Reflections Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 You'll have to excuse any typos, as im a wee bit drunk, but still typing somewaht decently i think. We'll not get into the whats, or whys, or how comes of this. But I explained my values to my boyfriend and he agreed not to look at porn anymroe. He PROMISED. Now he has borken this promise on several occasions, and again recently, andpromised again that it would never happen. My question is this: he's lied to me so many times before, should i ever believe him or is this going to continue to go on as long as i'm with him. I lov ehim dearly, but I'm not willing to give up my values. I've helped him as much as i can, providing pcitures of me for him to get off to, but it seems theres nothing more i can do and this is a choice he has to make. should i believe him, will he ever stop or will he jsut keep lieing to me?
moimeme Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 There are countless threads about this on LS. Do a search on 'porn' and you'll be reading all day. Bottom line, if you don't get that him watching porn has nothing to do with you, then drop him. And expect to live your life single because the majority of men do look at porn and always have.
Author Reflections Posted April 20, 2005 Author Posted April 20, 2005 thanks, but i wasnt asking if it was reasonable for me to think he should or shouldn't. glad to see you actually read my post. i asked if i should believe him when he's already lied to me.
Merin Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 If your BF doesn't have the same value's or beliefs regarding this issue that you do.. and he's lying to you about viewing it.. I would say that while he knows lying to you isn't okay, he still believes viewing pornorgraphy is okay (in his value system not yours) and he will continue to hide it from you...
Skullcrusher Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Sister, Porn to Men is what bullcrap Sex&City/DesperateHousewives/RomanceNovels are to you.
HokeyReligions Posted April 20, 2005 Posted April 20, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Bottom line, if you don't get that him watching porn has nothing to do with you, then drop him. And expect to live your life single because the majority of men do look at porn and always have. My bottom line is different. If porn affects you , Reflections, -- and it does -- then it certainly does have to do with you. A couple of slip-ups are expected when someone is changing a habit, but if he continually lies to you about it, then he will keep doing so. While I agree that most men do look at porn sometimes, I also know that there are men who mature beyond it and/or who have no problem giving it up---especially when they have other forms of erotica, such as pictures of their SO. Don't compromise your values because others don't agree with them. I didn't and I'm glad. I think too many women have been manipulated into accepting porn because they have been mentally beaten over the head so much with people telling them it is THEIR problem and that they should accept it; and these women begin to feel like there is something wrong with them for finding porn disgusting and being opposed to it. Can your bf not masturbate without porn?
faux Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Did you consider that it may have been wrong of you to make him promise that he would stop looking at porn? You may want to take a moment to do so; I think it was wrong of you. If he is lying about other things, you probably have a right to be upset. Actually expecting him to stop looking at porn, and promise he would stop does not make any sense to me. If his looking at porn bothers you that much, then do as Moimeme said.
moimeme Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Of course force him to do your bidding. 'Compromise', after all, means that the man must always do what the woman wants. And people wonder why the divorce rate is 50%
UCFKevin Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Skullcrusher, sweet lord, you hit the nail on the head.
Gemini02 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 I think too many women have been manipulated into accepting porn because they have been mentally beaten over the head so much with people telling them it is THEIR problem and that they should accept it; and these women begin to feel like there is something wrong with them for finding porn disgusting and being opposed to it. *applaudes* Thank you!! I totally agree. I just want to say that if you don't like it, you don't have to accept it. If it bothers you THAT much, then leave. If him watching porn cancels out everything and anything good that you two have, then leave. Because if he doesn't want to give it up then he won't. You can nag, scream, yell, threaten and give him ultimatums until your blue in the face, but if he doesn't want to give it up, then you can't make him. That is not your choice to make. You do however, have the choice to make sure you're involved with men who have the same views as you. My boyfriend doesn't like porn, and he wouldn't appreciate me watching porn either. So there are men out there who find it's presence in a relationship inappropriate and disrespectful.
snuggles Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 i so agree wit u gemini My bf has lied to me about porn and also bout susposably getting rid of it... It hurts real bad to find out that the one u love has been doing this and it makes u constantly Q why he does it...speshly wen you ask him and he denies it (lie) and then says "i dont need it cos i got u" (lie again) ... obviously if a bf has true respect and love for his gf then he'd stop.
Hund1976 Posted April 21, 2005 Posted April 21, 2005 Your boyfriend will only give up porn if he really wants to. And it looks like he doesn't want to give it up and is only telling you that he will to make you happy. When you get into a relationship you shouldn't try to change people to your liking. If you can't accept him looking at porn then you should leave him.
moimeme Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 You do however, have the choice to make sure you're involved with men who have the same views as you. Good luck finding them.
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