after 3 dates...where do I stand?

[alpha99]

Hey,

 

I met a girl recently at a local event. She sent me a facebook style poke via the event's website and then a private message the next day saying it was nice to meet me. This lead to her inviting me to out to a gig she was performing at a day or two later. I thought there would be other people from the previous event there but when I turned up there was only me! We chatted at the gig, got on well, and later on via text said it would be nice to get to know each other.

 

From here we went on our first date, which she instigated. Had a meal and went to the cinema. We got on great, usual first date nerves but no real awkwardness. I thought it went well. Date ended with a quick hug and peck on cheek.

 

Second date was on my birthday two days later. We went out to a lovely little restaurant, she really opened up about herself, what she does, her background etc, as did I. At the end of the night she said something along the lines of 'isn't it strange what life does sometimes. I thought that there was something to you (in a good sense) when we first met.' We talked about how comfortable we felt around each other, there was no awkwardness etc. Date ended again with hug and peck on cheek. We'd parked slightly apart so as I walked away from her car she drove past smiling and waving enthusiastically.

 

That same night she texted thanking me for the night out and said I was a real gentleman. She texted me the next day asking to meet up in the day time but I couldn't make it (shame, I know).

 

So I asked her out for a third date. She suggested meal and cinema. Date went well, we get on great, talk openly and make each other laugh. She's a great women, very clever, good personality, good job etc - we would seem a great match. We have many shared interests, similar education, and hobbies in the same general area. She makes comments like I'm getting used to her humor and asks me to help her out in some particular upcoming weekend event she is doing. Date ends with her saying 'well, give me a hug' which I did, along with a peck on the cheek. We recap on social event we both are going to and say we'll be in touch with each other.

 

After the third date things seemed to have stalled slightly

 

She seems a busy lady, juggling a busy job and other outside work commitments, and so interaction between dates is just a text or two a day. I've called her once or twice two. We're going out (with others) in a few days for her birthday. My confusion comes from how slowly we are moving. I like her a lot. I have told her I like her. I have made bodily contact via touching once or twice but nothing in a major, obvious way. We haven't kissed. She appears a very confident and professional women. I wonder if we're moving slowly because that's the pace she wants, she's unsure, or she doesn't doesn't want anything from me? She said her last long term relationship ended about seven months ago. She has been on four single dates in that time apparently, so it would seem three dates with me is quite a good thing. She hasn't dodged dates etc. For example, upon asking her out for the third time she said she couldn't make that particular night but suggested the next night as an alternative.

 

I've invited her around to mine one night next week. She hasn't replied yet. Not so unusual because she takes a while to reply, I think mainly due to being at work and being very busy. I've been reading about the friend zone. I've also read of people who take weeks and months over multiple dates to bring things to the boil. I don't mind whatever speed things move at if they're moving forward in the right direction.

 

Does anyone have any comments on this?

 

I'm wondering whether to ask her about how she sees this going should we go on a fourth date. Good idea or not? Reading online seems to be mixed between people saying they kiss etc on a first/second/third date etc and those who take it slowly over many dates/weeks/even months. I don't want to pressure her if she wants to move slowly but I don't want to wait too long and have things fade away. Months ago I too came out of a long term relationship and so I'm not familiar with dating in recent years and have never had this kind of slow boil dating experience before, leaving me slightly confused.

 

To summarise, our dates have gone really great, we get on really, really well, we text infrequently between dates, but on each date talk about a future time when we'll be in touch to do something, haven't kissed properly yet, but lots of smiling/laughing with some gentle flirty hints and jokes.

[kendahke]

I can't really say that if you kissed her with intent that she would have responded in a manner in which you'd like--it could have prompted her to say "oh, you know, I'm still not really over my ex. I thought I was. I'm just not ready for this kind of thing", so you never know. I think that you needed to suss out more information from her about where she was "post break up". It would be helpful to know if she's over her ex and if she's open to dating again. She may not be.

