Speika Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Hi, So I went on a date with a really amazing girl a little while ago. We texted every day for over a week before the date, a lot....a lot. She asked me a lot of questions about myself and at one point mentioned leaving a suggested place for our date for another time. On the date from my perspective it seemed that the chemistry was amazing. I really thought we clicked. We spoke non stop for five hours with a lot of obvious flirting. At one point she brought up the topic of sex and gave me a suggestive little wink. She brought up a couple of times how much we knew about each other, and asked me some things that I'm not sure why you'd asked unless you were interested in someone. She was smiling, flirtatious, friendly and happy all night, even laughing at my stupid half jokes. By the end it felt as if we'd known each other for years. There was a point near the end where we sat just smiling at each other. Not in a weird or awkward way but in a way that was very intentional and just....Wow. I was convinced there was something between us and thought it was something quit strong. At the end of the night she asked if we'd see each other again and I said yes, both seemed to be said in a way that I interpreted as "yeah we both know we will because that was amazing". The next day when I asked her if she wanted to meet up again she sent me a text saying that I was "lovely and while appreciating me as a person and wishing to be respectful felt that we where after different things".....What? I've never been so wrong about something like this ever. How was I so wrong? maybe that magical connection wasn't as strong as I thought but that didn't even warrant a second date.....What? It's embarrassing to admit but I completely fell for this girl after just one date. I'm not sure Iv'e felt this way about someone so quickly and I really hadn't seen that coming. I'm not stupid and usually quite guarded but I was convinced that at least something was there. Not long after I craved and sent her another text saying that if she ever felt like giving me a second chance I'd love to hear from her again. I know, I'm weak. She replied saying that "I deserved a response as she didn't want me to think I messed up somehow when we met as I hadn't. She thought I was really lovely, intelligent and well spoken. That we had a lot in common and I was a nice person. She hadn't been going on any second dates recently which indicated more about her." I get it, I get it she's not into me, and being called a nice person is pretty much the kiss of death. I'm presuming that she just thought of it as a hookup and I somehow interpreted it as a lot more. I'm just not quite sure how I could have interpreted it so wrong. So many things seemed like she was after more than that. I'm not sure if this is a question or more of a rant but I guess I'm feeling really confused and like an idiot and asking if I am just a complete idiot, if something more was there or.......what? Also who the hell list someones attributes in a rejection text.
mojo1988 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Hi, So I went on a date with a really amazing girl a little while ago. We texted every day for over a week before the date, a lot....a lot. She asked me a lot of questions about myself and at one point mentioned leaving a suggested place for our date for another time. On the date from my perspective it seemed that the chemistry was amazing. I really thought we clicked. We spoke non stop for five hours with a lot of obvious flirting. At one point she brought up the topic of sex and gave me a suggestive little wink. She brought up a couple of times how much we knew about each other, and asked me some things that I'm not sure why you'd asked unless you were interested in someone. She was smiling, flirtatious, friendly and happy all night, even laughing at my stupid half jokes. By the end it felt as if we'd known each other for years. There was a point near the end where we sat just smiling at each other. Not in a weird or awkward way but in a way that was very intentional and just....Wow. I was convinced there was something between us and thought it was something quit strong. At the end of the night she asked if we'd see each other again and I said yes, both seemed to be said in a way that I interpreted as "yeah we both know we will because that was amazing". The next day when I asked her if she wanted to meet up again she sent me a text saying that I was "lovely and while appreciating me as a person and wishing to be respectful felt that we where after different things".....What? I've never been so wrong about something like this ever. How was I so wrong? maybe that magical connection wasn't as strong as I thought but that didn't even warrant a second date.....What? It's embarrassing to admit but I completely fell for this girl after just one date. I'm not sure Iv'e felt this way about someone so quickly and I really hadn't seen that coming. I'm not stupid and usually quite guarded but I was convinced that at least something was there. Not long after I craved and sent her another text saying that if she ever felt like giving me a second chance I'd love to hear from her again. I know, I'm weak. She replied saying that "I deserved a response as she didn't want me to think I messed up somehow when we met as I hadn't. She thought I was really lovely, intelligent and well spoken. That we had a lot in common and I was a nice person. She hadn't been going on any second dates recently which indicated more about her." I get it, I get it she's not into me, and being called a nice person is pretty much the kiss of death. I'm presuming that she just thought of it as a hookup and I somehow interpreted it as a lot more. I'm just not quite sure how I could have interpreted it so wrong. So many things seemed like she was after more than that. I'm not sure if this is a question or more of a rant but I guess I'm feeling really confused and like an idiot and asking if I am just a complete idiot, if something more was there or.......what? Also who the hell list someones attributes in a rejection text. This may be off but it sounds like she just wanted to be physical. It's very odd that a woman on a first date is going to talk about sex and then wink as she's talking about it; very suggestive if you ask me. She probably realized you're looking for something while she's just looking for sex.