Why is he acting like this? Or am I just looking too much into it?

April 30, 2015

Sorry for the length and how poorly written it is in advance! lol

So I'm FWB with this guy and we live in different cities. He asked me to go to church with him a few Sundays ago and after church with him. I was acting a little weird, so much so that he asked if I was mad at him. I was only there for 30 Min before he started to ask me to stay but I wanted to leave. He said, "I didn't ask you over here just for thirty minutes for you to leave why don't you want to stay?" I was said "I just don't want to be here" and he kept asking why and I said I just don't want I tried to play it off and said I had some work that I needed to do before a lunch meeting the next day to which he replied "why don't you just use your tablet or why can't you just use my laptop and stay here and spend the night?". I said I'd rather go home and do it and that's when he was said "you complain about us not spending more time with each other I'm trying to and you're trying to leave right now that's f*cked up". I was said what are you talking about I never complained about us not spending more time with each other (which was true) and then I left, but came back because I got stuck in traffic lol. Later on that evening I said "yea I just don't like you" (I was kind of joking but not, I was just frustrated with him) and he looked at me shocked, understandably so, and then just paused then asked, "really?" I didn't say anything. Any who he kept asking me to spend the night then he looked into my phone saw that my guy friends wanted me to come over and asked if I was going to see him. I said I might, then he asked if I was going to spend the night with him and I said I might if it's too late because I didn't want to drive all the way home. He said well you can come back and spend the night if you want. I said no I'm just going to go then I left.

I didn't hear from him all that following week which was weird. Finally called and talked to him and he tells me he doesn't want me to get attached. What the heck? Why in the world would he think that when he did all that stuff that I mentioned (kept asking to see me, getting upset about other guys, etc.)? It just doesn't make sense lol. Really how does he not want me to get attached when HE was doing all that stuff and I was the one trying to leave and was getting ready to hang out with another guy? Then he says "yea I just feel bad using you for sex", again what in the world? You just use me for sex but I go home two hours away, but you ask for me to come back that same night just for sex? Want to hold me in your arms as you fall asleep because it was just sex? Being almost clingy because it's just sex? Correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like he did too much for it to be just sex. Then I say how are you using me if we're both on the same page on what we do and don't want?

Then here comes the kicker, he said well there's someone else. I said oh when did you meet her, he said in December (we met in November). So I ask so was she out of town last weekend or something? Because remember before I even got a chance to let him know when I was coming back he called me at 3:30 that afternoon saying he wanted me to come up there, stayed there until 4 pm the next day, then he asked me to come over again only a few hours later then calls me again to come back spend the night, then wants to go to church the next morning, and tells me he's trying to work on spending more time together, tells me to do my work there so that I can spend the night. Any who he says the other girl conveniently to a wedding that weekend. Then I asked why didn't he ask her over the week before when he was feeling down instead of me to which he replies "oh I think she was busy", again how convenient. I asked, "you think how do you not know?" The person you supposedly want is conveniently busy so you ask your booty call instead of waiting for the girl you want? I know he has a best friend is a girl so why not ask her next instead of your fwb?

Also where was this girl the week before then when I spent the night the Saturday, Sunday, and he wanted me to come back

that Monday and then begged to see me again days later especially since we don't live in the same city? Then I mentioned the other guy that I had a date with a few weeks back then he pops up off the couch and proceeds to ask me, "have you had sex with him? Did you blow him, did you kiss him?" "Do you like this dude or what?" If you really have this girl then what do you care?

After that I just completely left him alone because it's just too messy for fwb. Two weeks go by and this past Friday he calls me drunk saying how he missed me, how it feels like we haven't seen each other in months and asked why haven't we talked in two weeks and wanted to know if I was with that guy that I mentioned above. Then he says "when you lay next to me it just feels right", "I just want to hold you in my arms as I fall asleep" (he said that drunk to me 2 weeks before too) "I just miss talking to you, we don't even have to have sex I just want to talk" and how he needed to see me and how we have this connection and that he wanted me to come over to talk about us and our situation. Finally he said he just wants to see where this goes with us. The next day he texted me saying he was drunk, I said ok and he asked if I was mad, I said nope. He then wanted to know what he said to me the night before and I replied oh nothing much but then he calls me to ask again if I was mad and why I was being so short. So that night I text him and say that he really pisses me off, to which he replies ok. Then he calls me the next day and I explain to him he's just too wishy washy and I'm just over the situation. I told him what he said when he was drunk, (how he said he missed me and wanted to see me) but not everything. He said he said that because he was being an a**hole. I guess he's disregarding the things he had said when he called drunk.