 

People can be busy and still carve out 10 minutes before they go to sleep to call and chat, so I really don't buy that "she's so busy". We're all busy, but we all also make time for the things that are important to us. It still may be too soon in your involvement with her to have risen to the top of her priority list, though. 3 dates in, you're probably standing exactly where you need to be standing, considering how little applicable information you currently have to go on.

 

I think it's time you tell her that you really like her and would like to explore more with her. See what she says and really listen to what she says, not what you want to hear. Then give her a kiss that conveys your intent and interest.

[Redhead14]

Hey,

 

I met a girl recently at a local event. She sent me a facebook style poke via the event's website and then a private message the next day saying it was nice to meet me. This lead to her inviting me to out to a gig she was performing at a day or two later. I thought there would be other people from the previous event there but when I turned up there was only me! We chatted at the gig, got on well, and later on via text said it would be nice to get to know each other.

 

From here we went on our first date, which she instigated. Had a meal and went to the cinema. We got on great, usual first date nerves but no real awkwardness. I thought it went well. Date ended with a quick hug and peck on cheek.

 

Second date was on my birthday two days later. We went out to a lovely little restaurant, she really opened up about herself, what she does, her background etc, as did I. At the end of the night she said something along the lines of 'isn't it strange what life does sometimes. I thought that there was something to you (in a good sense) when we first met.' We talked about how comfortable we felt around each other, there was no awkwardness etc. Date ended again with hug and peck on cheek. We'd parked slightly apart so as I walked away from her car she drove past smiling and waving enthusiastically.

 

That same night she texted thanking me for the night out and said I was a real gentleman. She texted me the next day asking to meet up in the day time but I couldn't make it (shame, I know).

 

So I asked her out for a third date. She suggested meal and cinema. Date went well, we get on great, talk openly and make each other laugh. She's a great women, very clever, good personality, good job etc - we would seem a great match. We have many shared interests, similar education, and hobbies in the same general area. She makes comments like I'm getting used to her humor and asks me to help her out in some particular upcoming weekend event she is doing. Date ends with her saying 'well, give me a hug' which I did, along with a peck on the cheek. We recap on social event we both are going to and say we'll be in touch with each other.

 

After the third date things seemed to have stalled slightly

 

She seems a busy lady, juggling a busy job and other outside work commitments, and so interaction between dates is just a text or two a day. I've called her once or twice two. We're going out (with others) in a few days for her birthday. My confusion comes from how slowly we are moving. I like her a lot. I have told her I like her. I have made bodily contact via touching once or twice but nothing in a major, obvious way. We haven't kissed. She appears a very confident and professional women. I wonder if we're moving slowly because that's the pace she wants, she's unsure, or she doesn't doesn't want anything from me? She said her last long term relationship ended about seven months ago. She has been on four single dates in that time apparently, so it would seem three dates with me is quite a good thing. She hasn't dodged dates etc. For example, upon asking her out for the third time she said she couldn't make that particular night but suggested the next night as an alternative.

 

I've invited her around to mine one night next week. She hasn't replied yet. Not so unusual because she takes a while to reply, I think mainly due to being at work and being very busy. I've been reading about the friend zone. I've also read of people who take weeks and months over multiple dates to bring things to the boil. I don't mind whatever speed things move at if they're moving forward in the right direction.

 

Does anyone have any comments on this?

 

I'm wondering whether to ask her about how she sees this going should we go on a fourth date. Good idea or not? Reading online seems to be mixed between people saying they kiss etc on a first/second/third date etc and those who take it slowly over many dates/weeks/even months. I don't want to pressure her if she wants to move slowly but I don't want to wait too long and have things fade away. Months ago I too came out of a long term relationship and so I'm not familiar with dating in recent years and have never had this kind of slow boil dating experience before, leaving me slightly confused.

 

To summarise, our dates have gone really great, we get on really, really well, we text infrequently between dates, but on each date talk about a future time when we'll be in touch to do something, haven't kissed properly yet, but lots of smiling/laughing with some gentle flirty hints and jokes.

