What does it mean to be a challenge? And I can tell she losing interest.

[pjm123]

When she asks me questions (instead of answering them in a alpha funny sarcastic way I just kinda freezeup and just answer her regular like me or generic) I need help on this department also how to have mindset and know how to be to women so they dont get bored or lose interest? I only know how to act needy, clingy or boring which are all women repellents please HELP!!!?

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, why not just be your authentic self? It's all of this "alpha" and "be a challenge" nonsense that's making you over think and try to be something you're not. A true "alpha" acts like who he is and isn't diminished by what a woman does. If a woman isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated based on who you are, then you simply pick one that will.

 

But overall, my advice would be to ignore the dating experts and PUA crap, and just be yourself. In the end, you want a woman that likes you for you. Not a version you're trying to pretend to be.

[Syberia]

But overall, my advice would be to ignore the dating experts and PUA crap, and just be yourself. In the end, you want a woman that likes you for you. Not a version you're trying to pretend to be.

Pretty much. I speak from experience when I say that I tried to keep a relationship going for several months based on pretending to be something other than myself. Honestly, it was empty, unfulfilling crap. You won't be happy if you're always thinking about how to impress her, or how to be what she supposedly "wants," because that leaves nothing for yourself.

[chantos]

A true "alpha" acts like who he is and isn't diminished by what a woman does.

 

This. Just get confidence about yourself. Girls will be attracted to that naturally and then you can find someone with whom you're compatible.

[Guitarisgood]

You're a challenge when you learn to find happiness in yourself and not put it in others. Hence when you do, you focus on doing things YOU want to do. I worry when I see a guy who will turn down a once in a lifetime opportunity because his SO objected. It's not much of being a challenge but rather, having a back bone. So when she wants you to come over but you've got the gym or a previously planned engagement, you don't drop all that for her.

[todreaminblue]

answering questions a woman asks in an honest way that is true to you...is a desirable thing to do.....as fitnessfan said...stay true to you.....dotn listen to pick up artist crap....and be yourself at all times...that way you meet a woman who is well adjusted and actually likes you for who you are...not some cocky smart ass version of yourself that will fade in time anyway...

 

 

 

any woman that wants you to be a smart ass on point and be a so called challenge will fade away once she has you figured out...........deb

[pjm123]

I watched a video guy said its finding a situation make a game about it and tease her EVERYONE SAYSjust be yourself do whatever. Laat year when i did that i ran a girl off to the point when she was fear of her life. I was predictable needy clingy and when i asked her what reason she mase excuses i said i would do everything she said and she said that wasnt point and didn't wanna be with me and i would show up say sorry give her flowers she thought i was creep.

[PogoStick]

I disagree. If your authentic self sucks then become someone else. No pretending involved.

[sagetalk]

I only know how to act needy, clingy or boring which are all women repellents please HELP!!!?

 

Here's a tip on how to start acting more attractive to women. If she gets bored around you, it means she's boring not you.

[TB Rhine]

People want what they can't have... period. The more accessible, the more available you are, the less she will want you.

[fardaxel]

You don't have to be a challenge. You don't have to play games. You just have to be yourself. If you feel you're too needy, then find more things to occupy your time. Busy people are not needy.

[hunk]

I disagree. If your authentic self sucks then become someone else. No pretending involved.

 

agreed, this is the whole idea of "accepting/embracing your flaws" - why the hell should anyone do that? If you're a boring person you're the only one who can do anything about that. If you're someone girls don't want to be around then you have to change yourself into someone girls want to be around. That doesn't mean changing your values and your core personality it means bettering yourself for the sake of attaining something you want - a relationship.

[saladfingers]

If a woman texts you, you've got to say as much as possible in the least amount of words. But leave it open ended. So let's say she says

 

"What are you doing tonight?" You say "this and that." She will wonder what that is and ask you more questions. Be vague but throw a solid answer out once in awhile. If she's doing the talking, subconsciously she's feeling like the pursuer, and therefore you become more desirable because by her actions she's already chasing you.

