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Any one else take a while to open up sexually?

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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Not sure if im old school or if im really a "prude", but as much as I love sex, it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone. I invited a guy over to hang out, just to test him out and see if we get along, and only an hour into it he made a move and i was like "woah buddy, what are you doing?"

 

He reacted harshly and was surprised that I wasnt like that. Is this how modern day sex life is? You just get together and bang? No conversational foreplay? No few hang outs before?

 

Seems cold to me.

 

I invited a guy over to hang out, just to test him out -- You don't have men to your home to test them. You wait for them to ask you on a proper date, in public and then spend time with them at least a few times.

 

How long did you know this guy? If you haven't spent any time with a man in public a few times already, you don't invite them to your home. First of all, it's a virtual stranger. That's dangerous. And, inviting a man to your home without knowing much about them, sends a message to them that there's the potential for sex to happen. It tells them you aren't too careful or not too worried about something happening.

 

Men are wired for sex. They don't necessarily expect sex on a first "date", but they hope for it. They know there are women who will have sex on a first date, so they try and hope they get "lucky".

 

If a woman declines sex and he respects her wishes to wait, he will continue to pursue her if his interest was strong enough. If a man pushes for sex and the woman declines and he doesn't respect that or becomes upset or angry, he was just in it for the sex.

 

Don't invite men/strangers to your home to "test" them, you are setting yourself up for failure most of the time.

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Jame22 Established Member

Jame22

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Is this how modern day sex life is? You just get together and bang? No conversational foreplay? No few hang outs before?

 

Seems cold to me.

 

Modern sex life? this is how it's always been. If you're a guy you gotta strike while the iron is hot. He did nothing wrong

Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Hopeful30, did the guy make a sexual move or did he try to kiss you / was it just affection?

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

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I know most of the women think the guy is some sort of animal for making a move as he did. I'll give another perspective.

 

It typically falls on guys to take the initiative and make the first move physically. If we miss the sometimes subtle signs that a girl gives us, then in many instances the girl will be disappointed and there won't be any more chances. So it's "when in doubt make a move". Its the second big lesson we guys learn about women and dating--behind "No Means No". In fact, there have been bunches of stories that go like this: "there's this girl I sort of know, she invited me over to her place to hang out, we had fun but now she no longer seems interested. I did NOT make a move I was the perfect gentleman!" So, getting back to this specific situation, the guy in the story learns very quickly that if a girl invites him to his place, he better make a move lest he insults the girl in question.

 

Sure, a guy who is great at reading signs will be able to tell whether the girl who invited him over really wants him to make a move or not. And yes this doesn't apply if the guy and the girl a. have an established friendship, or b. are blood relatives. But in 99% of other instances it does apply.

Edited by Imajerk17
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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No, no, no. If you aren't ready to have sex then you don't invite a guy over. What the hell is the issue here. Until you're ready for sex ALL dates should be in public. Period. It's fine if you aren't ready for sex, whatever. But you shouldn't be inviting a guy over to your house. What's the point?

 

Because people ONLY ever have sex at their place and never in public places...

SingleDude Member

SingleDude

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Because people ONLY ever have sex at their place and never in public places...

 

 

More often than not, yes.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Agreed completely.

 

Personally, I find that taking things slow really allows us to savour the romance and gradually build up. There is great pleasure in the journey, from the first time we meet to the day he asks me out, to the first time we hold hands, the first time we make out, the first time we give each other orgasms... The whole 'cold approach and then sex on date 3' thing that's touted an awful lot here could never work for me. Dries me up like a walnut to think of it. :laugh:

 

That being said, I can understand how different people would prefer different things. I cannot understand how some folks can't seem to see beyond their own nose - not really sure why it's so difficult for some to understand that not everyone sees things as they do or wants the same things they do.

Just to illustrate the point further, I'm one of the ones who'd be more likely to want to go there earlier, and yet I still advocate for the discretion of the individual. I don't think "Hm, I might have sex on the second date, so EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE SEX ON THE SECOND DATE AND IF YOU DON'T YOU'RE STOOPID!"

 

Applying individual standards universally to a discretionary matter is a startlingly naive point of view, frankly.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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It's just what makes sense. Now on the other hand, if you invite someone over but make it clear that no sex is going to happen, then fine. That is acceptable. But you need to make it clear that there isn't going to be any sex if you decide to invite someone over. You know, open communication, i.e. something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in any relationship. Otherwise, if you don't make that clear then you have no right to get pissy if someone starts going for it. Because, ya know, you didn't really make it clear.

 

Its hard to make something clear when you have no idea what the other person is thinking or expecting. And I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and all doors are open and half the time we just live at each others places. Very open and friendly here. Apparently thats not common where some other posters live...

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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No, no, no. If you aren't ready to have sex then you don't invite a guy over. What the hell is the issue here. Until you're ready for sex ALL dates should be in public. Period. It's fine if you aren't ready for sex, whatever. But you shouldn't be inviting a guy over to your house. What's the point?

 

Watch TV? Play video games? Talk about existential philosophy while enjoying a cup of hot cocoa? Etc., etc.

  • Like 2
Gary S Established Member

Gary S

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Guys, listen to the ladies, including Blackops and Redhead, they are right... nothing is going to happen until the lady is ready. Guys... if a woman falls in love with you and you have a relationship, you'll be having sex for a long time, hopefully years. What's the big rush, turkey?!

 

One of the biggest problems in dating today is guys moving too fast.

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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

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Both move too fast but for very different reasons.

loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Both move too fast but for very different reasons.

 

They do?

 

It would be helpful if I could understand why women lately always want to rush into having sex and then rush the sex as well.

 

What are the reasons?

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Both move too fast but for very different reasons.

 

 

I don't understand what you were trying to do with this guy inviting him over for a first date and expecting him to sit on his hands. It's like putting a bone in front of a dog and see how long he can go without grabbing it.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

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They do?

 

It would be helpful if I could understand why women lately always want to rush into having sex and then rush the sex as well.

 

What are the reasons?

 

Maybe it's because some women just want to use a guy for sex and aren't looking for a commitment, like what's happening to this guy:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/527001-am-i-delusional-she-using-me

 

Maybe it's because they're nymphos, maybe it's just the way that their personality is...or maybe they're inexperienced and want to gain some sexual experience. There could be a plethora of reasons why women are rushing to have sex with a guy and/or sometimes rushing through it - just as there are plenty of reasons why guys do the same thing to women.

 

 

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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