 

Things are not moving slowly -- You had two dates in a matter of a couple of days and a third date 2 days after that. Generally, there's a week between 1st, 2nd and 3rd dates. You don't know what the pace is yet really. As long as she is receptive -- responding to calls, texts and accepting dates, go with it. One date at a time. At the end of the next date, if she seems to have enjoyed it, make a plan for the next and going in for a kiss.

 

You're expecting too much too soon. Manage your emotions and expectations in the very early stages of a dating scenario. Getting too anxious and thinking too far out, will cause you to rush things. Let it happen naturally.

 

Have you had any conversation yet as to what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys in general? You should at least have that conversation in a general way. Not specific as to whether it's with each other yet. You can make a statement something like "I hoping to have a long term committed with someone in the future" and then let her talk. She may not want the same thing for herself so if you're not on that page, you may have to rethink whether you want to continue dating her. If she just wants a casual relationship for herself and not something serious and you want a serious committed relationship, you're setting yourself up for being hurt or hurting her.

 

Don't bring up the "where are we" question. It's too soon for that. Just keep asking her for dates. In a couple of months, if things are still going well, you can ask her for exclusivity. In fact, if you become intimate by then, you should be exclusive at least. Exclusivity is not necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend yet. It's just the next stage of evaluating whether you want to go into a long term relationship. It's the period for focusing on that one person, for compatibility on emotional, intellectual and sexual levels. Some people, however, view exclusivity as being boyfriend and girlfriend though so you should be on the same page with that too.

[hunk]

Dude slow down! You've seen her 3 times !!!! You're on the right and sure path to blowing this. You gotta back off, telling her you like her was over the top. You should've kissed her on the third date. It's about actions at this point - you need to get that sexual chemistry going before you even think about admitting feelings. This would've scared her off and you need to hit reset on the dynamic. Just be a bit cooler from now on, you need to employ some indifference because you've come on way too strong and she's not into it. Also cut the texting, it's killing attraction. Leave what you want to talk to her about via text to when you meet in person - it makes the dates more exciting, gives her something to think about. At this point you don't want to pushing yourself into her head, she has to think about you and wonder about you. This is just fundamental dating/attraction stuff. You can recover if you just chill out and let things play out. It wouldn't even hurt to let her do the initiating from now on.

 

You've just come off too full on, it's no irrecoverable but if you keep it up she's gonna be gone.

[alpha99]

Thanks for all the comments. A different perspective on things is good. After having read online about the friend zone and seemingly how people kiss early on, and the third date rule, I was worried I'd missed the boat. I guess 3 dates in just over a week is pretty quick. I wasn't expecting to 'get it on' or anything in that time but wondered whether not kissing was a problem.

 

She seems to be looking for a relationship. On the first date she mentioned not being treated right in her last relationship, maybe that has something to do with the slow pace. I think she is over her ex. She has mentioned wanting children but not having found the right person yet. I would be looking for a relationship more than a casual hang out or hook up.

 

I can see how I might have come on too strong. Our second date was fantastic and she initiated contact after that. 3rd date was good but I didn't know whether she wanted me to make a move in the cinema. I could see her breathing heavily at one point (don't think it was the film) and she sat forward in her chair as if to let me stroke her back or something. I didn't want to blow it by moving to quickly and ultimately bottled it.

 

She hinted about 'someone' helping her out at the weekend, hinting me. I volunteered and she seemed made up. She seems interested but maybe playing it cool or hard to get...or maybe just taking it slow. We laugh, joke, have little digs at each other when we're out, all good natured fun. She's told her mum she's dating (both in our 30s). I fancy her rotten but want to walk the fine line of letting her know that without coming on too strong.