 

That's not mind game stuff, just tactical conversation.

[pjm123]

I really hate when women say "just b yourself" if thats the case everyone would have a gf but 20% of guys get 80% girls is messed up but reality

[SmartDude]

Slap her around a bit, Don't let a woman take away your power.

If she is acting up cause a scene and start throwing stuff at walls, break dishes...etc.

[PogoStick]

Here's a few ways I've decided to not "be myself".

 

I had a weak career where it would be difficult to get ahead so I went back to college for a 2nd degree in a field that's in demand and pays comfortably above average salary. Women "liked" (always complimented) my first career but it didn't leave me much money for socializing, vacationing, etc. It's much easier to meet girls when I can afford a date, go to concerts, and take a day off for a fun event.

 

I like comfy shorts and t-shirts. But when it comes to a night out (or date) I have well fitting, more fashionable jeans (meaning not Levi's) and dress shirts, and dressy leather shoes that aren't just sneakers. I also don't get my haircut at Cost Cutters and pay double their price for a quality stylist. I think there is a mental shift that happens when you decide you're worth a few extra bucks to look good.

 

I could "just be me" and be a bit out of shape with a belly and yellowing teeth. Or I can make an effort to "change my body" to be fit from exercise and healthy eating. I can do teeth whitening once in a while. Guess what, more girls find you attractive when you are more fit and have healthy looking teeth. I've had a massage therapist compliment my butt (squats and deadlifts help that). I've had a girl compliment my shoulders while I'm on top shaggin her. Turns out girls notice.

 

And yes, in my younger years I've been clingy. I've been devastated by breakups. Now I've gone through enough of them to know there are other women out there, and better women than the last one. If you have an abundance of women mentality then you won't worry if this one doesn't work out, because there are 100 more to choose from.

[fardaxel]

I really hate when women say "just b yourself" if thats the case everyone would have a gf but 20% of guys get 80% girls is messed up but reality

 

When I say "be yourself", I mean, do the things that make you happy, whatever they are. Love travel? Do it. Love playing an instrument? Do it. You should never force yourself to fit in a box that you're not comfortable with in order to gain approval from other people. Nor should you try adhering to some sort of script to impress women. You just have to live your most authentic self, whoever that is.

 

The single greatest nurturer of confidence, is being able to wake up every morning (or, almost every morning) and love what you do. It can be anything, just enjoy it and embrace it.

[El Pallasso]

Do not listen to people that say things like:

 

“Just be yourself!”

 

“If it’s meant to be, it will be!”

 

“Just be confident – women like confidence!”

 

“You should ask her out!” (no details or specifics on how)

 

“Be a gentleman – women like gentlemen!”

 

“Just tell her how you feel – if she feels the same way, she’ll say so too!”

 

It's absolute bollocks. To be a challenge, you have to avoid pedestalizing her. When you place a woman on a pedestal, she will have no option but to look down at you and rightfully so.

 

You have to prioritize other things in your life far above her such as work, hobbies, school, family etc. It doesn't mean devaluing her but don't place her at the top of your list.

 

Women will not want to admit it but they are subconsciously attracted to the man who is not easily and always available to them.

 

People want what they can't have. When it becomes too available, it slowly loses its lustre.

 

In short, do not pedestalize women and prioritize other things in your life above her.

[chantos]

Do not listen to people that say things like:

 

“Just be yourself!”

 

“If it’s meant to be, it will be!”

 

“Just be confident – women like confidence!”

 

“You should ask her out!” (no details or specifics on how)

 

“Be a gentleman – women like gentlemen!”

 

“Just tell her how you feel – if she feels the same way, she’ll say so too!”

 

It's absolute bollocks. To be a challenge, you have to avoid pedestalizing her. When you place a woman on a pedestal, she will have no option but to look down at you and rightfully so.

 

You have to prioritize other things in your life far above her such as work, hobbies, school, family etc. It doesn't mean devaluing her but don't place her at the top of your list.

 

Women will not want to admit it but they are subconsciously attracted to the man who is not easily and always available to them.

