Any one else take a while to open up sexually?

May 2, 2015

I think if a woman invites a guy over, she trusts him and is at least curious on a basic level. If not, you'd think she'd never put herself in that position in the first place. So it's an opening with potential, but no guarantees. That's why women in this thread complained about "lack of foreplay". If the guys seduced them properly who knows what would have happened. But they moved way too damn fast.

That's why it's important to escalate slowly and pay attention to her body language. Talk for awhile, and just make out for a bit. Then relax and talk some more. As she gets comfortable and scoots closer, you start kissing her again, moving to her neck, up slowly to nibble on her ear speaking softly about how good she looks, back to her lips, her neck, etc.. As she moans and gets heated, you gently start kissing down her stomach, and... use your imagination. Haha But the point is that you wait to save the more aggressive/dominant behavior until you're actually having sex. Anything pre sex should be slow paced and romantic IMO. Also, if anytime she makes it clear that she wants to stop, you do so. No means no.

Edited May 2, 2015 by fitnessfan365

May 2, 2015

I'm the same way. If I hooked up with all of the men who tried from day 1, Id be a horrified. Guys are silly, can't control themselves to hang out at home without thinking it must mean they want the D.

May 2, 2015

I think if a woman invites a guy over, she trusts him and is at least curious on a basic level. If not, you'd think she'd never put herself in that position in the first place. So it's an opening with potential, but no guarantees. That's why women in this thread complained about "lack of foreplay". If the guys seduced them properly who knows what would have happened. But they moved way too damn fast.

That's why it's important to escalate slowly and pay attention to her body language. Talk for awhile, and just make out for a bit. Then relax and talk some more. As she gets comfortable and scoots closer, you start kissing her again, moving to her neck, up slowly to nibble on her ear speaking softly about how good she looks, back to her lips, her neck, etc.. As she moans and gets heated, you gently start kissing down her stomach, and... use your imagination. Haha But the point is that you wait to save the more aggressive/dominant behavior until you're actually having sex. Anything pre sex should be slow paced and romantic IMO. Also, if anytime she makes it clear that she wants to stop, you do so. No means no.

That's all fine and dandy, and I agree that you need to build things up gradually.

I'm expressing that Women shouldn't invite a guy into their home if they don't want to entertain the possibility of things getting physical.

Sorry barcode but that is a little silly. I have plenty of personal experience that says otherwise, which just goes to show that all this 'rulebook' stuff really is subjective.

Believe what you want, but most guys will take an invitation into the Woman's home following a date (especially if it went well) as an invitation to get more physical/intimate. Maybe not sex, but at least making out. If you want to keep things platonic, don't invite a guy into your home until you give him the "lets be friends" speech beforehand.

May 2, 2015

That's all fine and dandy, and I agree that you need to build things up gradually.

I'm expressing that Women shouldn't invite a guy into their home if they don't want to entertain the possibility of things getting physical.

I agree with you 100%. You'd think that on a subconscious level, a woman that invites a guy over is at least curious with potential. Otherwise she wouldn't put herself in that position.

But the main complaints in this thread, along with the woman from that other thread, is that there was no foreplay or seduction. The guys just went for the kill. If they had taken their time, who knows what would have happened.

May 2, 2015

Sorry barcode but that is a little silly. I have plenty of personal experience that says otherwise, which just goes to show that all this 'rulebook' stuff really is subjective.

I've invited a guy in who genuinely just wanted to play board games and watch movies with me. He wasn't ready for the next step. I respected his wishes and certainly didn't get mad or turn cold on him. He was worth the wait.

May 2, 2015

You might chalk that up to him being confused at being invited over to your place. Because to a lot of guys you coming to their place or being invited in to yours makes them them think "What if she's expecting to sleep with me?" If they don't at least try to warm you up, they feel they might have missed an invitation.

So be careful about inviting guys over if you are nowhere near wanting to even make out. It's perfectly normal not to want to jump into sex that quickly, though. Nothing wrong with waiting.

May 2, 2015

IMO it's totally normal to wait until you feel comfortable to have sex - some of us need trust and emotional intimacy to even get into the mood. Absolutely no reason to force yourself just because some other people are doing it on date #3 or whatever. It isn't really correlated with being a 'prude' either - many of the most sexually adventurous people only let that side of themselves out when they are with a partner whom they truly trust, and trust takes time.