 

I met my previous partner on a night out. We went on roughly 2-3 dates a week but were making out straight away. This time it's different. I guess she likes me since she made initial contact, suggested first date, intiated contact after second date, but we haven't got close, cuddled, kissed, or anything remotely intimate yet. I don't mind that building up over time, I'm just not used to things going so slowly. I guess each situation is different. We're both in our 30s so maybe things take more time than when younger.

 

So, consensus here seems to be chill out, calm down, keep asking her out on dates, and see what happens over time without forcing the issue. I'm just weary of letting this opportunity through my fingers.

[Redhead14]

Thanks for all the comments. A different perspective on things is good. After having read online about the friend zone and seemingly how people kiss early on, and the third date rule, I was worried I'd missed the boat. I guess 3 dates in just over a week is pretty quick. I wasn't expecting to 'get it on' or anything in that time but wondered whether not kissing was a problem.

 

She seems to be looking for a relationship. On the first date she mentioned not being treated right in her last relationship, maybe that has something to do with the slow pace. I think she is over her ex. She has mentioned wanting children but not having found the right person yet. I would be looking for a relationship more than a casual hang out or hook up.

 

I can see how I might have come on too strong. Our second date was fantastic and she initiated contact after that. 3rd date was good but I didn't know whether she wanted me to make a move in the cinema. I could see her breathing heavily at one point (don't think it was the film) and she sat forward in her chair as if to let me stroke her back or something. I didn't want to blow it by moving to quickly and ultimately bottled it.

 

She hinted about 'someone' helping her out at the weekend, hinting me. I volunteered and she seemed made up. She seems interested but maybe playing it cool or hard to get...or maybe just taking it slow. We laugh, joke, have little digs at each other when we're out, all good natured fun. She's told her mum she's dating (both in our 30s). I fancy her rotten but want to walk the fine line of letting her know that without coming on too strong.

 

I met my previous partner on a night out. We went on roughly 2-3 dates a week but were making out straight away. This time it's different. I guess she likes me since she made initial contact, suggested first date, intiated contact after second date, but we haven't got close, cuddled, kissed, or anything remotely intimate yet. I don't mind that building up over time, I'm just not used to things going so slowly. I guess each situation is different. We're both in our 30s so maybe things take more time than when younger.

 

So, consensus here seems to be chill out, calm down, keep asking her out on dates, and see what happens over time without forcing the issue. I'm just weary of letting this opportunity through my fingers.

 

If you want to give it a chance to be a lasting, long-term relationship, slower is better. Too much, too soon puts pressure on it and sometimes it burns out as quickly as it started.

[fitnessfan365]

I find it funny that you're insinuating the lack of physical intimacy is on her. What do you expect, when you've pecked her cheek three dates in a row? Remember, being a gentleman is great. However, the word gentleman ends in "man". So my advice is to be more assertive.

 

BTW - You're dangerously close to being friend zoned IMO. When a woman suddenly asks you for favors to "help her out" it's because she sees you as more of a buddy. However, since you're not escalating things physically I can understand why. My advice would be to only see her on dates. No more hang outs or activities volunteering your time to help her. You're not her boyfriend. Then when you have the next date, make sure to actually kiss her and make your romantic interest known.

[Redhead14]

I find it funny that you're insinuating the lack of physical intimacy is on her. What do you expect, when you've pecked her cheek three dates in a row? Remember, being a gentleman is great. However, the word gentleman ends in "man". So my advice is to be more assertive.

 

BTW - You're dangerously close to being friend zoned IMO. When a woman suddenly asks you for favors to "help her out" it's because she sees you as more of a buddy. However, since you're not escalating things physically I can understand why. My advice would be to only see her on dates. No more hang outs or activities volunteering your time to help her. You're not her boyfriend. Then when you have the next date, make sure to actually kiss her and make your romantic interest known.

 

Absolutely, they shouldn't be asking for help from one another so soon. It could cause what FF cites above, and sometimes it creates the "illusion" of boyfriend/girlfriend too quickly.

[Male]

telling her you like her was over the top..

 

 

Yea...because god forbid if anyone is honest about anything.

