imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) Hey guys just a quick background of my story - I had a 3.5 year relationship with my first love girlfriend and love of my life. I went long distance and gradually she started pulling away, didn't want to compromise, didn't want to meet me halfway etc. Two days before she broke it off she told me she loved me. Next thing you know, she broke it off with me because she wanted to feel like "she's not chained down by anyone", she "wants to be a free spirit", she "wants some space to develop herself" and "she can't see a future with me but is still in love with me but we would never work because we are too incompatible". Despite this she tells me that she will miss me, she will always hold a special place in her heart for me and that she still loves me. She wanted to be friends and talk etc. and I told her I could never be her friend if I loved her. I told her I could not speak to her anymore and she respected that. I told her to take as much time as she needed because I would wait for her....A week later, I broke NC telling her how I felt and why she should reconsider (because we loved each other and I could see the happiness in her when she hung out with me). I also told her that I could not move on if she still loved me. She didn't reply to any of the messages I have sent her since we broke up (even though she is the one telling me that she would love to hear from me) and since then I have gone strict NC blocking her on everything except text. I am progressing in my recovery well and have come to terms with the break up. Sometimes I still miss her and wish we were together, but I understand that would be useless, unless she feels the same way about the relationship and wants to compromise, it would never work. My question is: I am considering messaging her: "I don't expect you to read or respond to this, but I figured that since you didn't reply to my last message, I'm taking the hint that you probably don't feel the same as you did in the car the final time we met. I would like to thank you for the great memories and times we spent together. I truly cherished every moment and did my best for us but I guess that just wasn't enough in the end. I have decided that you are right about our incompatibilities and we should both look for someone who is more compatible with ourselves. I am going to stop waiting for you and move on now. Thank you for being my everything, and maybe one day when all this is forgotten and a hazy memory of the past, we can talk once again as strangers and be friends :)" Is this a good idea? Or should I just stay NC and let those "i will wait for you forever" heartfelt messages I sent last week when I broke NC sink in? I could go NC forever at this stage. What should I do? 1. Go NC forever until she wants to reconcile (I know this may never happen) 2. Send her the message, don't expect a reply and move on. Edited April 30, 2015 by imbax
Hardtofocus Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Honestly imbax i would go NC forever. The response you may get from her will only do more damage. Thats if you get a response at all. In your current situation, its very hard to see the amount of negatives to what may happen if you send it. Think of it this way. 1) : How will you feel if she responds with something like "Yeah we had good times. Good luck."? 2) Doesn't respond at all. For me personally, i wouldn't text her. I would take that message and use it on myself. You have to be somewhat realistic and realise that for anything to truly happen, it has to begin with her. Some may disagree but the more you message her, to more she distances herself from you. Like you listed off, she wants to be her own person for a while. Which is OK too. As long as you do the same. Right now, You have the chance to focus alot of your time on you. You don't see the benefits right now(trust me, i didn't!) But you will.
Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I reakon do it brother! You probably wont get what you want.....The only thing that will make you feel better is if she ses 'I made a mistake, i want you back', but thats not going to happen this early... But still! i reakon send it, THEN go strict no contact, if she comes back then its meant to be, if not, then move on.
Moley87 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I wouldn't send that message it's not going to get you the answer you want. Funny old world how we think when going through bad times however she will read that and feel empowered and will know she has control of the situation. I would look at the situation as the relationship has ended for now and for that it's time for YOU to recover and get yourself in a better frame of mind. My experience and I'm still recovering here is to accept her wish that she wants to be alone and leave her to it, if she did care(love you) I am a believer she will contact you , that way you'll be more focus and guarantee you the reply would be different to what you are sending to her. Women are very strong minded (it's true) they know what they want generally in life and Men don't handle emotions well (even though we try to be hard) Your best thing is do what I'm trying here and keep my mind occupied by helping others, spending time with my best mate who agrees to be my ex (weird but it works) IE cinema meals etc until I'm happy single. You love her It's a nice feeling to have but don't ruin the opportunity to build a bridge down the line, you send that message you'll regret it. Send it to a draft and months down the line you'll laugh at what you had written
Author imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Ok thanks for the message guys. Silence is more powerful than words. I'll just continue NC and if she really meant she loves me, she will come back. And by that time I will have the power to either accept or deny because I will have moved on.