 

People want what they can't have. When it becomes too available, it slowly loses its lustre.

 

In short, do not pedestalize women and prioritize other things in your life above her.

 

None of this challenge **** matters if you aren't confident and are stumbling around trying to seem alpha. If a loser is a challenge who cares. You're jumping the gun.

[El Pallasso]

None of this challenge **** matters if you aren't confident and are stumbling around trying to seem alpha. If a loser is a challenge who cares. You're jumping the gun.

 

I never said a man should pretend to be alpha. I said a man should prioritize other things in his life and not pedestalize women.

[chantos]

I never said a man should pretend to be alpha. I said a man should prioritize other things in his life and not pedestalize women.

 

You said telling a guy to just be confident is bollocks. A lack of self-confidence and self-worth is what causes a man to put a woman on a pedestal and prioritize her over himself.

[El Pallasso]

You said telling a guy to just be confident is bollocks. A lack of self-confidence and self-worth is what causes a man to put a woman on a pedestal and prioritize her over himself.

 

I understand the good intention behind telling a man to "just be confident" but it is bollocks because it is such a watered down and vanilla advice which only ends up with the man scratching his head saying "...thanks?"

 

Confidence is a result of knowing how to achieve whatever you want to achieve. Then instead of wasting a lot of time and energy worrying about things, you can just go do them and be happy about it.

 

Confidence is a feeling that arises from years and years of practice. If one has not put in the time to learn something then they will just be a bumbling idiot pretending to be "confident".

 

But if you have no idea HOW TO DO something, and you're STILL confident, you just end up looking like an and stumbling your way to defeat.

 

The advice "just be confident" doesn't give any solid steps or advice on how to be a challenge to women. It's a cheap cop out and uses confidence as a very poor substitute for skill.

 

"Just be confident" ranks up there with "just be yourself" as some of the worst dating advice for men.

Edited May 2, 2015 by El Pallasso

[chantos]

"Confidence is a result of knowing how to achieve whatever you want to achieve. Then instead of wasting a lot of time and energy worrying about things, you can just go do them and be happy about it.

 

Confidence is a feeling that arises from years and years of practice. If one has not put in the time to learn something then they will just be a bumbling idiot pretending to be "confident".

 

But if you have no idea HOW TO DO something, and you're STILL confident, you just end up looking like an and stumbling your way to defeat."

 

I get what you're saying but confidence is simply believing you are capable of achieving something. If confidence was simply a result and not a starting point then mankind would never have gotten very far. Confident men attempt new things all the time without any certainty or knowledge that they will succeed. Confident men fail all the time. They are still more attractive than men who lack confidence and fail all the same or sit on the sidelines for fear of failure.

 

But I agree that if someone says "How do I save my relationship" and you say "just be confident bro" then it's not very helpful. However OP seems to lack confidence in general, though, so that's the first step in my opinion rather than giving him practical advice which he will then misapply without the prerequisite confidence.

[hunk]

For me the definition of being a challenge in a woman's eyes is this -

 

1. You know what you want, out of life, out of a relationship, out of a woman and you don't settle for less than what you want in all of these areas, you are constantly striving, assessing, thinking. Women can sense this in a man.

 

2. You have interests outside of her, things that you will not drop for her, things that are meaningful and important to you. Interesting hobbies. Even if they aren't particularly interesting, your passion for them makes them interesting to other people. That in turn makes you interesting. A prime example is the "artist" type who is consumed by their art and has no issues hiding themselves away to work on something they are passionate about, even if it's at the expense of spending time with a woman.

 

3. Indifference to things that don't matter or serve you in your ultimate goals/relationships. Indifference to game playing, rejection, uncertainty etc.

 

4. You display intense passion for the things you want and care about. Not obsession or dependence but passion. Display passion in a relationship that shows you want her, but you can do without her. You want her because she will make your life better, but she won't MAKE your life or define your life. This involves being able to let go of situations out of your control i.e, when a woman isn't interested, dumps you, cancels dates etc.

