Mjm1014 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) Can any guys relate? Okay so I was thinking about something today. I'm going to be 28 soon, and I can't remember anytime in my life that a female (complete stranger on the streets) showed me any interest. I always hear and witness my friends that are out in public and a girl walks up to them to give them their number, or smiles at them when they pass each other, or go out for drinks with friends and they can't get women to stop approaching/coming up to flirt with them. I've never had a single girl ever show interest out in public so I feel like all I have in OLD. I'm at the point I don't feel like approaching women unless I get a clear sign she's interested (it's never happened). It's like I don't exist and they don't see me, and trust me I know what to look for...I know how obvious it is when I'm with my group of friends. I'm not conceited, but I go to the gym everyday (something even jokingly asked if I was part of UFC because I'm muscular), dress well, smile when I'm out, but I'm starting to feel maybe I'm ugly or my height 5'6 is what's holding me back. When I was younger I didn't think height mattered as much but I feel like the older I get, the more emphasis girls put on that. Recently I've gone on a string of online dates, and the moment we meet they seemed uninterested and I never hear from them again. My pics are up to date, height is listed correctly but something is turning them off and I don't know what. One even started laughing at me. My last girlfriend told me all the time I'm not usually the kind of guy she would go for physically but she knew I was a good guy-whatever that meant :/ I guess this is a bit of a vent post, but kind of a question. Guys, say you're on the street and see an attractive girl you want to ask out...do you just approach cold or wait for some (even subtle) sign of interest? Can anyone relate? I feel like something is wrong that I can't even remember the last girl looked at me or showed any interest...even unattractive ones don't notice. Being that I never even get checked out it puts me in a weird position I feel like...I'd be guns blazing to talk to a chick if she showed me some sign, but I get nothing..... Please don't say I just need to be confident. Trust me I'm more than confident but I also realize there is a problem I need to correct. Normally I don't give two sh*ts what people think about me but I'm getting older and want to finally meet someone, and I'm also lonely since all my friends are in relationships (I moved to a dif city so they can't even hook me up) Edited April 30, 2015 by Mjm1014
Conners Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Can any guys relate? Okay so I was thinking about something today. I'm going to be 28 soon, and I can't remember anytime in my life that a female (complete stranger on the streets) showed me any interest. I always hear and witness my friends that are out in public and a girl walks up to them to give them their number, or smiles at them when they pass each other, or go out for drinks with friends and they can't get women to stop approaching/coming up to flirt with them. I've never had a single girl ever show interest out in public. I'm at the point I don't feel like approaching women unless I get a clear sign she's interested (it's never happened). It's like I don't exist and they don't see me, and trust me I know what to look for...I know how obvious it is when I'm with my group of friends. I'm not conceited, but I go to the gym everyday (something even jokingly asked if I was part of UFC because I'm muscular), dress well, smile when I'm out, but I'm starting to feel maybe I'm ugly or my height 5'6 is what's holding me back. When I was younger I didn't think height mattered as much but I feel like the older I get, the more emphasis girls put on that. Recently I've gone on a string of online dates, and the moment we meet they seemed uninterested and I never hear from them again. My pics are up to date, height is listed correctly but something is turning them off and I don't know what. One even started laughing at me. My last girlfriend told me all the time I'm not usually the kind of guy she would go for physically but she knew I was a good guy-whatever that meant :/ I guess this is a bit of a vent post, but kind of a question. Guys, say you're on the street and see an attractive girl you want to ask out...do you just approach cold or wait for some (even subtle) sign of interest? Can anyone relate? I feel like something is wrong that I can't even remember the last girl looked at me or showed any interest...even unattractive ones don't notice. Being that I never even get checked out it puts me in a weird position I feel like...I'd be guns blazing to talk to a chick if she showed me some sign, but I get nothing..... Please don't say I just need to be confident. Trust me I'm more than confident but I also realize there is a problem I need to correct. Normally I don't give two sh*ts what people think about me but I'm getting older and want to finally meet someone, and I'm also lonely since all my friends are in relationships (I moved to a dif city so they can't even hook me up) I'm a girl and I would never approach a guy on the street or anywhere. I'm not exactly shy either. I think your friends might be exaggerating a bit when they say females just come up to them on the street, that seems a bit desperate to me (for a girl). Try approaching women first? Maybe they don't notice you, maybe they do... women can be very subtle in checking out guys. 2
Author Mjm1014 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 They aren't exaggerating..I'm out with them and witness it all the time. I'm not really concerned girls not approaching me, I realiz that's my job, but I never get any sign of interest what so ever. None. Zip.