As for inviting guys over to your place.... well. There are some guys who would interpret that as an invitation for sex, for sure, so it really depends on the norms in your demographic as to whether you should or shouldn't invite them over.

Sorry ladies but if you're dating a guy with romantic interests and you go into his home (or invite him into yours), you should EXPECT them to make a move on you if they have any balls.

Pretty sad that a man choosing to be respectful or choosing to wait is always the subject of derogatory insult.

May 2, 2015

I take my time as well.

Could be anything from the 3rd date to as far as several months down the line.

I'd rather a first time be more comfortable and open, rather than with a strange man who I'm lucky even remembers my name.

I do prefer the conversational foreplay to start with.

SEVERAL MONTHS? You're kidding right? There's nothing wrong with waiting a little while but Jesus, several months. Now way on earth anyone should be waiting that long unless there some hardcore religious fanatic.

May 2, 2015

IMO it's totally normal to wait until you feel comfortable to have sex - some of us need trust and emotional intimacy to even get into the mood. Absolutely no reason to force yourself just because some other people are doing it on date #3 or whatever. It isn't really correlated with being a 'prude' either - many of the most sexually adventurous people only let that side of themselves out when they are with a partner whom they truly trust, and trust takes time.

As for inviting guys over to your place.... well. There are some guys who would interpret that as an invitation for sex, for sure, so it really depends on the norms in your demographic as to whether you should or shouldn't invite them over.

Pretty sad that a man choosing to be respectful or choosing to wait is always the subject of derogatory insult.

No, no, no. If you aren't ready to have sex then you don't invite a guy over. What the hell is the issue here. Until you're ready for sex ALL dates should be in public. Period. It's fine if you aren't ready for sex, whatever. But you shouldn't be inviting a guy over to your house. What's the point?

May 2, 2015

No, no, no. If you aren't ready to have sex then you don't invite a guy over. What the hell is the issue here. Until you're ready for sex ALL dates should be in public. Period.

And who gives you the authority to dictate what all other couples in the world do or don't do?

Like I said, if the norm in the OP's social circles is house date = sex, then she should be aware of that and act accordingly. It is not necessarily the norm in all demographics and social circles, though.

May 2, 2015

SEVERAL MONTHS? You're kidding right? There's nothing wrong with waiting a little while but Jesus, several months. Now way on earth anyone should be waiting that long unless there some hardcore religious fanatic.

I think that's a little uncalled for. There is no specific rule that you SHOULD / SHOULDN'T wait for so long.

I'm not religious but I still waited 6 months. And my BF respected that. Admittedly we had progressed to fooling around before the 6 month mark- but it meant we really got to know each other. And we used to stay round each other's at weekends for a few months before we had sex too.

As to home dates- I don't see why you can't without sex. My BF lived in another city, so after the days out when we weren't ready to say good bye yet- it was either a cup of tea at my house or awkwardly hanging out at a train station!

May 2, 2015

I think that's a little uncalled for. There is no specific rule that you SHOULD / SHOULDN'T wait for so long.

I'm not religious but I still waited 6 months. And my BF respected that. Admittedly we had progressed to fooling around before the 6 month mark- but it meant we really got to know each other. And we used to stay round each other's at weekends for a few months before we had sex too.

As to home dates- I don't see why you can't without sex. My BF lived in another city, so after the days out when we weren't ready to say good bye yet- it was either a cup of tea at my house or awkwardly hanging out at a train station!

Ridiculous. Why would you wait so long for someone you're into? You're either into them or you're not. If you're into them then what's the point of waiting so long? Yes, you are getting to know each other better. But guess what, getting to know someone takes a lifetime. You gained nothing by waiting, you have a perception that you have. But that's it. Period. Those months would have been much funner if you had already been having sex. You would also know you're partners body much better and they would know yours better.

May 2, 2015

And who gives you the authority to dictate what all other couples in the world do or don't do?

Like I said, if the norm in the OP's social circles is house date = sex, then she should be aware of that and act accordingly. It is not necessarily the norm in all demographics and social circles, though.