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 At one point she brought up the topic of sex and gave me a suggestive little wink. I understand your frustration. Sometimes a woman that gives clear signals of interest just pulls away completely for an unknown reason. Or at least, unknown to the man. From what you wrote, there isn't anything wrong you did. Sure someone might say you should have kissed her to try to seal the deal, you should have escalated to more physical contact since she mentioned sex, and so on. The fact is, you like her genuinely for more than just sex. You want her for the complete package. She on the other hand did not want that. Her bringing up sex means she was looking for only a physical connection. She was expecting you to escalate the date to kissing and physical contact. If she liked the physical chemistry, she would have had sex with you very easily. Don't beat yourself up too much. But do learn from the experience. You noticed she mentioned sex very early, so for future reference you know what to look out for if it happens again, and hopefully act upon it based on what you are pursuing at the time. 3
Author Speika Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Yeah I pretty much guessed that was the case when she brought it up but I did really like her and wanted to do it properly. I still thought she might have wanted more than that as well. I'm not naive but I really got this one wrong in a big way. If that's all she wanted that would have been fine but why not make that more clear. At the very least don't act like you are after more. Why did we need to text so much with so many questions? Something she pushed. Why make a reference to saving somewhere for another time? There was other stuff as well, it's just weird. Why bother doing all that, I would have been fine with just hooking up if she'd not led me to believe she was after more.
neowulf Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Here's Why You Suck At Knowing When Someone Is Flirting With You Here's Why You Suck At Knowing When Someone Is Flirting With You In other words.. if you were really into her, it's possible you were misreading her. She was pleasant and receptive. But for what ever reason, decided she just wasn't that into you. I get it, I know rejections sucks. But the fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter why she wasn't into you. She just wasn't. Next...
preraph Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I honestly think it's because she knew you fell for her during your first date, which is too soon because you can't possibly know who you're falling for, so in a smart woman or man, that will set off red flags when you're all in before it's warranted. I think that scared her off.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Yeah I pretty much guessed that was the case when she brought it up but I did really like her and wanted to do it properly. I still thought she might have wanted more than that as well. I'm not naive but I really got this one wrong in a big way. If that's all she wanted that would have been fine but why not make that more clear. At the very least don't act like you are after more. Why did we need to text so much with so many questions? Something she pushed. Why make a reference to saving somewhere for another time? There was other stuff as well, it's just weird. Why bother doing all that, I would have been fine with just hooking up if she'd not led me to believe she was after more. You did not misread her completely. You did not get it wrong completely. From what you wrote, how it played out, she reciprocated interest. Unfortunately she wanted physical chemistry from the beginning. Some women assess the worth of a partner based solely on physical chemistry. There are actually a few established female members on the site that pursue relationships based on physical chemistry. Just like there are women that can be wooed by intellect, or a man's caring nature, or charisma, or whatever, there are women that choose a boyfriend based on physical chemistry. The positive aspect about someone that relies on physical chemistry to initiate a relationship is the person is easy to attract. You just flirt, touch, and keep escalating the physical to actual sex. The negative aspect is the moment you stop the physical part of the relationship, the other person will see that as you aren't attracted anymore and will begin withdrawing. Again, don't get too frustrated about it. Men and have women have been misreading each other for ages. Also women tend not to be as overt with their messages as men like them to be. It's really about paying attention to their subtle messages, such as bringing up the topic of sex. I honestly think it's because she knew you fell for her during your first date, which is too soon because you can't possibly know who you're falling for, so in a smart woman or man, that will set off red flags when you're all in before it's warranted. I think that scared her off. I disagree. She wasn't scared off by him. She reciprocated interest, but was expecting it in a physical way. She wanted him to escalate physical chemistry from the very first date. Since he didn't push that, she lost interest really quick.
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