What the heck? lol.

April 30, 2015

Sorry for the length and how poorly written it is in advance! lol

So I'm FWB with this guy and we live in different cities. He asked me to go to church with him a few Sundays ago and after church with him. I was acting a little weird, so much so that he asked if I was mad at him. I was only there for 30 Min before he started to ask me to stay but I wanted to leave. He said, "I didn't ask you over here just for thirty minutes for you to leave why don't you want to stay?" I was said "I just don't want to be here" and he kept asking why and I said I just don't want I tried to play it off and said I had some work that I needed to do before a lunch meeting the next day to which he replied "why don't you just use your tablet or why can't you just use my laptop and stay here and spend the night?". I said I'd rather go home and do it and that's when he was said "you complain about us not spending more time with each other I'm trying to and you're trying to leave right now that's f*cked up". I was said what are you talking about I never complained about us not spending more time with each other (which was true) and then I left, but came back because I got stuck in traffic lol. Later on that evening I said "yea I just don't like you" (I was kind of joking but not, I was just frustrated with him) and he looked at me shocked, understandably so, and then just paused then asked, "really?" I didn't say anything. Any who he kept asking me to spend the night then he looked into my phone saw that my guy friends wanted me to come over and asked if I was going to see him. I said I might, then he asked if I was going to spend the night with him and I said I might if it's too late because I didn't want to drive all the way home. He said well you can come back and spend the night if you want. I said no I'm just going to go then I left.

I didn't hear from him all that following week which was weird. Finally called and talked to him and he tells me he doesn't want me to get attached. What the heck? Why in the world would he think that when he did all that stuff that I mentioned (kept asking to see me, getting upset about other guys, etc.)? It just doesn't make sense lol. Really how does he not want me to get attached when HE was doing all that stuff and I was the one trying to leave and was getting ready to hang out with another guy? Then he says "yea I just feel bad using you for sex", again what in the world? You just use me for sex but I go home two hours away, but you ask for me to come back that same night just for sex? Want to hold me in your arms as you fall asleep because it was just sex? Being almost clingy because it's just sex? Correct me if I'm wrong but I feel like he did too much for it to be just sex. Then I say how are you using me if we're both on the same page on what we do and don't want?

Then here comes the kicker, he said well there's someone else. I said oh when did you meet her, he said in December (we met in November). So I ask so was she out of town last weekend or something? Because remember before I even got a chance to let him know when I was coming back he called me at 3:30 that afternoon saying he wanted me to come up there, stayed there until 4 pm the next day, then he asked me to come over again only a few hours later then calls me again to come back spend the night, then wants to go to church the next morning, and tells me he's trying to work on spending more time together, tells me to do my work there so that I can spend the night. Any who he says the other girl conveniently to a wedding that weekend. Then I asked why didn't he ask her over the week before when he was feeling down instead of me to which he replies "oh I think she was busy", again how convenient. I asked, "you think how do you not know?" The person you supposedly want is conveniently busy so you ask your booty call instead of waiting for the girl you want? I know he has a best friend is a girl so why not ask her next instead of your fwb?

Also where was this girl the week before then when I spent the night the Saturday, Sunday, and he wanted me to come back
that Monday and then begged to see me again days later especially since we don't live in the same city? Then I mentioned the other guy that I had a date with a few weeks back then he pops up off the couch and proceeds to ask me, "have you had sex with him? Did you blow him, did you kiss him?" "Do you like this dude or what?" If you really have this girl then what do you care?