 

Its unbelievable that the majority of people actually agree with such game playing and advice.

[Redhead14]

Yea...because god forbid if anyone is honest about anything.

 

Its unbelievable that the majority of people actually agree with such game playing and advice.

 

It's not about the honesty per se. And, it's not about game playing. It's about being realistic and honest with himself. It's very early in this situation and he's really getting emotionally invested already. It's about managing emotions and expectations until you spent enough time with someone to really know how you feel about them. Early on, it's mostly about endorphins -- the excitement of meeting someone new who is attractive to you. It's ok to feel that, just don't let it cloud your perspective.

 

People ride this high and then something happens that causes them to realize that the other person really isn't their cup of tea and they become disillusioned and hurt. If you're dating and seeing several people and you get too invested so soon, you keep experiencing this over and over and kinda in rapid sequence. So you get gunshy, suspicious, projecting, etc.

[Male]

It's not about the honesty per se. And, it's not about game playing. It's about being realistic and honest with himself. It's very early in this situation and he's really getting emotionally invested already. It's about managing emotions and expectations until you spent enough time with someone to really know how you feel about them. Early on, it's mostly about endorphins -- the excitement of meeting someone new who is attractive to you. It's ok to feel that, just don't let it cloud your perspective.

 

People ride this high and then something happens that causes them to realize that the other person really isn't their cup of tea and they become disillusioned and hurt. If you're dating and seeing several people and you get too invested so soon, you keep experiencing this over and over and kinda in rapid sequence. So you get gunshy, suspicious, projecting, etc.

 

 

Yes, I agree. But theres isnt a damn thing wrong with telling a woman that you like her when you first start dating. The problem is HOW that phrase is interpreted by society nowadays. Telling a woman "I like you" so early on instantly labels the guy as the "needy type guy that is going to latch on too quickly". In our society thats not cool. Instead the guy is supposed to act like the woman is indifferent to him. He's supposed to act like shes just fun to be with and that he has other options as well.

 

I'm so sick and tired of all this bullsh*t about putting on fake fronts with each other and doing you best to NOT let her know you really like her.

 

I DO think that the guys that start talking about "future plans" right from the first date is overboard. Thats a red flag in my opinion if a guy is throwing that stuff around, saying we are perfect for each, etc. But simply telling a woman "I like you" in the proper context isnt wrong at all. If anything its the womans fault if she has an issue with it. You're on a date for Christs sake...you're supposed to f'n like each other!

[Redhead14]

Yes, I agree. But theres isnt a damn thing wrong with telling a woman that you like her when you first start dating. The problem is HOW that phrase is interpreted by society nowadays. Telling a woman "I like you" so early on instantly labels the guy as the "needy type guy that is going to latch on too quickly". In our society thats not cool. Instead the guy is supposed to act like the woman is indifferent to him. He's supposed to act like shes just fun to be with and that he has other options as well.

 

I'm so sick and tired of all this bullsh*t about putting on fake fronts with each other and doing you best to NOT let her know you really like her.

 

I DO think that the guys that start talking about "future plans" right from the first date is overboard. Thats a red flag in my opinion if a guy is throwing that stuff around, saying we are perfect for each, etc. But simply telling a woman "I like you" in the proper context isnt wrong at all. If anything its the womans fault if she has an issue with it. You're on a date for Christs sake...you're supposed to f'n like each other!

 

"I like you" so early on instantly labels the guy as the "needy type guy that is going to latch on too quickly" -- that's the problem though, you never know which women/girls will apply that label. It's better to wait until you know enough about how/what they are thinking. And, you're right it's partly about how it's worded. In the beginning it's more about actions to demonstrate the level of interest. Consistent contact, consistent dates, fun, flirty, etc. Show them how you feel in the very beginning. If you do it right, you won't have to say it They'll know.

[Gottabestrong]

Sounds to me like things are going great. You've only been on three dates in a short time span, not sure what you expected by now, but it sounds like she is very receptive to your advances and has even initiated contact a lot in the beginning.

