RoxStar Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Its been a while since I have been here. I miss the Shack! I have been working at another office and this site is restricted! Anyway... I have new drama with my situation. I ended things with my guy about a month ago and that only lasted about two weeks. Things were fine for the last two weeks UNTIL... His ex-girlfriend has resurfaced in his life all of a sudden. They broke up about 6 or 7 years ago and it ended badly. She moved on - got married - had kids - and is now getting a divorce. Her soon to be ex husband was arrested for armed robbery so he could by drugs and she just said that was the end. Well that happened in the end of March. His ex- gf is friends with some of our friends still that hang out in the bar that she used to work at and apparently she was asking about my guy to our friends and she got his number and called him. They talked on the phone for 5 hours after not speaking for 5 years. They really ended their relationship badly and never were able to be friends. He has told me so many things about why their relationship didnt work and how she hurt him. So he didnt really come right out and tell me everything. I did some of my own investigating and questioned him and he told me about the 5 hour conversation. Apparently they have been talking everyday since but only like 10 or 20 minutes here and there. He told me that mostly they talked about her current situation and things that happened to her in her abusive marriage etc. I asked him if he is having feelings for her because he was acting weird towards me and his answer was I dont know what I feel right now. I asked him if he was thinking he wanted to get back together with her and he said it was too early to even think about that because she is still married, had kids and a psycho husband. But it was the way he said it that makes me feel like in the back of his mind he is thinking about it. I also asked him if he thought they were going to meet up and hang out and he said probably. Well I heard through the grapevine that she has secured a babysitter that can stay with her kids all night either Friday or Saturday. I get the impression that means so they can hook up... I talked to my best friend about this and she seems to think I am reading into this a little too much. He did tell me that he would be upfront and tell me if something happens or if they were going to hang out. He hasnt mentioned anything to me yet. I havent brought any of this up to him since our initial conversation because I dont want to come off like I am INSANE but this is making me INSANE. I feel like a lunatic! I dont want him to see her. I dont want him to have feelings for her. I dont want them to get back together. I cant compete with his past. I feel like I should just get the hell out of dodge now because down the road I am going to get hurt in this whole thing. PLEASE HELP... What do you think? Am I nuts??? Am I reading into this too much??? Do you think I have something to be worried about?
alphamale Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar PLEASE HELP... What do you think? Am I nuts??? No Am I reading into this too much??? NO Do you think I have something to be worried about? Yes
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 PLEASE HELP... What do you think? Am I nuts??? Am I reading into this too much??? Do you think I have something to be worried about? Yes. The 5 hour phone conversation is a dead giveaway, for starters. I feel like a lunatic! I dont want him to see her. I dont want him to have feelings for her. I dont want them to get back together. I cant compete with his past. I feel like I should just get the hell out of dodge now because down the road I am going to get hurt in this whole thing. I'm sorry. It sounds suspiciously like you ARE competing with his past. And not getting the better of it right now. I'd suggest a confrontation - as calm and rational as you can muster - in which you say you're not comfortable with him spending so much time with his ex. And force him to a clear decision, one way or the other. Originally posted by RoxStar I havent brought any of this up to him since our initial conversation because I dont want to come off like I am INSANE but this is making me INSANE. And it's going to make you even more insane if you allow the situation to continue.
alphamale Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo Wtf part of "no contact" don't you understand?!?. good sig line RELUCTANTROMEO. NC is self explanatory (or should be!)
alphamale Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar So I just cut it all off? there really is nothing you can do in this situation. besides getting in the wayback machine and going back in time and changing the future.....but that ain't gonna happen.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale good sig line RELUCTANTROMEO. NC is self explanatory (or should be!) Thanks! That gives me a redrafting idea...
Author RoxStar Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale there really is nothing you can do in this situation. besides getting in the wayback machine and going back in time and changing the future.....but that ain't gonna happen. I am a little dumb this am ALPHA... So you are saying that him thinking about going back to her might be good in concept for him right now but wont work?? Or I cant stick in this situation because the past takes priority and he will likely get back together with her?