After that I just completely left him alone because it's just too messy for fwb. Two weeks go by and this past Friday he calls me drunk saying how he missed me, how it feels like we haven't seen each other in months and asked why haven't we talked in two weeks and wanted to know if I was with that guy that I mentioned above. Then he says "when you lay next to me it just feels right", "I just want to hold you in my arms as I fall asleep" (he said that drunk to me 2 weeks before too) "I just miss talking to you, we don't even have to have sex I just want to talk" and how he needed to see me and how we have this connection and that he wanted me to come over to talk about us and our situation. Finally he said he just wants to see where this goes with us. The next day he texted me saying he was drunk, I said ok and he asked if I was mad, I said nope. He then wanted to know what he said to me the night before and I replied oh nothing much but then he calls me to ask again if I was mad and why I was being so short. So that night I text him and say that he really pisses me off, to which he replies ok. Then he calls me the next day and I explain to him he's just too wishy washy and I'm just over the situation. I told him what he said when he was drunk, (how he said he missed me and wanted to see me) but not everything. He said he said that because he was being an a**hole. I guess he's disregarding the things he had said when he called drunk.

What the heck? lol.

It's FWB, if it's not working, it's not working. Don't bother to analyze or even keep in touch. Leave it.

It sounds like he's gotten over invested or all his other options fell through so he's just trying to hang on to whomever he can get with.

April 30, 2015

It's FWB, if it's not working, it's not working. Don't bother to analyze or even keep in touch. Leave it.

It sounds like he's gotten over invested or all his other options fell through so he's just trying to hang on to whomever he can get with.

Yea he's making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be. He had said he had wanted more and thought we were working on being exclusive and I kind of shot him down so I just things would be smooth sailing from there but I guess not.

April 30, 2015

He's being a possessive a hole because he has a fragile ego and can't stand the idea that any of the women he has sex with would be with other guys, even tho it's OK for him to bed other women.

Go no contact, he's not worth your time.

April 30, 2015

He's being a possessive a hole because he has a fragile ego and can't stand the idea that any of the women he has sex with would be with other guys, even tho it's OK for him to bed other women.

Go no contact, he's not worth your time.

See that's what I thought too and I know this may sound a little crazy but I think he's making the other girl up lol. I kind of rejected him not too long ago and he knew I had a date with another guy a few weeks ago (he looked into my phone and saw we had set up a date) and he's been all over me but when I mentioned the other guy that's when conveniently has another girl. I just think what guy would tell a girl about another girl? That's just dumb, especially if we're just FWB...there's no need to tell me since we have no obligations to each other lol.

April 30, 2015

See that's what I thought too and I know this may sound a little crazy but I think he's making the other girl up lol. I kind of rejected him not too long ago and he knew I had a date with another guy a few weeks ago (he looked into my phone and saw we had set up a date) and he's been all over me but when I mentioned the other guy that's when conveniently has another girl. I just think what guy would tell a girl about another girl? That's just dumb, especially if we're just FWB...there's no need to tell me since we have no obligations to each other lol.

I agree, I wouldn't be surprised if he made her up. I mean seriously it is so obvious, at least to me.

He would not be the first guy to do that, it's quite common actually, I have experienced it myself. Many times, in fact.

It's insecurity.

Just move on.

April 30, 2015

I just think what guy would tell a girl about another girl?

A guy in love with you trying to make you jealous.

That's just dumb, especially if we're just FWB...there's no need to tell me since we have no obligations to each other lol.

You're not FWB. Leave this guy alone so he can move on. It'll only get worse for him.

April 30, 2015

I agree, I wouldn't be surprised if he made her up. I mean seriously it is so obvious, at least to me.

He would not be the first guy to do that, it's quite common actually, I have experienced it myself. Many times, in fact.

It's insecurity.

Just move on.

Honestly that's a relief to know it's common because I was starting to think he was crazy lol. That's so funny that you said it's insecurity because he seems to be very insecure. He wanted to know if I had seen the other guys penis so he could know if it's bigger than his or not. Not only is that creepy to me but it sounds pretty insecure. He's always asking if the other guys are black or white (He's white, I'm black and I'm the first black girl he's been interested in).