Conners Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 They aren't exaggerating..I'm out with them and witness it all the time. I'm not really concerned girls not approaching me, I realiz that's my job, but I never get any sign of interest what so ever. None. Zip. Well you can't be too bad if you've had a "string of online dates" because I've heard of guys who can't even get a girl to reply to them online, let alone meet up. I have a strong feeling it's your personality, something is putting them off. You seem to have a negative attitude in your posts, maybe that is showing through when you are on dates.
fitnessfan365 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Jen actually gave some of the best approach advice I've seen on here. Lock your gaze onto a woman. When she looks at you, hold eye contact and smile. If she holds eye contact and smiles back at you, go talk to her. It's that simple. Women open doors for us, and if you know what to look for, you pretty much just have to walk through. But all you have to keep reminding yourself of is that there are billions of women on the planet. When you look at it that way, it feels REALLY silly to be disappointed over a few in hindsight. 1
lollipopspot Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Whatever you do, do not go down the "I'm too short" road. Don't even read those threads on here. It's an excuse for some other problem with dating and attraction. Plenty of guys your height get women. I've been with guys your height and it's a nonissue. 2
El Pallasso Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Whatever you do, do not go down the "I'm too short" road. Don't even read those threads on here. It's an excuse for some other problem with dating and attraction. Plenty of guys your height get women. I've been with guys your height and it's a nonissue. This is like saying "I know of a few people that won the lottery so keep playing, I'm sure you'll win." Statistics doesn't work that way. Statistics show that short men are far less desirable to women than tall men. It doesn't mean that short men won't get dates. It's just a hell of a lot harder. 1
Moy Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 This is like saying "I know of a few people that won the lottery so keep playing, I'm sure you'll win." Statistics doesn't work that way. Statistics show that short men are far less desirable to women than tall men. It doesn't mean that short men won't get dates. It's just a hell of a lot harder. Indeed. For the past two years on OLD (I'm 5'8") I've been called "Ew -Shortarse", "f*** off Hobbit", "midget" and other such nice terms. Don't even get me started on the profiles that state "Don't even read this if you're under 6ft" or post specific height requirements that would land a man on a hatecrime charge if he were to do the same with regards to a woman's weight. Trust me, the prejudice against guys under 6ft is real - but I'd like to hope that the last line of your post applies in the real word.
lollipopspot Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 (edited) This is like saying "I know of a few people that won the lottery so keep playing, I'm sure you'll win." Statistics doesn't work that way. Statistics show that short men are far less desirable to women than tall men. It doesn't mean that short men won't get dates. It's just a hell of a lot harder. For some guys, it may be harder, ESPECIALLY once they get a chip on their shoulder about it. It erodes their confidence. But some guys literally did not even realize that being short/er was any kind of handicap, and did fine with women, until they started reading about it online. It really doesn't serve the OP to start building a complex about his height, as he suggested in his post. He can indeed find women. I'll go out with a guy who's 5'6" without a second thought, if I find him interesting and attractive. He can take the word of a woman who doesn't find it a handicap, or the words of guys who have complexes and negative beliefs about height (and develop one himself, which will make him less attractive). The shorter guys I have been with never mentioned their height. It was a nonissue for both of us. If a guy came at me with a lot of insecurities about it, I would not find that particularly attractive. Edited April 30, 2015 by lollipopspot 2
Moy Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 For some guys, it may be harder, ESPECIALLY once they get a chip on their shoulder about it. It erodes their confidence. But some guys literally did not even realize that being short/er was any kind of handicap, and did fine with women, until they started reading about it online. This is exactly what happened to me. I've always known that I'm shorter than a lot of guys but I've always kept myself in shape and facially I'm not great, but I'm not Sloth from The Goonies either and my height was never an obvious hindrance in real life. It was only when I signed up to OLD in early 2013 that I started seeing the "NO DWARVES" barriers and being embroiled in cesspits like certian free OLD sites for two years does a person no favours, being constantly exposed to that imagery, if you know what I mean? 1
lollipopspot Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 being embroiled in cesspits like certian free OLD sites for two years does a person no favours, being constantly exposed to that imagery, if you know what I mean? Well it doesn't do many people any favors to be exposed to what is considered to be the paper ideal for their gender. Women also might be too fat, small breasted, pear shaped, old, have labia that are "too large," be too hairy, too masculine, whatever. Get off OLD and try to meet people IRL where they can see your totality rather than evaluate by a number 1
Moy Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Get off OLD and try to meet people IRL where they can see your totality rather than evaluate by a number Problem on that front - OLD has completely denigrated my confidence, so I don't even feel worthy of looking at women in real life. But that's not for this thread. 1
Justanaverageguy Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Jen actually gave some of the best approach advice I've seen on here. Lock your gaze onto a woman. When she looks at you, hold eye contact and smile. If she holds eye contact and smiles back at you, go talk to her. It's that simple. Women open doors for us, and if you know what to look for, you pretty much just have to walk through. But all you have to keep reminding yourself of is that there are billions of women on the planet. When you look at it that way, it feels REALLY silly to be disappointed over a few in hindsight. Completely agree with this. Number 1 thing to look for before approaching a girl is eye contact. You should actually have a bit of a play around with this and learn how to do it correctly with girls so you send the right message. I actually find strong eye contact a smile then a very short glance away and straight back to them while holding the smile is the most effective. You want to show her you are interested - not come off as a creep. Once you kind of understand the process and how to signal your intentions the right way girls will signal back. You can tell by their response if they are interested. Also they key to not being a creep .... is if she is not interested then don't push it any further and conversely if she signals that she is interested then be confident enough to make a move. Even if the girl signals she is interested initially there is nothing creepier then a guy constantly making eye contact with a girl but then not actually doing anything. Just watching her. She will switch from interested to creeped out and pretty quickly.
