dangerbang Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Hi all Just wondering what your experiences are here. I get this kind of shooting pain down my chest/abdomen every time a bad thought about my ex comes into my head now. I'm in the early stages (4th week) of breakup so I know this is normal as I'm pretty sure it happened before. It's like a bolt of electricity and it's not pleasant at all. Also I wake up at 5 or 6am every morning and am having very vivid dreams, with her in them too. Sometimes my mind is so awash with thoughts, so intense, that I just actually say SHUTUP out loud because they are driving me insane. Am I actually going mad? It feels like it sometimes, a constant struggle to stop negative thoughts, it's a really tough fight against them. I'm working on this by reading books on awareness and meditating though so hopefully that'll help. My appetite is still gone and I've lost 20 pounds already. I guess my mind/body are still in shock and these are symptoms. It honestly sounds like the symptoms of PTSD. I am coming to terms well with the fact that it's over and I haven't spoken to her in weeks now (although I still have my very intense sad moments longing for her) but these symptoms are still very real right now.
SLee Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Do I have experiences ever! So recent-ish break up. I have only recently been able to eat somewhat regularly. I lost a TON of weight. Getting to the point where even my underclothes don't fit anymore and I look scrawny, gaunt, and a bit sickly. I go through bouts of insomnia and then I can't even get myself out of bed. My heart feels physically dense and almost like it's being stabbed or strangled constantly, that sounds dramatic, but that's how I describe it! The mornings are the worst because I often wake up and for a few seconds feel like everything is normal, as it was. And then the reality sets in. Doesn't help that I've always had really vivid dreams and now he's in them more than ever. Sometimes I get super angry, like I need to break plates or get a punching bag to go wild on. Other times, I get super teary and just cry and cry, completely unprovoked. I've dealt with it mainly by distractions. Forcing myself to see reality, going out with friends, pouring all my energy into hobbies and school. From what I've read up on, it's normal. The pain is all vey, very real physically and emotionally. It'd be nearly delusional to think it wouldn't impact one's physical well being in any way.
Moley87 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 All symptoms are more than normal, Sleep will get affected , I still also wake up around 5AM due to dreams that we have sorted things out (obv not true) Mornings and nights are where most people are closest to their ex so is the main time we miss them so is more then normal. Personally I would keep focusing on you and nothing wrong with saying SHUTUP it's actually a good way of shifting your thoughts. Just keeping telling yourself it's your ex's doing and there issue I place a date in a calendar now to reach and see how far I've come along then reset a new date - currently now 7 weeks BU and it's slowly getting better
Haydn Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Sounds quite normal. Happened to me. The waves do die down but everyone`s time is different. I lost so much weight and lost pretty much interest in everything. Managed to hold on to my career. Sometimes it`s 2 steps forward then 3 back. Anger stages, hateful stages and then slowly it starts to get better. It takes effort as well. Good luck.
Maverick27 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Breakups take such a big toll on you, mentally and physically. I lost 13 kilos in two months, got really bad skin, kidneys started hurting from lack of nutrients and the one million cigarettes a day i was smoking because they made me feel less lonely.. MENTALLY - you completely lose cognitive function. Unless its related to your ex, you cannot concentrate. Everything seems like a chore. Sleeping is hard, especially if you lived together and shared a bed... Best thing to do is go to the gym and turn that unhealthy weight-loss into healthy weightloss. Work out so hard that it clears your thoughts - its like pressing reset on a day when youve entered into a thought-prison. After a while you learn to love the pain - because that pain is going to force you to do things you normally wouldnt do just for a bit of relief. This is where you will find yourself again. 1
Toodaloo Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Remember that with time it does get better. My worse break up resulted in full mental breakdown. My brain went "snap". I was nothing but a shell and had to be reminded to eat, go to the loo... I spent 3 days once walking up and down a room. Didn't eat, sleep, wash or go to the loo. Just walked up and down constantly for 3 days... Sleep was impossible. Being in public resulted in total melt downs which varied from randomly running off and hiding where ever I could find that was dark and enclosed to screaming fits and pulling out my hair... My mind was totally lost. It was not a nice place to be. I have no intention of ever going back there. If I can get back from that you can get back from this. Give yourself time, look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself go. Focus on hobbies and things that you enjoy. Focus on work and learning. Practice laughing and read joke books, watch comedy... Find something good every day. Focus on positives. 2
Author dangerbang Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Remember that with time it does get better. My worse break up resulted in full mental breakdown. My brain went "snap". I was nothing but a shell and had to be reminded to eat, go to the loo... I spent 3 days once walking up and down a room. Didn't eat, sleep, wash or go to the loo. Just walked up and down constantly for 3 days... Sleep was impossible. Being in public resulted in total melt downs which varied from randomly running off and hiding where ever I could find that was dark and enclosed to screaming fits and pulling out my hair... My mind was totally lost. It was not a nice place to be. I have no intention of ever going back there. If I can get back from that you can get back from this. Give yourself time, look after yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself go. Focus on hobbies and things that you enjoy. Focus on work and learning. Practice laughing and read joke books, watch comedy... Find something good every day. Focus on positives. That's pretty rough toodaloo! I like your posts by the way. TBH I know this girl wasn't the one for me, it would never have worked. She has some serious issues from childhood and previous trauma that I wasn't qualified to deal with. We were about to buy a flat and get married, wedding was cancelled. So it's all a big shock to the system. She was so integrated in my family, and she treated us all pretty bad after breaking up, showed no gratitude to my mother who arranged the whole wedding for her and drove her everywhere and treated her like a daughter... On the other hand it's opened up new doors. I've decided to go to Brazil to visit a mate in October, and fly home from Buenos Aires, where I had the time of my life a few years ago. I could never have done that otherwise. Meditating is helping. I just can't wait until the waves of bad thoughts stop. I often wonder where she is, who she's sleeping with, whether she thinks about me, whether she's glad to be rid of me... These are normal thoughts? Once they f**k off out of my life I think I'll be in a good place. Headspace.com is great, I just finished the 2nd stage and will start 30 min meditations tomorrow. I've put the weight loss to use, I'm a regular gym goer everywhere but now I'm getting all Men's Fitness ripped looking!
