Colt0596 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I've seen my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now. We are best friends, and I love her to death. Since it's been so long I have become more laid back and I guess haven't shown my love for her as much as I used to. This doesn't mean I don't love her any less, but she confronted me about it last night. She wasn't mad, just kind of hurt that I don't show my love for her as much. As soon as she did, I actually felt physically sick like I was going to throw up, and now I'm having trouble. Like I know I love her, but I just keep thinking "What if I don't love her?" Or "Am I falling out of love?", which brings on that same feeling. I think it's just guilt maybe. I know what I think isn't true, otherwise I wouldn't get this feeling of dread when I think of not being with her. I honestly think it is ridiculous, because I love her to death, so why does my mind keep thinking like this? Is it guilt from not showing her how much I feel anymore? I don't want to break up with her and don't have an intention to, I just don't know why I keeping thinking like this and it's killing me. It's almost like fear of not loving her even though I know I do.
preraph Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Well, it could be that one some level you are losing interest, but that you want to hold on to the security of the relationship. Or it could be that on some level, you are afraid of commitment, and are subconsciously slowing the relationship down because next step is commitment. All you can do is keep seeing her, do as she asks and put some romance back into the relationship. Think back to when you were first dating, and even if it seems silly, do some of those things again. Maybe you should go on a romantic weekend getaway someplace romantic and really pull out all the stops, make reservations at a nice restaurant where you both have to dress up a bit, and treat her like a lady. Whatever is bothering you will eventually come to the surface. But don't fail to act and jeopardize this until it does. It's probably just cold feet.
Carm Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Well, it could be that one some level you are losing interest, but that you want to hold on to the security of the relationship. Or it could be that on some level, you are afraid of commitment, and are subconsciously slowing the relationship down because next step is commitment. All you can do is keep seeing her, do as she asks and put some romance back into the relationship. Think back to when you were first dating, and even if it seems silly, do some of those things again. Maybe you should go on a romantic weekend getaway someplace romantic and really pull out all the stops, make reservations at a nice restaurant where you both have to dress up a bit, and treat her like a lady. Whatever is bothering you will eventually come to the surface. But don't fail to act and jeopardize this until it does. It's probably just cold feet. Agree and I like the weekend getaway. The other thing is that you have been together for 1 1/2 years maybe you are starting to take the relationship for granted. I do find it interesting that you keep flip flopping to not being sure, then telling yourself it's ridiculous that you do. Maybe you really don't but can't come to grips with it. 1
Author Colt0596 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Well I do know I love her though. For instance, I saw her today and we hung out for a while and just had fun the whole time. I didn't think like this at all with her. It's just last night as soon as she said she didn't know if I loved her the same did I start thinking like this, but when I'm with her the thoughts go away. I really think it may be guilt. I don't know though. I just know I do love her and don't have any intention of breaking up with her. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 At some point the hearts & flowers stuff fades. Nobody can keep up the initial pace indefinitely. However if you aren't kind & appreciative every day, change your behavior. My husband & I tell each other we love each other when we kiss hello & goodbye & at the end of every phone call / text etc. We say please & thank you. It's the little things. You don't have to behave like a romance novel every day but appreciation & kindness go a long way. 1
Syberia Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 At some point the hearts & flowers stuff fades. Nobody can keep up the initial pace indefinitely. However if you aren't kind & appreciative every day, change your behavior. My husband & I tell each other we love each other when we kiss hello & goodbye & at the end of every phone call / text etc. We say please & thank you. It's the little things. You don't have to behave like a romance novel every day but appreciation & kindness go a long way. And try the hearts and flowers thing now and then. You'll find rather quickly that those feelings are still there
smackie9 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 The honeymoon period has come to an end, and that rush of feelings stops. If you don't have much in common, introduce new interests into your relationship....things will just peter out, and die off. Maybe you two are spending too much time together. In order to keep things fresh you need to have a life outside the relationship (doing your own thing) to feel any fulfillment.
PogoStick Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 What are you expected to do differently to show your love?
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I've seen my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now. We are best friends, and I love her to death. Since it's been so long I have become more laid back and I guess haven't shown my love for her as much as I used to. This doesn't mean I don't love her any less, but she confronted me about it last night. She wasn't mad, just kind of hurt that I don't show my love for her as much. As soon as she did, I actually felt physically sick like I was going to throw up, and now I'm having trouble. Like I know I love her, but I just keep thinking "What if I don't love her?" Or "Am I falling out of love?", which brings on that same feeling. I think it's just guilt maybe. I know what I think isn't true, otherwise I wouldn't get this feeling of dread when I think of not being with her. I honestly think it is ridiculous, because I love her to death, so why does my mind keep thinking like this? Is it guilt from not showing her how much I feel anymore? I don't want to break up with her and don't have an intention to, I just don't know why I keeping thinking like this and it's killing me. It's almost like fear of not loving her even though I know I do. Stop feeling guilty. When you are guilty of something, you need to repent and make amends in order to "recover". You got comfortable in the relationship and kinda running on auto pilot. It happens in just about every relationship at some point. Start doing whatever it is you used to do that made her feel loved and special to you. Start right now. The sooner you leave this guilt behind you and get back on track, the better you will feel. You should also think about whether she is doing her best to make you feel loved and appreciated in the relationship as well. I mean, whether she's kinda fallen off with that as well which could be one reason you started going into auto-pilot. Just make sure your needs are being met as well. This is about balance too. Don't let this fear paralyze you. It will cause you to undermine the relationship. Use the fear as a catalyst to putting your best self into the relationship. Fear can either hold you back or push you forward.
Redhead14 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I've seen my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now. We are best friends, and I love her to death. Since it's been so long I have become more laid back and I guess haven't shown my love for her as much as I used to. This doesn't mean I don't love her any less, but she confronted me about it last night. She wasn't mad, just kind of hurt that I don't show my love for her as much. As soon as she did, I actually felt physically sick like I was going to throw up, and now I'm having trouble. Like I know I love her, but I just keep thinking "What if I don't love her?" Or "Am I falling out of love?", which brings on that same feeling. I think it's just guilt maybe. I know what I think isn't true, otherwise I wouldn't get this feeling of dread when I think of not being with her. I honestly think it is ridiculous, because I love her to death, so why does my mind keep thinking like this? Is it guilt from not showing her how much I feel anymore? I don't want to break up with her and don't have an intention to, I just don't know why I keeping thinking like this and it's killing me. It's almost like fear of not loving her even though I know I do. You should also take to heart that you have been given a somewhat unique opportunity here . . . the woman you love, loves you enough to let you know that she's becoming unhappy. You will read many posts on this site about how a man who loved a woman lost her because she simply started cheating on him instead of trying to resolve an issue she had. And, you will also read posts from a few men, who had gotten a head's up, but didn't pick their heads up . . .
El Pallasso Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 She's running what's known as "dread game" on you to make you feel anxious. As a man, you should always avoid this. If you get sucked into her frame, you will end up a nervous, useless wreck. Get a grip of yourself. Flip it on her and tell her that you don't get the feeling of love from her anymore either. Leave it at that. Don't say anything else and make it as vague as possible.
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