Author jdubinva Posted April 29, 2015 Author Posted April 29, 2015 You talk about being "let inside" as if it's some sort of privilege. Please stop allowing yourself to be treated like some sort of stray animal. That may just be the kick in the short boy shorts that I need. Thanks. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I wouldn't label the fallout of a serious relationship as being friendzoned. Thanks for your input though. Well, it is dude. Just because you dated before doesn't mean you can't be friendzoned now. That's precisely what she is doing. If you don't want the title don't participate in the behavior. And yes, the outside/inside thing was just painful to read.
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 Well, it is dude. Just because you dated before doesn't mean you can't be friendzoned now. That's precisely what she is doing. If you don't want the title don't participate in the behavior. And yes, the outside/inside thing was just painful to read. To me friendzoned implies there really wasn't attraction there in the first place. This was more than that. But anyway let's just agree we have our own opinions. Absolutely right about the outside/inside thing! Sucked but she may have said that for pretense because it was just a few minutes before we were inside.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Argue the friendzone thing all you want dude, but you're there. Now you are trying to spin the inside/outside thing. If that's not friendzone behavior, I don't know what is.
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 I can see how you would view what I say as spinning in my favor. I'm NOT delusional though and for whatever reason I still feel a need for in her my life. I sure as hell am not going to continue to be a tampon though. It is hard to just say goodbye though, I have to admit, when the person that I've been really close to stays in touch with me.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 The biggest issue here is that you are focused on what was, not what is. You bristle at the friendzone talk because of what you had in the past, accent on the word "past". But the past is over. The present, which is what counts, has you as an emotional tampon in the friendzone (or whatever you choose to call it to make you feel better/deny your current state of affairs). If it's too hard for you to stand your own ground and move forward, your present will turn into your future and continue to dismiss the relevance of what happened in the past. The necessary moves are usually hard. Most success comes from doing things that are hard and sticking with them. 1
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 The biggest issue here is that you are focused on what was, not what is. You bristle at the friendzone talk because of what you had in the past, accent on the word "past". But the past is over. The present, which is what counts, has you as an emotional tampon in the friendzone (or whatever you choose to call it to make you feel better/deny your current state of affairs). If it's too hard for you to stand your own ground and move forward, your present will turn into your future and continue to dismiss the relevance of what happened in the past. The necessary moves are usually hard. Most success comes from doing things that are hard and sticking with them. You're right and I need to move on. The strangest part for me is when a relationship sours people do usually go their own way. She isn't but i'm allowing it. That's gotta stop
DJOkawari Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Yeah it's definitely hard. Just remember that there will come a day that she won't call again. A little later will come the day when she won't care to pick up again. Do you think any of what she's doing is about you? Do you think that whatever "need" you feel will be addressed at that point? I recommend cutting the cord now because it'll be so much more painful later (and it's an incredible waste of time...you've got life to live).
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 You're right and I need to move on. The strangest part for me is when a relationship sours people do usually go their own way. She isn't but i'm allowing it. That's gotta stop She's having you escort her along that way until she's ready to head out on her own. Then she's going to say "well, thanks" and leave you sitting there like a pud on the wrong path when you had a perfectly good path you should have been walking down in the first place. Yes, you are enabling right now. And it's not on her to stop contacting you, it's on you to stop falling for it. You're your own man who can make your own decisions for your own well-being. 1
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 She's having you escort her along that way until she's ready to head out on her own. Then she's going to say "well, thanks" and leave you sitting there like a pud on the wrong path when you had a perfectly good path you should have been walking down in the first place. Yes, you are enabling right now. And it's not on her to stop contacting you, it's on you to stop falling for it. You're your own man who can make your own decisions for your own well-being. Like you said. That's why I came here - to help validate what I really knew. She's called a few times tonight and I need her to stop using me to satisfy her happiness needs but leave it at that after what we had. End of sob story.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Like you said. That's why I came here - to help validate what I really knew. She's called a few times tonight and I need her to stop using me to satisfy her happiness needs but leave it at that after what we had. End of sob story. I'd block the number. No need to give yourself more temptation to be a sap.