Toodaloo Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Well there you go. Good things have come of this. Keep up with it and when you start thinking about her force yourself to think about other things instead... Its hard work but eventually it does go away. There are no set times. You just do what you have to do. I don't think it will be much longer for you though. 1
Author dangerbang Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Well there you go. Good things have come of this. Keep up with it and when you start thinking about her force yourself to think about other things instead... Its hard work but eventually it does go away. There are no set times. You just do what you have to do. I don't think it will be much longer for you though. I kind of feel bad when I start to feel better too. Thinking I should be mourning it more, and I don't want to let go of it or something? Also when I feel fine I think oh no, that means she probably feels absolutely great! It's funny how your mind works. Have you read a book called Stop Thinking, Start Living?
imbax Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Wow I guess everyone who is going through a break up is feeling this way too! Not just me! I have similar symptoms: vivid dreams of her leaving me, waking up at 5.30am in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep. Lurking on this website with all the other broken hearts.... Feeling waves of sadness and despair rip through me at random times throughout the day. Getting into "flash-back" mode and zapping in and out of imagination and reality wishing it weren't like this. 1
Toodaloo Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I kind of feel bad when I start to feel better too. Thinking I should be mourning it more, and I don't want to let go of it or something? Also when I feel fine I think oh no, that means she probably feels absolutely great! It's funny how your mind works. Have you read a book called Stop Thinking, Start Living? Nope but I was brought up to know that sh** happens and you just have to pull your socks up and get on with it. I used to feel bad when I started moving on. It was as though if I moved on I never really loved him... Truth is I did - but the "him" I loved was an act. It wasn't the "real" him... Sod how she feels. She has her own life and has to take responsibility for that. Worry about you! Its OK to feel all of this stuff. It will pass eventually. Hell I am still getting "twangs" from a short fling last year that didn't last long and didn't even lead to sex! It does get better.
Meli22 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 My break up was in the pipeline for a while, the last 4 months of the relationship were awful for me. You know that pain you get in your chest like a stabbing pain through the heart? I stopped getting that at some point because I honestly feel like my heart became numb. After the break up I had bad anxiety where I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt nauseous a lot too and my head felt like it was in a dazed fog. I had really bad pins and needles in my hands. Also, my entire torso felt like it had been in a car crash for a few days which was weird! I felt almost badly bruised. It was strange. I don't have physical symptoms anymore though.
Author dangerbang Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Nope but I was brought up to know that sh** happens and you just have to pull your socks up and get on with it. I used to feel bad when I started moving on. It was as though if I moved on I never really loved him... Truth is I did - but the "him" I loved was an act. It wasn't the "real" him... Sod how she feels. She has her own life and has to take responsibility for that. Worry about you! Its OK to feel all of this stuff. It will pass eventually. Hell I am still getting "twangs" from a short fling last year that didn't last long and didn't even lead to sex! It does get better. Yeah, it all makes sense what you're saying. I guess you can't curb all of your thoughts and feelings right away, and that only time will snuff them out completely. I was out for a beer last night and I could barely talk to anyone, just sat there depressed kind of! I don't want to be that person but I just couldn't shake it. It's just over 3 weeks though, early days according to the stuff I'm reading here. Ugh just get out of my head already woman.
Toodaloo Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Ugh just get out of my head already woman. She will go. Start having a look at other women and try to make a point of noticing something positive about them... It does help!