 

You should not really complain about the fact that you two have not kissed yet, because initiating that is probably your job. If you feel in your gut that she is happy with a slow progress, than I would hold off on kissing her for maybe another date or two, but definitely advance physically by maybe holding her hand. Show her that you are interested in her romantically, but don't push too far. After all it has only been one week. See how she reacts to your moves and go from there.

 

Good luck!

[Male]

"I like you" so early on instantly labels the guy as the "needy type guy that is going to latch on too quickly" -- that's the problem though, you never know which women/girls will apply that label. It's better to wait until you know enough about how/what they are thinking.

 

I will never alter how I act just to win over a woman. And neither should the OP or anyone else.

 

Women constantly say they want guys to be "real" but at the same time women force guys have to tip toe through the process, being careful how they phrase things because of how she might interpret it. No thanks...I'll stay single. Thats nothing but a bunch of bullsh*t game playing. And I know most of you dont want to hear it, but the only reason most guys put up with all that crap is for sex, or at least to be accepted by the opposite sex.

 

look at all the guys that let their pants sag, and their underwear shows. They do that because its a trend and its accepted in their social circle. Women still get with them and they accept it as well. Lets say tomorrow morning all those women wake up and decide they arent going to even talk to any guy that has his pants sagging. How long do you think it will take before the majority of those guys stop wearing saggy pants??? Most men do what they do, and say what they say to be with women. Period. The games must be played to get a date, get a relationship, have sex, etc. Most people alter how they present themselves to each other, putting their best foot forward, and doing their best to "hide" anything that the other person might not like. Its the job interview mentality. They do their best to be who they think the person wants them to be, rather than just being themselves. I am polite, courteous, and a good all around guy all the time. So I dont have to alter who I am. I have my opinions and thoughts. And if a woman doesnt like me for who I am, that sure the hell isnt my problem. And I sure as hell will never tweak who I am to get a woman to like me, or worry about how I say something for fear of how she might interpret it. I speak clearly, and I communicate clearly. If women cant interact with me on that same level than thats not my problem.

 

You cant just tell them "I like you"

Edited April 30, 2015 by Male

[alpha99]

That's why I'm asking for advice here, cos clearly it's different strokes for different folks.

She made reference to our 2nd date whilst on it, and weighed up out loud how we share interests etc. My guess is she is assessing whether we're suitable for each other.

 

I wouldnt say I'm overly emotionally invested, rather I like this women and want to keep dating her - but in a romantic way rather than a buddy way. I find her highly attractive and i guess she wouldnt have gone on three dates unless there was some interest in me from her.

 

This weekend is her birthday. I think only a few people will be out. I think it's ***** or bust time. We'll be no doubt drinking and dancing and I plan to kiss her if possible at some point, or at least be clear that I like her more than a friend. It wont be in an overbearing way, just as casual as it can be.

 

Any thoughts on that?

[Redhead14]

That's why I'm asking for advice here, cos clearly it's different strokes for different folks.

She made reference to our 2nd date whilst on it, and weighed up out loud how we share interests etc. My guess is she is assessing whether we're suitable for each other.

 

I wouldnt say I'm overly emotionally invested, rather I like this women and want to keep dating her - but in a romantic way rather than a buddy way. I find her highly attractive and i guess she wouldnt have gone on three dates unless there was some interest in me from her.

 

This weekend is her birthday. I think only a few people will be out. I think it's ***** or bust time. We'll be no doubt drinking and dancing and I plan to kiss her if possible at some point, or at least be clear that I like her more than a friend. It wont be in an overbearing way, just as casual as it can be.

 

Any thoughts on that?

 

Yes, go in for the kiss. Make it more than a peck, but less than a full on french You'll know if she wants more . . . Good luck and have fun!

[fitnessfan365]

This is my take on "I like you".