April 30, 2015

A guy in love with you trying to make you jealous.

You're not FWB. Leave this guy alone so he can move on. It'll only get worse for him.

You're right. So he's drunk call was him revealing his true feelings huh? Even though he claims he was just drunk and didn't mean it?

April 30, 2015

Yea he's making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be. He had said he had wanted more and thought we were working on being exclusive and I kind of shot him down so I just things would be smooth sailing from there but I guess not.

Aren't you the one coming on here and questioning things though? It seems like you're the one overly attached by mentioning the week of no contact and saying that it had to be about more than just sex.

With a FWB arrangement there should be no expectations at all.

April 30, 2015

Aren't you the one coming on here and questioning things though? It seems like you're the one overly attached by mentioning the week of no contact and saying that it had to be about more than just sex.

With a FWB arrangement there should be no expectations at all.

No that was him mentioning no contact. I stopped contacting him. I'm not overly attached. He was the one that said he wanted more and thought we were working on being exclusive and I shot him down. I came on here because I'm confused as to why he's making things so complicated or if it was just me looking to much into it.

Does this sound like I'm the attached one here? lol (I didn't add this part because it's so long lol)

We met in November and didn't even sleep with each other until March, we've only slept together only 3 or 4 times in total. Not too long ago he said he wanted more and thought we were working on being exclusive but I kind of shot him down. He asks for me to spend the night quite a bit lately.He looked into my phone and saw that I had a date with another guy at 4 PM, at 6 PM he texted me and said he was going through something and asked me to come over to keep his mind off of things, as soon as I got there the very first thing he asked was "So how was your date? Did you kiss him. Do you like this dude or what?", which was weird. and we just chilled while he laid in my lap and I rubbed his head, no sex, he tried I said no, then later I tried then he told me no so I just slept over. I left the next morning, he calls that night to ask me to come back I said no but I'd let him know when I would be back in town. Days later before I get a chance to even talk to him he calls and ask me when I'm coming back said I wasn't sure and but then he asked, then insisted that I come that night.

He is supposed to go out but instead for whatever reason stays in with me and we fall asleep cuddling, me sleeping on his chest. I stay until 4 pm the next day, leave and only two hours later he calls me and asks me to come back and see him before he goes out, I was with my friend and said I couldn't. He goes out that night he texts me drunk and says "come to me" then starts calling me to come over I say no then he starts saying how I need to come over "because I just want to hold you as I fall asleep" then asked "wait, are you with that guy right now. I'm getting pissed, you know you're my girl" then said that he wanted me to go to church with him the next day and was still asking for me to come see him but I still couldn't come over.

The next morning he texts me saying he wants me to go to church with him so I go (first time going with him) afterwards I say that I'm leaving and he pretty much starts begging me to stay saying he didn't want me to hang out just for 30 min just for me to leave and for me to stay. He says "I thought you wanted to spend more time together, I'm trying to and now you don't that's f*cked up". He tells me not to leave but to but do my work there instead so I could spend the night so I stay for a bit and he makes dinner, he tries to have sex I say no because I kind of was in a funky mood all day and he just asking me what was wrong said he wanted to know and that he could talk to me and then pulled me to him and he held me for a while and he kept asking me to spend the night again but decided to go home.

He always gets jealous of other guys that I talk to. He keeps asking about this one guy in particular, tries to look into my phone, got mad because I was sending another guy a Snapchat while he was there, said "hmm you have a lot of guy friends". We even held hands (even though he was drunk). My friends say they would never ask their fwb to go go to church with them, or ask their fwb to come over when they're down, and keep asking to see so much. He wants to know when I'm quitting my job (I'm trying to move up there).Even asked when he comes to my city do I want for him to see me (I said no because I just wasn't feeling how things were with us at the moment) I kind of messed up things before (when were initially dating a few months in, not exclusively, he found out that I was seeing 3 other guys in addition to him *not sleeping just dating* then backed off quite a bit)

But after I told him I didn't like him and that I was getting ready to go over to another guys house that night (what I mentioned in the original post) that's when he tells me he doesn't want me to get attached which doesn't make sense to me at all seeing that he seemed like he was the one getting attached