CurlyIam Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Talk to him about what's going on. Why are you checking up on him???? I've never done police work and never will. Ask him upfront what the deal is. Seeing her in the weekend without you is a big NO-NO. Him not talking to about what he did is a big red flag. Just be honest with him and ... don't take any crap from him, no matter how nicely he tries to wrap it up. IF it's not working it's not working! I see no reason why you should stay in this relationship when you're feeling this threaterned, this unsecure, when you don't trust him, when you're checking up on him and when... he's doing this type of stuff behind your back. Confront, find out the truth, decide and stop the misery. One way or the other. I'm with ya, girl! Curly
Author RoxStar Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale there really is nothing you can do in this situation. besides getting in the wayback machine and going back in time and changing the future.....but that ain't gonna happen. Or do you mean that there is nothing I can do because I am no Michael J Fox and I dont have a Delorian that can take me back in time to do things differently? I am so over analyzing everything these days... Oh and my friend that we know has a little thing for him.... I wonder how much she knows of this since it was her husband that gave the ex-gf the phone number to get up with my guy. This ex-gf has a 5 month old baby no less! From what I hear she has been out getting loaded for the last month and she leaves her kids with her neighbor all the time. I feel like she is either going to get back with her husband and hurt my guy AGAIN Or She is going to want to get back with my guy and there you go... instant family. She has two kids - he likes kids - he has her to save and be the hero to her.
Author RoxStar Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Talk to him about what's going on. Why are you checking up on him???? I've never done police work and never will. Ask him upfront what the deal is. Seeing her in the weekend without you is a big NO-NO. Him not talking to about what he did is a big red flag. Just be honest with him and ... don't take any crap from him, no matter how nicely he tries to wrap it up. IF it's not working it's not working! I see no reason why you should stay in this relationship when you're feeling this threaterned, this unsecure, when you don't trust him, when you're checking up on him and when... he's doing this type of stuff behind your back. Confront, find out the truth, decide and stop the misery. One way or the other. I'm with ya, girl! Curly Thanks Curly, I am a very insecure person and I was burned really badly in past relationships and I dont have much trust in anyone hence my checking up and finding out there might be something going on. I guess I know in my gut that I should get out of this situation all together. This just really sux!
Author RoxStar Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo I'm sorry. It sounds suspiciously like you ARE competing with his past. And not getting the better of it right now. I'd suggest a confrontation - as calm and rational as you can muster - in which you say you're not comfortable with him spending so much time with his ex. And force him to a clear decision, one way or the other. I guess I am subconsciously competing with the past. Trying to be cool about stuff and just letting it all take its course. I guess I am afraid to confront the situation because I dont want him to tell me he wants to get back with her. However I would rather him not do it behind my back either. If I force him to make a decision I am pretty sure that decision is going to be her. And I guess that should be my answer.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 I don't mean to be the poor sport in this but what if YOUR standing in the way of them 2 being happy? What if she's his soul mate and it took this time to realize this? You have many problems with this guy and they only seem to be getting worse. Now that his ex is back in the picture, I don't see it ever getting better. If they broke up 6 years ago and still (assumption) has feelings for her, than thats not something I would want to ruin.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar If I force him to make a decision I am pretty sure that decision is going to be her. And I guess that should be my answer. I'm so sorry. He's a banana
alphamale Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar If I force him to make a decision I am pretty sure that decision is going to be her. And I guess that should be my answer. i guess there u have it. there is no way you can legally keep two people apart who want to be together. you should start to extricate yourself physically and emotionally from the situation but that will be hard cause now your "fight 4 my man" natural instincts are gonna start to kick in. there is not much u can do here so face-saving is of utmost importance.
billybadass36 Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 The most elegant departure here for you is to let your man know that you need to know that you're the only one in his life that he has feelings for, that you can't and don't intend to compete with this woman, that you don't want to keep him from her, and that you think that it is over between you two. This situation isn't going to get any better if you stay in it.
Recommended Posts