Moreesleep Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 (edited) It does not seem much like a LDR to me.. about 36 miles nevertheless We have already had two dates the first date where we met we were kissing within the first 15 min, it was a bit unexpected but we just connected really well looked into each others eyes.. SO yeah we had fun, 2nd date more or less the same had a enjoyable time she wanted to pay for dinner but I did, we talked about more serious things like if I wanted to have kids and planning for things down the road.. ended up making out in starbucks. Now she wanted to talk to me after I came back from vacation which I'm back now, when I asked what it was about she told me "life" Not sure what that means but she's been very open with me in which I have been with her as well, the last time I saw her she told me tonight that she got emotional when I got on the train to leave to go home, she calls almost all the time just to hear my voice.. BUT you know girls have other friends who always talk in their ears, I'm sure just making sure she does not get hurt, I told her that's not me her friend seems to be critical of me, but that time we were in starbucks we took a picture togeather and she sent it to her friend and her friend was like HI.. but seems seems critical of my distance and how does she know I'm not crazy.. mind you we already met 2 times.. So I asked maybe she needs to meet me and shes like no she might hate you even more. Not clue she just seems very over protective. But anyways she told me about her past and stuff and it was not pretty but she is willing to give it another shot, she seems to be a bit insecure however, like every now and then she will be like you are not talking to any other girls are you and I tell her no you are the only one who I'm talking to.. she told me the last guy was a LDR and he cheated on her. She also wants to make it worth my time she would hate for me to spend $20 to take the train and only able to see me for like 20 min she would rather it be a few hours.. So after I got back from my vacation she wanted to take a vacation alone, shes like you went alone.. which she is right so I guess we have to trust each other, she did invite me to her friend's baby shower because she wanted me to go with her and a group function she also wanted me to go with her to. I will also said she has said to me at least twice that I have a lot of patience with her Edited May 2, 2015 by Subaru
SingleDude Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 This wouldn't happen to be in NJ, would it? Sounds like someone I know.
Gary S Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Sounds like she has trust issues from when she was cheated on the past. There is nothing you can do about but see if it works for the two of you. Counseling could help her, perhaps. But you can't do anything about her demon ghosts from the past. Emotional baggage can be a dealbreaker sometimes, some people have too much.
SingleDude Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 How old are you 2? Was there really a need for that?
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Was there really a need for that? Of course there is a need to know your age. My advice will be different if she is 20 than if she is 40. 1
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 * her and her friends consider 36 miles a long distance. *she told me tonight that she got emotional when I got on the train to leave to go home, she calls almost all the time just to hear my voice.. *BUT you know girls have other friends who always talk in their ears *We were in starbucks we took a picture together and she sent it to her friend and her friend was like HI.. but seems seems critical of my distance and how does she know I'm not crazy.. mind you we already met 2 times.. *like every now and then she will be like you are not talking to any other girls are you and I tell her no you are the only one who I'm talking to To me this woman sounds very young and has not figured out who she is yet. So much neediness after 2 dates only is concerning. She is also seeking her peers approvals and that is another concerns and another proof she is not her own woman yet. The other thing that grabbed my attention is the selfie at Starbucks on second date. This is something I would expect from a 15 year old, not a woman in her 20s as I am suspecting she is at least early 20s. If you are looking for a woman for a long lasting relationship I would suggest you keep on looking. There are young women out there in their 20s with self confidence who know their own value and have their own mind. She should have been completely into you, and forget about her friends and FB. If you want to keep on dating this one then be ready to constantly reassure her and also spot check once in a while what wild ideas her friends are putting in her head. As it stands you are not having a relationship with her, you're having a relationship with her + her friends who are dictating her what's good and not good for her.