Edited April 30, 2015 by mojo1988

April 30, 2015

All you really need to know about him is that he's a blackout drunk alcoholic. Unless he gets in AA and stops drinking and has been sober for a year, I wouldn't give him another thought. He will only bring you pain. He can't control his drinking or his actions or even remember what words he says trying to make himself feel better. These type alcoholics are often anesthetizing pain from childhood or way back and yes, many of them get sentimental because they feel sorry for themselves and want comfort. It's all about their pain, not you. He needs to stop drinking or he will remain at whatever stage he's in now and then go downhill from there. You do not have normal maturity or development when you're an alcoholic. There's a lot of catching up to do in maturity even after you get sober and have been sober for awhile.

You need a whole man. He's not one.

April 30, 2015

All you really need to know about him is that he's a blackout drunk alcoholic. Unless he gets in AA and stops drinking and has been sober for a year, I wouldn't give him another thought. He will only bring you pain. He can't control his drinking or his actions or even remember what words he says trying to make himself feel better. These type alcoholics are often anesthetizing pain from childhood or way back and yes, many of them get sentimental because they feel sorry for themselves and want comfort. It's all about their pain, not you. He needs to stop drinking or he will remain at whatever stage he's in now and then go downhill from there. You do not have normal maturity or development when you're an alcoholic. There's a lot of catching up to do in maturity even after you get sober and have been sober for awhile.

You need a whole man. He's not one.

Didn't think about that. Thank you!

April 30, 2015

So I'm FWB with this guy and we live in different cities. He asked me to go to church with him a few Sundays ago and after church with him.

Am I the only who thinks it is strange that a guy that is FWB with a girl wants to take her to church with him ?

April 30, 2015

Am I the only who thinks it is strange that a guy that is FWB with a girl wants to take her to church with him ?

That's what my friends said too, saying they would never ask a FWB to church. That's when they told me I was being dumb and that he wanted more.

May 1, 2015

He likes you and wanta to be with you more. The fact that he said that he just wants to lie and talk with you rather than sex isnt that what every girl wants in a guy?

Isnt that a good thing? Most guys just want sex. Isnt that sweet???

May 1, 2015

He likes you and wanta to be with you more. The fact that he said that he just wants to lie and talk with you rather than sex isnt that what every girl wants in a guy?

Isnt that a good thing? Most guys just want sex. Isnt that sweet???

Not in this context.. no.

May 1, 2015

He likes you and wanta to be with you more. The fact that he said that he just wants to lie and talk with you rather than sex isnt that what every girl wants in a guy?

Isnt that a good thing? Most guys just want sex. Isnt that sweet???

I mean it was but he claims he was just drunk so I don't know...

May 2, 2015

So I put myself out there he says thanks for being honest don't feel the same sorry. What the heck? So we were all wrong? Honestly in shock...

May 2, 2015

So I put myself out there he says thanks for being honest don't feel the same sorry. What the heck? So we were all wrong? Honestly in shock...

What exactly did you say to him?

May 2, 2015

What exactly did you say to him?

Unfortunately I had a little too much champagne and sent him this:

"Look I've to be honest here because this is just getting to be ok I've to be honest here because this is just getting to be too much. Like I said I really do feel like your actions aren't matching your words. I know you said you were drunk when you said all those things but I also know when people are drunk they usually speak how they feel.

I could be wrong but I feel like we're both interested in each other but I feel as though you don't truly believe that I am, hence the wishy washy behavior. To be honest I felt like you told me not to get attached because you're attached and so you're trying to put it on me. Well that's not that the case because I feel the same. I know you don't want to be vulnerable bc neither do I hate bc I hate it that's why I didn't want to come over last week week bc I was so pissed with you.

I know you said you wanted to see where this goes and honestly so do I.

our communication sucks big old balls but whatever but I know pride is a mofo especially for me so whatever you have to say and you dont feel the same timeI'll take for face value and not try to analyze anymore and I'll just be done really this time"

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Why is he acting like this? Or am I just looking too much into it?

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