ButterflyHMW Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 My boyfriend and I had an argument that escalated into him insulting me and calling me names. Not "hard core" names but names such as liar, child, hypocrite, etc. When I asked him to stop he said if I was being these things that he was going to call me them. I felt so backed into a corner that I back handed him in the shoulder. I don't know what came over me but I was definitely pushed to my limit. He has dumped me and will not accept my apology. It's been about 2 months now, I've tried to contact him and he's just not having it. He discarded me so fast like I never existed. I feel so awful and so much guilt.
PegNosePete Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Why the hell would you want someone like that back? You should make like Tom Hanks and run forrest run!!!
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 My boyfriend and I had an argument that escalated into him insulting me and calling me names. Not "hard core" names but names such as liar, child, hypocrite, etc. When I asked him to stop he said if I was being these things that he was going to call me them. I felt so backed into a corner that I back handed him in the shoulder. I don't know what came over me but I was definitely pushed to my limit. He has dumped me and will not accept my apology. It's been about 2 months now, I've tried to contact him and he's just not having it. He discarded me so fast like I never existed. I feel so awful and so much guilt. You hit him? 1
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Why was he so mad. Did he catch you cheating or something?
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 My boyfriend and I had an argument that escalated into him insulting me and calling me names. Not "hard core" names but names such as liar, child, hypocrite, etc. When I asked him to stop he said if I was being these things that he was going to call me them. I felt so backed into a corner that I back handed him in the shoulder. I don't know what came over me but I was definitely pushed to my limit. He has dumped me and will not accept my apology. It's been about 2 months now, I've tried to contact him and he's just not having it. He discarded me so fast like I never existed. I feel so awful and so much guilt. How long were you two together? You both have very poor conflict resolution skills at best. It's not ok to name call but are you guilty of any of the things he called you names about? Is this the first time you've argued about this subject? He wasn't right to call you names, but you escalated it by hitting him. If a man hit me even once in anger or even raised his hand to me, I'd be gone too. Women share the same responsibility as men do to control physical violence. I'd let this be. Learn from it and move on. This will be something that will be difficult to move past and rebuild the relationship. 1
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Why do I feel the guilt then? Why was he so mad to start with?
katiegrl Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Why was he so mad. Did he catch you cheating or something? Good point. People don't usually call others those names for no reason. Unless they're sociopathic and we don't have enough info to make that determination. In any event, in response, you physically strike him, backhanding him on the shoulder. Can't say for sure if you are being *abused* ..but I CAN say for sure that YOUR physically hitting him was *abusive*! In that instance, HE was the one who was abused, and he did the right thing by ending the relationship and never looking back. 3
joseb Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Without knowing the detals of the argument, it's hard to say how much or if he was in the wrong. What is clear is that you physically assaulting him was in the wrong. 1
Author ButterflyHMW Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 The fight was stupid. I got mad that he came home from business and didn't stop at work to see me. It just escalated from there. I get upset over dumb things - but if that was why he was leaving me you'd think he would at least tell me it's a whole bunch of reasons. Not just leave me with the guilt of this. He didn't apologize for any of the name calling. Liar was because I said him not visiting after being way equaled to me that he didn't care. Child was because I got upset so easily. Hypocrite - I'm not sure.
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 The fight was stupid. I got mad that he came home from business and didn't stop at work to see me. It just escalated from there. I get upset over dumb things - but if that was why he was leaving me you'd think he would at least tell me it's a whole bunch of reasons. Not just leave me with the guilt of this. He didn't apologize for any of the name calling. Liar was because I said him not visiting after being way equaled to me that he didn't care. Child was because I got upset so easily. Hypocrite - I'm not sure. I doubt he left because of that one incident. He got fed up of your poor attitude and accusation and you hitting him was the end of it. It's been 2 months now, it's over, he's not coming back, and good on him. As for you I suggest anger management therapy.
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 The fight was stupid. I got mad that he came home from business and didn't stop at work to see me. It just escalated from there. I get upset over dumb things - but if that was why he was leaving me you'd think he would at least tell me it's a whole bunch of reasons. Not just leave me with the guilt of this. He didn't apologize for any of the name calling. Liar was because I said him not visiting after being way equaled to me that he didn't care. Child was because I got upset so easily. Hypocrite - I'm not sure. Physically hitting someone is a deal breaker for most people. It doesn't matter how much he provoked you, nor what he said, hitting him crossed a line. A step far too far and he dumped you forthwith. Physical abuse tends to escalate, he got out of there as soon as, and he was right to do so. He didn't need to give you any excuse, he was just outta there. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Why do I feel the guilt then? That is something you will have to look more deeply into yourself about. On the surface, it should be that you hit him. But I suspect there's more to it. The name calling is wrong, but it was brought on by something . . . you didn't really share enough information for me to go further into it. If you'd like to PM me and give some details, I'd be happy to help you work through this emotion. It may or may not be related to any of this. But it's something you need to think about for sure.