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 I'm confused by her behavior with wanting to stay in touch. She texted me late last night. Something about me never playing the guitar for her. Why - if she doesn't want a relationship - is she continuing to do this? I think someone said maybe she's lonely and she made some comment about the new guy she's dating and I replied why aren't you talking to him about this. I'm not going to be her sounding board for relationship advice! I have started dating again but this other thing is a mental obstacle.
Ruby65 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 If you will block her number -- or change your own -- you won't have this problem anymore. Really -- it really is that simple! Go ahead and block her on your phone and everywhere else. Stop holding her hand through this breakup. She's being selfish expecting you to take her calls or answer texts. Stop enabling. Why does she do it? Because you let her. Dumpers do this all the time. She wants you there as a placeholder to help her feel less lonely.... while she looks for her next boyfriend. 2
Author jdubinva Posted April 30, 2015 Author Posted April 30, 2015 If you will block her number -- or change your own -- you won't have this problem anymore. Really -- it really is that simple! Go ahead and block her on your phone and everywhere else. Stop holding her hand through this breakup. She's being selfish expecting you to take her calls or answer texts. Stop enabling. Why does she do it? Because you let her. Dumpers do this all the time. She wants you there as a placeholder to help her feel less lonely.... while she looks for her next boyfriend. Definitely not changing my number (had it for so long) but blocking sounds like a good idea. If some need is filled for each of us talking shouldn't that be alright or is it just holding me back and being a sounding board. God, I hate effin break ups.
DJOkawari Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Is she really filling that need for you? Do you see yourself not having this need in the future? From my perspective other people and things can't fill your emotional needs. They're just distractions and yeah, being distracted is holding you back. You aren't dealing with the issues at hand. Agree on the not changing your number thing. Blocking her should be fine as long as she doesn't start stalking you.
TunaCat Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I think blocking is a tad extreme but since you seem to have issues with not being strong enough to ignore her calls/texts, then yes I'd block it.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I think blocking is a tad extreme but since you seem to have issues with not being strong enough to ignore her calls/texts, then yes I'd block it. Why is it extreme? He needs to detach and this is the best way for him to detach?
TunaCat Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 Why is it extreme? He needs to detach and this is the best way for him to detach? It's a tad extreme for me. If this is the best way for him to detach, then do it. Different strokes and all that.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 It's a tad extreme for me. If this is the best way for him to detach, then do it. Different strokes and all that. I still don't even get that. Blocking has to do with his recovery, it's not an insult of the other person. Even if the other person was insulted, who cares? They broke up with you, it's part of the fallout from that decision. But whatever.
na49 Posted April 30, 2015 Posted April 30, 2015 I don't think that blocking is extreme at all. If you are going to ignore their messages anyway, what is the difference? It's much better for your sanity to block. Otherwise you get a text from them that says "I miss you" and all of a sudden you are online asking what it means. I understand people not wanting to because they want the door to stay open, but if they really want to contact you, they will break down the door or go through the window.
Author jdubinva Posted May 1, 2015 Author Posted May 1, 2015 I haven't blocked her yet - I'm almost finding this funny now. She's texting me good night/good morning messages, which I'm ignoring. Maybe she's realizing the mistake she made by dumping me. What you say?
DJOkawari Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 Yeah she's thinking about you for sure. It doesn't mean anything beyond that. Even if she asks for you back don't jump at the chance immediately, you have to know if the feeling she is having is sustainable or just a side effect of not hearing from you in a while. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I haven't blocked her yet - I'm almost finding this funny now. She's texting me good night/good morning messages, which I'm ignoring. Maybe she's realizing the mistake she made by dumping me. What you say? From a couple days of you not answering? Absolutely not.
Ruby65 Posted May 1, 2015 Posted May 1, 2015 I haven't blocked her yet - I'm almost finding this funny now. She's texting me good night/good morning messages, which I'm ignoring. Maybe she's realizing the mistake she made by dumping me. What you say? Funny, really? She dumps you, she friendzones you, then instead of respecting your need to heal she keeps you around as her new best girlfriend while she looks for a new man.... I fail to see the humor.
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