Author imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Honestly imbax i would go NC forever. The response you may get from her will only do more damage. Thats if you get a response at all. In your current situation, its very hard to see the amount of negatives to what may happen if you send it. Think of it this way. 1) : How will you feel if she responds with something like "Yeah we had good times. Good luck."? 2) Doesn't respond at all. For me personally, i wouldn't text her. I would take that message and use it on myself. You have to be somewhat realistic and realise that for anything to truly happen, it has to begin with her. Some may disagree but the more you message her, to more she distances herself from you. Like you listed off, she wants to be her own person for a while. Which is OK too. As long as you do the same. Right now, You have the chance to focus alot of your time on you. You don't see the benefits right now(trust me, i didn't!) But you will. That's true...if she send me that back I would just send a smiley face to her and move on. (But it would hurt me like hell at the same time). If she doesn't respond then I would accept that and move on likewise as I never expected a response. I realise if anything were to truly happen, it begins with her as she is the one who left me. In the meantime, I am coping quite well doing everything I normally would do minus a bit of sleep and nightmares. I reakon do it brother! You probably wont get what you want.....The only thing that will make you feel better is if she ses 'I made a mistake, i want you back', but thats not going to happen this early... But still! i reakon send it, THEN go strict no contact, if she comes back then its meant to be, if not, then move on. You have the same mindset as me as I have nothing left to lose anymore. I just didn't want to tell her I would wait forever and want to fix that and let her know that I am moving on. I wouldn't send that message it's not going to get you the answer you want. Funny old world how we think when going through bad times however she will read that and feel empowered and will know she has control of the situation. I would look at the situation as the relationship has ended for now and for that it's time for YOU to recover and get yourself in a better frame of mind. My experience and I'm still recovering here is to accept her wish that she wants to be alone and leave her to it, if she did care(love you) I am a believer she will contact you , that way you'll be more focus and guarantee you the reply would be different to what you are sending to her. Women are very strong minded (it's true) they know what they want generally in life and Men don't handle emotions well (even though we try to be hard) Your best thing is do what I'm trying here and keep my mind occupied by helping others, spending time with my best mate who agrees to be my ex (weird but it works) IE cinema meals etc until I'm happy single. You love her It's a nice feeling to have but don't ruin the opportunity to build a bridge down the line, you send that message you'll regret it. Send it to a draft and months down the line you'll laugh at what you had written You're right, it probably won't get me the answer I want. I think it's best if I just disappeared off the face of the earth and then she will begin to wonder where I went. THANK YOU for the warm messages guys! I am staying strong and I hope you all are too!
Moley87 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 You're right, it probably won't get me the answer I want. I think it's best if I just disappeared off the face of the earth and then she will begin to wonder where I went. THANK YOU for the warm messages guys! I am staying strong and I hope you all are too! It wont I can pretty much guarantee you that but yes NC will eventually make her wonder if she cares or if not then nothing lost. It's the worst feeling wanting to reach out to that person but would you pay goods if you knew you wouldn't get them - No stay strong things in life will always change.
hunk Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 She's already lost attraction and sexual interest in you - this is why she dumped you - sending that message is just burying any respect she has left for you as a man and makes you look weak and pathetic. I completely understand the feeling of wanting to send it though - it's just your heart hurting. You need to use your head now because your heart is just going to screw you over from here on out. The strongest thing you can do is NC forever, block, delete everything. She will wonder about you and contact you at some point. You don't tell her you're moving on - you just do it and forget her. Seriously remove her from your life.
Author imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Ok thanks I will do this, I feel like it's my fault like I was the one who screwed up. I feel like I'm not a man
Ruby65 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 That's silly -- of course you're a man! A man is allowed to feel heartbroken when his girlfriend ends a relationship. You were together 3-1/2 years. You got together when you were both very young. The fact that you stayed together as long as you did is a testament to your strength as a partner. It's pretty rare for relationships that start at the ages yours did to last forever. You're both growing and changing so much in the next few years. It sounds trite, but try as much as possible NOT to take it personally. I guarantee you this breakup had less to do with you -- or anything you said or did -- than you think. Most likely your ex just isn't at a point in her life yet where she's ready to settle down and commit to just one person forever. Stick with your NC. Keep moving forward. The sooner you recover, the sooner you'll be ready to meet your future new way-better girlfriend.
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