Author ButterflyHMW Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 I understand that, but isn't name calling verbal abuse?
elaine567 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 That is something you will have to look more deeply into yourself about. On the surface, it should be that you hit him. But I suspect there's more to it. The name calling is wrong, but it was brought on by something . . . you didn't really share enough information for me to go further into it. If you'd like to PM me and give some details, I'd be happy to help you work through this emotion. It may or may not be related to any of this. But it's something you need to think about for sure. She cannot PM she newly joined and has only 3 posts. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 The fight was stupid. I got mad that he came home from business and didn't stop at work to see me. It just escalated from there. I get upset over dumb things - but if that was why he was leaving me you'd think he would at least tell me it's a whole bunch of reasons. Not just leave me with the guilt of this. He didn't apologize for any of the name calling. Liar was because I said him not visiting after being way equaled to me that he didn't care. Child was because I got upset so easily. Hypocrite - I'm not sure. Oftentimes, when someone is insecure or feeling guilty in a relationship, they will nit pik and cause "stupid fights". It is a way of shifting responsibility in a relationship to the partner. It is a coping mechanism. This is why I say you need to look more deeply into things about you and the relationship. It's just food for thought.
Hope Shimmers Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I understand that, but isn't name calling verbal abuse? Sounds like he called you on exactly how you were behaving. He is the one being abused. Not you. 8
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 into him insulting me and calling me names. Not "hard core" names but names such as liar, child, hypocrite, etc. This is not name calling, he was calling you on your behavior. Name calling is you're a B!tch and the like. If I catch my boyfriend lying to me and I tell him he's a hypocrite I am not name calling him! I am telling him what he is for lying to me, he's a hypocrite. If I'd tell him he's a b@stard that would be name calling. 3
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Liar was because I said him not visiting after being way equaled to me that he didn't care. You telling him that him not visiting after being away mean't he didn't care is not lying. If that's how it felt. OK. But I really suspect that he wasn't calling you a liar for saying that. He may have called you a liar for saying that's why you were picking this fight. He thought it was a deeper issue . . .but you were using this to fuel an argument rather than getting to the root of the problem. 2
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 This is not name calling, he was calling you on your behavior. Name calling is you're a B!tch and the like. If I catch my boyfriend lying to me and I tell him he's a hypocrite I am not name calling him! I am telling him what he is for lying to me, he's a hypocrite. If I'd tell him he's a b@stard that would be name calling. Yes, it's a shoe fits situation perhaps. We aren't criticizing or accusing the OP though. We want her to look more deeply into the situation. If he has been otherwise a loving, caring, attentive boyfriend, it's not him that's the problem. However, if she is unhappy in the relationship and isn't talking to him in a calm, respectful to the point way, then she is the problem. She will need to resolve all this for herself in order to move on to a mutually satisfying relationship in the future. She needs to get clear in her head about why she gets so upset over "dumb" things and more importantly, why she is feeling guilt.
katiegrl Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I don't advocate name-calling, and personally would never resort to that to resolve an issue, but, if warranted, calling someone a liar, a child or hypocrite is usually not considered verbal abuse. Bytch, whore, idiot, or any words said in an attempt to shame you, invalidate, disrespect and diminish you, are considered abusive. 1
Gaeta Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Yes, it's a shoe fits situation perhaps. We aren't criticizing or accusing the OP though. We want her to look more deeply into the situation. If he has been otherwise a loving, caring, attentive boyfriend, it's not him that's the problem. However, if she is unhappy in the relationship and isn't talking to him in a calm, respectful to the point way, then she is the problem. She will need to resolve all this for herself in order to move on to a mutually satisfying relationship in the future. She needs to get clear in her head about why she gets so upset over "dumb" things and more importantly, why she is feeling guilt. She feels guilty because she knows she is in the wrong with her poor behavior and probably something she did repetitively. 2
losangelena Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I understand that, but isn't name calling verbal abuse? But you physically abused him by hitting him, so this is really a case of the pot calling the kettle black. 1
Author ButterflyHMW Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 I didn't do it repetitively, otherwise I wouldn't be feeling guilt to the point of not functioning. None of you think he was in the wrong at all. When we fought other times he would tell me **** you, slam doors, flip me off etc. I guess all that is my fault too?
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