 

5. The mindset that even relationships with people are abundant and everyone is replaceable. This doesn't mean using people you care about, it means accepting failed relationships / dates / uninterested women at face value, detaching and moving on.

 

That's how I try to live anyway. It's alot easier said than done but I'm working towards on having all of this ingrained in me. Becoming a better man essentially makes you a challenge, because women want the best man they can find. At the end of the day that's all there is to it. Being the best person you can be for yourself will bring you (most importantly) happiness, and women will follow

[katiegrl]

Here's a few ways I've decided to not "be myself".

 

I had a weak career where it would be difficult to get ahead so I went back to college for a 2nd degree in a field that's in demand and pays comfortably above average salary. Women "liked" (always complimented) my first career but it didn't leave me much money for socializing, vacationing, etc. It's much easier to meet girls when I can afford a date, go to concerts, and take a day off for a fun event.

 

I like comfy shorts and t-shirts. But when it comes to a night out (or date) I have well fitting, more fashionable jeans (meaning not Levi's) and dress shirts, and dressy leather shoes that aren't just sneakers. I also don't get my haircut at Cost Cutters and pay double their price for a quality stylist. I think there is a mental shift that happens when you decide you're worth a few extra bucks to look good.

 

I could "just be me" and be a bit out of shape with a belly and yellowing teeth. Or I can make an effort to "change my body" to be fit from exercise and healthy eating. I can do teeth whitening once in a while. Guess what, more girls find you attractive when you are more fit and have healthy looking teeth. I've had a massage therapist compliment my butt (squats and deadlifts help that). I've had a girl compliment my shoulders while I'm on top shaggin her. Turns out girls notice.

 

And yes, in my younger years I've been clingy. I've been devastated by breakups. Now I've gone through enough of them to know there are other women out there, and better women than the last one. If you have an abundance of women mentality then you won't worry if this one doesn't work out, because there are 100 more to choose from.

 

^^Good for you Pogo for making those "changes" in YOURSELF in an attempt to become a more well-balanced, interesting and attractive person.

 

However, contrary to the notion that by making those changes you were NOT "being yourself," I beg to differ.

 

Making changes to yourself does NOT mean you are NOT being yourself. That's ludicrous.

 

You are STILL being yourself, just a better version of YOURSELF.

 

Even after making those NECESSARY changes in YOURSELF, you STILL possess the *same* values, the *same* level of integrity, compassion, honesty, intelligence, basic personality and heart as you did BEFORE making those necessary changes in yourself to become a better man.

 

Life is about living, learning and growing. We do this via our various experiences and introspection. When we realize something about ourselves needs tweaking, we tweak it. We should do this throughout our lives...change is necessary and good!

 

The point is though is that even with these changes you are still being YOURSELF! Like I said, you still have the same values, integrity, compassion, and HEART as you did before. And even "those* things need tweaking from time to time!

 

What I meant earlier in this thread by being yourself was -- being GENUINE and AUTHENTIC. At whatever stage of GROWTH in life you are at.

 

If you are a bit shy for example, don't try to be Mr. Gregarious, the life of the party to impress some chick, it won't work.

 

If you are more introvert than extrovert, and enjoy quiet evenings at home or out, DON'T *pretend* you love the nightlife, out clubbing every night just to impress some chick because you think she will find you "boring" otherwise.

 

In short, don't PRETEND anything just to impress some chick! That is called being disingenuous. phony and intellectually dishonest. And chicks WILL pick up on that and become turned off by THAT!

 

But Pogo, those changes you made in yourself were good and positive!! Good for you for recognizing those things about yourself that needed tweaking!

 

Hopefully, when you go out with chicks you are still being your genuine and authentic self and NOT *pretending* to be someone or something you are not to impress some chick.

 

Confident men with high self esteem and self respect are always true to themselves FIRST, and have no need or even desire to be anything other than who they are on a basic fundamental level in an effort to impress anyone, let alone some chick they just met.

Edited May 2, 2015 by katiegrl