Col1 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 (edited) I am straight man approaching 40. Dating is rare for me unless I date someone I'm not excited about and not attracted to. In that case, I'd rather be single. So I finally met someone who I consider an actual match. On POF I found this woman's profile and I wrote her a sincere message. She is my age. Her profile clearly states that she is bisexual but not into group sex. She is seeking both men and women. She wants long term dating. After talking on the phone, we met. She is wonderful. I'd never have any clue she was bisexual. We had a fun light discussion and we didn't talk about how a relationship would work (too premature). She's cute. I called her back for an official date. She returned my call and wants to see me again!! I am assuming that if I want to make a potential LTR relationship with her work, then I have to let go of any jealousy and give her freedom to have a monogamous relationship with another female. I am assuming that a man or woman alone couldn't fully satisfy a bisexual woman's relationship needs? I wouldn't pursue other women. Any suggestions on how to make a LTR with a bisexual woman work? Edited May 1, 2015 by Col1
Gary S Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Just because she is bisexual does not mean she is not monogamous. You would have to get to know her to find out. If she has integrity and falls in love with you, she will be naturally monogamous. 3
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I am straight man approaching 40. Dating is rare for me unless I date someone I'm not excited about and not attracted to. I'd rather be single. So I finally met someone who I consider an actual match. On POF I found this woman's profile and I wrote her a sincere message. She is my age. Her profile clearly states that she is bisexual but not into group sex. She is seeking both men and women. She wants long term dating. After talking on the phone, we met. She is wonderful. I'd never have any clue she was bisexual. We had a fun light discussion and we didn't talk about how a relationship would work (too premature). She's cute. I called her back for an official date. She returned my call and wants to see me again!! I am assuming that if I want to make a potential LTR relationship with her work, then I have to let go of any jealousy and give her freedom to have a monogamous relationship with another female. I am assuming that a man or woman alone couldn't fully satisfy a bisexual woman's relationship needs? I wouldn't pursue other women. Any suggestions on how to make a LTR with a bisexual woman work? The only way it would work, is if she finally decides she wants a LTR with a man. Until she is clear in her own head about what she wants, it won't work and you can't do anything to make it work. She has to want to as well.
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 You are confusing bisexuality and monogamy. Being bisexual means she is open to fall in love with a man or a woman and then carry on the relationship as any other heterosexual/homosexual couples would do. If she wants to have sex with both gender while in a relationship then she is not monogamous and it's not something that is unique to bisexual people, you can be heterosexual or homosexual and not be monogamous. So you need to ask her if she is monogamous or not. If she is then being bisexual is in no way a carte-blanche to have sex with women outside your relationship. 5
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 No, you absolutely don't have to assume you have to enable her to have two relationships at once, one with either gender, unless you are completely fine with that. A bisexual person doesn't need two relationships simultaneously any more than you should expect to date two women seriously at the same time. Being bisexual means she likes men and women. It doesn't mean she has to engage in a relationship with both at once. Proceed as normal and treat her like any other straight woman, just make sure when you talk about exclusivity that you are both on the same page, if you want reassurance then make it clear to her you want monogamy whatever the gender of others she may come across. I do know a very happily married hetero couple who've been together nearly two decades, she's bi and he's straight, he's happily allowed her to have a girlfriend at the same time as the marriage as he doesn't feel threatened and is happy for her to explore that side of herself, she doesn't go looking for it and has only had maybe three short term girlfriends (less than a year each) during their marriage but it works for them and from speaking to her she's been clear she would have been happy to agree to total monogamy if that's what he wanted. But find what works for you. As a bisexual person she's lucky in that the number of prospective partners in the world is double what it is for you or I (I'm straight) but that doesn't mean she automatically needs two partners at once to feel fulfilled: like anybody else when she meets one person who knocks her socks off she'll probably be happy to focus on that person at the expense of all others. Just as in an ideal world many of us would love the freedom to keep sleeping with exciting new people whilst in a relationship, but happily abstain for the health and security of a loving and meaningful relationship. 1
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 You don't need to let a bisexual person to go outside the relationship to satisfy a need. The same monogamy principles apply. She is suppose to control her urges for people outside the relationship like a heterosexual would. If I am in a relationship with a man with brown hair, does he have to give me a carte-blanche for sex with blond men because I am also attracted towards blond men? No. 2
Author Col1 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 I am straight man approaching 40. Dating is rare for me unless I date someone I'm not excited about and not attracted to. In that case, I'd rather be single. Just a note: I'm not picky. I would prefer a woman with the "next door" look over a model. But they have consistently shown to not be interested in me. At 40, my dating pool of childless females is limited. I tried contacting single moms, who have no interest in childless men. So this woman, who happens to be bisexual, is a literally one in a million to have mutual interest!
central Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Many bisexual women choose monogamy with a man, and don't pursue their other inclination. Most are happy with the choice - IF they make it freely. Many others find men who will allow them to pursue it. Others get involved in swinging with their partner, so they both get to enjoy other women (and she also gets to enjoy other men). There are lots of options, but if you want monogamy, you need to let her know that. So, you'd have to discuss with her what her wishes are regarding her sexuality, and decide if you can agree. 2
Mrin Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 As others have said, it just means she's attracted to both men and women. Sort of like you being attracted to both blondes and redheads. As someone who has dated bisexual women, there is no difference except they can tell you some stories. Actually - there is one small difference. If you're in a committed relationship you need to feel really secure trust wise because dating a bisexual woman does mean that "girls nights out" or "girls camping trips" take on a slightly different connotation in our male minds. But it is all good. 1
PogoStick Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I suggest you invite many women back to your place for 3-somes! Everyone's happy
chantos Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 This advice is lateral to what you are requesting but I believe you need to hear it: The way you have phrased your post here suggests you are going to be too obsequious to her, which will push her away before you even have a chance of LTR-ing her. The thought of you allowing a woman to be with you and other women, while you are only with her, is a red flag in my opinion. It suggests subservience, not an attractive trait. Be mindful of not coming off as too needy or subservient in this courtship phase. Catering to her every whim, and inventing ways of catering to her without her even bringing them up, will do much more harm than good. Godspeed. 2
Moy Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 No, you absolutely don't have to assume you have to enable her to have two relationships at once... ...I do know a very happily married hetero couple who've been together nearly two decades, she's bi and he's straight, he's happily allowed her to have a girlfriend at the same time as the marriage as he doesn't feel threatened and is happy for her to explore that side of herself, she doesn't go looking for it and has only had maybe three short term girlfriends (less than a year each) during their marriage... Don't these two parts of your post contradict each other? On the one hand you are saying that it doesn't mean that OP has to share his partner with other people, yet you quote a marriage that is only working because the husband has accepted being repeatedly cuckolded. Three affairs, less an a year each or not, are still three affairs during the course of the marriage. Eatin' IS cheatin!'
chantos Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Don't these two parts of your post contradict each other? On the one hand you are saying that it doesn't mean that OP has to share his partner with other people, yet you quote a marriage that is only working because the husband has accepted being repeatedly cuckolded. Three affairs, less an a year each or not, are still three affairs during the course of the marriage. Eatin' IS cheatin!' Lol. I agree. If you're not threatened by her having girls on the side for sex then she shouldn't be threatened about you having girls on the side for sex.
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 (edited) Don't these two parts of your post contradict each other? On the one hand you are saying that it doesn't mean that OP has to share his partner with other people, yet you quote a marriage that is only working because the husband has accepted being repeatedly cuckolded. Three affairs, less an a year each or not, are still three affairs during the course of the marriage. Eatin' IS cheatin!' No, I don't think they contradict at all. I provided the example of my friends' marriage as an example of how a relationship like theirs CAN work, seeing as the OP seems to be asking whether that's what would be expected of him if he dates this girl seriously. It all depends on the individual couple in any relationship, whatever the sexuality of the participants. It's not cheating if both parties are aware and happy about one person dating others, it's simply a non monogamous partnership. I wouldn't personally allow a bi boyfriend of mine to have boyfriends if I was with a guy like that but it's what the guy in this relationship is happy with. None of the participants considered her short relationships with other women as affairs because everyone was happy and consenting, no lying or cheating. I've known the couple for a decade and spent a LOT of time with them, I know them deeply both separately and together. He wasn't being cuckolded, he was happy for her when she met someone and encouraged her as they got married young and she'd never explored her bisexuality. If OP wants monogamy he has every right to expect that. The guy in this marriage I mentioned didn't mind about her seeing other girls. She said herself if he was bi she wouldn't feel threatened by him seeing guys, but he isn't. Everybody is different, not everyone has the same boundaries. Edited May 2, 2015 by acrosstheuniverse
Gary S Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Listen to Gaeta on this one, she knows what she's talking about. I dated a woman who was bi, it was no problem.
