OK_computer Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 It's been off for a year now. No contact on both sides. But emotions and memories are coming back to eat me alive. I miss her to death, I haven't found anyone new. I realize now that I truly love her, and I cannot bear the NC anymore. I have no idea what to do, everything i've tried worked for a little while. But we're in the same school and I have a year more then I'm done. I can't imagine my life without her, I...just...can't. I want to marry her, I want to tell her that (eventually). I want to try to work things out one more time. Bad track record of like 10 Break ups. But I realize now that I truly love her, and she needs to know...If I don't try one last time...I feel i'll spend the rest of my life regretting it. I just dont know what to do. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 You've broken up 10 times? And you want to try again? Ugh dude, just ugh.
joseb Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Ok so what do you think might be different from the last 9 times you tried? What makes you think she is interested in getting back together? Ps. Love your username! 1
Author OK_computer Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 I've chilled out a lot and don't get as angered anymore. Frankly NC has helped change me for the better. I feel more calm and collective and less ready to fight with her over small things, I've matured. I'm ready to put the effort into working things out and not just bailing the second we have an argument. Is she interested to get back together? I don't know. But I would like to atleast clear the bad air between us and see where things from there. But one thing is for sure, I do love her. I am sure she'll listen to what I have to say, what follows after I don't know.
TunaCat Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Have you heard from her at all? If not, then she clearly does not feel the same way. You've been broken up ten times? That seems insane to me. Honestly, I don't think you love her, I think you just want to be with her because she's comfortable & familiar.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Yeah, 10 breakups reeks of co-dependency, not love.
Author OK_computer Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Have you heard from her at all? If not, then she clearly does not feel the same way. You've been broken up ten times? That seems insane to me. Honestly, I don't think you love her, I think you just want to be with her because she's comfortable & familiar. We blocked each other off whatsapp after out last major fight that was a year ago. I then blocked her off facebook. I never unblocked her and I am sure she's never done the same. But we had shared the same classes for the past year. I used to get a lot of looks from her, sometimes stares, purposful bumps. Sometimes she'd leave when she hears my voice. If I talked to other girls, she'd leave the room. But nothing bigger than that. If anything I'm sure she harbors feelings, resentment, sadness, I don't know. I did love her, we just couldn't connect, communication was lacking on both sides. I loved her for 5 years. It hurts so much knowing that, and knowing how close in proximity you both are but so distant-words apart. My head is torn up.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Write her a letter on paper & give it to her before the next school break. Realize that she may have moved on & reading something from you can cause her pain.
Author OK_computer Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 Write her a letter on paper & give it to her before the next school break. Realize that she may have moved on & reading something from you can cause her pain. Interesting suggestion.. I was thinking of pulling her aside in the halls one day... a letter may be less confrontational...Ill think about it
Tone Loc Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 It's been off for a year now. No contact on both sides. But emotions and memories are coming back to eat me alive. I miss her to death, I haven't found anyone new. I realize now that I truly love her, and I cannot bear the NC anymore. I have no idea what to do, everything i've tried worked for a little while. But we're in the same school and I have a year more then I'm done. I can't imagine my life without her, I...just...can't. I want to marry her, I want to tell her that (eventually). I want to try to work things out one more time. Bad track record of like 10 Break ups. But I realize now that I truly love her, and she needs to know...If I don't try one last time...I feel i'll spend the rest of my life regretting it. I just dont know what to do. Makes me very sad to read such a sad story story, I'm sorry that you're going through this. When was the last time you spoke to her, and what was said? Have you told her how you feel about her? One year of no contact is such a long amount of time, you still haven't moved on but she may very well have moved on completely in that time, I have no idea, maybe not. It's sad to lose the girl that you love, I know that feeling all too well. Have you had any contact with her at all recently then? 1
Author OK_computer Posted May 4, 2015 Author Posted May 4, 2015 Makes me very sad to read such a sad story story, I'm sorry that you're going through this. When was the last time you spoke to her, and what was said? Have you told her how you feel about her? One year of no contact is such a long amount of time, you still haven't moved on but she may very well have moved on completely in that time, I have no idea, maybe not. It's sad to lose the girl that you love, I know that feeling all too well. Have you had any contact with her at all recently then? ToneLoc, See my posts in this thread to get a better idea: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/524482-boyfriend-wants-arranged-marriage-2.html At the end of the day...I have to come to accept. I have to..right? Thanks 1
Tone Loc Posted May 4, 2015 Posted May 4, 2015 ToneLoc, See my posts in this thread to get a better idea: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/524482-boyfriend-wants-arranged-marriage-2.html At the end of the day...I have to come to accept. I have to..right? Thanks My goodness... I read your story, that's so sad and heartbreaking, I'm very sorry about that man. I think the important thing for you to think about is, why does she hate you? It wouldn't be enough for you to convince her parents, because if you made mistakes in the relationship that drove her away and led to one full year of NC, then you probably have a lot of mistakes to make up for to win her heart back. She says she hates you, but you don't know if that's true, she could be feeling the same way as you, I don't know. It's possible. And of course there's the whole arranged marriage side, but that's outside of her control. Before you start thinking about changing her parents minds, you have to ask yourself, does she even love and and want you anymore? Or has she moved on and is she happy to go ahead with the marriage which may be happening quite soon, I don't know. Anyway, sorry again, it sounds like a horrible situation and I can't even imagine the pain you're going through. There is maybe only one option left...maybe you really do have to accept the situation and move on, no matter how long it takes, it may be the only option. I don't know what's inside her mind or what her wishes are, if she really does hate you then there's not much hope. But if she's still secretly in love with you...then maybe, I dunno....but even then, are you really willing to make such huge sacrifices for her, to leave your country and to put yourself on the line to win her over and get her parents to accept you? It sounds like a hugely difficult task. But please don't listen to me, I'm sure this is terrible advice and I'm not good at giving any useful advice I'm afraid. It's a horrible situation, to be so deeply in love with a woman but then to have these huge obstacles which seem impossible to overcome...you would have to fight for her in a huge, major way if you want her, but is your love for her that strong to the extent that you'd be willing to make these massive sacrifices? And it's not guaranteed to work, she could reject you and her parents would flat out refuse to consider you, I don't know again, it's a possibility. Ahh.... This really sucks, maybe it is time to accept the circumstances and move on. I'm not saying you should do that, only you know what is best for you. 1
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