that she still loves me and is still in love with me. but her actions told me something different. So time goes on and this strange behaviour continues she visits me once everything 2 & a half months on average. Then just before I get out, I get this thing called a home leave where they let you out of the prison for a few days. And you must return to the prison yourself. Now being locked up for almost a year you can probably imagine that I'm feeling honry as ever. (Plus I'd been working out like crazy and had got myself in good shape). Anyway when we got home she said she didn't feel comfortable having sex and made me wait until the second day before we got down to it and even then she didn't seem as horny as I was (she even said that it had to be a quickie, really after a whole year without sex) This seemed off to me, because before I went away she would rarely turn me away and would like being with me. But after a whole year without sex. I NEED A WOMANS POINT OF VIEW ON THAT ONE! Plus I look much better than I did before I went away as I've got my 6pack and muscles back.(I might take up modelling now LOL i'm just being stupid, but I could Lol) Anyway Also she deleted all of the history on her tablet and seemed very protective anytime I went near it and she put a password lock on her phone and wouldn't let me see it. (this type of behaviour has never happened or been acceptable thought all of our relationship, she's always welcomed me to look at whatever I want, even though I trusted her before I went away so I hardly ever did. But its that fact that she's hiding something that's making me want to look. Since I've been out she hasn't shown me any affection and does not seem happy that I'm back, she has started arguments with me and we have hardly seen or spoken to each other. Although these signs are obvious to me I'd appreciate some females perspectives, as its hard to just let go after so many years. If she'd h Theres way more but I don't want to write a book here. For the record I am a good man and have always treated her well. I am not a criminal despite being in jail, sometimes bad things can happen to good people. Please give your advice on what you think is really going on here. Thank you Edited May 2, 2015 by brad5
Giggle Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 She feels bad for not wanting to be with you anymore and is trying to figure out how to break it to you. She may be waiting until you are out. And quite possibly she is thinking you've been doing various things. I'd ask what she thinks you did and tell her flat out that it's ok she met somebody, you understand. Lol. Being upset isn't gonna help. Sucks for you, sorry.
Author brad5 Posted May 2, 2015 Author Posted May 2, 2015 I have just amended a few typos to my original post. And thanks for you reply. One more question what do you think the odds are that she hasn't cheated on me? I'd like a female perspective here please. Okay so I have had a interesting last few years and want some honest feedback about my situation. Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 13 years, we never married because timing and things never seemed right.(no kids either). I was sent to prison for a year for a money embezzlement crime that I did not commit (wrong company, wrong place, wrong time,but that's another story)and during this time things started seeming different between me and my long term girlfriend. For our time together (before prison) our relationship seemed great, we hardly argued and was comfortable in each others company 24/7. At the start of my sentence she would write everyday expressing how much she loved me and how much she'd be here for me throughout my bad experience. Then 6months into me being inside, she stopped writing for 3-4 weeks and her visiting me started to decrease. Anyway on her next visit to me her affection towards me seemed cold.(barley hugged or kissed me and SHE ALWAYS HUGS AND KISSES ME). She had no explanation for not writing and seemed very vague about what shed been up to in the time she hadn't written. Whilst she was talking to me on this visit she mentioned some other guy's name. I asked her who this person was and I picked up on the fact that her body language changed, she began to get nervous and without going into all of the details I am 100 % confident that she lied to me regarding all of my questions around this guy(you can just tell when you've lived and been with someone for so long). (and for the record I am a very laidback easy to talk to person and not the over possessive type, just thought i'd mention). Anyway Once she realised for herself that she was just digging a bigger hole for herself. She turned her body away from me and said she refuses to talk about it anymore. After this point everything with her seemed different i'd get a letter maybe once every 2 weeks and there was no love in them like before, each one felt like a chore for her to do. She'd never sound happy to hear from me when I called her. Further more even though she wrote to me everyday in the beginning she took 2months to even send me her phone number after I got sent away.( As I didn't know it off my head). I'd write and ask her what was going on and she'd say she's not breaking up, not cheating on me, that she still loves me and is still in love with me. but her actions told me something different. So time goes on and this strange behaviour continues she visits me once every 2 & a half months on average. Then just before I get out, I get this thing called a home leave where they let you out of the prison for a few days. And you must return to the prison yourself. Now being locked up for almost a year you can probably imagine that I'm feeling honry as ever. (Plus I'd been working out like crazy and had got myself in good shape). Anyway when we got home she said she didn't feel comfortable having sex and made me wait until the second day before we got down to it and even then she didn't seem as horny as I was (she even said that it had to be a quickie, (seriouslya quickie.... really....after a whole year without sex) This seemed off to me, because before I went away she would rarely turn me away and would like being with me. But after a whole year without sex. I NEED A WOMANS POINT OF VIEW ON THAT ONE! Plus I look much better than I did before I went away as I've got my 6pack and muscles back.(I might take up modelling now LOL i'm just being stupid, but I could Lol) Anyway Also she deleted all of the history on her tablet and seemed very protective anytime I went near it and she put a password lock on her phone and wouldn't let me see it. (this type of behaviour has never happened or been acceptable throughout all of our relationship, she's always welcomed me to look at whatever I want, even though I trusted her before I went away so I hardly ever did. But its that fact that she's hiding something that's making me want to look. Since I've been out she hasn't shown me any affection and does not seem happy that I'm back, she has started arguments with me and we have hardly seen or spoken to each other. Although these signs are obvious to me I'd appreciate some females perspectives, as its hard to just let go after so many years. Theres way more but I don't want to write a book here. For the record I am a good man and have always treated her well. I am not a criminal despite being in jail, sometimes bad things can happen to good people. Please give your advice on what you think is really going on here. Thank you
spiderowl Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I'm sorry but it sounds like she has mentally checked out of the relationship and moved on, for whatever reason.