TheBathWater Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Let us know how it goes. Would be interested to hear the outcome.
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 You are confusing bisexuality and monogamy. Being bisexual means she is open to fall in love with a man *OR* a woman and then carry on the relationship as any other heterosexual/homosexual couples would do. . I was just about to post the same thing! Being bisexual does not mean she "prefers" women. Nor does it mean she is not capable or desireous of being in a monogamous relationship with a man. It means she has the capacity to develop romantic feelings for either gender, and depending on which gender that is at any given point in time, is perfectly capable of being in a monogamous relationship with that person. 1
katiegrl Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I think if a woman *claims* to be bisexual, and is in a relationship with a man ..... but still feels the need to have sex with *women* while in relationship with said man, she is probably in denial on some level, and in actuality, is most likely a lesbian.
Vercetti Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Don't would be my advice. First reason rather easy, half their sexual drive has nothing to do with you. Then them lusting after woman is a turn off masculine quality. Then end up potential in perverted competition. Then cheating can happen and not count magically cause was just other girls. Endless reasons really. Drama, indecisive, and attention seeking. Basically the opposite of long term stability. Sure there can be exceptions, just life is difficult enough without tossing someone that can't make a decision what gender sleep with into the mix. Then if the person is going through a experimental phase...want to roll the dice if they decide on boys or not?
bubbaganoosh Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I am straight man approaching 40. Dating is rare for me unless I date someone I'm not excited about and not attracted to. In that case, I'd rather be single. So I finally met someone who I consider an actual match. On POF I found this woman's profile and I wrote her a sincere message. She is my age. Her profile clearly states that she is bisexual but not into group sex. She is seeking both men and women. She wants long term dating. After talking on the phone, we met. She is wonderful. I'd never have any clue she was bisexual. We had a fun light discussion and we didn't talk about how a relationship would work (too premature). She's cute. I called her back for an official date. She returned my call and wants to see me again!! I am assuming that if I want to make a potential LTR relationship with her work, then I have to let go of any jealousy and give her freedom to have a monogamous relationship with another female. I am assuming that a man or woman alone couldn't fully satisfy a bisexual woman's relationship needs? I wouldn't pursue other women. Any suggestions on how to make a LTR with a bisexual woman work? Nothing like cutting off your nose to spite your face. Your making a fool out of yourself. Just because she Bi, doesn't mean she gets a free pass. I'm a straight male, on the old side (67) but the fact of the matter is that if I'm involved with a woman 5'2" with dark hair, and I see a 5'8" blonde and she's hot and I always had a fantasy about it doesn't give me the right to act upon it. If she wants to be with you then there she has to control and curb her urges. In my opinion, I have a feeling that the topic will come up sometime and when it does and you say no, then she's either going to respect the relationship with you or she's going to go off and engage. You might and I hope not just may have picked a woman who is waving a big red flag From the get go. Maybe you should think about this before you too involved and avoid a ton of hassle.
jen1447 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Did someone say "bisexual woman??" I am straight man approaching 40. Dating is rare for me unless I date someone I'm not excited about and not attracted to. In that case, I'd rather be single. So I finally met someone who I consider an actual match. On POF I found this woman's profile and I wrote her a sincere message. She is my age. Her profile clearly states that she is bisexual but not into group sex. She is seeking both men and women. She wants long term dating. After talking on the phone, we met. She is wonderful. I'd never have any clue she was bisexual. We had a fun light discussion and we didn't talk about how a relationship would work (too premature). She's cute. I called her back for an official date. She returned my call and wants to see me again!! Unless I'm reading you wrong OP, you said above that she said on her profile she's seeking both men and women, as opposed to a man or a woman? Meaning she'd like to be polyamorous? If so, that would completely change the thrust of the points most people here are making about the nature of bisexuality as applies to your situation. If she just wants a monogamous relationship with a woman or a man, heed the advice given. If she wants and woman and a man, it's a whole different ballgame. I am assuming that if I want to make a potential LTR relationship with her work, then I have to let go of any jealousy and give her freedom to have a monogamous relationship with another female. I am assuming that a man or woman alone couldn't fully satisfy a bisexual woman's relationship needs? I wouldn't pursue other women. Any suggestions on how to make a LTR with a bisexual woman work? You'll have to answer if she's poly-inclined first before getting an appropriate answer on how to make it work.
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