Author dangerbang Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 She will go. Start having a look at other women and try to make a point of noticing something positive about them... It does help! Well, I went on a date last night and she seemed nice. Don't think I'd bother seeing her again though. I know that my ex would be sleeping with lots of guys by now, that's the way she was, constantly needing sex and men paying her attention. I know I shouldn't think about it but it's doing my head in somehow. I never liked that about her from the start, some of the stories she had from her past were major red flags. Sleeping with 2 guys in a weekend, having sex with men without even speaking, having had over 100 partners... Was it wrong that all this made me uncomfortable? I know the past is the past but come on!
imbax Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Well, I went on a date last night and she seemed nice. Don't think I'd bother seeing her again though. I know that my ex would be sleeping with lots of guys by now, that's the way she was, constantly needing sex and men paying her attention. I know I shouldn't think about it but it's doing my head in somehow. I never liked that about her from the start, some of the stories she had from her past were major red flags. Sleeping with 2 guys in a weekend, having sex with men without even speaking, having had over 100 partners... Was it wrong that all this made me uncomfortable? I know the past is the past but come on! mate...i would be really insecure if my gf ever told me something like that..
Author dangerbang Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 mate...i would be really insecure if my gf ever told me something like that.. Yeah but when you really like and are attracted to someone you're not supposed to let their past get in your way.
Toodaloo Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Well, I went on a date last night and she seemed nice. Don't think I'd bother seeing her again though. I know that my ex would be sleeping with lots of guys by now, that's the way she was, constantly needing sex and men paying her attention. I know I shouldn't think about it but it's doing my head in somehow. I never liked that about her from the start, some of the stories she had from her past were major red flags. Sleeping with 2 guys in a weekend, having sex with men without even speaking, having had over 100 partners... Was it wrong that all this made me uncomfortable? I know the past is the past but come on! In about a months time you are going to look back and think "Oh my God I was pinning after the local bike! What the hell was I thinking!!!"... I know you feel like pants now but you will be able to laugh at yourself soon and when you do it feels good! You can just let it go as one of "those" episodes and make better choices. Get yourself checked for STD's... Sorry but I think given time you will come to realise that you are actually missing the physical contact and excitement of it all. There are many girls out there who get their kicks from running or sky diving or motor bikes who also have a high sex drive that you can get to know. Next time pick one who has her fim fam in check and doesn't flash it to all and sundry
Author dangerbang Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 In about a months time you are going to look back and think "Oh my God I was pinning after the local bike! What the hell was I thinking!!!"... I know you feel like pants now but you will be able to laugh at yourself soon and when you do it feels good! You can just let it go as one of "those" episodes and make better choices. Get yourself checked for STD's... Sorry but I think given time you will come to realise that you are actually missing the physical contact and excitement of it all. There are many girls out there who get their kicks from running or sky diving or motor bikes who also have a high sex drive that you can get to know. Next time pick one who has her fim fam in check and doesn't flash it to all and sundry Thanks, I know it will pass. I guess I'm just frustrated because she got rid of me, and now she just has her pick of whoever she wants. Men just flock to her everywhere like dogs in heat, just due to her looks of course and her cool fun exterior personality. It's like There's Something About Mary, she just puts a spell on any man she meets and they all want her. Why can't I have that??!? I think it would really help me now if I could just go sleeping around... or maybe not, I think I'm just jealous of her. I guess I have to think that in 10 years time, when she's 45, it's more likely I'll be happy than her. Her looks wont get her far at that age and no one would put up with her craziness either for too long.
AIJ Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 First couple of weeks after the break up, sleeping and eating was basically impossible for me. Got my appetite back after around 3 weeks and began sleeping normally again after around 4 weeks. During this time I had this horrible heavy feeling in my chest constantly, it was awful. After the initial month, it got easier and easier as time went on, had my good days, had my bad days, and now after 3 months the good days heavily outweigh the bad. Can't even remember the last time I had a bad day to be perfectly honest! Safe to say I'm over her, good riddance. Hindsight is a wonderful thing 1
Author dangerbang Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 First couple of weeks after the break up, sleeping and eating was basically impossible for me. Got my appetite back after around 3 weeks and began sleeping normally again after around 4 weeks. During this time I had this horrible heavy feeling in my chest constantly, it was awful. After the initial month, it got easier and easier as time went on, had my good days, had my bad days, and now after 3 months the good days heavily outweigh the bad. Can't even remember the last time I had a bad day to be perfectly honest! Safe to say I'm over her, good riddance. Hindsight is a wonderful thing Wow, good work man. Give yourself a pat on the back. I read some of your posts and your ex sounds like a similar lunatic to mine. Maybe not quite as nuts. The heavy chest feeling seems to be lifting which is good. The only thing bothering me is the thoughts coming into my mind about her. They're so pointless and I don't want them there. I think if you focus on the fact that they are only thoughts and they can't hurt you, and they're not even real, and you're doing it to yourself, it really helps. I'm doing that every time I think of her now and my brain seems to be getting sick of even trying to annoy me now. F**k you brain.
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