It's just what makes sense. Now on the other hand, if you invite someone over but make it clear that no sex is going to happen, then fine. That is acceptable. But you need to make it clear that there isn't going to be any sex if you decide to invite someone over. You know, open communication, i.e. something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in any relationship. Otherwise, if you don't make that clear then you have no right to get pissy if someone starts going for it. Because, ya know, you didn't really make it clear.

May 2, 2015

It's just what makes sense. Now on the other hand, if you invite someone over but make it clear that no sex is going to happen, then fine. That is acceptable. But you need to make it clear that there isn't going to be any sex if you decide to invite someone over. You know, open communication, i.e. something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in any relationship. Otherwise, if you don't make that clear then you have no right to get pissy if someone starts going for it. Because, ya know, you didn't really make it clear.

I can understand both sides of this argument. I wouldn't invite a guy I'm not attracted to, unless it was clearly a friendship. If i invite a guy over it doesn't necessarily equal sex, but if it happens i would not be shocked. If he starts making moves and I am not feeling it, I have the right to stop things. I agree there is no need to get angry over it for either party.

May 2, 2015

It's just what makes sense.

Has it ever occurred to you that 'house date = sex' is what makes sense to YOU just because it's the norm in YOUR social circles? When I last dated (young and in a conservative country), it 'just made sense' to most people in my social circle that it took a long time to progress to sex, regardless of where the date was held. The first date in someone's house usually involved watching TV while the guy tries to slip his arm around the girl's shoulders.

I'm not saying this is the way it 'should be' either, but you have an incredibly narrow view of things. It just depends on what the cultural norms in the OP's circles are.

Now on the other hand, if you invite someone over but make it clear that no sex is going to happen, then fine. That is acceptable. But you need to make it clear that there isn't going to be any sex if you decide to invite someone over. You know, open communication, i.e. something EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in any relationship. Otherwise, if you don't make that clear then you have no right to get pissy if someone starts going for it. Because, ya know, you didn't really make it clear.

I didn't read the OP's post as her 'getting pissy' at him initiating - in fact, it read to me like HE was 'getting pissy' at her declining, which was what I was responding to. I agree that there's no need for anyone to 'get pissy' - a simple 'no' is enough if there was a misunderstanding.

May 2, 2015

Guys should just learn how to escalate and read when she's ready. =/ It's really not that hard but most guys are lazy.

May 2, 2015

Not sure if im old school or if im really a "prude", but as much as I love sex, it takes me a while to get comfortable around someone. I invited a guy over to hang out, just to test him out and see if we get along, and only an hour into it he made a move and i was like "woah buddy, what are you doing?"

He reacted harshly and was surprised that I wasnt like that. Is this how modern day sex life is? You just get together and bang? No conversational foreplay? No few hang outs before?

Seems cold to me.

This is exactly what it's like in the US in major cities.

Like you, I prefer to savor things, let a real desire creep in slowly. To get more comfortable with a chick first. I also don't want to sleep with lots of different people and swapping fluids with strangers doesn't really turn me on much.

But... all they want to do is get to sex immediately.

Sad state of affairs, but this is the world we live in.

May 2, 2015

The huge mistake here is not inviting him over, it's inviting him over for a first meeting. It screams I am an idiot with no common sense, no concern for my security, and my home is a windmill I have no respect for. Why wouldn't a man think he can't get sex out of such a person?

May 2, 2015

I never understood how women could invite guys over their house(or accept an invitation to go over his house) alone and be surprised when he makes a move. Like what to do you expect? You think he really wanted to discuss how good season four of the wire was?

May 2, 2015

I never understood how women could invite guys over their house(or accept an invitation to go over his house) alone and be surprised when he makes a move. Like what to do you expect? You think he really wanted to discuss how good season four of the wire was?

Unless a woman invites a guy over to simply watch a DVD because she's too cheap to plan an actual date..LOL

If I've been planning/paying for a variety of public dates and a woman's sole interest is just to have a date, I'd hope she'd put more effort into it to match mine.

May 2, 2015

Ridiculous. Why would you wait so long for someone you're into? You're either into them or you're not. If you're into them then what's the point of waiting so long? Yes, you are getting to know each other better. But guess what, getting to know someone takes a lifetime. You gained nothing by waiting, you have a perception that you have. But that's it. Period. Those months would have been much funner if you had already been having sex. You would also know you're partners body much better and they would know yours better.

