Qynnhaley Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 OK, very confusing situation for me here. To start, I'm 30 years old,never been married, with no kids. my girlfriend and I have known each other since we were little kids. Our parents were friends and so we're we. We lost touch for a lot of years, but had started talking about 5 years ago via Facebook. About 6 months ago, we got together and entered into a relationship. Things were going good.. She has 3 kids which, was hard in itself to adapt to but I've grown very close to all of them.I take care of them during the evenings and do everything for them, all while keeping the house clean just so she will never have to come home to a dirty house or worry about her children. i I fell in love with her. But here's where things are tricky. She has a history of drug use, which I don't approve of and made that clear. She assured me that besides the occasional use of pot, she was done with all of it, and I was OK with that. She works evening shift and I work overnights, but lately I have been suspicious of things while I'm at work. I was having that gut feeling that something was going on, but put it behind me thinking it was stupid to worry about. I came home from work one morning and she was awake.. SSomething seemed off. After close to 30 minutes of normal conversation, she started acting strange, and mixing up her words not being able to say what she wanted to, almost like she was having a stroke. After a hospital visit, they diagnosed her with an extreme migraine of some type. I never check someone's messages, but this time I was curious about a guy she had been talking to frequently, knowing he was a drug abuser. I only looked at his messages, but found that she had indeed been doing something with him, whether it be pills or something else,and one of the messages from him stated that "maybe I shouldn't have given you so much your first time." I casually asked her if she had taken anything, after hospital staff asked me the same. She store that she didn't take anything and didn't know why she was having these stroke like symptom. Now I know I should have never went through her messages.. I feel extremely guilty for doing so. she is lying to me and hiding things I know for sure now, but how do I approach this? I love her and want to help her any way I can, but I can't trust her and worry that drug use will effect her life and our relationship. I haven't told her that I know anything.. Because I don't know what my next step should be. Any help please? I'm at a loss..
Quiet Storm Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 (edited) I think you don't really know her as well as you think. I think it's too much for you to be watching her three kids all the time when you've only been together six months. You think your generosity will be appreciated, but be careful you don't get taken advantage of. Being too accommodating so early in a relationship can cause some people to devalue you. She lied about the guy and lied about the drugs. She used very poor judgement. Shes responsible for her kids. What if one woke up sick and needed her? And she's so messed up she's acting like a stroke victim. And she doesn't even admit her lie to you or the doctor. That's so selfish, wasting time & money and acting like it's some big mystery illness when she knows what she did. One thing about addicts is that even when they get clean, their selfish behavior and mentality often remains. They lie to protect their drug use and to be able to do whatever they want to do, and it's easy for them because they've done it so many times before. You can't help people who don't want help. They'll exploit your desire to help them. You should tell her you know she lied, otherwise she'll lose respect for you because she'll think you believe her lies. Tell her you don't want to be with someone that lies or uses drugs. Don't act like her father and scold her. Simply state what kind of woman you want to be with, and that you'll accept nothing less. If she need help with her issues, then she needs to handle that. You have only been with her six months, and you are dealing with kids, drugs and lies. She is being who she is, and its up to you to pay attention. Is this how you want your life to be, watching another mans kids while their mother is hanging out with guys and doing drugs? You need to take a step back and allow her to handle her issues. You don't want to be the knight in shining armour type that gets disrespected and walked on. Edited May 1, 2015 by Quiet Storm 1
No Limit Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Sorry but you should really get out of this situation. There can be no doubt that she's still depending on drugs. I'm actually surprised the hospital didn't test and check her blood, I mean drugs leave their traces behind even in hair for weeks.
salparadise Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Read and reread Quiet Storm's post a dozen times. She laid it out perfectly. Sounds like your gf may have taken hallucinogens if she was up all night and then couldn't organize words or thoughts the next morning... and what the guy said, "maybe I shouldn't have given you so much your first time" seems to fit as well. But regardless of what it was, raising another man's kids, lies, drugs and other guys... afraid it doesn't look good. Time to take care of you now. 1
SoulCat Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 After a hospital visit, they diagnosed her with an extreme migraine of some type. Did you hear the doctor actually say this or was it her who told you? I would have thought that running blood tests would have been one of the things the hospital would have carried out as a routine procedure. Certain drugs will have picked up on if they were in her system.
beach Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Did you hear the doctor actually say this or was it her who told you? I would have thought that running blood tests would have been one of the things the hospital would have carried out as a routine procedure. Certain drugs will have picked up on if they were in her system. Sure they would do blood tests. But the results would normally be given to her only... She's lying to you. She's a known drug user...so you don't know the real her. Run! Run fast and far away! Nothing good can come from staying with her! I say this from experience.
still_an_Angel Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Your instincts are picking up what you can't/don't want to see. You can feel there's something wrong, its really great that you want to help but addicts need to help themselves first before anyone else is able to help them. Its time to reassess your role in her life, doing what she needs to do is not your obligation.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 If she has a history of drug abuse then it should have been on great big giant red flag. If it's me, I don't pull punches with her. I let her know everything and put the ball in her corner. Let her know that she can have either you or her drugs and her junkie friends. I would also let her know that she's running a huge risk of losing her kids if she doesn't get help and change her ways. Look you knew what you were getting so you have no one to blame but yourself
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 2, 2015 Posted May 2, 2015 Full disclosure of her medical history including the results of the last tests or you walk. 1
Author Qynnhaley Posted May 5, 2015 Author Posted May 5, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. I fixed the problem.. By getting rid of the problem. She lied many times until I told her what I already knew. She tried to throw it back on me, as expected. It was a hard thing to do, but in my best interest. Her response to what she did was a line of caffeine pills which was laced with something she didn't know about.. Nonetheless, I am now "drug-free". Maybe next time I will be smarter in my choices..
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