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 What's she worried about? You seem like a nice caring guy. The fact that she thinks 36 miles is long distance is very troubling. She relies too much on her friends. Posting the selfie to FB maybe I can understand but having to e-mail it to her friend right there is too dependent on others & seeking external validation. Not healthy at all. Two dates in & she's freaking about you "talking to other girls" but you two are discussing kids. That's too divergent. Her getting emotional when you got on the train to go home at the end of your 2nd date indicates that she is clingy & insecure. She seems young / naive / bonkers . . . take your pick. It's not your job to alleviate her imaginary worries. If you are acting honorably, which I think you are, she needs to grow up & become less insecure. Her BFF whispering bad things in her ear is not helping. What I think you so do is date women who don't have all of her insecurities who have a better grip on reality. 1
Author Moreesleep Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 How old are you 2? I'm 30 and she's 21.. now mind you I just out of talking with someone who was 23 but far less mature then this girl which is why I gave this one a try. Sounds like she has trust issues from when she was cheated on the past. There is nothing you can do about but see if it works for the two of you. Counseling could help her, perhaps. But you can't do anything about her demon ghosts from the past. Emotional baggage can be a dealbreaker sometimes, some people have too much.Yeah she told me the last guy she was with it was a LDR and she did not know he was engaged and he ended up hurting her.. So I guess she feels it might be the same way.. She said most of the guys shes was with she ended up finding out later on they were engaged, I told her well I'm not. * her and her friends consider 36 miles a long distance. *she told me tonight that she got emotional when I got on the train to leave to go home, she calls almost all the time just to hear my voice.. *BUT you know girls have other friends who always talk in their ears *We were in starbucks we took a picture together and she sent it to her friend and her friend was like HI.. but seems seems critical of my distance and how does she know I'm not crazy.. mind you we already met 2 times.. *like every now and then she will be like you are not talking to any other girls are you and I tell her no you are the only one who I'm talking to To me this woman sounds very young and has not figured out who she is yet. So much neediness after 2 dates only is concerning. She is also seeking her peers approvals and that is another concerns and another proof she is not her own woman yet. The other thing that grabbed my attention is the selfie at Starbucks on second date. This is something I would expect from a 15 year old, not a woman in her 20s as I am suspecting she is at least early 20s. If you are looking for a woman for a long lasting relationship I would suggest you keep on looking. There are young women out there in their 20s with self confidence who know their own value and have their own mind. She should have been completely into you, and forget about her friends and FB. If you want to keep on dating this one then be ready to constantly reassure her and also spot check once in a while what wild ideas her friends are putting in her head. As it stands you are not having a relationship with her, you're having a relationship with her + her friends who are dictating her what's good and not good for her.She was the one looking for a Long term relationship (as well as me) when we first met and after she would ask me awhile bunch of life life questions like what would I do and how I would handle certain things. Being as what I just got out of (I spent money on a girl who did not care about me) This is a cakewalk, however the last girl had me feeling scared to make any contact with her so while I'm trying to get used to it, this girl is fine with me touching her. What's she worried about? You seem like a nice caring guy. The fact that she thinks 36 miles is long distance is very troubling. She relies too much on her friends. Posting the selfie to FB maybe I can understand but having to e-mail it to her friend right there is too dependent on others & seeking external validation. Not healthy at all. Two dates in & she's freaking about you "talking to other girls" but you two are discussing kids. That's too divergent. Her getting emotional when you got on the train to go home at the end of your 2nd date indicates that she is clingy & insecure. She seems young / naive / bonkers . . . take your pick. It's not your job to alleviate her imaginary worries. If you are acting honorably, which I think you are, she needs to grow up & become less insecure. Her BFF whispering bad things in her ear is not helping. What I think you so do is date women who don't have all of her insecurities who have a better grip on reality. she lives in NY and and me coming from CT she feels it's long but I don't mind I picked her up from her job the other day we drove around ended up parking at the park and we held hands in the car and looked out the sunroof, I tried to get her to talk to me about this "talk" she wanted to have with me about life and when I asked about it she did not really say anything but just grin. I also told her about her friend but in a nice way, I said I'm not trying to break up your friendship with her but I feel it's a little unfair to get judged, she told me not to worry about it. So we took a little nap in the car holding hands, then watched a little game of thrones and she like I want you to rub my head.. so at first I was just playing with her hair and she was like I don't feel anything so I rubbed her head harder and she ended up liking it and getting sleepy. I will be honest we have both been open in the relationship which I would guess is a plus so we have nothing to hide.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I'm 30 and she's 21.. she lives in NY and and me coming from CT she feels it's long but I don't mind . That explains it. She's too young & NYers think anything more then 1 subway stop away is long distance. You do realize that she is going to punish & berate you for the other guy's sins though.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 She hasn't done any of that yet Yes she has. Her constant need for validation from her friend, her telling you about her trust issues because of the other guy, being freaked out by 36 miles and saying garbage about it not being worth your while . . . she's testing you & assuming you are just like the guy who hurt her feelings.