Auspecial Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Problem on that front - OLD has completely denigrated my confidence, so I don't even feel worthy of looking at women in real life. But that's not for this thread. Things like this illustrate the reason I think OLD is a big social Fail. Its hard for people to realize and embrace this, when its such big business, and so much marketing dollar goes into it being shoved in your face all the time. Then there is the boredom factor where you are sick of it, but you go on "one last time." People have to get so sick of it that they have zero desire to dirty their hands ever being on OLD again. 1
El Pallasso Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 He can indeed find women. I'll go out with a guy who's 5'6" without a second thought, if I find him interesting and attractive. Of course, having a chip on the shoulder makes a person less attractive. It's great that you will date a guy regardless of height. However, you are not in the majority. According to a study in the UK, it was found that in 92.5 percent of couples, the man was taller than the woman and that the average height difference was 14.1 centimeters, or 5.6 inches. Just 3.4 percent of couples were of the same height, and in 4.1 percent of couples, the woman was taller than the man. The majority of women absolutely refuse to date short men and on some level, even despise them to the point of ridicule and jest. Take a look at this: https://twitter.com/heightismxposed Most women are simply not attracted to short men and are only looking for men 6ft plus because of some hard wired biological instinct or because they love to wear their heels or to feel "protected" or whatever else they can think of. There is nothing wrong with this. Attraction cannot be controlled. It simply happens. However, the odds against short men are stacked and just because you are open to dating regardless of height doesn't somehow magically make dating a favorable place for short men. "Chip on the shoulder" or not, most women are simply attracted to taller men.
smackie9 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 You need a better attitude. You don't give a @#$% about what others think, say or do....that right there is what the problem is.
Gottabestrong Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I am not sure if the OPs fault is his height (for the record I am 5ft 4 and I've dated men who are taller, shorter or the same height as me, add me to the group of women who say height is not the deciding factor), it could also be his negative attitude and his expectancy that a woman should come up to him or show some interest in him in public! I've never ever in my life approached a guy in public and asked him out or gave him my number. Maybe us women who don't care about height also don't like approaching strangers out in public? My advice is to a) stop calling women 'females', it just sounds weird to me, as if you are thinking of women as a species different from men and b) approach women in a setting where they are not strangers. Join a social group (meetup is great) or some other activity that includes women and men and try to build a rapport with a woman before you ask her out. This might work better for you. Good luck!
GoBlue Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I guess this is a bit of a vent post, but kind of a question. Guys, say you're on the street and see an attractive girl you want to ask out...do you just approach cold or wait for some (even subtle) sign of interest? Can anyone relate? I feel like something is wrong that I can't even remember the last girl looked at me or showed any interest...even unattractive ones don't notice. Being that I never even get checked out it puts me in a weird position I feel like...I'd be guns blazing to talk to a chick if she showed me some sign, but I get nothing..... I am not the most outgoing man either and I tend to wait for a girl to give me some kind of a sign before I approach them as well. Sometimes the lack of interest has nothing to do with you needing to "fix something." If you see someone you are interested in a simple "Hi, how are you tonight?" is a non-threatening way to start a conversation. Don't get too caught up on the idea that most men have women approach them cold turkey on the street and express an interest. That really truly doesn't happen all that often. Most women are just as nervous about talking to someone new as you or I. By the way, if it's your height that's getting in the way, ask yourself a simple question - what can you do about it? The answer - nothing at all. For that reason, don't worry about the women who get stuck on your size. You are better without them anyway.
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