 

I think a lot of guys say it looking for affirmation on how she feels in return. It's almost as if the guy is asking if she likes him too. So instead of being authentic, it comes off as insecure. A guy should be able to show a woman he likes her through his actions, and take her appreciation and interest at face value.

 

But women do love communication and emotional vulnerability. So a better way to say "you like" a woman is by complimenting her on something unique about her. A statement that doesn't require her to say anything return. Example - "You're very easy to talk to and I feel like i can be myself around you".

Edited April 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[katiegrl]

I like your style Male.... confident in who you are, a straight shooter.

 

Gotta admire that!

 

It's SO rare when we find that on this board. There a few, but not many.

[katiegrl]

This is my take on "I like you".

 

I think a lot of guys say it looking for affirmation on how she feels in return. It's almost as if the guy is asking if she likes him too. So instead of being authentic, it comes off as insecure. A guy should be able to show a woman he likes her through his actions, and take her appreciation and interest at face value.

 

But women do love communication and emotional vulnerability. So a better way to say "you like" a woman is by complimenting her on something unique about her. A statement that doesn't require her to say anything return.

 

**Example - "You're very easy to talk to and I feel like i can be myself around you".**

 

No offense ff, but that sounds like your standard line of bullshyt ... straight out of some "how to pick up girls" garbage you read on the internet.

 

But I'm weird about stuff like that, other women may respond positively.

[alpha99]

Well, I have been texting my 'date' a few times over the last day or so, with responses back from her. She has a family bereavement at the moment that she had mentioned on one of our dates which might account for her apparent lack of intiating things - I don't know, that's pure mindreading on my part.

 

Anyway, I am out tonight to a social gathering in which she should be present. Then tomorrow out again with just her and a few of her friends. In my recent texts I told her she was a beautiful lady. She replied quite positively and continues to reply to my messages, albeit at a snail's pace. I don't plan on reading much into this but in her recent messages she has started to put an extra X at the end of messages.

 

I think at this point anyway it should be perfectly clear that I like her, and by like I mean fancy her, and so it would appear that the ball is in her court. Having said that, if the opportunity arises over these next two scheduled interactions I would like to kiss her properly, or at least speak face to face with her about how I feel and see what happens. I suppose the worst thing that could happen there is that she shoots me down - but then at least I'd know where I stand. Of course the best thing that could happen is that she reciprocates and things move forward a little. Again, I wouldn't mind at what pace things moved forward at, just knowing they were doing would be good enough for me right now.

[katiegrl]

Sounds good alpha...

 

Remember, always keep it real and genuine. If she responds positively, fabulous! If not, you move on to find a woman who does.

 

When I was dating, before boyfriend, there was nothing worse than a man *walking on eggshells,* fearful of saying or doing the "wrong" thing so as to not turn me off. Not realizing that THAT was turning me off! Because it was phony, disingenuous, and NOT the real him. A woman always knows too, and least I always did.

 

Had he just been himself, even if a little shy or awkward at first, that was a hell of a lot better than him behaving in a contrived manner and/or using some "coined" phrase other men have used to "get" women to respond positively.

 

Which usually does not "work" anyway, as every woman is different and therefore will respond differently.

 

Always be YOURSELF alpha, you will never go wrong. Again, if a particular girl doesn't go for you, then that's okay, you carry on until you find a girl that does!

 

Good luck!

Edited May 1, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Also remember alpha, as you continue to date and experience different women, you WILL make mistakes. We ALL have, we all do!

 

When you do, don't beat yourself up about it, as that is how you learn. And you apply what you've learned to your next experience.

 

In time, those "mistakes" will become less and less.

 

Not to belaber the point, but what is important is that you are always genuine. Just because what some *other* guy did *worked* in getting his girl to respond, does not mean it will "work* for you.

 

Because you are not him, and the girl you like is not her.

 

Hope that makes sense!

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Holy crap OP, I almost cringed at the 3rd peck on the cheek.

 

KISS HER ON THE LIPS!!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh:

 

You're not being "alpha" !!! Lol.