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 It does not seem much like a LDR to me.. about 36 miles nevertheless We have already had two dates the first date where we met we were kissing within the first 15 min, it was a bit unexpected but we just connected really well looked into each others eyes.. SO yeah we had fun, 2nd date more or less the same had a enjoyable time she wanted to pay for dinner but I did, we talked about more serious things like if I wanted to have kids and planning for things down the road.. ended up making out in starbucks. Now she wanted to talk to me after I came back from vacation which I'm back now, when I asked what it was about she told me "life" Not sure what that means but she's been very open with me in which I have been with her as well, the last time I saw her she told me tonight that she got emotional when I got on the train to leave to go home, she calls almost all the time just to hear my voice.. BUT you know girls have other friends who always talk in their ears, I'm sure just making sure she does not get hurt, I told her that's not me her friend seems to be critical of me, but that time we were in starbucks we took a picture togeather and she sent it to her friend and her friend was like HI.. but seems seems critical of my distance and how does she know I'm not crazy.. mind you we already met 2 times.. So I asked maybe she needs to meet me and shes like no she might hate you even more. Not clue she just seems very over protective. But anyways she told me about her past and stuff and it was not pretty but she is willing to give it another shot, she seems to be a bit insecure however, like every now and then she will be like you are not talking to any other girls are you and I tell her no you are the only one who I'm talking to.. she told me the last guy was a LDR and he cheated on her. She also wants to make it worth my time she would hate for me to spend $20 to take the train and only able to see me for like 20 min she would rather it be a few hours.. So after I got back from my vacation she wanted to take a vacation alone, shes like you went alone.. which she is right so I guess we have to trust each other, she did invite me to her friend's baby shower because she wanted me to go with her and a group function she also wanted me to go with her to. I will also said she has said to me at least twice that I have a lot of patience with her She is behaving like this after only 2 dates? Houston, we have a problem. And so do you for entertaining it. Your patience will be tested to the limit.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 She is behaving like this after only 2 dates? Houston, we have a problem. And so do you for entertaining it. Your patience will be tested to the limit. OP, listen to this poster. Her past is already coming back to haunt you after two dates. That is a bad sign indeed. She isn't ready for a relationship yet. Expect it to get worse if you continue.
Author Moreesleep Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 She is in no way worse then what I just came out of trust me.. you can check my other thread a few months back.. now that was 6 months of HELL!
Timshel Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 I'm 30 and she's 21.. now mind you I just out of talking with someone who was 23 but far less mature then this girl which is why I gave this one a try. Yeah she told me the last guy she was with it was a LDR and she did not know he was engaged and he ended up hurting her.. So I guess she feels it might be the same way.. She said most of the guys shes was with she ended up finding out later on they were engaged, I told her well I'm not. She does seem very insecure and to be fair she is young. Reading this part made me wonder if after dating her for a month you may remember that you're "engaged" too.
Author Moreesleep Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 Oh brother.. So today went like that I asked her about a double date and shes like my work schedule changes so she can't say for sure, so I said ok no rush.. so I said I miss you and shes said don't miss me only miss me when i'm gone.. she would not explain more in detail.. So here is the thing, I went to her home country while on vacation and near about the time to come back she asked if I would come with her on vacation and I said I would.. so when I finally get back it switched from me coming to her needing some alone time, so I was like OK she's like I had to trust you when you were alone. Now she asked me if I was willing to come to Miami with her for vacation but she was like separate rooms? she was like I really need a vacation but some alone time, so I said instead of separate rooms how about separate beds, and she was like OK In some twisted way I think this is her testing my loyally, now as far as the separate bed thing I don't know
Gaeta Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 She is barely out of her teenage years what do you expect? If you want a functional stable reliable healthy relationship look for a woman your age. That's why you got all flustered when I asked both your age. She's a kid. Her priorities are FB, whatsapp, instagram and her BFF.
Author Moreesleep Posted May 6, 2015 Author Posted May 6, 2015 She is barely out of her teenage years what do you expect? If you want a functional stable reliable healthy relationship look for a woman your age. That's why you got all flustered when I asked both your age. She's a kid. Her priorities are FB, whatsapp, instagram and her BFF. I never got flustered I think you are talking about the others.. mind you she was the one that wanted the LTR and asked me a whole bunch of questions regarding stuff down the road. Not that I have a problem with the question I felt like I was a contestant on a game show.
d0nnivain Posted May 6, 2015 Posted May 6, 2015 After only 2 dates any discussion of traveling together, vacations, separate rooms & beds is premature. Wait until you get to the 6 month mark at least before you go on a vacation that requires out of state travel. You are not even sleeping with this girl yet. What are you thinking. Dial it back. Stop with the miss you BS. You can't miss somebody you don't know.
Author Moreesleep Posted May 9, 2015 Author Posted May 9, 2015 Went out to pick her up from work yesterday I had told her at first I wanted to pick her up and hang out a bit, she told me she could not because she had to open, so I said OK how about I just drop you off home? She said whatever you want. We indeed did end up parking at a local park and we talked her biggest thing was me waiting so long to ask her out and it hurting her self esteem because it was like I really did not care for her, she did not bring up anything about the LDR last night and the night ended well I wont be going on the trip but we both agreed to get checked out before we do any type of sexual activity.
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