imtrying211 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 So I had a conversation with my ex today, and of course wanted questions answered because the breakup really was a complete blindside. Problems he brought up were easily fixable, but he never mentioned them before. He waited until he was so unhappy he had to leave. I think there was more to what he was saying, but that's besides the point. I'm about to get a little personal here, just to warn you. One of the things he brought up was our intimacy. He had a problem performing (E.D.), a problem he has had for many years, well before we got together. I was completely supportive of him, and didn't make it an issue. He would talk about seeing a doctor and ask me to go with him, but we never went. He said today that the fact that I didn't initiate sex, or wear lingerie was a big problem. He actually said what kind of woman doesn't wear lingerie. Well that comment really pissed me off. I honestly waited for him to initiate because I didn't want him to feel pressure, didn't want him to get upset when things didn't work out because I know how much it bothered him. I would ask him if there was anything I could do to help him, help the situation, but he would just say be there for him, and love him, which I did. Had he told me what he was feeling I would've done more. I feel like he's trying to blame me for a problem he doesn't want to face. The conversation ended badly, with me telling him to go f himself. I was angered by what he said, the whole "what kind of woman" comment. Now I have 2 questions. First, has anyone had anger be the thing to kind of get them over the hump and move on? I really want to stop missing him, crying everyday, wanting him to come home. Right now I don't feel those things but am worried the feelings will come back after I cool down. My second question is a bit out there. We initially started our conversation over his car insurance because the payments were set to come out of my bank account. He changed it to his account, but said (not asked) he needs to leave it under my address for now because if he switches it to his address the monthly rate goes up by $400, which he cannot afford. At first I was OK with it, but not after our conversation. When we parted I told him he needs to change the address tomorrow. Would it be wrong to screw him over like that? I'm not a vindictive person, but don't think he should benefit from me at all after what he said and did. He's selfish and I feel like I should be too. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place! Just looking for some outside advice.
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 making him change it tomorrow is a bit harsh but by the end of next week is more than reasonable / fair. I always found anger to be a more productive emotion then crying / sadness so you may be on your way to healing. After what he did / said, I'd go buy some cute lingerie that you like (nothing too complicated like a Merry Widow if that is not your thing) & hold it until you meet a man who will be happy to easily "salute" you for wearing it for him. Happy hunting.
TunaCat Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 The "what kind of woman doesn't wear lingerie" comment would have enraged me too. I don't wear lingerie, and I wouldn't change that for anyone. If you like wear lingerie, then go out and get yourself a set for the next guy who comes into your life.
Author imtrying211 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 So I should definitely make him change the address, right? It's mean but I want him to lose the car. We went out and bought a brand new car together, for us. Though everything is in his name, he wouldn't have gotten it if it wasn't for me.
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I live in the state with the highest insurance rates in the US. When your BF told you his rates go up by $400 per month, he's LYING to you. Nobody's car insurance goes up by $4,800 because they moved. Maybe $400 per year but not every month.
ravfour4 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Sounds like you were nice and understanding and he was insecure and unable to reveal his true feelings to you. I was in the reverse situation with my ex-gf. The lingerie comment was an ******* move on his part that he just said because what guy with E.D. isn't super insecure about it...and themselves. Just ignore that and brush it off, it meant nothing. To cut all ties with him you'll need to get the insurance moved, tell him it needs to happen over the next week or so like others said. He'll figure it out.
Recommended Posts