preraph Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Here's what I can make out of it. You hadn't married her after 13 years. Unless it was all her idea, anyone would advise that if it hasn't happened by 5 years, it's not going to happen, so that's a mark against commitment. Second, you went to jail and it wasn't your fault. I'm sure she's going along with that, but how could she really be a hundred percent sure that is true? And lastly, would you remain celibate for a year? She was with you a long time, no commitment, and then you ended up in prison. This doesn't go down well with anyone, whether you did it or not. Her friends, her parents, her employers, and any future employers of yours and hers. It's a big black mark on your future, not matter how it happened. A practical woman very well might learn to be on her own during that year and decide it might be for the best. Just sayin. 1
No Limit Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Well she's having another guy, that much is certain (sneakiness about phones etc), and she's obviously also exited the relationship emotionally. I think it's time to call it quits, this relationship is gone and she's probably just waiting for the other guy to come around so she can move right on to him. Serial monogamy and all that.
Author brad5 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 A question for the ladies here. Now the fact she didn't want to have sex when I first came home after a year and made me wait a whole day b4 it happened. Would you say that's 100% proof she's sleeping with another man? How do females think?I've been told that sex is an emotional thing for a female, could this be related? Can each female put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if there's any way or reason that you wouldn't want to sex your man after not seeing him for so long
Author brad5 Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 I just want to see this from all angles. Thankyou
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 She found herself a Sancho. Dump her & move on. Don't take her back if she tries later on, if Sancho leaves. 1
Author brad5 Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 You are all right,it's just hard though, you know. This girl was my life for over a decade& we were together all of the time Like best friends. My life has literally collapsed over the last 3years. From jail, to deaths, I lost everything! Home,job,friends&family. It's crazy I'm still in shock thinking about all that's happened. But anyway back to the topic of this girl So listen to what happened yesterday. I go to her house to get some of my things&drop off a few of her things that she'd been asking for,for a long time. However I only gave her a 5minute warning that I'd be outside. (Now bare in mind that we had always gotten along and it's rare for us to argue& I hadn't even said or done anything to her to warrant a argument. However last week she created an argument over the phone then hung up on me& we hadn't spoken since) Anyway so I get to outside her house& she refuses to let me in, and(which is crazy and out of character) tells me that she will ignore me all day if she has to& and sends me a series of aggressive texts telling me to go away. (Remember that I have done nothing to provoke this) Now I am a highly respected person with morals and I am one of those people no 1 talks to and disrespects, I respect people and receive it back,if you are not respectful your not in my life. Now this is really out of character, it's like,imagine having a best friend that you always laugh and joke with& then 1day they just turn into a different person. Anyway, so I don't play into her aggression& bite my tongue, even say sorry for pissing her off, even though I have nothing to say sorry for. Just with the aim of giving her no ammo or reason to not let me up or even be angry. Plus I'm not a stranger, we had lived in each others pockets and together. I explain that all I want are my things, that I'll be quick getting them& I won't even talk to her if she doesn't want me to. She then continues sending me aggressive texts telling me to go away. Remember I've done nothing Before I left I told her just to put everything aside& that she is making it seem as though she is hiding someone in there& that if she cares about me, she would give me that peace of mind. She ignored me and I left. When will this roller coaster stop? And it's funny because one of the reasons I didn't defend myself properly in court before I got sent down was to protect her.
Toodaloo Posted May 5, 2015 Posted May 5, 2015 it's funny because one of the reasons I didn't defend myself properly in court before I got sent down was to protect her. Congratulations Mr Scapegoat. Arrange a time to pick up your belongings, pick them up and move on from this one. Get yourself sorted with a job home etc and if in the future you catch even a sniff of anyone doing anything that is not 100% above board - walk away. Time to pull the emergency brake on that roller coaster and get the hell off. Only you can do that. Your going to find it difficult to get work now so I suggest that you utilise any and all help you can get. If there is a way in which you can get your name cleared do it.
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