[alpha99]

Hi katie,

 

Thanks for your reply. I am certainly the kind of guy who is straight forward and honest, who likes to reveal my emotions where appropriate, and doesn't engage in playing silly games or things like that when it comes to relationships or dating. In other words, I try to be myself (OK, maybe the best of myself on early dates but who doesn't) and let people like me for who I am.

 

I am quite shy getting to know people but once I do get to know them my personality does really shine through.

 

My problem from a dating point of view is getting over shyness to be able to show my true self. In this case we have hit it off really well so although I was a little nervous to begin with, we were soon having little digs at each other and making jokes etc, although there has been little in the way of flirting. That's what confuses me, why go on three dates with me, continue to text, on our last date pretty much hint big time to have me help her out this weekend, ask me out for her birthday with seemingly only a few others to be present, but not show much in the way of intimacy. Are we going slowly? Is it just casual dating? Doesn't she fancy me? I don't think she is dating others at the same time.

 

Do you (or anyone else) have a point of view on the lack of intimacy so far? Again, I don't mind it, and we get on great, but are you aware of relationships that have developed between people who didn't know each other previously but took their time to reach kissing/cuddling/some such level of intimacy?

 

She made reference to me getting used to her humour (similar to mine so not a problem). She is outwardly very confident but has quickly shown me a softer side of herself that maybe she hasn't to other people (I woudn't know). On our second date she talked about being bullied, her difficult family background etc. This would seem good that on the face of it she is exposing herself to me, I'm just confused about where I stand. I suppose as with everything, time will tell.

 

I've only really said via text that I like her, think she's beautiful etc and she replied saying thank you most recently. I want to say this to her face at the very least and see what happens

[Redhead14]

Hi katie,

 

Thanks for your reply. I am certainly the kind of guy who is straight forward and honest, who likes to reveal my emotions where appropriate, and doesn't engage in playing silly games or things like that when it comes to relationships or dating. In other words, I try to be myself (OK, maybe the best of myself on early dates but who doesn't) and let people like me for who I am.

 

I am quite shy getting to know people but once I do get to know them my personality does really shine through.

 

My problem from a dating point of view is getting over shyness to be able to show my true self. In this case we have hit it off really well so although I was a little nervous to begin with, we were soon having little digs at each other and making jokes etc, although there has been little in the way of flirting. That's what confuses me, why go on three dates with me, continue to text, on our last date pretty much hint big time to have me help her out this weekend, ask me out for her birthday with seemingly only a few others to be present, but not show much in the way of intimacy. Are we going slowly? Is it just casual dating? Doesn't she fancy me? I don't think she is dating others at the same time.

 

Do you (or anyone else) have a point of view on the lack of intimacy so far? Again, I don't mind it, and we get on great, but are you aware of relationships that have developed between people who didn't know each other previously but took their time to reach kissing/cuddling/some such level of intimacy?

 

She made reference to me getting used to her humour (similar to mine so not a problem). She is outwardly very confident but has quickly shown me a softer side of herself that maybe she hasn't to other people (I woudn't know). On our second date she talked about being bullied, her difficult family background etc. This would seem good that on the face of it she is exposing herself to me, I'm just confused about where I stand. I suppose as with everything, time will tell.

 

I've only really said via text that I like her, think she's beautiful etc and she replied saying thank you most recently. I want to say this to her face at the very least and see what happens

 

You are way over thinking all this. She's done nothing but give you green lights about seeing her and that she likes you. You should be feeling more comfortable about kissing her and expressing your feelings for her because of that. But, don't go over board. Just tell her you think she's beautiful and you are enjoying the time you spend together. Be a little more touchy feely, brush her hair aside or something like that. If she begins respond in kind and she's receptive, at the right time, you can kiss her. If she wants that, you'll know. But, if she turns her cheek to you, she's just not ready for a deeper kiss. She may still like you but isn't at the point where she wants to go there yet.