frs1627 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 So a few days ago I underwent a mutual break up with my gf of 2.5 years. During D-day, we sat on the couch and we talked it out in an adult manner (we are 24 years old each with an established career). There was no arguing or yelling. Just sad talk, some kissing, and goodbye sex. I actually initiated the conversation. I said that I became exhausted with the unhappiness of the relationship and we tried to repair it so many times that I think the best thing to do is to go on a break or break up. She has a lot of baggage and has always been in a relationship that she never had the opportunity to be by herself. I told her that in order for us to be happy together I think you need to be on your own to discover happiness in yourself and to sort out your mental disorder. She has a family history of bipolar, alcohol abuse, and smoking. I was leaning towards the break. She agreed and said break up. In the end it's still the same thing....separation. She said she wants to go see a therapist (she already made an appointment) and wants to do productive things for herself. She wants to reach out more to her family and get closer to her cousins and friends. I said that is exactly what I want you to do but I feel that if I'm still around, you will not be able to fulfill such task. Again, she agreed and cried. I myself wanted some me time for a while. Since the break up I been trying to limit my contact with her. I don't text her and I don't get the urge to do so. I don't facebook stalk either. If we text its maybe 2 exchanges and I don't feel any different towards them. With my last b/u I was being obsessive and overbearing...not this time. We both agreed that the only way for us to get back together would be to work on ourselves and when/if we get rekindle...it will be a stronger relationship. So today...BU day 4. I knew she had her appointment today and I sent her a text message saying "i hope things went well" something like that. I wasn't expecting a response but she texted and then she called me. Of course I picked up. She told me the first few days since D-day were rough. She was crying and had no motivation to do anything. She had her appointment today and told me about it. She went to the park by herself and has been talking to her cousins daily. She even told me that she has been defending me. People try to tell her that I was a bad person for leaving when I brought her mental illness into reality. She responds back with "no, he's a great guy, don't ever bad talk him like that. He did this for me and this is what i needed" She said One of her other friends established that I was a great guy and that she shouldn't lose me. She said in the process maybe you guys can go on a date once in a while. I was thinking the same thing but was never going to bring up the idea. My ex approved of the idea and said not right now but maybe in a few weeks when I feel ready. I said don't even worry about that, just work on yourself and do what ya gotta do. She also said, please don't ignore my text completely. That's not going to help anything. I was planning on the NC but I don't think this is a situation for it. It doesn't even phase me when she doesn't respond to a message right away. Right now I feel ok with the way things are going. I'm going to the gym more. I reached out to my friends. I don't get the "break up shakes" or think about what she's doing ect. You know the obsessive break up thoughts. In the end, I know that everything is going to be ok. I'm not worried if we rekindle our relationship or not. I know there's other girls. In fact there's this cute girl at my job that has high potential (for future reference :-P) but I'm keeping it platonic/friendly and professional. I just want me time. If we get back together...great. If not then that's life and it wasn't meant to be. Sure it will suck but I'm ok with this. I just want her to be happy with herself whether it be with me or someone else. It's as if I got my closure during the break up and it couldn't have gone any better. Thank you for taking the time to read and an extra thank you if you respond.
sutsie Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Good read. Sounds like you guys have it figured out. I hope everything works out for the best for both of you. 1
ravfour4 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Sounds like you're keeping a level head, keep maintaining that, I let myself slip into the emotional madness after a few weeks of calm logic. 1
Author frs1627 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 Thank you guys. I must admit, it's not easy trying to keep my cool. I hate having to know the unknown but it really is in faith's hands right now. I hope things are ok with you guys. And if you slipped...its normal just snap out of it and get back on track. Everything will fall into place eventually.
NoLeafClover Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Goodbye sex...thought I had heard it all "Guys , last night Jenny and I broke up but we screwed one last time ya know to keep the BU more exciting" 1
Author frs1627 Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 Goodbye sex...thought I had heard it all "Guys , last night Jenny and I broke up but we screwed one last time ya know to keep the BU more exciting" LMAO!!. But it actually worked. She said that she felt the connection that was missing before. She even cried at the end and gave a huge hug.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 LMAO!!. But it actually worked. She said that she felt the connection that was missing before. She even cried at the end and gave a huge hug. What do you mean it worked? For whom? Sounds as though it hurt like hell for her.
Jenmarie Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I went through something similar. My boyfriend and I broke up because of my bipolar disorder too. I became unhappy with myself, and kinda leaned on him for happiness. It became unhealthy, so he decided that we should break up. We didn't speak for 2-3 months, and I got help, and made new friends and had a lot of hobbies and interests outside of the relationship. Then we eventually crossed paths and ended up getting back together. That was a year and a half ago and we were together for 2 years when we broke up. We're still together today. Sometimes you just really need to do what is best, despite feelings. It'll always help you out in the long run despite the outcome of you two being together eventually or not. What is meant to be, will be. I'm glad you decided that and she agreed. Best of luck to you both.
oldshirt Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 That all sounds good. Break ups don't have to be fire and brimstone and bodies laying in the street. There's no need for bitterness or resentment. It doesn't appear that anyone is using or manipulating or mistreating the other in any way so I see no need for total NC. to be cordial friends and to treat each other with the same dignity and respect that you would with any other casual friend is fine. It's ok to friend zone each other as long as that is what you both want and agree to and no-one has a hidden agenda for anything more.
Ruby65 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 (edited) It's great and heart-warming to remain friends with an ex after a breakup.... until they start dating someone else. At which point, it becomes an exercise in emotional brutality unlike anything you've ever experienced before. You might think everything's fine now, all warm and fuzzy staying in contact, because you're still the temporary placeholder for the role of "man in her life".... but that doesn't last forever. People go No Contact for a REASON. Edited May 1, 2015 by Ruby65
medzeer Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Man, you definietly shouldnt get back with that girl, cause you actually dont love her. Me and other users here would never say a thing like "if i get back with my ex it is okay, if not it is also okay", we would give everything for that to happen. We can't even imagine life/future/ without the other side. And this is real love. This is how it supposed to be. If i only could do any thing to get back the girl i love, i would do it in an instant. Well so my point is that you should start searching for love. And you should be honest with your ex, let her heal cause i think her feelings may be stronger than yours.
EgoJoe Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Op, you can do better than a woman with psychological baggage. Move on full speed. You're doing great.
ravfour4 Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 I don't know if I agree medeezer, that's how I felt when I was first broken up with, I was level headed and almost excited at the opportunity to be single and this guy just got broken up with as well. A few weeks later I spiraled into "I need her back!!" probably because finding someone new wasn't as easy I had hoped and my ex had moved on to someone else when I expected her to ask for me back and/or hang around.
Author frs1627 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Posted May 3, 2015 Man, you definietly shouldnt get back with that girl, cause you actually dont love her. I believe you are wrong on that one. I do love her and I cared about her happiness so much that I had to let her go because we couldn't fix anything while being together. She has a lot to work on herself and the best way to do that is without me holding her back and taking up her free time. There are times when I do want her back, and there are times when I don't. It's just the cycles I'm going through. I am able to hold NC easily. No urge to text her. I'm not worried about having trouble finding a new person. Hell, when you're a male nurse working in NYC....just imagine how many girls I'm surrounded by. I'm still working on me. I know I don't need her to live a happy life. I am capable of being happy with myself. I was never codependent with her. I keep telling myself, no matter what...it's always going to be ok. And my personal motto is "do what ya gotta do to get to where you want to be in life"
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