These are YOUR opinions. It doesn't mean EVERYONE shares them nor does it mean those individuals who don't agree with you are "ridiculous" if they don't follow YOUR sexual intercourse protocols. Each person has their own PERSONAL reasons why they'd want to wait 'so long' to have sex with someone they're 'into'.

I can only speak for myself by saying I'd never wait as long as six months to become sexually intimate with a guy I'm attracted to physically and to his personality - but, when *I* feel comfy about allowing it to happen and when I trust him enough, then THAT'S when it'll happen, and not one minute before. As far as the member you're responding to, maybe her and her man have more than made up for the months that they didn't have sex! I'm sure they 'know' each other's bodies 'much better' by now. If a guy doesn't feel like waiting until the woman he's with is comfortable enough (and when she is WANTING) to have sex with him, then he has the option of bailing and seeking out another woman who WILL have sex with him when HE wants it. Simple.

.

May 2, 2015

These are YOUR opinions. It doesn't mean EVERYONE shares them nor does it mean those individuals who don't agree with you are "ridiculous" if they don't follow YOUR sexual intercourse protocols. Each person has their own PERSONAL reasons why they'd want to wait 'so long' to have sex with someone they're 'into'.

I can only speak for myself by saying I'd never wait as long as six months to become sexually intimate with a guy I'm attracted to physically and to his personality - but, when *I* feel comfy about allowing it to happen and when I trust him enough, then THAT'S when it'll happen, and not one minute before. As far as the member you're responding to, maybe her and her man have more than made up for the months that they didn't have sex! I'm sure they 'know' each other's bodies 'much better' by now. If a guy doesn't feel like waiting until the woman he's with is comfortable enough (and when she is WANTING) to have sex with him, then he has the option of bailing and seeking out another woman who WILL have sex with him when HE wants it. Simple.

.

Thanks Black Ops I feel like you just summarized what I wanted to say back

My BF always said he wasn't going to bring up the issue, and it was my decision- but yes we have more than made up for it now He wanted to be with me for being me. He could have left if he wanted sex.

May 2, 2015

Thanks Black Ops I feel like you just summarized what I wanted to say back

My BF always said he wasn't going to bring up the issue, and it was my decision- but yes we have more than made up for it now

Sounds like you got a real keeper there, Penguin!

He wanted to be with me for being me. He could have left if he wanted sex.

Exactly. 'Nuff said.

.

May 2, 2015

I guess I take a while to open up sexually. Through out my life sex has always been a serious thing with me. If a girl was willing to have sex with me after only a few weeks or a month of dating I would lose a lot of respect for her (sorry). I might consider being FWB but I wouldn't pursue a relationship with this person anymore. Something about giving it up too fast turns me off.

May 2, 2015

These are YOUR opinions. It doesn't mean EVERYONE shares them nor does it mean those individuals who don't agree with you are "ridiculous" if they don't follow YOUR sexual intercourse protocols. Each person has their own PERSONAL reasons why they'd want to wait 'so long' to have sex with someone they're 'into'.

I can only speak for myself by saying I'd never wait as long as six months to become sexually intimate with a guy I'm attracted to physically and to his personality - but, when *I* feel comfy about allowing it to happen and when I trust him enough, then THAT'S when it'll happen, and not one minute before. As far as the member you're responding to, maybe her and her man have more than made up for the months that they didn't have sex! I'm sure they 'know' each other's bodies 'much better' by now. If a guy doesn't feel like waiting until the woman he's with is comfortable enough (and when she is WANTING) to have sex with him, then he has the option of bailing and seeking out another woman who WILL have sex with him when HE wants it. Simple.

.

Agreed completely.

Personally, I find that taking things slow really allows us to savour the romance and gradually build up. There is great pleasure in the journey, from the first time we meet to the day he asks me out, to the first time we hold hands, the first time we make out, the first time we give each other orgasms... The whole 'cold approach and then sex on date 3' thing that's touted an awful lot here could never work for me. Dries me up like a walnut to think of it.

That being said, I can understand how different people would prefer different things. I cannot understand how some folks can't seem to see beyond their own nose - not really sure why it's so difficult for some to understand that not everyone sees things as they do or wants the same things they do.

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Any one else take a while to open up sexually?

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